Red Tears
by Seamok
Summary: Rei was suffering from low self-esteem after being constantly abused by Gendo. Shinji and Asuka found out but how could they help? A sad story about Rei's struggle and tragic life. (Complete)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion belongs to Gainax. I make no profit by writing this fiction. All ideas in this story are my own; similarities with other fictions are purely coincidental.

Author's note: This is my first fanfic; English is not my first language. This story has a prequel called "Broken", which detailed the changes Rei went through before she began to feel. Warning for mild violence and sexual content.

* * *

**Red Tears**

_Rei's POV:_

My eyes fluttered open. Everything looked blurring. I blinked a few more times. My hands reached up to rub my eyes as I slowly got out of bed. It was still early in the morning and there was very little sunlight. My room was grim, as it always was.

Another day, another day of suffering. Suffering, meaningless suffering, not for myself, but for someone who didn't love me, for someone who didn't care, for someone who wouldn't shed a tear if I died.

I could die. My body could die. It wouldn't change much. It wouldn't change his scenario much, for my body could always be replaced, but my soul couldn't. There was no substitution or replacement. I longed for death. I longed for all this suffering to end.

But every time my body died, I would go through the pain of death, and I would be revived by him, cursed to go through another lifetime of suffering.

I walked slowly to the bathroom and turned on the tap. The water felt cold on my hand. It was always so cold, just like how I always felt inside my heart. I remembered the time when I was little. I used to be a cheerful girl. The regular check ups the doctor performed on me were painful and uncomfortable, but there had been high hopes.

I thought I would have a wonderful life...a normal life...just like everyone I saw on the streets. I was naïve, just like any other little girls. When I looked at the commander, I thought I had the best father in the world. I was wrong. The cruelty the commander dealt me had destroyed my hopes long ago. And my heart turned cold.

I splashed the cold water on my face. My body started shivering, but it was nothing uncommon. It happened every time. I told the commander about the problems with the heating system in my apartment. I had told him I wanted hot water and an air heater, but he said those were irrelevant. The commander only gave me enough money to keep me from starving.

He wouldn't even consider giving me the little warmth I requested, but I have accepted my fate. Sometimes, I felt as if I was doomed to suffering. I squeezed some toothpaste onto the toothbrush and started brushing my teeth, as I looked into the mirror.

The girl staring back looked so different...she looked so different from anybody else. How I wish I could be normal...just normal...With parents to care for me, with friends to have fun with me. But the blue hair, the pale dead skin and the blood red eyes...they were so different...

Was I a monster? Maybe just a cursed being. My genetic make up was cursed. Half of them came from the angel imprisoned deep down in terminal dogma; the other half from the mother of a boy I love.

Love was a strong word...but I believed I found the meaning...just recently...it felt distant.

Ikari Shinji...the son of the woman whose genes made up half of me, the son of the man who made me and tortured me. He was the only one who noticed me. He was the only one who cared, although it may be only a bit, about me. My past experience had been so bad, so hellish that I wished I did not have memories.

But, there was one memory I hold very dear. I could still remembered him forcing the door open. He opened the door to my entry plug. He burnt his hands. When he saw me safe, he cried because he was happy. He was happy not because a creation was safe. He was happy not because a clone was safe. Ikari Shinji was happy because Ayanami Rei was safe. That day, I smiled for him. I smiled a sincere smile. It is the dearest moment of my life.

Many believed me as emotionless, and for a time, they were right, until I was shown the way. Emotions were complicated, but I now understood them. Expressing them, however, was still difficult. Maybe I was a cursed being? Maybe...

Did I love Ikari Shinji? I felt that I did. He felt so warm. I somehow felt aware and conscious when he was around. Did I really love him?

I could have asked, but I dared not. How would I start? It was so complicated. Perhaps I did not deserve that, joy, perhaps I did not...

I rinsed my mouth, and dried my face with a tower. I looked at my hair again. No use combing it. Blue was a sign of...something sinister...And how could it be attractive? So there was no use combing it. I walked over to my wardrobe and opened it, revealing three pairs of school uniform. Nothing else was in there. I took one of them and put it on. Then, I walked over to my bed and put on my socks before going into the kitchen to prepare my breakfast. It was always the same, bread and strawberry jam. I ate quietly. After I finished, I poured a glass of water and walked to my study table. There, I found my pills on the table.

The pills...another curse of who I was...I had to take one pill everyday. These pills were specially made by the doctor to support my AT field. Without them, my AT field would crumble, since I was only half Angel and was not strong enough to support my own AT field. It would be disastrous if my AT field crumbled. I remembered it...I remembered the one time I forgot to take it...

That night I woke up to the most unbearable pain I had ever experienced. I couldn't move my limbs. When I looked at my body, it was falling apart. My legs were discontinued from my body. My hands were hanging on by a few threads of muscle. There was a lot of blood. I saw my abdomen open. I saw my gut hanging out. I saw the horrors happening to me, until I saw my own heart stop beating. The whole process felt so long. I could see sunlight shining across my room before I drew my last breath. I made sure it was the last time I had to experience it.

Only one pill was left remaining in the bottle. This meant the commander would come tonight, for two things. One was to give me the pills; the other was to seek his own pleasure. I let him do whatever he wanted to do. No matter how brutal he was, there was not purpose in refusing. The pills were in his hand, and I did not want to experience my own body rotting again. The clones down there made sure I would come back every time. It was better to be submissive.

I put the pill in my mouth and drank the water, swallowing both of them at the same time. A tear rolled down my cheek as I thought of what was about to come. I no longer had control over my own tears...was it a curse or a blessing? I put on my shoes and started walking to school.

_

* * *

Shinji's POV:_

The alarm clock rings. It is so annoying. Who invented the sinister thing? I lazily switch it off and lay back down again. I start thinking of what is to come today. I hate this city. I hate piloting Eva. I hope that the last angel comes quickly so we can kill it and be done with all this madness. Then I can leave this sad place forever. I was told to come here by my father. I was hoping for a happy reunion, but instead he forced me into piloting Eva.

My father uses everyone. I am ashamed of him, but I am also afraid of him. Come to think of it, Ayanami Rei is probably the only one person my father likes, and I know she likes him too. I remember her slapping me when I insulted my father. How ironic...

Ayanami Rei...she reminds me of something familiar, something I lost a long time ago. But I can never figure out what it is. She sure is a beautiful girl. Some people in my school think she is ugly, but I think she is unique. They haven't seen her smile yet. Her smile remains the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

I have a special attachment for her. She is the reason why I am still staying here. When I remind myself of her presence in this city, I feel safe, I feel comfort that Ayanami Rei is just living a few kilometres away, that Ayanami Rei would be there to protect me when I get into my Eva.

Do I love her? I've been asking myself the same question for some time now. I'm still not sure of the answer, but chances are that I do. I remember waking up in the Nerv hospital, and she was sitting beside my bed. She had a worried look on her face, but when she heard my voice, her face lit up. It wasn't a smile, but it was very beautiful. I had asked her to get me a drink. She quickly fetched me a glass of water. As I drank the water, she looked at me, her eyes were showing care. I would have stayed like that forever if I could, just bathing in her attention. But after a few minutes, she got up and left. She told me that she was glad I was all right. Then she went to open the door, revealing Asuka outside, before she went away.

Sohryu Asuka Langley, the girl who seems like she could never be down and defeated. I admire her. She is exactly the kind of person I want to be, and yet we are complete opposite. Asuka is popular and stunningly beautiful. I feel glad that she talks to a wimp like me. Yes, I do know I am a wimp. Anyway, I have a special attachment for Asuka as well, but she doesn't give me the sense of security like Ayanami does.

Nevertheless, I do like Asuka, but I am not sure if she likes me. She screams a lot at me, and she and Misato treat me like a housemaid at home. Sometimes, I really wonder why I am such a loser. But I am not planning to do anything about it. When there is a problem, I don't do anything about it. That is not my nature. My nature is to run away. But currently I am not running away from Eva, because Ayanami can protect me.

Knock! Knock!

"Hey Baka wake up!! We're running late for school!!"

"Coming Asuka!"

"Hurry up!! Misato said she'd give us a ride."

With that I can hear Asuka stomping off. I know why. She is not happy. I forgot to make breakfast and lunch. I completely forgot about that while I was thinking about Ayanami and myself. It is not the first time this happens anyway. I just have to buy her some food in school and she will forgive me. Asuka is more forgiving than she looks. Hmm...maybe Ayanami is more than she looks too...maybe I will try to find out...nah...I don't solve problems, I run away from them.

The ride to school is a quiet one. Even Misato doesn't talk much. Asuka is sitting at the shogun; I'm sitting at the back, looking at the scenery flying by. Tokyo-3 is a very beautiful city. It is just too bad I have so much bad experience here. But I gain something from it. I met Ayanami, and then there are Asuka and Misato who care for me too. I wish the war with the angels end quickly. Then we can all go to a trip or something. I ask myself, what am I thinking here? One moment I hate this city, another moment I am grateful to be here. I am such a hypocrite. I have the worst personality of all three pilots. Asuka is confidant and her influence radiates to everyone working with her. And there is a quiet strength about Ayanami. When she is there, you feel her presence; when she's not there, you feel her absence, even though she is so quiet.

Speaking of Ayanami, I notice her walking on the pedestrian as we drive past a traffic junction. She must be walking to school. I ask Misato to stop the car. And then I open up my window and call out her name.


	2. Chapter 2

_Rei's__ POV:_  
  
As usual, I go to school by foot. In my opinion, school should be a holy place. It should be a place where young minds were being taught of the wonderful knowledge. It should be a place of peace. I like going to school, although I think my school is not as holy and peaceful as it should be.

I constantly get teased, and even though the teachers are aware of this, they are not doing anything to help me. Maybe that's because I never complain. But that is all right. Being teased is a lot better than being tortured by the commander. School is the place where I can forget about Nerv. School is the place where I can forget about the commander. School is the place where I can see Ikari-kun.  
  
I walk slowly, taking my time and not paying much attention to my surroundings. I know I am going to be late. But it is all right. I can still make it to the history class. I love history. It is my favourite subject. Actually it is the only subject I love. History is such a wonder, such an art.

When I read about history, I feel the emotions of those I read about, I feel the generosity of Confucius; I feel the ambition of Alexander the Great; I feel the love of Princess Diana. I know there are wonderful things in this world, but wonderful things are not for me. I cannot live the fairytale I read about in these history books, but I am grateful I can at least feel.  
  
"Meow…Meow…"  
  
Upon hearing the sound, I glance at my feet. There is a cat following me. I choose to ignore it.  
  
"Meow…Meow…"  
  
I look at the cat again. It has a very unique colour. The fur covering its body is white, but it is dirty. I think the cat must have gone through a lot of difficulties. However, the thing that catches my attention most is its fur covering the head. It is a shade of very light blue, extending down its neck to its front legs. I keep on walking. But my eyes never leave the cat.  
  
"Meow…Meow…"  
  
It looks almost as if it's pleading now. Actually, I think it's pleading, for something, but for what? What does it want from me? I kneel down beside it. It looks at me with its red eyes. Another similarity between us. I suddenly feel as if I've known the cat before. I gently pat its head.  
  
"Are you an outcast? Like me?"  
  
"Meow…Meow…"  
  
The cat continues to plead. It looks very thin and weak. There is some blood clot on its hind leg. I think it must be hungry. So, I open my bag and take out my bread. It has strawberry jam on it. It is supposed to be my lunch, but I think the cat needs it more than I do.

It doesn't deserve to starve just because it's a cat; it has a life, it has feelings. It is…just like me…I can't help but think about myself. Do I really deserve all my sufferings because I am a lesser being? Do I really deserve nothing better because I am not purely human?  
  
After that, I get up and continue to walk, leaving the cat behind. There are a lot of questions on my mind, a lot of doubts. What exactly is my value? What is the significance of me? Do I have nothing else apart from the purpose the commander gave me? Then I hear footsteps other than my own. Someone is walking very close to me. I look around but see nobody. Then I look down and notice the cat still following me.

It is carrying the bread with its mouth, but it is looking at me, not eating. Does it want something else? It is then I notice the look in its eyes. They are grateful. The cat looks as if it was asking me if it could do anything to return my kindness. I just stare at it. In my opinion, the cat is insignificant. It is incapable of freeing me from my sufferings. Therefore, it cannot offer me any help. After a while, I look forward again, continuing my walk to school.  
  
It is then I hear someone calling out my name.  
  
"Ayanami! Ayanami!"  
  
I turn around to the source of the calling and can see Ikari-kun in a blue car. I believe that is the major's car. I can see her and the pilot of unit-02 inside it. For some reasons I feel warm. They give me rides sometimes, but it is always Ikari-kun who invites me into the car. The major and the second child seem to ignore me all the time. Not that I mind, I would rather Ikari-kun be the one to call me everytime. I feel happy just by hearing him call my name.  
  
"Ayanami would you like a ride?"  
  
I consider this for a few seconds. Then I nod my head. I do not mind walking to school. But getting into that car means I can be close to Ikari-kun, even for just an extra few minutes. It would feel nice. I bend down and pat the cat's head.  
  
"I have to go now. You be strong, ok?"  
  
"Meow…Meow…"  
  
I have to leave the cat. Much as I want to take care of it, I can't. The commander won't allow it. And I can't even take care of myself. Besides, I don't want the cat to see the real me. It would disappoint the cat very much. If fate allows the cat and me to meet again, I want it to remember me as the girl who helped it, who gave it food when it was starving, not as the dirty being I truly am.  
  
I climb into the car and greet the major. Then Ikari-kun asks me.  
  
"Whose cat is that?"  
  
"Nobody's."  
  
"Oh…poor creature…"  
  
"Yes…but it will be all right. It has a strong personality."  
  
The second child turns over from her front seat and gives me a weird look. Then the major restarts the engine and drives us to school. During the ride to school, I try to open up a conversation with Ikari-kun, but I can't think of what to say. He seems happy when talking with the major and the second child. It's a pity I don't know how to talk to him, but at least I know he is happy, and that is all that matters.

* * *

_Asuka's__ POV:_

I swear I saw that look of concern on her face when she patted the cat's head. By the way, that cat sure looks…unique. I am just curious how she can show that much emotion to a simple cat, and be so detached when she is dealing with humans. Well, except when she is dealing with Shinji. I can see those two acts differently around each other. But hey, that is none of my business, or is it?

Anyway, I can tell wonder girl's affection towards Shinji has grown these past ten days or so. So has Shinji's affection towards her. I have to admit feeling excited about this development. How do I know it is affection? Let's just say we're talking about Sohryu Asuka Langley here, and we all know that Sohryu Asuka Langley is a genius.  
  
"Whose cat is that?"  
  
"Nobody's."  
  
"Oh…poor creature…"  
  
"Yes…but it will be all right. It has a strong personality."  
  
Sometimes, when wonder girl speaks, she can be so strange that I find her both funny and scary at the same time. A cat with a personality? What is she talking about? Cat with a strong personality…hehehe…now that is a good one. Or maybe cat can have personality. Just because it's a cat, doesn't mean it cannot have a life.

And every life in this world is unique. Every life can have a personality if it wants one. And that includes wonder girl. I'm pretty sure of it. Why do I keep calling her a doll? Well, for one, it's fun to see the flash of annoyed look on her face; for two, maybe this can help her show her feelings more.

Why do I want to help her? I do care about my fellow pilots. Why else do you think I took that most dangerous role when all three of us were working together to kick that spider-angel's ass?  
  
The ride to school is short, but it becomes noisier than it was before wonder girl got in the car. She does not speak. But Misato, Shinji and I start talking and joking and laughing. Wonder girl's presence has somehow affected all of us.  
  
We arrive in school just in time, which is a shame. I was hoping that I could miss Mr Yoneda's class. He is always talking about life before second impact. Seriously, he talks about nothing else! To make things worse, his knowledge about second impact is all wrong, but we are not allowed to reveal the truth to the public, so we keep quiet and pretend that he is right.

Needless to say, his class today is again boring me to sleep. I can't even talk to Hikari. She always pays attention to class, even the most boring ones. If only she knew the teacher was teaching her the wrong information. It would be fun to see her expression.

Then my mind wonders off to Shinji and wonder girl. Shinji is staring at wonder girl, who in turn is staring out of the window, like usual. If they truly like each other, like I think, I hope something happens soon. Thinking about this, I sigh. If only Kaji would stop thinking me as a kid. I can't wait for my body to grow into that of a mature woman. Then I can start dating Kaji hehehe…  
  
"Stand. Bow. Sit."  
  
Hikari calls out as Mr. Yoneda leaves and the next teacher comes in. Mr. Ohgami is a young teacher who teaches history.  
  
"Class, today I will return the test papers you took last week. We will then go through all the questions and answers, all right?"  
  
Oh great…this is just great…  
  
"Hikari, 85, well done!"  
  
I hate history. It is so full of the cursed Japanese characters…  
  
"Aida, 53, work harder next time!"  
  
Here I am, a university graduate, stuck here in this high school struggling with the Japanese characters…  
  
"Ikari, 79, keep it up!"  
  
Even Shinji beats me so easily…oh well…it's not like I don't have the knowledge. The only problem I have is the language. If the papers were written in German or English, I'm sure I would top the class…hmm…I wonder…since when did Shinji start scoring high marks in history?  
  
"Ayanami, 98, excellent work!"  
  
Wonder girl is actually just an average student. But for some reasons she excels in history. More than a few times I find her reading history texts in the library. She struggles in a few other subjects but she never seems to want to improve them. I think she loves history. It just goes to show that she can have an interest, just like anyone of us.  
  
"Sohryu!!! 34!!! Come and see me after class!!!"  
  
Well, that is not the first time. I walk quickly to the front and grab my paper. Then I hear Toji laughing. His laughs are always…unique and easily recognised because it sounds so much like a stupid donkey. I march over to his table and slam my fists onto it, giving him my best death glare.  
  
"Eep…!!!"  
  
What a coward…I look down at his paper…35, and he has the nerve to laugh at me. I shook my head and walk back to my seat, but I keep my glare on. It is something I do often to make people scared of me, so that they won't bully me. I have to act tough to protect myself.


	3. Chapter 3

_Shinji's POV:_  
  
I smile when I look at my test paper. I used to score high fifties in history. But this time I scored 79. It is a significant improvement. And I know who to thank. My mind wonders off to that event ten days ago.

* * *

_Flashback ten days ago..._  
  
I was having difficulties studying history. I always have difficulties studying history. There were just so many names and places and dates to memorize. However, this time, I would try studying it in the school library instead of at home. Maybe this would help me. I grabbed my textbooks and went to the library.  
  
As I entered the building, I saw her. It was always easy to spot her. With her blue hair and pale skin, no one would miss her. I knew she didn't feel comfortable with her own appearance. Ayanami was the sort of person who wanted as little attention as possible, and yet she received so much. It didn't help when people started making negative remarks about her.  
  
Whenever I heard them talking about her, I could feel the rising temperature inside me. It was not the kind of warmth I associated with Ayanami, but a boiling, uncomfortable hot. I felt the urge to do something. I felt the urge to be aggressive. But I never spoke up. Although I was not familiar with Ayanami, somehow I felt that I had let her down. I never stood up for her. I never stood up for anyone, not even for myself.  
  
As usual, she was sitting at the far corner. I gathered up my courage and walked slowly and nervously to her side before I sat down.  
  
"H-hi Ayanami…"  
  
"Hello Ikari-kun."  
  
"What are you reading?"  
  
She didn't answer me verbally. All she did was showing me the cover of her book. It was not the textbook that we used in class. But it was a book that contained materials related to the coming exam, which would be in two days' time. The book cover read "A Hero's Loyalty". It was the story of an ancient Chinese hero who fought northern barbarians, but was killed when his own king betrayed him.  
  
I opened my book and started reading, jotting down notes and trying to memorize them. But I couldn't concentrate; being so near her was intoxicating. She smelt like flower. It couldn't be perfume. Ayanami would never use that. Was it a natural fragrance then? Or maybe it was just my imagination. Her breaths were so soft and smooth. In the end I forgot about studying and just enjoyed the moment.  
  
It was no surprise that I couldn't get much study done that day. When Ayanami got up to leave, I was looking pretty distressed, for obvious reasons.  
  
"I'm scared Ayanami."  
  
I almost slapped myself when I realized what I said. Why did I have to say things without thinking? I was never able to control myself when Ayanami was around. But why did I have to be such a wuss?!?!  
  
"Why?"  
  
Her voice was gentle as always. There was no sign of annoyance. In fact, I could sense concern in her voice. But it could have been my imagination.  
  
"I-I'm scared of the…of the exam…"  
  
Ayanami nodded her head, causing her incredibly soft hair to rise and fall. They looked like silk. I wondered if I would get the chance to feel it. She actually looked cute when she did that…This was followed by an awkward silence.  
  
"I can help you if you wish."  
  
My breathing stopped. I think my heart stopped too but I couldn't be sure. She was giving me a chance to be with her. It made me happy. It made me thankful. It also made me nervous. It also made me worried.  
  
What if I somehow screwed up? Would she be patient with me? What if she found my learning too slow? What if she gave me her help and then I went on to fail the exam? She would be so disappointed. What if…  
  
"Ikari-kun? Are you alright?"  
  
"Yes…yes…I'm fine Ayanami. I-I could really use your help…"  
  
"Then come here tomorrow, same time."  
  
With that, she walked away. I closed my book and prepared to go home too. No point staying there now. That night, I had difficulty falling asleep. I kept thinking how I should act tomorrow. I had never talked to her for more than five minutes before. I was sweating a lot. I really wanted to give her a good impression. And this was the chance of a life time. The chance of a life time to either score or screw up.  
  
The next day I went to the school library. It was Sunday morning. I was ten minutes early. I didn't want to keep her waiting. But when I arrived at the library, Ayanami was already there waiting for me. She did not carry any text books with her. The only things she brought were some sketches. They were photocopied from the books, but I think she drew some of them herself. I greeted her and sat down beside her. Then she got up.  
  
"Come with me, Ikari-kun."  
  
With that she grabbed the sketches and led me away. I had no idea where she was leading me. We took the monorail train and reached the outskirt of the city. We then walked for a further fifteen minutes and came to a hill. At first, I couldn't see the other side of the hill.  
  
As we climbed up, I began to worry about the time lost. I could have used that time to study. Instead I felt like she was taking me to a picnic. Hehehe…Ayanami taking me out to a picnic, now that was a good one…even though I would like it very much.  
  
Nevertheless, I followed her. It took us another ten minutes to reach to the top of the hill. It was then I realised why she brought me here.  
  
On the other side of the hill was a large meadow plain. I couldn't see the end of it. The wind gently blew at my face. And there was a stream running through the field. It was a beautiful picture with the cloudless, magnificent blue sky and the gentle sunlight reflecting off the running water in the stream. It was all very soothing and I felt relaxed.  
  
Ayanami led me to a tree and we sat under it. I knew the tutorial would start now, so I opened my bag and took out my notebook and pencil.  
  
"Put those away, Ikari-kun."  
  
"Huh? But I need to jot down notes…"  
  
"You're not here to jot down notes Ikari-kun. History is more than memorizing."  
  
"Oh…then…um…"  
  
I really didn't know what to say. That was not a good start. My memory had always been poor, and there was no way I could remember what she told me without taking down the notes. But then again I didn't want to disobey her.  
  
"Ikari-kun, you are here to listen to a story."  
  
Ayanami sure was a wonder. I looked at her. I had always known that she was special. Her thinking was always simple and straight, but somehow it always amazed me when she spoke.  
  
The wild flowers of the field, the stream and the wind blend together to create the scenery designed for her. To me, Ayanami looked like the beauty from the many western fairytales I had read. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked. But just as I was about to say it, she pushed me back gently against the tree. I let my body relax. And then she started telling me the story.  
  
"Once upon a time, there was a king who…"  
  
It was amazing. She transformed the boring history into a fascinating tale. She would show me the sketches as she continued with the story. Some of them were portraits, others were imaginary battle pictures. Every now and then, she would show flashes of emotion as she told the story. I was intrigued. Her voice was sometimes firm and sometimes gentle.  
  
That day, I realised Ayanami was the best teacher you could ever have. I would ask her questions occasionally, and she would answer them patiently. She made the historic characters come to life. It was as if I went back to the past. It was as if I was in the many significant battles these heroes fought. It was as if I lived through all these hundreds of years, seeing chains of events unfold themselves with my own eyes.  
  
I noticed the brilliant emotions going through Ayanami's face. When she told me these stories, she actually lost herself in it; she actually started feeling for the many characters she told me about. She laughed, she cried, she gave orders like a general, she sneered like a villain, she sang like the ancient beauties. This day, I learnt more than I ever had in a single day.  
  
I was certain that if she would express her feelings more, other people would start looking at her in a positive way. There was just no way anyone could hate her. However, it didn't bother me much. I was actually the only person she would talk to, and I would be happy for it to remain that way.  
  
This continued for the whole day. When we were thirsty, we drank the water from the stream; when we were hungry, we ate the apples that fell from the tree. By the evening, I was feeling confidant about the coming exam. I would have liked to stay longer, but she insisted that we returned to our homes. She gave me the sketches and reminded me to revise when I went home.  
  
I made a decision that day that, no matter how well I do in the exam, I would ask her to help me again when the next exam comes.  
  
_End Flashback _

* * *

I smile again as I recall the event. I turn my head and look at her. As usual, she is sitting at the back row beside the window. But this time, she is paying attention to the teacher. She sure likes history. They say emotional people like arts and history. I think it is true. I believe Ayanami is a very sensitive girl. She just doesn't show much of her emotions.  
  
Then I watch as she turns her head and looks straight at me. Wow…I think I understand now…I don't have to ask myself that question over and over again anymore. Because I understand now…I love her, I love Ayanami Rei.  
  
She continues to look at me. I continue to look at her.  
  
Then she blushes. Seeing her blush makes my heart warm, such is the joy of life.  
  
I smile.  
  
Then she smiles back.  
  
And so my heart melts.

* * *

_Rei's POV:_  
  
I was listening to the teacher when I felt someone staring at me. I turn to see Ikari-kun. My suspicions were right. He is staring at me. I wonder why. I stare back at him. Maybe he wants to tell me something. We continue to stare at each other for some time.  
  
I can't help but feel warm. My heart feels warm. My cheeks also feel warm. And then he smiles. I'm lost. I do not know why he is smiling. And I do not know what to do. How should I respond? I end up doing the only thing I can think of. I return the smile.  
  
It is not long before the history teacher leaves and the next teacher comes in. I have much on my mind. I do not want to disrespect the teacher, but there is just so much to worry about. I look out of the window. There is a reason why I keep doing that. No one ever notices how beautiful the view is. I can see the blue sky, so serene and so soothing. I can see the green mountains, places I hope I can visit one day. I can see flocks of birds flying, so free and so happy. I admire the birds. There is nothing that holds them. There is nothing that limits their freedom. They can go anywhere they want, with anyone they want.  
  
I let out a sigh. I am scared. Tonight he will come again. Why can't he leave me alone? I will fulfil his purpose when the time comes. But why can't he just leave me alone and wait for his wife? Can't he understand that I am not his wife? Then again, he doesn't even give me a fraction of the love he had for his wife. To him, I'm just a tool.  
  
A tool to be used when he is lonely, and then abandoned once he is reunited with his wife...  
  
I start thinking of the unique cat I saw earlier this morning. It was tortured, hungry and no one cared for it. When I showed it a tiny bit of care, it immediately grew attached to me. I am being tortured too, both mentally and physically. And then Ikari-kun cares for me. Is that why I grew attached to him? Am I being grateful? Or do I truly love him?  
  
Before this I didn't have a doubt about my love for him. But now, after seeing the cat, I can't help but think. I take one more look at him. It looks like he is daydreaming. Should I tell him how I feel?  
  
No…I shouldn't.  
  
What if he doesn't feel the same way? I would be hurt. I do not want to endure any more pain then I already am.  
  
What if he feels the same way about me? It would be even worse. He would be hurt. If he finds out my true identity, if he finds out about me being his biological half sister, if he finds out what a dirty being I am, if he finds out what his father is doing to me and yet I am doing nothing to stop it…he would be hurt. And he would hate me. I would lose the only person who cares…  
  
Tears start welling up in my eyes. I have to think of something else. I don't want to cry here. I take a look at Ikari-kun again. Ikari-kun is the closest term I can use to call him. Occasionally I would call him Third Child or pilot of unit-01. But I never call him Shinji, the term I wish I could use when I speak. I envy the Second Child. They call each other by the first names. If only I could do the same…it would feel really special.  
  
I pick up my pencil and start drawing. I start with the outline of his face. He has a nice face shape. Then I draw his eyes. I put some shade in his eyes and add his eyebrows. They are thin and delicate. Shinji looks feminine, but he is good-looking. I then start drawing his hair. His hair is messy, though not as messy as mine. I put a deep shade to his hair with my pencil.  
  
I take a look at Ikari-kun again. He sees me and smiles. I smile back. Then I go back to my drawing. I draw his nose. It's thin and has a gentle curve. This is followed by drawing his mouth. He has thin lips. Finally I put some more shade to frame his face. The end product is good. I like it. The picture looks very similar to him. I smile to myself. He sure is handsome.  
  
"Ayanami!!! What did I just say??"  
  
My body spring to attention when I hear the teacher yelling my name.  
  
"……"  
  
"Were you paying attention?"  
  
"No sir, sorry sir."  
  
"What were you doing?"  
  
The teacher walks over to my table. I try to cover the picture, which I just drew on my textbook. But he catches me. He picks up my textbook and looks at the picture. And then he looks at me questioningly. He turns around and looks at Ikari-kun, and back at me again. At this moment, my cheeks are feeling so hot that it burns. I can hear my classmates whispering to each other.  
  
"Is she blushing?"  
  
"Oh my god, I never knew she could do that!"  
  
"She looks cute!"  
  
"Is this Ayanami? The arrogant ice princess?"  
  
"What was she hiding in her book?"  
  
I take a quick look at Ikari-kun. He has a curious look on his face. Then I look back at the teacher. He looks sharply at me. Then he closes my book and put it back on my table.  
  
"Never let me catch you do that again. This is school. Don't daydream about your prince charming here. Do it at home."  
  
The class bursts into laughter. The teacher continues and he points to the water buckets…  
  
"The buckets are over there. You know the rest."  
  
My face becomes really red. I can feel the intense heat. The class continues to laugh. I dare not look at Ikari-kun. I cannot bear to look at him laughing at me. Actually, come to think of it, he won't laugh at me. That is not in his personality. But still, I dare not look at him and dare not wonder what he is thinking now. I walk hastily to the buckets, grab two of them, and walk out of the classroom. They are still laughing.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

_Asuka's__ POV:_  
  
I can't help but laugh when the teacher said that. I laugh even harder when Wonder Girl's face becomes extremely red, as she picks up the buckets and walks out of the classroom. I don't remember her ever being punished by the teacher, but this just makes it even funnier. It is not often that Wonder Girl gets herself in an embarrassing situation. And when she does, I just have to take the chance. So I laugh as hard as my lungs allow me to.  
  
That is until Shinji turns around and glares at me. I stop momentarily. Much as I hate to admit, Shinji can be intimidating sometimes, but that is only when it involves Wonder Girl. However, I am not one to cower under such situations. Letting other people get to me like that would only make them think that they are superior to me. This would be unacceptable. So I glare back, and I laugh harder. That'll show him.  
  
After a few minutes or so, the class calms down and everything continues as normal. Back to the boring lessons. My mind wonders off to her again. The more I think of it, the more I feel guilty at laughing at her. So she does have emotions. My guess has been proven correct. When I first came here, I truly thought she was just an emotionless doll.

But being fellow female pilots, I got to see her a lot. And as time passes by, I start having this unexplainable urge to get to know her. After all, we are fellow pilots. Every time we board the Evas, we have to watch out for each other, knowing that any one of us might not safely return.  
  
This is getting interesting. I can guess who she drew on her book. It could be no one else but him. But I feel something itching inside me. Must be my curiosity, I just have to make sure.  
  
I look at the teacher. He is facing the blackboard writing some really long notes. And then I look at wonder girl's seat. It is just four seats away from mine. If I am quick enough, I should be able to make it to her seat and come back.

But just in case I can't make it…I pick up my eraser and throw it near wonder girl's seat. Luck is on my side. It stops just beside her chair. Good, now that I have an excuse if I get caught. I get up and walk briskly towards her seat.  
  
As fast as I can, I grab both her book and my eraser and return back to my own seat. The teacher is still writing on the blackboard. But Toji saw what I did. He raises his hand.  
  
"Teacher!!! Sohryu was leaving her seat!!!"  
  
My eyes widen in horror and disbelief. That…That PIG!!! The teacher turns back and looks at me. Reflexively, I try my best to look hurt. I force some tears into my eyes and try to blink them back. I act exactly like a poor girl who was constantly being picked on by bigger boys. The teacher returns to his blackboard.  
  
"Suzuhara, behave yourself."  
  
I have to try hard not to laugh. It is fortunate that I have good acting skills. I remember how I used to tease Shinji with my dual personality when I first arrived here in Tokyo-3. Anyway, Toji will get his ass cooked later on, but now I have more interesting thing to do. I open up Wonder Girl's book and see the picture she drew. No surprise, he looks exactly like Shinji, except there is something different, though I'm not really sure what it is. The Shinji she drew doesn't look like a…  
  
The Shinji she drew doesn't look like a wimp.  
  
Anyway, now that I know her little secret, she will no longer ignore me.  
  
"Psst…Psst…Demon girl!"  
  
I glare at Toji. To think that I helped set him up with Hikari against my better judgement. And this is what I get in return. Not only is he ungrateful, he is being a total ass.  
  
"What is it you pig?!"  
  
"Hey, I beat you by 1!!! Hahaha…"  
  
I can't believe he said that! I can't believe he is still thinking about that history exam! I can't believe he has the nerve to still talk about it! Has he no shame at all?!?! I am royally pissed now. I grab the nearest thing I can, which happens to be my water container. And then I throw the aluminium bottle directly at that pig's face.  
  
It hits him squarely on the face.  
  
Two minutes later, I am standing outside the class, carrying two buckets of water. Wonder girl is standing right beside me.  
  
I look side way at her.  
  
She looks back at me.  
  
I try to sneer at her, but I think it ends up sounding more like a giggle.  
  
Her eyes widen. She has a curious look on her face. But she just keeps quiet.  
  
"Who did you draw in your book?"  
  
"……"  
  
"It was Shinji, wasn't it?"  
  
"……"  
  
She is still saying nothing. But now she is looking at her feet. And she is blushing. I bend towards her and say in a low voice…  
  
"You like Shinji, don't you?"  
  
Her eyes widen more. Her face is a deep pink. I can see why Shinji is attracted to her. She may not be as gorgeous as I am, but she still looks adorable.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Listen, I set up Hikari and the pig. I'm good at this. I can help you."  
  
"……"  
  
She looks like she is hesitating. I can see the enormous stress on her face. I never knew what I just said would trigger this response. She looks bitter. The blush on her face has disappeared and her face is paler than usual. She must be undergoing an internal turmoil. She looks like her decision might have an impact on the fate of the world. I begin to feel sorry for teasing her like that. But I need to encourage her. I've finally got her attention, and this is not the time to give up.  
  
"Your prince charming likes you a lot. Do you know that? He is just afraid that you might not share the same feelings."  
  
Her breathing stops. Her mouth is hanging slightly open. To my surprise, her eyes begin to glister with tears. These are not happy tears. I can sense that these are sad tears. She just doesn't have that happy look on her face. The kind of happy look you have when someone told you your crush actually likes you a lot. Wonder girl's face is more like that of regret and sorrow. It is the last thing I expected to see when I told her that.  
  
"I…I…I do not love him…"  
  
I look at her in shock. Her face looks so sad when she said that. It is just not normal to say you don't love someone, with a face so sad like that. There must be something else going on. The tears in her eyes look like they would fall down with the slightest push. I do not want to pressure her any further. The hatred I used to have for her has completely disappeared, although I feel slightly disappointed.  
  
I do not know why she is hurt, but I consider this a failure on my part. Instead of making her confess her affection towards Shinji, I end up getting this response. I can feel anger and frustration building inside me, but the expression on her face prevents me from saying anything further.  
  
It reminds me of the emotional trauma I had after my mother's death. She closes her eyes and let her tears roll down her cheeks. We just stand there in silence after that.

* * *

_Rei's__ POV:_  
  
So it's true. The Second Child has said it. Shinji does love me. I do not know what to feel. Should I feel happy because I have a place in his heart? Or should I feel sad because this is not meant to be? The boy I love actually loves me back. For any other girls, this represents the ultimate blessing. But for me, I'm afraid this is the ultimate curse. Fate, why let this happen to us? There can be nothing more painful than lose what you love.  
  
I am in a world I never thought I would be. I can taste the sweetness of romance, but it turns bitter immediately. It would have been so wonderful if not for my origin. It would have been so sweet if not for who I am. It would have been like the fairytales I read.  
  
But destiny is cruel to me. It has always been cruel to me. It made me Shinji's biological half sister, and then made me fall in love with him. This would be incest, something the human world can never accept. It's ironic, isn't it? The world I so much want to be part of, is denying me the happiness I most seek.

Although I honestly want to believe that true love should be able to see pass any boundaries, Shinji wouldn't be able to do that. Once he found out who I am, he would not love me anymore.  
  
But Shinji deserves someone better than me. He can surely find someone special and be happy, can't he? My desire for him is an act of selfishness. If I truly love him, I should let him find someone who can provide him with true contentment, shouldn't I?  
  
After all, my body is dirty. My body is tainted by the commander's sins. I am not pure enough for Shinji. And I can't even bear children. I can never have a child of my own. Our love will bear no fruit. Our love will not bring any happiness. Our love can never be a fairytale. It is just impossible. It is just better if I say…  
  
"I…I…I do not love him…"  
  
It hurts. It really hurts. I close my eyes and let the tears fall. I would have given anything to be with him. But I don't want to hurt him. It is better this way…it is better this way…

I shouldn't feel sad. I've never had anything before, and I've nothing to lose. Nothing has changed. I've merely returned to the way I was before, my empty life. I did not lose Shinji, because he was never mine. I believe so. I just have to believe it.  
  
The rest of the school was uneventful. As usual, I walk home straight after school ends. I find my legs to be very heavy. Every step I take seems to be so exhausting. But I feel much better now. Actually, I feel happy and relieved. It is a beautiful day, and I can see little children playing in the playground.

There are some couples strolling along the road. The air is refreshing. Each breath I take brings forth new energy, and suddenly I don't feel so tired anymore. The gentle evening sunlight washes over the city with a brilliant orange. This is too peaceful.  
  
I stop by a street stall to buy some cookies. I haven't eaten anything since breakfast, and I'm feeling really hungry. And this extraordinary scenery has increased my appetite. I walk slowly to a nearby park. I pick a spot near a fountain to sit down. Listening to the water splashing is something I have learnt to enjoy. It's so soothing. It's like music, a never ending sound of nature.  
  
Suddenly, I heard a loud thud. I turn around to see what had happened. It seems that a little boy had tripped while riding his bicycle. He is sitting there and crying. A woman, who I assume to be his mother, runs over to him as soon as she sees this. She gently rubs the boy's swollen knee, while at the same time saying something which I cannot hear properly due to the distance. The boy continues to cry loudly. Eventually, the mother has to carry the boy home because he refuses to walk.

Such is the love of a mother…  
  
This is turning out to be a good day. Humanity has given me new hope. I smile to myself as I open the snack. It smells really nice. Food like this is something I rarely eat. I pick up one piece of cookie and put it in my mouth. As I chew, I can taste the sweetness. I savour all the wonders of the cookie before I try to swallow it.  
  
It is then I realise something. I can't swallow it. Something is stuck in my throat.  
  
And then it hits me. I can't breath. Something is trapped in my neck, and yet my heart feels so empty. I begin to choke. And once I start I cannot stop. I drop the snack to the floor, scattering the cookies all over the place.  
  
I fall to my knees, supporting my body with both my palms flat on the ground. I spit out the remnants of cookie in my mouth and start to vomit. But nothing comes out. Only droplets of clear fluid start dripping down, darkening the ground wherever it hits.  
  
One drop, two drops, three drops…  
  
And my vision becomes clouded as more droplets hit the ground and my hands. My heart aches. I grab the front of my blouse tightly as I rub my eyes. My body feels weak. I have missed lunch today. My stomach aches too, but not as much as my heart. It feels as if someone was poking holes on my heart with a needle, draining all the life out of me.

I've been denying the truth. Shinji means too much to me. I just can't lose him.  
  
Eventually, when I can't hold it anymore, I just sit there and cry my heart out.  
  
It takes me a lot of effort to finally stand up and walk home. I am feeling so low. I do not belong here. I do not belong to this world. And yet I cannot leave. I want to leave, but I can't. I'm being chained to this world. I'm being chained by him. I walk slowly towards home. This time I don't stop. As soon as I reach home, I fall onto the bed. I'm too tired. I'm so exhausted that I can't be bothered making dinner, even though I am hungry. I fall asleep easily.  
  
Did I make the correct decision? My dream is a blank one; all I can see is a pure white, like a clean piece of paper. There are no colours which highlight the void in my heart. The emptiness I feel in the dream reflects that of my real life. If I want a life, if I want something to remember, then I should pick up a colour pencil myself and start drawing. But where would I find that colour pencil? Ikari-kun? Can you hear the voices in my heart?  
  
Shattered…into pieces it breaks…  
  
I wake up to someone shaking me on my shoulder. It is not rough, but it is not gentle either. I open my eyes and see him. It's him again. He has come. He never knocks on my door, and I never lock my door. He doesn't allow it. I am scared of him. I look at him with terrified eyes, silently begging him not to do that to me. It is no use. He shows no sympathy towards me.

He slowly undresses himself. I want to run away. But where can I go? What good would it do? I start sobbing. This is not the first time he hears me crying. He just doesn't care. I back myself into a corner and hug my knees to my chest. I can feel him climbing onto the bed. I look up at him. He looks back coldly. Then he pulls me roughly to him. He forces a kiss on me and starts to unbutton my clothes.  
  
The same routine, and the same violence, they are always coming back to haunt my life. The familiar sharp pain is here again. I feel like being ripped apart, as I always do. But my friend will come soon. He will come and relieve me. If pain is my enemy, then darkness is my friend. Darkness will be there to overtake my senses, and blank out the world.  
  
The cruel void…Ikari-kun, can you understand the voices in my heart…


	5. Chapter 5

_Shinji's POV:  
_  
Walking home with Asuka has become something of a familiar routine in my life. Misato is always too lazy to come and pick us up. She sure is a good guardian, and I am not being sarcastic, really. She gets grumpy on weekdays evenings. I think that is because of the work related stress she is facing. And I sure don't want to sit in her car when a grumpy Misato is driving.  
  
Asuka looks like she has something on her mind. Normally she would be mocking me in her special way by now. But today, her face tells me that she is trying hard to make a decision or something. I want to show her my concern. I want to ask her what is bothering her. But I know that would not be a good idea.  
  
When Asuka wants to tell you something, she will tell you on her own. Otherwise, it's better not to ask. A grumpy Asuka is ten times worse than a grumpy Misato. But this time, I can tell something serious is going on. She just looks so…different. She has been like that ever since she was made to carry the water buckets earlier this day.  
  
The same thing happened with Ayanami. She has been acting stranger than usual since she was made to carry the water buckets. Before that, I smiled several times at class to her, and she would smile back. After that, I smiled several times at her again, but she didn't smile back. I wanted to see her smile. I tried hard to get her smile again, but she didn't. In fact, I was surprised that she looked quite sad when I smiled at her. But I don't understand why.  
  
Did something happen between her and Asuka? I'm beginning to worry. What if Asuka said something to hurt her? You never know what Asuka would do when she gets grumpy. And Ayanami is one of her favourite targets. I look side way at Asuka.  
  
Asuka looks back at me.  
  
"Shinji, I have something to ask you."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"What do you think of Wonder Girl?"  
  
And the teasing begins. Asuka is back to herself. I'm glad she is all right. But I'm not glad about the direction this teasing is going. Ayanami, for me, is a very sensitive subject. After all, I do have feelings for her.  
  
"W-what are you t-talking about?"  
  
Upon hearing my stuttering question, Asuka does something I didn't expect. Her face turns very serious.  
  
"Shinji, do you love Ayanami Rei?"  
  
I can tell she is being serious now. No more Wonder Girl, now it's Ayanami Rei.  
  
"I-I…don't know. I don't know."  
  
"Shinji, you must be honest with me, because if you don't...then I won't tell you what happened when I was standing outside with her this morning!"  
  
Asuka finished that sentence with a playful tone. But not even that can mask the gloomy mood underneath it. I stop and stare at the floor. Asuka stops walking too. There is a very long silence.  
  
"You are the prince charming she drew in her book, Shinji."  
  
I can't help but let out a gasp. Is this true? Is Asuka telling me the truth? I am Ayanami's prince charming? Does that mean…does that mean she likes me? I can't face the truth. I can't face reality. I do not dare. Too many times I had raised my hopes, only to find out they were false in the end. Ayanami loving me is just too good to be true…  
  
I crouch down and hold my face in my hands. I'm scared. I'm really, really nervous of what Asuka is going to say next, because it will make or break me.  
  
"She did not tell me she likes you, Shinji. But when I asked her about you, any idiot, any IDIOT can tell that she really likes you. There is no way that I can be wrong about this."  
  
"……"  
  
"But I'm afraid there is a problem, though I'm not sure what it is."  
  
"H-How do you know…?"  
  
"Do you love her, or not?"  
  
"Yes…Yes I do. I love her. I love Ayanami."  
  
"Well, I saw her crying just now. Something might be wrong with her."  
  
My head shoots up. Ayanami was crying? I feel my heart being dealt a dull blow. Why was she crying? Then I notice that Asuka has resumed her walking. I do not know what to do. Should I visit Ayanami? Or should I go back home? This is all too sudden for me.  
  
"I suggest that you visit her, you know."  
  
Before I could come out with a sensible decision, my legs did what my instinct told them to do. I follow Asuka home. She looks at me accusingly, but she says nothing as we quietly walk back to the apartment. I'm feeling like a total jerk…  
  
It is now past ten o'clock at night. Lying on my bed, I just can't close my eyes and go to sleep. What Asuka said had bugged me until now. But I can talk to Ayanami tomorrow. Yes…I can talk to her tomorrow…except I can't wait. She cried. She was hurt. I have to find out. I have to know what is going on with her.  
  
But…I just don't have the strength to do it. I don't have the strength that Asuka and Ayanami have. My character is flawed. I am useless. I put my walkman on and start listening. But this time it just can't help me relax. Not even the music can block the world away. Ayanami's face haunts me. Something is wrong. I have to help her, but I…I'm just so useless.  
  
Why am I such a useless boy? I don't deserve Ayanami's love…  
  
I can feel something wet at the corners of my eyes. My hands reach out to wipe them away. Subconsciously, I've started to cry.  
  
SLAM!!!  
  
The door to my room flies open, but I dare not look up. I know who she is and I know why she is here. Suddenly, a powerful hand grabs my shirt and throws me down my bed. My face is facing towards the ceiling and she can clearly see the tears streaming down my face. She grabs my collar and pulls me up. And then she slaps me, hard. It stings. My eyes shoot open. Before I can give her a glare, she shoves a book into my face.  
  
I take a look at the book. It is one of our textbooks. I squint my eyes and look closer, focusing on a hand drawn picture. It's a boy. He looks like me. He looks beautiful and brave, like the knight who will always be there when his princess needs him.  
  
Is this Ayanami's book?  
  
In Ayanami's eyes, I am the one. I am the one who can protect her. I see in the picture the same perfectness she sees in me.  
  
Ayanami, is that how you think about me? Is that how I look like in your eyes?  
  
How can I let her down after this…?  
  
Asuka stands there looking at me. There is another long silence. I continue to stare at the picture. And then I close the book. I hold the book very tightly, squeezing it until my fingers become white. I rub away my tears. I stand up and look at Asuka.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
And then I start running. I slam the front door open and I run. I've never run so fast. I've never run so far without rest. I can feel the energy running through my veins. Each step I take brings more energy to me. I've wasted enough time. I've run away too many times. Too many times I've hurt the ones I love because of my hesitation. Too many times I've let chances slip by because I do not dare to take them.  
  
But from this day onwards, I will not be a wimp anymore. From this day onwards, I will not be manipulated. From this day onwards, I will do what is right and I will take on the world. From this day onwards, I will be Ayanami's hero.  
  
Her apartment soon comes into sight. I keep on running. I run and run until a black car drives by and I see the man in that car. Everything happens in slow motion. The car passes me by slowly. The man, my father, looks straight ahead as he drives his car. I stop. What was my father doing here until so late? I turn around and look at the car until it goes out of sight.  
  
All of a sudden, the fatigue from all my running kicks in. I feel exhausted. Just by seeing my father, I feel all the heroism in me leaks out. It is just like air leaking out of a balloon. I am no longer the hero. I've returned to my wimpy self. I drag my tired body up the steps of the building.  
  
Somehow, I have a bad feeling about what lies ahead of me. Nevertheless, I hang on and walk towards Ayanami's apartment.  
  
Knock! Knock!  
  
I knock on her door. No answer.  
  
Knock! Knock!  
  
I knock again, louder this time. Still no answer.  
  
"Ayanami! Are you in there?"  
  
Knock! Knock!  
  
Silence.  
  
"Ayanami! I-I'm coming in!"  
  
I open the door. It's not locked. I know she doesn't lock her door. I did try to convince her to install a lock. But she just never listens.  
  
Her apartment is very dark. A single ray of moonlight shines through the window. But it doesn't help much. I can't see properly inside her apartment.  
  
"Ayanami? Ayanami?"  
  
It is then I notice I'm not alone here, for there is a whimpering sound filling the darkness of the room. It is soft and full of sadness. Ayanami, is that you? Are you crying?  
  
Of course it is…There can be no one else in the room who would cry like that.  
  
"Ayanami? Ayanami? Are you all right?"  
  
Her crying continues. I walk closer to her bed. I want to comfort her. I want her to stop crying. I want to bring her the good news. I want to tell her that I love her. I love her and I will make her happy forever. But when she comes into my sight, my legs stop and my heart feels as if it wants to jump out from my throat.  
  
Ayanami…There is not much light, but I can see her. She is lying on the bed, curled into a ball. She is naked, and her body is slightly shaking. I can tell that. There is an odd smell. I can't tell exactly what it is. But I can pretty much guess. I walk closer. There is blood covering her. She is wounded.  
  
Then it dawns on me. My father leaving her apartment so late; her being naked; the crying; the smell; the blood; it is all clear now. I feel an urge to vomit. It is the most disgusting thing I've ever witnessed.  
  
My father just raped the girl I love? This is too much…my heart just can't take the harsh reality…  
  
Run away! No! Hold her! She needs you! No! This is…  
  
No I don't…I can't…It's too sickening…  
  
And then I do something I would come to regret forever. I run away.

* * *

_Rei's POV:_  
  
Everything, everything is lost now. The commander had been more violent than usual tonight. And when he was done with me, he just made me swallow one of those pills and put the rest on my study table and left. I was left to the loneliness. I was in tremendous pain. I couldn't get up. I saw blood. It was everywhere on my body. I wept. I hugged my knees and wept. I wept my heart out.  
  
It was not the first time. But this time, it had happened after I learnt that Shinji loved me. I looked at my hands. I hated my body. I hated this dirty body. Not only was it covered with the commander's sins, it also served an evil purpose. It was weak. It was like a parasite. I hated being in this body. I squeezed my fists shut and I cried more. It was then I heard the knocks on my door.  
  
Who would come at this hour? The commander wouldn't knock on my door. The doctor wouldn't knock on my door either. Shinji? Oh my god…oh my god…I don't deserve this. Please don't let this happen to me. Please…please…I beg you…please…I've had enough pain…I've gone through enough today…Please don't do this to me…Please don't break me…  
  
I heard the door creak open and him entering my apartment. My heart was an icy cold as I heard him walk closer to me. Everything seemed to freeze as if fate was forcing him to look at my sorry self as long as possible. I could feel his eyes burning into my body. Now he had found out. It was the worst thing that could happen to me. I cried hard.  
  
Part of me wished that he would come and hold me, calm me from my fears and give me the hope that I so badly wanted…  
  
But Shinji chose to leave. My world ended when he left. I was so lonely. There was nothing more for me in this world. All hopes were taken away when he left. My prince charming, my knight, why did you walk out when I so much longed for your acceptance and care? My heart was hammered to pieces.  
  
And now I lay here on my filthy bed. I cry all night, until there are no more tears to cry. But my heart still cries. It has never stopped crying. My only joy of life has been taken away. Shinji willingly left by himself. No one made him do that. He willingly left me here…  
  
I've lost the only one who cared…  
  
The morning sunlight shines across my window, lighting up my room with a gentle colour. But nothing can hide the darkness and loneliness I'm feeling. I'm still lying on the bed. This body would probably not last long. It would die soon. I am starving, severely injured and robbed of the only ray of happiness I've ever felt. Soon, I will wake up in the tank down in Terminal Dogma.  
  
The cycle never ends. Rebirth, pain, death; rebirth, pain, death. The cycle will continue until the day my evil purpose is fulfilled. Ironically, it will also be the day the commander achieves his goal and live happily ever after. I'm here to achieve happiness for the commander. The same man who caused me all these sufferings.  
  
But this time I know I will wake up to a world where no one cares for me anymore, not even Shinji…  
  
It's taking forever for this body to die. I remain lying still on my bed until sunset and my room becomes dim again.  
  
Darkness…the cruel void…Shinji, do you not understand the voices in my heart?  
  
Knock! Knock!  
  
The sudden knocks on the door are unexpected, but not unwelcomed. They break the gloom I've felt since last night. But who could it be?  
  
Shinji? Shinji? Has he come back? Shinji!  
  
I gather up what little strength I have and stand up. However, I fall straight onto the floor. The lack of any intake of food since breakfast yesterday has made me very weak. Nevertheless, I must see him. I try to crawl towards the door. I can hear him calling out my name. He has come back! The joy!  
  
I didn't hear the door open. But he gently grabs me and carries me up. He puts me softly on my bed. I can't see him properly. My vision has become clouded. I try to reach up to touch his face. But he grabs my hand and squeezes it. I can feel droplets of warm water landing on my face. It must be tears.  
  
Shinji, are you crying for me? 


	6. Chapter 6

_Asuka's POV:_  
  
Shinji came back at midnight last night. He looked very gloomy and I could see trails of tears on his face. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. I actually thought they would be sleeping together by then.  
  
Did wonder girl reject him?  
  
I asked him what had happened but he told me nothing. When I tried to grab him, he pushed me away. It was the most violent act I had ever seen him do. He went into his room and slammed the door shut.  
  
Wonder girl must have rejected him.  
  
The following morning, my eyelids are feeling so heavy that I can't help but rest my forehead on my table. The teacher had shouted at me a few times already during class. But I'm just too tired. I couldn't sleep much last night because I kept hearing Shinji crying just next to my room.  
  
In my opinion, Wonder Girl and Shinji are made for each other. They look so nice together. Both are gentle and soft people. I turn my head and look at Wonder Girl's empty seat. She is absent again today.  
  
Did something happen last night? Or is she doing something else at Nerv? I do know that she is made to do extra work sometimes because of her low synch ratio. But somehow I get the feeling that it is not so simple this time. The uneasy feeling is probably coming from Shinji's strange behaviour. Staring into the empty space in front of him, his face looks so dead. Poor boy, it must have been hard for him. I wonder why she rejected him. Maybe I should find out what happened.  
  
Shinji didn't talk to anyone that day. He didn't even move an inch. Everyone in the class thought he was just having a bad day. Not even his two best friends could get a response from him. I even had to grab him from his seat when the school ended. Shinji moves like a zombie during our walk home. I keep looking at him as he doesn't seem to be aware of his surroundings at all. One time I even had to pull him back when he almost got hit by a car. It is a long walk home, and we walk in complete silence, with each of us having something on our minds.  
  
I have always known that Shinji would be devastated if he was rejected by Wonder Girl. The weak boy gets hurt even by my most simple jokes. Part of me feels guilty for pushing him too hard last night. If I hadn't forced him to visit Wonder Girl, perhaps this wouldn't have happened.  
  
It is when we finally reach the apartment door that I grab his collar, trying to shake some sense into him. I just can't tolerate him anymore.  
  
"What is wrong with you? Tell me exactly what happened."  
  
"……"  
  
"Am I your friend? Do you know how worried I've been?!"  
  
"……"  
  
Seeing him like this makes me feel…dull…What is this feeling? It feels as if my breath was taken away from me. For some reasons, I feel irritated. I hate him for triggering this unknown emotion inside me. So I slap him. I tackle him to the ground and slap him over and over again. This spoiled coward deserves it.  
  
"Wake. Up. You. Jerk. Stop. Acting. So. Childish."  
  
The slapping sound echoes through the hallway every time my palm connects with his cheeks. I must have hit him at least ten times before his hand suddenly grabs mine in mid air when I was about to strike again. His eyes stare unto the ceiling, devoid of any life. With a bored voice, his next words hit me like thunder.  
  
"My father had sex with her."  
  
My mind blanks out, and for a moment I can't act. He pushes me aside easily and gets up. Opening the door, he steps inside without saying another single word. I stay there for what seems like hours. This is not right. This is not right at all. The commander had sex with her? No…that doesn't sound right.  
  
Did the commander…did he rape her!? I understand now. That look on her face when she said she didn't love Shinji. I understand now. She loves Shinji too much. She doesn't dare reveal the truth. She is afraid that she might lose Shinji forever. Is Shinji too blind to see this?!  
  
I storm into the apartment and bust into Shinji's room. His father had sex with her. That idiot's choice of words makes me sick to the stomach. He said it as if Wonder girl was willingly complying with the commander. It sounded so cold and so casual that I doubt he provided any warmth and comfort to Wonder Girl last night. He must have run away as soon as he found out. I know him. That is his true nature.  
  
"What are you doing here?! You should be there with her!!! Don't you know anything?!"  
  
"No…I can't do anything. I'm just a kid."  
  
I stare at him in disbelief. We stay silent for a long time. None of us moves an inch.  
  
Shinji, I am ashamed of what you just said. You disappoint me so much. If Wonder Girl heard it, she would have been so broken.  
  
"Tell me where she lives."  
  
"……"  
  
Picking up a pen and a paper, I pull the wimp to a sitting position and put the pen in his hand.  
  
"Write me her address."  
  
"……"  
  
"WRITE IT DOWN!!!"  
  
Shinji's body jerks a little when he heard me shout. At least I manage to shock him back to life. He then writes down a few lines on the paper. I take a look at the address and stand up. If he isn't going to help her, then I will. Rape victims are very emotionally unstable, and they desperately need people showing them love and care. And I know how it feels like to be dejected and lonely. I learnt it the hard way.  
  
"W-what are you going to do…?"  
  
I was about to leave when he suddenly asked me that disgusting question. But since he asked, maybe there is still hope for him. Wonder girl really needs him now. It would be so much better if he could go instead of me.  
  
"I'm going to visit her. Are you coming?"  
  
No response from Shinji…  
  
"It's not too late. She needs you, you know?"  
  
Any hope I have is shattered when he just lies back down and pulls his blanket over his head. Hiding away from reality again…  
  
"Ikari Shinji, you're pathetic."  
  
With that I stomp off. The bastard is not much better than his father.  
  
Wonder girl's apartment is in an abandoned area of the city. Before this I had thought no one lived here anymore. It is very unsafe for her to live here all by herself, especially so considering she is just fourteen years old. The anger boils furiously inside me as I think of how the commander had treated her. The old pervert…  
  
The never ending, banging sound of construction makes it even harder for my mind to calm down. This is surely not a place for human to live in. I walk up to the elevator and press the button. I wait. And then I press the button again. I wait some more.  
  
Soon afterwards, I am walking up the stairs. I would have been cursing the elevator by now if not for the current situation. Wonder girl's apartment is on the forth floor. I wonder why she doesn't live on the ground floor. No one lives in this building anyway. Slowly finding my way to her apartment, my heart feels heavier with each step I take. I have to admit getting nervous about meeting her. Her mind might be unstable at the moment. And I have never shown her much care before. Stopping just in front of her door, I raise my now shaking hand and knock.  
  
Knock! Knock!  
  
I call out her name and wait. Without getting any answer, I knock some more. All of a sudden, I hear a thump as something falls down on the other side of the door. I'm starting to get worried. What if it was her falling down? I try opening the door. Surprisingly, it is not locked. I turn the door and walk in slowly. There is still enough sunlight to see clearly, but it is hard to make out what her apartment looks like. Carefully, I move through the kitchen to her bedroom. The sight I see next would break anyone's heart.  
  
She is naked on the cold hard floor. Her body is covered with dry sweat, blood and…something else. There are welts all over her body. Some of them had been bleeding. I can see the bruises on her wrist and the ropes hanging on her bed rail. Her hair is a mess and she looks very pale and weak. But the saddest thing is, she is trying to crawl her way to the front door, and I can hear her calling out Shinji's name very weakly. Her voice sounds happy and relieved.  
  
Tears start welling up in my eyes. For a moment I felt like throwing up. I can understand why Shinji had run away now. The sight is too painful. But still, it makes me hate him. How could he leave Rei to herself like this?  
  
I quickly walk to her side, picking her up as gently as I can and putting her on her bed. She is actually lighter than she looks. I look into her eyes. They are now dull red and somewhat lack the spark her eyes normally have. Her hand is shaking slightly as she tries to reach up to touch my face. I hold her hand tightly, with my other hand covering my mouth. I let my tears fall freely.  
  
I sit beside her for nearly half an hour. She has somehow recognised who I am and stopped calling out his name. Her face looks disappointed, but grateful. Her lips looks cracked from being dry. She must not have eaten anything since last night. Maybe I should get her something to eat. When I try to get up, her grip on my hand tightens. She shook her head. I assure her that I'm not going to leave her.  
  
"Hush…Rei…hush…I'll get you some water all right?"  
  
Reluctantly, she let go of my hand. I walk over to her fridge. There is nothing but bread and jam inside. It might not be a good idea for her to eat something as hard as frozen bread. So I take out the jam and pour a glass of water. Then I walk back to her bed. This is feeling awkward. She can't feed herself. And I have to get her to sit up.  
  
Climbing onto her bed, I lean against the wall and pull her up against me. With her head resting against my chest, I let her sit in front of me and pull her thin blanket over her body. Her body feels dirty but this is not the time for me to feel disgusted. I take the glass and press it on her mouth. She begins drinking the water. I feel slightly relieved that she manages to drink down half of it. After putting the glass near the window, I open up the jar and begin feeding her the jam.  
  
We stay like that for another half an hour. I'm glad that she finished all the jam. Then I start to get worried as her body begins to heat up. What if she is having a fever?  
  
"Rei, I must take you to the hospital, all right?"  
  
She gives me no response. I start to get up, but she again tightens her grip on me. With a weak voice she says…  
  
"No…Asuka…no…"  
  
"Why? You're wounded. You must get treated."  
  
"No…can't go…the commander…"  
  
"What about the commander? What do you mean?"  
  
Again she gives no response. I look at her. Then I realise it. She must be scared of him. My mind is already calling for vengeance on that monster for abusing her like this. But now, the most important thing is to make her feel better.  
  
"All right, but I will need to go and buy something, ok?"  
  
She nods her head.  
  
"You take a rest. I will be back soon."  
  
With that, I walk away from her half-heartedly. Once I exit her apartment, I run to the nearest 24-hour store. I need to get her some dressings and food. I might have to buy her some medicine too, and get her a thicker blanket.

* * *

_Rei's POV:_  
  
My heart breaks again once I realise that this is not Shinji. She is very close to me and I can hear her softly sobbing. I can't see her clearly, but her voice tells me who she really is. I never thought she would do this for me. Slowly calming myself down, I let my body relax. At least now there is someone beside me. I try to stop her when she suddenly stands up, as I don't want to be left alone again. Then she let me know that she is just going to get me some drink. I'm very hungry, so I reluctantly let her go.  
  
She has been calling me by my first name since she came inside. I'm still devastated from all the events. But I feel a slight touch of warmth inside my heart. Someone actually cares for me at a dark time like this. It makes it even more special that this someone is her. I never knew she cared.  
  
She comes back a short while later. Her hands hold me gently as she sits me up. Leaning against her, I feel my body being covered up by my blanket. It feels warm. She starts feeding me after that. Why is she doing this? It makes my heart feel really warm…  
  
I wish it had been Shinji helping me…  
  
My heart jumps a beat when she mentions about going to the hospital. I can't let her take me to the hospital. The commander would not be happy. He would rip me apart if he finds out. I quickly tell Asuka no. Although I don't have enough strength to explain to her, I think she understands. For she tells me to rest and that she will be back as soon as she can after she buys something. I do not know what she wants to do. But I can tell she is genuinely concerned about me. So I let her go.  
  
I fall asleep after that. I dream. I dream about me having a family. I have a caring father and a caring mother. They love me very much. They would kiss me; they would hold my hands; they would be there to hug me. I have a loving brother too. He also loves me very much. He would play with me and read me stories. He would be there to protect me. I dream about growing up together with my friends. It feels great to have a normal life.  
  
When I wake up, Asuka is sitting beside me and smiling. It feels strange.  
  
"I didn't want to wake you up."  
  
She then walks away and comes back with a kettle and a basin. She pours some hot water into the basin, mixing it with the cold water inside.  
  
"Luckily you have a kettle. Or else I would have to use cold water, you know."  
  
She grabs a piece of towel and wet it inside the basin. It feels really warm to have someone caring for me…I just wish it had been Shinji…But I am very grateful that Asuka is doing this for me.  
  
"Ok Rei, this might hurt a little. But we need to clean you up."  
  
I nod my head. She then proceeds to wipe my body with the towel. She is being very gentle and careful with my injuries. The water feels warm. I feel blessed that I have a friend like her. The fiery Asuka in school and the tender Asuka here seem like two different people. She cleans up every part of my body patiently. After that, she starts applying some medicine on my wounds. It stings a bit. But she is being very soft with me. This is followed by her applying the dressings on my wounds. When it is all done, she lays me down on my back. She put two pillows under my head to support me and covers me up with a thick blanket.  
  
After that, she walks to the kitchen and comes back with a bowl of porridge. She is being so considerate. I want to feed myself this time but she won't let me. So I let her feed me again. It feels really strange, the same emotion I feel every time when I think about Shinji as my half-brother. It feels…wrong…and yet so right…  
  
"So, what did you dream about?"  
  
She has been so nice to me. I feel it would be right to be honest with her.  
  
"I dreamt that I had a happy family."  
  
Her face pales a bit. I know her history. I know about her family problems and her mother. She continues to feed me but we stay quiet after that. After she is done feeding me, I ask her to fetch me one of the pills on my table. She looks at me curiously. But she does as I request without asking me any further question.  
  
I fall asleep shortly after I finished eating. I'm still feeling very tired and mentally exhausted. So much has happened over the past two days. Admitting that I love Shinji; finding out that Shinji loves me too; the commander coming to rape me; Shinji finding out and turning away from me; and Asuka showing care. So much has happened that it seems unreal. I start dreaming again, but this time it is not a pleasant dream.  
  
I dreamt about the happy family that I had. It was winter and we were sitting by the fire in the family room. We were chatting happily. Suddenly, there was a loud banging on the door. Father got up and left the room. I could hear the door being opened and then a painful scream. I quickly went to mother's side. Fear struck into me as I saw a stranger coming into the room. He was tall and his face was covered with a mask. He was carrying a chainsaw with one hand; with the other hand, he carried my father's head. He threw the head at us and we screamed. My brother and I were both too afraid to move. My mother tried to shield us from him. Blood splashed across my face as he thrust the chainsaw into mother's belly. He threw her aside, grabbed my brother and pushed his head into the fire. There were screams. There were horrible screams. After he finished killing them all, he walked towards me. I was crying. I was too scared to do anything. He laughed. It was terrible. He then grabbed his mask with one hand and slowly removed it from his face. I gasped. He was…he was the commander himself…the root to all my trouble…Why…why was he doing this…He took away everything from me…  
  
My body jerks forward from the bed as I wake up from the horror. Breathing heavily, I turn my head and notice that I've woken up Asuka as well. She had fallen asleep on my chair while watching me. She looks at me curiously and then at her surrounding. I grab her hand and pull her onto the bed. I hug her and cry onto her shoulder. 


	7. Chapter 7

_Asuka's POV:_

A sudden violent scream wakes me up from my slumber. Still feeling tired, I rub my eyes and look around me. For a moment, I was wondering to myself. Where is this place? Why am I here? Before I had time to clear up my mind, something grabs my hand and pulls me onto the bed. It happens as sudden as lightning and the next thing I know, a blue haired girl is hugging me fiercely and crying on my shoulder.

Oh yeah…I remember now…I have been helping her, haven't I? Her action is not unexpected, though it still manages to surprise me. She is still emotionally unstable after all. Her body feels sweaty again, and she is still shaking slightly. I reach up and gently rub her back with my hand. It has never occurred to me that I would be this kind to someone I used to consider as my rival. But after what happened, anyone would want to help this poor child, except Shinji.

That pathetic scum, he deserves all the insults I've thrown at him since I first came to Tokyo-3. I'm disgusted by what the commander has done, but his little idiotic son is not much better. Like father, like son. No words could describe the fury I feel against the two Ikaris.

Shinji has completely let me down.

Even worse, he has let Rei down…he has let himself down…

We stay like that for quite a while before she slowly backs away. Her delicate hands reach up and rub her eyes with her tears-streaked face looking down. It is then I notice that she is still wearing nothing. Even though we are of the same gender, I can feel my cheeks heating up.

Trying hard not to make it look awkward, I move over to her wardrobe and open it. Not surprisingly, there are only two pairs of school uniform. Nothing else is in there. So I take out one of them and help her put it on. Then I sit down next to her and look at her. Her face is still casting downwards.

"Why are you helping me?"

Her emotionless words struck me as being rude, but I try not to show my annoyance. I have to be patient with her.

"I'm helping you because you're my friend."

"Only because I'm your friend?"

"You're my friend and I care for you."

Oh my…it was hard to say those caring words to her. I look deep into her eyes. Although they look relatively dead, I could see a shimmer of hope hidden within those two red orbs.

"You never cared before. Why now?"

"You're being ignorant, aren't you?"

"Why do you say so?"

"Because that is what I think. That is what I feel. And I acknowledge my feelings."

"What is your point?"

"You feel, but you don't accept your own feelings. You do know that I'm truly concerned about you. So why do you have to question something as simple as a friendship? Every single action you took is always mechanical. You obey orders like a perfect soldier, but I do not. And that is our difference. But why am I superior to you?"

"You're not superior to me."

"Yes I am, because sometimes, I let my heart talk instead of my mind. That's what makes me greater than you. Rei, you're being too analytical. Try to accept me, Rei, as a friend."

"You don't understand me."

"I don't because you never let me. You never let anyone understand you, and that's why you are so miserable, that's why you are being abused by that bastard because you never let anyone come and help you."

"You don't understand me. You never tried. No one ever tried. No one can help me. You don't understand my situation."

"No I don't but I want to help. If you behave like this, if you don't accept friends coming into your world, then you will never break free of your misery."

"What does it matter? Who would want to befriend someone like me…"

Her voice is cracking up. I feel a bang in my heart hearing her said that.

"Rei…what are you talking about?"

"Just look at me…look at this hair, these eyes, look at my skin, can you tell? Can you see now? I'm…I'm not normal…"

"Rei, don't say that!"

"But it's true! This is why…this is why no one ever cares…this is why he left me…this is why Shinji left me here all alone…"

With that, she wraps her hands around her body and breaks into soft sobs. I want to hold her, but for some reason, I can't. Something is holding me back, although I'm not sure what.

"Shinji is not the only person. I care too. I offered you my friendship the first day I met you. But you slapped my hand away. Don't you remember?"

She slowly nods her head, but I can tell she is trying to avoid looking into my eyes. I crawl next to her and slowly embrace her. It took me a lot of courage and self control to do what I'm doing. And my reward is Rei's flow of tears wetting my shirt.

"I wish…I really wish he wouldn't look down on me…"

"Don't worry. He just needs time. He will come back eventually."

That little idiot better come back here soon, or I swear I'm going to castrate him. Rei...why is Shinji so important to her? That animal doesn't even deserve her. The Ikaris are both filthy animals!

As we stay like that for what seems like forever, I start making plans for her. I would have to bring her to Misato and hopefully she could help the poor girl. After all, I'm only a 14-year old myself, and I don't have much authority in Nerv. The major would have more resources to help Rei solve her problem. As for the commander, for someone who holds such a high position in Nerv, he surely has no respect and dignity. When this atrocity is revealed, may justice be served.

And when the time comes, I hope both Rei and I can witness his slow and painful death.

My thoughts were interrupted when Rei suddenly pushes me away. I just stare at her curiously as she takes a few deep breaths. Looking at me directly in the eyes, she asks…

"Asuka, do you know why you are piloting Eva?"

Have I mentioned how strange she sounds when she talks sometimes? Does she even have to ask that question?

"That is because I'm selected. I've proven myself. I'm selected from the elite. I'm the best."

"That is not why."

Her words are simple and her voice is soft. There isn't any hostility hidden in it, but I have never enjoyed being doubted. A surge of anger starts to build up in me until she asks me another question.

"Do you know why angels attack us?"

"They are sinister beings."

"That is not why."

That's it!! Who the hell does she think she is?! Here I am helping her and she doesn't even appreciate my effort! Standing up, I glare down at her. She better explains all this bullshit or else I am not going to act very friendly. The fury inside me is already boiling. The girl actually thinks she knows everything. There is a venomous edge to my voice in what I ask her next…

"What are you trying to say?"

"Nerv has many secrets, Asuka. There are many dark secrets being kept deep down in Terminal Dogma. And I am one of them. I am one of their many terrible secrets."

My eyes widen. Deep down I've always known that Rei knows more about Nerv than anyone of us. She starts telling me the secrets; the secrets that are being kept behind the mask that Nerv puts up. She tells me about second impact and the formation of Seele and Gehrim. She tells me about someone called Ikari Yui and how she died. She then reveals how she herself was created from salvaging that woman's genes and the genes from an angel imprisoned in Terminal Dogma.

I look at her in horror. I can't believe what I'm hearing. I feel myself backing slowly away from her. Despite noticing my reaction, she continues to speak. Her face looks very serious and sincere. But I guess the most important thing is, she still looks like the gentle girl I've known. Otherwise I would have run away. I continue to listen, even though I have no idea why she is suddenly telling me all this.

The information is too shocking. I've never realised the real reason why the pacific fleet delivering my Eva was attacked. It was attacked not because Eva-02 was there. It was attacked because Adam was on the ship. Rei informs me how Lilith was being kept inside Terminal Dogma, and how the angels sought to be united with her. Finally, she tells me about the commander's plans and how he seeks to be reunited with his dead wife. She finishes her story by describing her role in the coming Third Impact. By then, her eyes are teary once again. This is all too much. I shook my head.

"H-how do you know all these? Why was I never told?"

"Did I not tell you of my purpose?"

I still can't believe it. All this time I thought I was piloting Eva to protect mankind against these mysterious aliens which came from who-knows-where. I never thought this was just superficial, and that there were so many plots hidden in the dark. I take a look at her again. An angel-human hybrid, what have they done…They have pushed science to the limit and twisted it. And now we are receiving the consequences and the tragedy that is about to come.

I stare at Rei. For some reasons I'm not feeling scared of her. Perhaps it's because I've seen her so helpless just a few hours ago. Perhaps it's because I have come to regard her as a friend. Or perhaps there is something else…It is too hard to believe that such a gentle girl is actually half-angel. But then again, I do not know how to react. We just sit there staring at each other until sunrise.

_

* * *

_

_Rei's POV:_

There, I've told her everything I know. The commander has the doctor and the sub-commander on his side. But now I have the Second Child on my side. I have no doubt about her abilities. The major, the spy and the Third Child are all her friends. When the time comes, I trust that she would know what to do. She would execute it. She would do what I won't be able to do. I feel guilty for using her like this. But this is for her own good too. To protect the life of this planet, something needs to be done. Third impact would wipe out not just human beings; all the animals and plants would perish as well.

Before tonight, I never thought that I would reveal so much to her. But time is short…and I just can't endure all this misery anymore…I'm all alone now and she is the only one left I can trust. Not even Shinji is here with me…He left…it pains me horribly to admit it, but Shinji left me here…all alone…

I can't help but wonder myself. Why would I want to help humans? After how terribly I've been treated, there is no reason for me to do any good to this world. Nevertheless, I've told her and that's it. I've made my decision. Today will be the last day. Everything ends here today. I will bring everything to an end tonight.

We just sit there staring at each other. Her eyes are blue and her hair is red. She has healthy skin colour and she attracts a lot of friends in school. How I wish I were like her. It's true that she has a sad past. But her experience could not be possibly worse than mine. She had someone who cared for her. Her mother cared for her before she became insane. She had experienced the warmth of a mother. She had at least had the pleasure of calling someone her mother. It's sad that she lost her mother at such a young age. But it's better to love and lost than never. However, the thing I envy most is that she is human. And she is free.

Time goes by slowly. But soon I can see sunlight coming into the room. Asuka looks emotionless. She slowly stands up and walks away. I can feel something is missing. I can't quite decide what it is. But something is definitely missing. It feels like I have nothing to look forward to. I can feel the emptiness in my heart once again. When Shinji walked away that night, I felt a part of me died. And I'm feeling the same dreadful emotion by seeing Asuka leave my apartment and close the door behind her.

Getting out of bed, I walk slowly and carefully to the kitchen. I've not regained my full strength yet. But this is expected. I always fall sick after the commander visits me. My stomach aches and I'm feeling hungry again. I look into the fridge, expecting my half-finished bread to be in there. Instead, I find a new loaf of bread, several new jars of jam, each with different flavour, a bottle of juice, and some cakes inside. I take out the cakes and pour myself a glass of juice.

The cakes taste nice. There are cheesecake and chocolate cake. As I eat, I realise what I am missing. If Asuka was here, she would be feeding me. She would not have allowed me to get out of bed. She would be sitting beside my bed now, feeding me these cakes I'm eating. I let out a sigh. Perhaps I've grown attached to her. In this single night she showed her care for me, I've developed affection towards her. I guess I am pathetic. Shinji showed his care, and I grew to love him. Asuka showed her care, and I've now grown feelings for her. I am just like that cat. Am I being grateful? Or is this love? Or am I feeling both gratitude and love?

Whatever it is, being cared by someone makes me feel really warm. It is a nice feeling, and I really miss it.

I swallow another pill after I finished eating. Then I walk out of my apartment. I do not wish to go to school today. It would be pointless anyway. Instead, I wish to pay a visit to that meadow plain. It holds another dear memory of mine.

The roads used to be familiar as I usually move around different places by foot. But now, time seems to freeze and it feels as if I'm the only moving object. For the first time, I start paying attention to the surrounding. The tall buildings, the green trees, the cars, the blue sky, I have all the time in the world to finally inspect this city I call home.

But maybe, it's not a home at all. Is it a cage? Or a prison perhaps? I feel free at last. The freedom, I guess, is coming from what I've decided to do. The dream that woke me up, the man that took away my everything and gave me nothing but pain.

Maybe…just maybe it will eventually lead me to peace, even if I have to spread my wings and fly away…I wonder if I would be remembered.

I wonder if Ayanami Rei would be remembered.

I was still in deep thought when a piece of slow music sooths my ears. It is coming from a music store, a slow non-vocal version of "sounds of silence". Upon hearing the sad and yet beautiful melody, images of Shinji flashes in my mind. I sit down beside the street and listen closely to the music. Why did he leave? How I wish he was with me right now. I can feel the music and my soul dances to the sad tune. It stings my heart. I try not to cry.

But I didn't succeed. This is totally unfair…

After the music stops, a new song is played. That song is really loud and I can't understand what the singer is singing. Strangely enough, the owner comes over to me and asks…

"Hey kid, like this song? It's the latest rock. You like hard rock, don't you?"

I shook my head.

"The song you were playing just now…I would like to have it."

"Huh? Oh…all right. Come over to the counter."

I follow him to the counter. He wraps the CD and gives it to me. It is then I realize I only have a hundred yen in my pocket. It is not enough. I apologize and leave the store. I can hear him mumble…

"Damn punks. Nothing but troubles…"

Why do I even bother? I feel so alienated. The world freezes once more. But that is just what I assume. Maybe it is me who is frozen in time, as I do not belong to this world. But is there another world for me? The world of Angels…if there was a world like that, I wonder if I would be accepted.

But then again, I've fallen in love with a human. Shinji…

Hmm? Shinji? Is that you walking over there?

The ray of hope returns as I see spotted him walking down the pedestrian opposite the road towards…

He is heading towards my apartment? But…but why?

Has he come back? The joy! I start running across the street to him. There is nothing else I desire more than to be with him, to be loved by him. But I stop in the middle of my track.

Why do I even bother? Have I not made the decision? What's the point now? Why raise the hope? I don't want to be hurt again. There are times when the heart does not agree with the mind. There are times when they make conflicting decision.

My heart screams for me to reach him.

My mind reminds me of the sorrows and my purpose.

Not for the first time, my eyes sting and my tears flow.


	8. Chapter 8

_Shinji's POV:_

I'd not had any sleep all night. Ayanami's face haunted me. Images of her being helpless and being abused by my own father kept playing over and over again on my mind. The anger boiled deep within, but my heart ached terribly and my tears stung for what I had done.

I had hurt the girl I loved so much. I had left her when she needed me most, walked away so inhumanly like my father. What rights have I got to hate him? What I had done had made me more or less the same. I felt humiliated.

Humiliated for being the son of Ikari; humiliated for not being able to walk out of his shadow; humiliated that I'm worse than a man whom I will no longer be able to recognise as my father.

He destroyed her body, but I destroyed her love.

My heart screamed. The voices…there are so many voices…and they all belong to her…she is crying for help, but she's so far away…I can't reach her…I stretch my hand as far as I can, but my body is being pulled away by my own lack of confidence, and my hesitance in facing the truth, and my unwillingness to walk fires for who I love.

Every single scream I heard was a needle, slowly inserting itself into my heart, drawing out sweet blood and leaving me a lifeless pile of rotten flesh. The sorrow I feel will kill me. And I hope it does. I don't want to live anymore…just let me die, clear me of my sins and regrets and let me start anew…

Asuka came back early in the morning. She went straight into her room. I was scared. Would she come inside my room and scold me? Would she hit me again? No…please don't hurt me. I can't take it anymore; every single blow is now multiplied by the guilt I felt inside for leaving Ayanami to herself. I just wanted to be left alone…

After a while, she came out and left the apartment. She didn't even bother knocking on my door like she usually did. I pulled my blanket over and covered my head. The ear plugs of my walkman blocked away all the noises from the external world. This is my world, in the blanket, small and restricted and yet I only feel happy when I'm wrapped up inside my own world.

I feel ashamed; the music can't do anything to make me forget. It doesn't matter how good the songs are. In the end, when I pulled my blanket down and walked into the outside world, Ayanami would still be there, hurt and feeling despaired, and nothing I did so far would have changed. Because all I did was nothing, just drowning myself in self pity and somehow hope for a miracle to happen. That's the way I am…I feel ashamed…

I had the weirdest dream when I finally fell asleep. I dreamt that there were many Ayanamis floating in a tank filled with LCL. They were all smiling eerily, except for one. Instead of floating in the tank, she was crying softly in the centre near the orange pillar. She was sitting on the floor with her hands cupping her face. I could see her shoulders rising and falling as she cried. I walked towards her. I moved away her hands and lifted her chin. Her face was tears streaked. She looked so sad and hurt. Her lips were quivering and she was shaking uncontrollably. I could feel my heart break and I wanted to embrace her, but the images flashing in her eyes stopped me. I could see my father, Doctor Akagi and another brown-haired woman I'd never seen before; I could see my mother and a strange white man wearing a purple mask; I could see the Evas and the angels; I could see myself and Asuka. And then the images disappeared. Her eyes turned bright red and started to bleed. It was traumatising. I wanted to help her but I didn't know how. I begged for her to stay with me, but she smiled and melted into a pool of LCL.

The tears in my eyes woke me up. I sat up and wiped them away. I glanced at the clock. It said half past twelve at noon. The ear plugs were still in my ears. With my hands shaking, I reached up and grabbed them. This walkman…had always been there for me.

Every time I was given a problem, I could always come back and my walkman would always be there to sooth my pain. I guess it had a sentimental value to me. But when I unplugged the ear pieces, the problem was still there. Problems were not solved by running away and crying to the walkman. I had enough.

This walkman would control my life no longer. It represented me as a low-life, but escaping from reality was not the right thing to do. Ayanami needed me, but instead of embracing her, I had come back to this walkman. I don't want to run away anymore, and for that, I will take the first step in breaking the walls of fear I've so foolishly erected around myself.

Grabbing the black object, I threw it to the concrete wall where it was smashed into thousands of pieces. Break away…for I will not run away anymore.

I got out of bed to the kitchen. Sitting down by the table, I ate some left overs from last night's dinner. Misato cooked them. But with my current psychological state, I couldn't care less how it tasted like. I just wanted to regain my strength. I had a lot to do, and the first thing was to go see her again. I just hoped she would welcome me back. After I was done eating, I got up and left the apartment.

My legs started carrying me to her apartment but my mind was thinking of how I had suffered from low self-esteem. Because of that, I had made a lot of decisions which I regretted. But the worst thing I had done was leaving a crying and hurt Ayanami to loneliness. If I were given the chance again, I would definitely hold her, comfort her and take care of her. I know it's too late to think that way, but it's not too late to remedy the wrongs I'd done.

It didn't take me too long to reach my destination. I wonder how she is doing now. But Asuka had come to help her, so she should be getting better. Nevertheless, I wished to see her again. I must repair the damage I had caused. I didn't want to regret in the future. I knocked on her door. No answer. I knocked again. No answer again. I pressed down the door handle and walked in.

Her apartment was as dirty as ever. I walked into her bedroom only to find out that she was not there anymore. The door to the bathroom was open. I peeked inside but she wasn't in there either. She couldn't have gone to school, could she? I wanted to see her so much, but I was forced to wait. Dejectedly, I left her apartment.

There was no particular place I wanted to go, but wherever it was, I didn't want to go back home. It housed the painful memory. And I had promised myself that I would not go back again until I saw Ayanami. And when I finally saw her, she must come home with me. I would not let her be exposed to danger again.

It didn't hit me where I was going until I reached the train station. I bought a ticket and boarded the monorail train. As usual, I chose the most isolated seat and sat down. I remember doing this several times before. I would often feel depressed after fighting an angel. And then I would come here and let the train take me around the city, listening to my now broken walkman. It had always been a good way to lose myself and forget about everything else.

But this time, I simply couldn't get her out of my mind. I looked outside at the scenery. Soon the train had come to the outskirt of the city as I could see the vast farmlands and the tall mountains. This looked vaguely familiar. It seemed like I had been here before. The memories of this place sent a wave of warmth through my body, although I still couldn't be sure of when I had come here before. It was very vague.

I stepped off the train at the next station. Could this be…? I let my instinct guide me as I walked the familiar road. I felt lonely, because the last time I had visited this place, it had been in the company of a very special girl. It didn't take long for me to reach the small hill. I could recognize this place.

This was where Ayanami had brought me when she gave me the history tutorial. A lump formed inside my throat as I recalled the wonderful time we had shared when we were here. She helped me, and it's time for me to help her back. I only wished I could see her now. Slowly, I started to climb up the hill.

_

* * *

_

_Rei's POV_

Thanks for coming back.

I stared at the stream; stared at the water running so slowly; stared at my own reflection. Walking away from him had been hard, but my logic told me that the best thing to do was to let it go.

Sorry…I'm sorry…

I turned my face side to side as I examined it. The blue of my hair and the red of my eyes were lost in the water, but I could still see the outline of my face perfectly. For once, I found comfort looking at my own image.

Smiling slightly to myself, I reached forward and touched the cool water. Using both my hands, I cupped some water and splashed it on my face. It felt refreshing. I stared at the stream again. My image had disappeared momentarily but it returned almost instantly as I looked closer. Without my unique colour I looked like a normal girl.

Satisfied, I inserted my hand into my pocket and took out a small bag. It contained the pills that the commander had given to me two days ago. I emptied all the pills onto my hand. These pills had tortured me long enough. As I hold them in my hand, painful memories were brought back. I had been used like a tool ever since I was created. Not having actually known how it was like to live, I was locked in the world of the commander until Shinji came and suddenly there was hope.

The very same hope that was smashed, and then revived again. But I had learnt not to raise any expectation. Good things were never meant for me, and I shouldn't have been so naïve.

I closed my hand as tight as I could and squashed all the pills into little pieces. The moment they broke in my grasp, I felt freedom coming into me. And when I opened my hand and saw the little pieces of what used to be my curse, I let the tears fall. I didn't know why. Gathering what courage I still had, I let the wind blow the pieces into the stream.

Let the stream carry away my pain and sorrow. Let it carry away my nightmares. Let it carry away my dream and my hopes. The memories live in me but let the stream take my life away and free my soul, for no longer will I be bound.

Commander Ikari, I will not let you control me anymore.

"Ayanami…"

The sudden calling of my name nearly knocked the air out of me. I had not expected anyone to be here, much less him. I knew his voice all too well. But why has he come here? Did he know I am here? Turning around, I saw the special boy, the love of my life and the reason for me to live, standing in front of me. There were so many emotions inside me that I couldn't put it into words. Happiness, relief, fears and hopes all blend into a complex feeling.

What if Asuka had told him about my origin? I'm scared of being hurt again. I'm scared of rejection, even though I do not have long to live.

"Ayanami, I'm sorry."

"……"

"Can you forgive me?"

"For what?"

"Because…about that night…I…I ran away…I know I was stupid…please forgive me…"

"It is all right. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I left you! I could have helped you but I didn't! I just ran away! I'm so useless!"

"……"

"Hit me Ayanami…hit me…I don't deserve a life…"

With that Shinji broke down and cried. His body was shaking and I could feel the intense sadness and regret inside him. Seeing him like this really pained my heart. He didn't deserve this. But I didn't know what to do, so I sat down beside him. There was a part inside me that screamed for me to hug him, but I dared not to. Instead, I lifted up my hand and gently rubbed his back.

He then did something which surprised me…

Shinji threw his arms around me and cried into my shoulder.

I could feel my own tears forming too. To know that he cares for me this much is very heart warming. Trying hard not to be overwhelmed, I continued to rub his back as we sat there, hugging each other and crying together. I knew it, Shinji was not a coward. He truly cared for me. It was just so good to see him come back to me, and to know that fate had let us meet once again here in the meadow plain where we shared the dear memory.

When we were finally able to calm down, we just sat there beside the stream closely to each other. I could feel the warmth coming out from his body. Secretly, I wished he would hug me again, for I felt happy just by being so close to him. If this was a dream, I hope it was a dream that I would never wake up from.

This was the first time we were together after knowing how each other felt. It was bitter sweet. I rested my head on his shoulder. A pang of sorrow hit me when his body stiffened. Nevertheless, I didn't pull away as I thought he was just nervous. It wasn't true. We stayed like that for a while and when his body still couldn't relax, I moved my head away.

Shinji probably didn't feel comfortable with me. My heart ached at this realisation. But it didn't hurt that much anymore. I was getting used to it. When you get hurt as many times as I had, especially in these past few days, you start to feel numb and gradually the pain dies away.

"…This is not the first time, is it?"

Curiously, I looked at Shinji in the eyes, trying to understand what he was talking about.

"This is not the first time my father did this to you, is it?"

I shook my head.

"Why didn't you call the police?"

"The police can't help. They are afraid."

There was a very long silence after that. Shinji's rapid breathing could be heard and I could tell he was getting angry. A dreadful thought hit me suddenly. He wouldn't be thinking that I was too emotionless to feel painful enough to seek help, would he? There was nothing I could do to stop his father. I had tried a few times, but each time I tried to defy him, I ended up receiving an even worse punishment.

Please don't misunderstand me…I could feel my eyes getting watery just by thinking this. The last thing I wanted was for him to think that I was just an emotionless doll who let other people manipulate me without any complaints. I rubbed my now stinging eyes as I looked at him. His face was turned towards the stream but it showed no emotion. There was only a cold fury hidden within.

He must think I'm a dirty girl now. In his mind, not only do I have a dirty body, I have a mind of a doll which doesn't have its own free will. Does he feel that my touch will degrade him? Is my love really that unworthy? Is that why he doesn't feel comfortable with my touch?

"Run away, Ayanami."

"W-what?"

"Go to a place where my father can't find you. Run away from this place and never return. I…I will come with you…if you wish…"

"I wish I could, Ikari-kun…but I can't…it is not possible…"

"But…but why is it not possible?"

The disbelief showing on his face was clear, but there was just so much that he didn't understand. I could never run away and find peace. I wouldn't be able to survive without the pills, and the commander would only give them to me if I let him use my body.

I recalled that there was one time when I went to the doctor for help. I begged her to give me the pills. I was on my knees, grabbing her lab coat and crying. But she showed no sympathy. In her eyes I could only see hate. She loved the commander deeply. But I could never understand why she was willing to let him come to me time and time again while she should have been the one having pleasure with the commander.

Nevertheless, I didn't care much about what other people thought of me. The commander thought of me as his tool; the doctor thought of me as a lab animal; the major thought of me as a robot; Asuka used to think me as a doll; my classmates thought of me as a freak. I could endure all these insults. But I couldn't let Shinji misunderstand me. Losing control, I started to cry hard. I had to explain to him. I tried to speak normally but the hiccups kept breaking up my sentence.

"Ikari-kun…---I did --- try to stop your father --- It was no use Ikari-kun---…He yields much control --- over me. --- You…don't think --- that I'm an ---emotionless doll --- do you?"

Upon hearing my stutters, Shinji's arms wrapped around me and hugged me tightly. His show of care made me cry even harder. I grabbed on to his shoulder and buried my face into his chest. The flow of tears couldn't be stopped. So I cried out all the misfortune I had suffered in my life. I just let it all out. It just felt right to pour out my feelings with him hugging me. I must have cried long and hard, because when I finally stopped, it was already sunset and Shinji's shirt was all wet.

"Come stay in my home Ayanami."

Shinji had not let go of me, and he was smiling warmly as he said that. I could feel my face heating up once again.

"Let me take care of you."

It felt so good hearing him said that. I hesitated a bit, but before my mind could think properly, my heart had made the decision as I found myself nodding my head.

I let him hold my hand as he led me home to his apartment. I felt blessed that he had accepted me. He must not have known of my origin yet, or else he wouldn't have asked me to run away. But I did not want to reveal the truth to him, for I was scared that I might end up losing him again. Just for this once, I want to be selfish and keep him to myself. We walked closely to each other as I looked up to his face, enjoying this moment of fantasy.


	9. Chapter 9

_Shinji's POV:_

Ayanami seemed like she was hiding something from me. I wanted to ask her to tell me what was worrying her so much, but I didn't have the heart to push her after seeing her cry like that. I did believe what she told me, but I couldn't get rid of the feeling that there was something wrong and she didn't want to tell me.

She was such a quiet person, and sometimes it gave the feeling that she would take any harm thrown at her and not blurt a single word. Was that ignorance or innocence? I didn't know myself. But what I could be sure was that no sane person could bear seeing her hurt. Her body might not be pure anymore but I didn't care.

Her heart was pure and that was all that mattered. I was glad that she agreed to come home with me. Misato's apartment had heating system and was a hundred times more comfortable than her own apartment. I really wanted to take care of her. I had to tell her my feelings soon. I wanted to make sure that she would be free from my father's inhuman ways. I wanted to be her knight.

When Asuka saw us enter the living room, her eyes widened and she looked very uncomfortable. I had always known that she didn't like Ayanami, but she did go to Ayanami's apartment to help her, right? Then why was her expression so strange? I let Ayanami sit down and went to the kitchen to fix some dinner. Misato was having nightshift today, so it saved me the effort of explaining things to her. I cooked some porridge. With Ayanami's current state, this was probably the most suitable meal for her. I could vaguely hear Asuka and Ayanami talking in the living room.

"…Shinji know…true origin…?"

"…haven't…him yet…"

"…deserves…know…you…selfish…"

"…don't…lose him…"

"…must…him know…sooner or later…"

"…just…tonight…feels…being loved…"

"…intend to do…?"

"……"

"……"

There was a long silence and I could feel the tension growing. I had heard that Asuka and Ayanami had had a fight in the elevator the other day, although I didn't see any injuries on Asuka and there had been a hand mark on Rei's cheek that day. If another fight broke out now, I don't know if I could stop them.

Luckily the porridge was ready and I called out to the two girls to come and have dinner. Both were looking moody when they came into the dining room, although with Ayanami it was hard to be certain. But surprisingly there was no tension or hostility. In fact, I could see a hint of concern on Asuka's face, and worry on Ayanami's face. I wonder what was going on between the two of them. Maybe it's the stress everyone's having these past few days.

We ate dinner quietly. Asuka would glance at me and Ayanami occasionally, whereas Ayanami just kept her head down and ate her porridge. Does Asuka know what Ayanami is trying to hide from me? I couldn't help but kept asking myself that question.

After dinner, Asuka just went back to her room. Ayanami helped me clean the plates. I told her to rest, but she said she wanted to stay close to me. It was great hearing her say that. Her arms brushed against mine occasionally and her skin felt so smooth. Taking a closer inspection at her, I noticed that she looked a lot like a mother.

I had no doubt that she would be a good mother one day. She would love her children very much. I felt my face heat up intensely when she turned around and stared at me curiously. I felt guilty for thinking such private thoughts about her. As if she had sensed my anxiety, she gave me a warm smile. No matter the circumstances, her smile would always calm me. I had decided to tell her that I love her. Exactly when I do not know, but I intend to tell her very soon.

After we were done with the plates, I took her to my bedroom and let her lay down on my bed. From under the bed, I pulled out another mattress for myself. And then I found myself sitting beside the bed and looking at her, admiring her beauty. It didn't hit me that I was staring at her until I noticed her blushing. With the moon light shining on her face, she looked like an angel. I mean those angels who have got white wings and come from heaven. Ayanami looked like one of them. Subconsciously, my hand reached up and brushed her hair aside and gently touched her face. She smiled again. I am in heaven!

"Ayanami…" I tried to open up a conversation, but I didn't know what to say. She didn't verbally answer me. Nevertheless, something told me that I had her attention anyway.

"There is something I've been wanting to tell you." I continued.

"What is it?" She asked me back. I wonder if this was a bad time to confess my feelings. She might not be ready to accept me after what my father had done. But maybe this would help her feel loved.

"I…I um…"

"……"

"I…I won't let him touch you again." The words died in my mouth, but what I told her was still true. I would never let my father come near her again.

She smiled and nodded her head.

"I promise." These two words were said with a slight edge. I wanted to kill him. I had never had any love for him. There was no love lost, but now I hated him even more. I recalled what I had done to the fourteenth angel. That was exactly what I wanted to do to him now. I want to mutilate him…slowly…

"Well then…goodnight Ayanami…" Not knowing what else to say, I decided to retire to my own mattress. But before I got up, her hand grabbed my sleeve and stopped me.

"Stay with me."

"Don't worry. I will be right here when you need my help."

"No, stay close to me."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Sleep with me."

There was a tickling sensation rising from my nose. I tried to fight back an unfamiliar urge. Ayanami was probably feeling scared. She probably did not know how to express herself properly since she rarely spoke.

"It's all right, Ayanami. I'll be sleeping right there. If you need any help, just call my name, all right?"

"Is it wrong for you to sleep on your own bed?"

"N-no…but…um…it might not be…appropriate?"

"Oh…" I was glad she understood, or else I didn't know how I would be able to go to sleep tonight. As I tried to move away from the bed, her grip on me tightened. Curiously, I looked at her.

"Ayanami?"

"I…I would like you to call me Rei…"

"Oh…ok…Rei." It was strange speaking her first name, but I think my tongue would get used to that.

"I insist." Rei said.

"Oh, ok. I will call you Rei from now on. And you can call me Shinji."

"No, I insist that you sleep by my side tonight." She continued.

I took a large gulp and the saliva almost choked me. With a firm grip, she started pulling me towards the bed. I was losing it. I guessed I couldn't resist, so I decided to give in to her request.

"All right…but we won't do anything else. We'll only sleep, ok?"

"And dream." Her words echoed inside my head as we lied down. Dream…perhaps Rei could only taste peace inside a dream world. I pitied her so much. Silently, I promised myself two things before darkness overtook my senses.

One, I will never let Rei be hurt again.

Two, Ikari will pay.

_

* * *

_

_Rei's__ POV:_

I brushed my hand along Shinji's face as I watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful. Shinji's heart was pure. He was kind and caring even to someone like me. In my mind, he was the most wonderful person in this world. If everyone was like him, there would be no war, no Eva; there would only be paradise.

Letting out a sigh, I couldn't deny that no matter how much our affection was to each other, he would still be considered as my half brother.

If he could choose, would he choose me or morals?

Shinji…would you still love me if you knew I am actually your half sister? Would you still love me if you knew I am part angel? You love me even though you know my body is not pure anymore. Would you be willing to go one step further and accept me for who I am?

Maybe he will…but not now…perhaps sometime in the distant future…

"Rei, what's wrong?" Shinji's voice woke me up from my thoughts. There were some water droplets on his face. I must have wakened him up.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

"What? Oh no…I just um…I had a bad dream, that's all." He lied.

I kept quiet.

"What's wrong, Ayanami? Are you all right?" There was concern in his voice.

I lied down beside him and put my arms around his neck. Resting my head on his chest, I could feel his heart beating. He had an arm around my shoulder. As I tried to snuggle closer to him, he pulled up the blanket and covered both our bodies.

"Shinji…why are you so kind to me?"

"Because I care…I…I…don't know…" Shinji stuttered.

"Am I worthy of your care?" Honestly, I knew the answer, but I wanted him to reassure me.

"What makes you say that?" He raised his eyebrow and looked at me directly in the eyes.

"Don't you think you deserve someone better?"

"No. I'm the lowliest life in this world." Shinji said. His words were familiar. I had said the same thing to myself dozens of times before.

"No. That would be me, Shinji."

"Please don't say that."

Silence…

"Rei, every human being is unique. Don't look down on yourself." Shinji continued. His words made me think. Every human is unique…but am I unique? I'm not just a normal human. Shinji is a human, he is unique too.

"Then why are you looking down on yourself?"

"……"

"Do you believe what you said, Shinji?" I continued to push for an answer.

Silence…

"I was a fool, Rei. I thought no one liked me." Shinji said after a long searching for his answer.

"……"

"I kept thinking about what I don't have. I never thought about what I have."

"What do you have?"

"I have you. And I have Asuka and Misato. I felt low and miserable because I thought I had no one. But I have people loving me all the time. I just never realised what I have."

"What do I have?" It was a curious question. I've always wondered if I had anything at all apart from my purpose.

"You have me, Rei. And maybe Asuka too. We care."

"But why do you care about me?"

"You don't always need a reason to care."

"What if you lost the ones you care?"

"Then…I…I would feel hurt…" Shinji said with a shaky voice.

"Then why do you still care? Aren't you afraid?"

Silence…

"Yes…but the memories will live on…it's better to love and lose, then never love…" I've heard that saying before, but I don't totally agree. That day when Shinji walked away from my apartment, leaving me behind to the darkness, I had experienced a pain so intense that not even the commander could inflict. I would have chosen never to love, rather than love and lose.

"Do you believe what you said, Shinji?"

"Yes I do."

I smiled. There was determination on his face. It doesn't matter if his thinking is different from mine. As long as he had the resolve, everything would be fine, and he would be happy. I just hope he would remember what he said…it's better to love and lose than never to love.

"Promise me never to look down on yourself, Rei. You're too kind and beautiful." Shinji continued as I kept silent.

"What if I'm not kind and beautiful? Should I look down on myself then?"

"No, someone care for you. It means you have a place in their hearts."

"Is that why you care for me, Shinji? Because you think I'm kind and beautiful?"

Shinji blushed and nodded his head.

"But that is not all. I wish to tell you that…I love you for who you are…" Shinji replied.

"You love me…for who I am?" I asked back. What does he mean by that?

"Yes…because you are Ayanami Rei…"

"Because I am Ayanami Rei…" I felt strange…but good. Ayanami Rei is an identity…my identity…

Shinji nodded his head again. His body felt so warm. I made myself comfortable as I snuggled closer to him.

"I love you too, Ikari Shinji."

With that, he smiled and drifted off to sleep. We stayed like that for a few hours. I had been awake all the time. I was afraid that if I went to sleep I would miss this last chance of knowing how it felt by being so close to him.

But content would not last for eternity. I had given myself a task and it was time I faced up to the commander. Slowly and carefully, I got up from bed and stood beside his bed, taking one last look at him. Shinji…

He was pure and kind. He would find love without me. I whispered a quiet thank you to him.

As if a force was in the work, I found myself being pulled slowly to him until I planted a soft kiss on his forehead. It hurt but now was not the time to let emotion get in the way. I have to be strong enough, or else I would not be able to defeat the commander and my purpose. I turned and left the room, never looking back again.

I was about to leave the apartment when I remembered her. She had showed me care when I needed it most. Asuka…maybe I should say something to her before I go. I turned around and walked towards Asuka's room. Quietly, my hands reached up and slid open her door, only to find her sleeping soundly.

Asuka…I can't help but wonder, what would have been if I was given the chance to further explore my feelings for her? Would I eventually become her friend? Or am I already her friend?

It doesn't really matter anymore. I had told her what the commander was trying to achieve, but to make sure that she didn't ignore her duty; I decided to leave her a note. Sitting down in the living room, I picked up a pen and a paper and wrote down what I had to tell Asuka. It was not long, but it was sufficient. I left the note on her study table and walked out of the apartment.

Shinji and Asuka, a lover and a friend…My mind kept playing images of them over and over again as I walked through the dark night towards the Nerv headquarters.


	10. Chapter 10

_Shinji's POV:_

The weird dream came back to haunt me again, but there was something different this time. Hundreds of Reis were still floating behind the glass, but their bodies were melting away. At first, it was their hands falling off, then their eyes protruded out and dropped off from the sockets, and soon the orange fluid was all reddish with blood. I couldn't imagine the pain they were feeling. It was disturbing, but none of these could compare to their expressions…

They were all smiling…

As if they were…free…

Like last time, Rei was sitting at the centre of the room, crying. I went over and lifted her chin up. There was an empty look on her face. Instead of tears, blood flowed down from her eyes and down her cheeks.

The scream disappeared inside my throat as her face started to deform. It was horrible. I tried to hold on to her face, but it was dissolving…Try as I might, it was no use. The fluid slipped through the spaces between my fingers, just like a dream slipping away from my memory.

But it became even more terrifying when her face formed into a face that had been long forgotten inside me. It was…someone familiar…

Mother?

At this point my body spring up from the bed. Breathing heavily, I tried to reach out to touch Rei, but the only things I found were my blanket and the pillows.

"Rei!!! Rei!!!"

I ran outside the room to the washroom, screaming, afraid that she would be gone. But she wasn't in there.

"Rei!!! Where are you?!?!"

I searched the kitchen, followed by Misato's room. But she was nowhere to be found. When I still couldn't find her, there was a silent panic creeping up my spine. I opened the front door and peeked outside, only to find shadows casting away from the moonlight.

Dejectedly, I sat down on the sofa hoping beyond hope that she would suddenly appear and tell me she was just playing hide and seek with me. The anxiety was killing me. It felt as if I was walking into the execution room. The seconds slipping away cruelly…

Where is she?

Asuka's room!!! She must be in Asuka's room! Why haven't I thought of that? I've got to find her. She has got to be in there!

I bust open Asuka's door only to find her rubbing her eyes and looking at me curiously.

"Asuka! Rei! Have you seen her?!" I shouted. It wasn't my normal tone when talking to her, but there was an exception for everything.

"What are you talking about?" Still rubbing her drowsy eyes, Asuka answered.

"I can't find Rei! I looked everywhere in the apartment, but I can't find her!" I replied.

"You mean she's gone out." She started blandly.

"Yes…yes…no…she wouldn't go out just like that…" It was hard to accept that Rei would simply disappear, after how she treated me last night.

"Maybe she went back to her apartment?" Asuka asked.

"No…no…it doesn't string together…" The panic was coming back again.

"What doesn't string together?" She asked, still not understanding the situation.

"The dream…twice the dream…and she's gone…"

"Look Baka. This is your problem. You never think." Asuka said pointing her finger to her head.

I tried to sit down and think with a clear mind. It was an impossible task. Maybe Rei meant more to me than I had previously thought. It was especially painful knowing that I had done the same thing to her just two nights ago.

It wouldn't be uncharacteristic of Rei to just walk away without letting anyone know. She did that a lot of times before. But this time, it was done in the middle of the night. Something tells me this is wrong, but what exactly?

"Asuka…What am I going to do…?"

Upon hearing this, Asuka frowned and marched towards me. But she suddenly stopped when a note on her table caught her attention.

She walked over, picked up the piece of paper and scanned through the contents. I quickly got up to my feet and joined her by her side.

_Dear Asuka,_

_When you read this, I believe I have already left this world. Do not despair. Instead, feel happy for I have been freed. _

_All this time, when I thought I was alone, you have always been there ready to help me, ready to show me care. I regret for the time I've lost. But I am grateful for the little amount of time we spent together. Thank you, Asuka._

_I have given you all the information I have. I will stop the third impact myself. But you must make use of your knowledge. Defeat the commander, save your world. I trust you know what must be done. I apologize for placing this burden on you, but I can think of no one else better suited for this task._

_Shinji will eventually know of my origin. When he does, please tell him I'm sorry. I do not dare tell him myself for fear of rejection. I wish to leave with the dearest memories, ones that I can take with me and treasure them forever.._

_Yours truly,_

_Ayanami__ Rei._

Strange, I had no idea what she was talking about. Maybe she had left a note for me too. I ran back to my room as fast as my legs would carry me. But in the end I still found nothing on my table. I tried to look inside my cupboard, and then my bag, and then I pulled away the pillowcase to see inside. When I tried to crawl under the bed, Asuka pulled me to my feet.

"Shinji, I fear Rei has become suicidal. We must start looking for her at once." She said solemnly, but beyond her voice I could hear a hint of panic as well.

Without waiting for an answer, she pulled me towards the streets.

My mind had been a blank since I read the letter. I do not understand what she meant by me knowing her origin. Is that what she has been trying to hide from me? And why is she leaving? What does she mean by third impact? What does she mean by defeating my father and saving the world? Questions have never come so easily to my mind. Worst of all, I had no answer.

And the girl dragging me across the street knew more than I did. This is so ridiculous that even I felt that I had had enough!! Why must I always be kept in the dark?! I threw away her hand and asked with as much resolve as I could.

"What is going on here?!?!"

"There is no time Shinji! We must go to Terminal Dogma!" She grabbed my hand again and pulled. But I stood firm as it started to rain.

"I will not move until I know exactly what's been going on." I hated myself for doing this, but I wanted to know.

Asuka's face turned into a full-blown frown. She moved her face so close to mine that I could feel her nose tip touching mine.

"As we speak, Rei is going down to Terminal Dogma to kill herself. I can't stop her alone; she will only listen to you. You can follow me and save her, or you can stay here and let her die. I'm sure you can ask her your questions if she lives." Tried as she might to sound firm, her sentences seemed destabilised by frequent trembles.

"Why would she want to kill herself? She was happy last night."

"Are you running away again? Remember what you did last time, it hadn't helped much, had it?" She said sarcastically.

If there was a place we should search for, it was Rei's apartment. Why would she need to go to Terminal Dogma to get herself killed? The panic had not left me, so I couldn't think. Reluctantly, I followed Asuka.

"Easy choice, isn't it? Let's just hope we're not too late." She finished her sentence with a shaky voice again; it didn't help my uncertainty much. The vivid dream I had came back to remind me of something. Somehow, I had a dreadful feeling that Asuka might be right. But it was the sudden realisation about Rei's conversation with me that suddenly hit me with a lightning.

It is better to love and lost…than never to love?

Asuka grabbed my hand again and ran. Subconsciously, I squeezed back at her hand and ran even faster.

_

* * *

_

_Rei's__ POV:_

The familiar corridors of Nerv passed through as I moved along casually. The security guards did not suspect me, for I was one of the very few people who had absolute clearance to every part in this facility. There were unfamiliar emotions flowing through me as I walked my last walk through this labyrinth.

This was the place where I had been created, and also the place where I would end my own existence. The many junctions and paths here represented the choices one had to make in life. This was what made each existence of beings unique and irreplaceable. But choice was something I had never been given, and being unique was something I never was. Sardonically, now that I had a chance to decide, death was my choice.

It wasn't long before I reached the room where my life was brought into reality. It was the perfect reflection of my own room in the apartment. The doctor had always told me that my soul was made from light and water. Whether this was her way of mocking me or not, I did not know, for I could see no signs of life in this room. This room was simply dead.

I continued my journey silently and soon I arrived at the place where the core of the dummy plug was being stored. I took a deep breath in and swiped my card. The metal door slid open to reveal hundreds of my clones inside. Seeing your own clones floating in a tank of LCL would take out anyone's breath, but not mine. The eerie smiles on their soulless face symbolize the insanity hidden within the walls of Nerv. To me, these were the evil creation of science, and they must be destroyed.

It was slightly surprising that I had to struggle to walk to the centre monitor. The strength in my legs seemed to have been lost. My AT field must be depleting and it would not be able to hold me much longer. This had to be done and finished quickly. I just needed to cancel the artificial AT field planted in the aquarium. This should be enough to dissolve all the clones.

With a stable rhythm, I started keying in the sequence needed for my own destruction, but as I type, my fingers began to shake violently; and soon it was no longer within my control. But I held on nonetheless.

Flashes of images appeared before my eyes…accompanied by flashes of emotions being felt deep inside…

Vengeance…

Commander Ikari, I owe my existence to you. I've tried to please you, but in return you've given me a life devoid of any humanity. I was willing to be your doll so that you would treat me like a daughter. But even little girls treat their dolls properly, giving them warmth and letting them have a place in their innocent hearts. You will understand that what I did is an act of vengeance towards you. When you realise that you can never be reunited with your wife, I will come into your mind, and haunt you with regrets for the rest of your life.

Defiance…

Doctor Akagi, you did not create me, but you are responsible for maintaining my life. I understand why you hate me with such a burning passion, but you've hated the wrong person. The one to blame for all your sorrows is the one you love most. I've managed to make the decision that will free me from him. I hope you too, will find the defiance in yourself, reject him and find your own peace.

Isolation…

Major Katsuragi, in the battle field, I act directly to your orders. Your decision decides life and death for me. But strangely, I find it hard to reach out to you. I was left out of the bond you share with the Second and Third Child. Was it your fault for not trying to know me? Or was it my fault for not trying to know you? Or was it because life and death mean nothing to me, as I would be born again and again after death, and each time you find yourself being curious, but not suspicious enough to ask why I seem to be immortal?

Regrets…

Asuka, I feel glad that I can call you Asuka. You are my first and only friend. I just wish we had more time together, and that you would be able to show me what it means to be alive. Asuka, please realise how fortunate you are. Look around you, there are people that care and accept you for who you are. You do not have to try so hard to be the best, because the thing you seek most is not success, not acknowledgement, but love and care.

The sequence was now all written into the control panel. A bright red button lit up and appeared on the top left hand corner of the keyboard. I stared at the monitor. It read:

"Press button to activate command."

I took a few more deep breaths. My hand lifted up with my finger pointing slowly towards the button. Closer and closer the distance got and within seconds it was within a touch of distance from the tip of my finger.

And then it stopped. Something was hanging in the air. At first, it was a numbing sensation at my hand. Suddenly, I lost all feelings in my body as my hand started to tremble more and more violently.

The AT field was wearing out.

Concentrate…concentrate…concentrate…concentrate…concentrate…

Are you truly willing to end it all?

What?

Are you truly willing to leave this world?

Who are you?

I am your soul.

What are you talking about?

Be honest.

Be honest?

Are you truly willing to let go of him?

Shinji…

Once I pushed that red button, I would never see him again. Shinji would be lost…forever…

My whole body started to shake uncontrollably as once again the familiar misery took over. Eyes were stinging once again. It wasn't painful in the eyes; it was painful in the heart.

Can I let go?

I can't.

But I have to.

Shinji, forgive me. If I can't be yours this lifetime, I will be yours in my next…

Raising my hand, I reached out to push the red button…


	11. Chapter 11

_Shinji's POV:_

Flashes of neon lights and buildings flew by as I sprinted through the lonely city. The darkness no longer visible; the sound of the silent night was overtaken by gush of wind across my ears. My heart felt like it was hanging on a thread.

Don't leave me.

I wanted to scream those words to her.

It had never occurred to me that I could run this fast. But there seemed to be an energy coursing throughout my body. My legs seemed to have a life of their own. Before long, even Asuka could no longer keep up with me. I ran on, leaving her behind. Each second could mean life and death for Rei. Asuka was shouting something from behind but I couldn't hear her properly.

Soon, her voice faded and the pyramid shaped Nerv headquarters came into my sight. I tried to increase my speed, but part of me couldn't help but worry at what I might witness.

What if I'm too late? What if I found her lying there on the floor, not moving and not breathing? I had never given it any thoughts before. Would I be able to live without her? I…I guess I could…with regrets…time would heal everything…wouldn't it? No…I don't want to lose her…

What was I thinking? At a time like this?

I feel ashamed to be thinking so selfishly. I ran faster, if it was even possible for me at all.

What would I do if it was too late? Would it be my fault?

I ran away from her. What would have happened if I had stayed?

No, it's too late now. If she died…

By the time I reached the entrance, the fatigue had hit me full on. It became very tempting to just lie down and rest. My muscles were no longer willingly listening to my commands. But I must move on. I must see her before it was too late. It was only through the raw power of will that stopped my body from collapsing right there and then.

Just when I was about to swipe my security card, a soft gasp broke the silence. The voice was all too familiar. My stomach did a flip. It was the voice that I had been craving to hear so much during this past hour. I was so scared that I would never get the chance to hear her again. It felt as if a rope had been cut somewhere and the rock inside me being released.

There she was, sitting on the bench safe and sound, although her face looked somewhat distressing when her eyes met mine. Slowly, still panting but feeling better, I walked towards her.

"Are you alright?" I asked. The words were hard to get out. I'm still afraid of her answer.

She continued to stare at me in the eyes, and her face gradually turned back to the neutral look people had come to associate her with so often. It was once again devoid of life and not the emotional one I had seen just a few hours ago.

"Rei, a-are you hurt? I-is everything all right?" I questioned.

My voice was shaking. Her expression had not changed. The only response she gave was staring straight ahead. A blizzard of ice hit deep into my heart as a dreaded thought crept up on my mind.

Am I…am I too late?

"Are you alright? Answer me Rei! Don't scare me like this!" Despite raising my voice, her body didn't even flinch as she heard me. I grabbed on to her shoulder and shook her back and forth. Subconsciously, I closed my eyes and began to shake her more and more violently. I wanted to know…I just wanted a response…I just wanted to know that she was safe…

What happened next came as fast and as sudden as a flash. First, two hands grabbed my arms and swung me towards the floor. Next, the world went spinning as I opened my eyes, but it became still again almost instantly. Finally, I looked up at the red-haired girl towering over me.

"You idiot! What were you doing?!" She said with gritted teeth. Before I could answer, she turned around and slapped.

Rei went tumbling to the floor.

I was surprised, but too confused to act. Asuka then knelt down beside her and began shaking Rei more violently than I had.

"What do you think you're doing?!?!?! Huh? You cheap attention whore!!!" If Rei felt annoyed by what she said, she didn't show it. Her face still looked blank.

"Stop it Asuka." I tried to calm her down. But when Rei still didn't give any response, she grabbed her by the collar and pulled her to her feet. Asuka then dragged her to a nearby drinking machine. My heart was racing a thousand miles an hour as I followed them.

Without any warning, she pushed Rei's head against the sink, turned on the tap and began splashing cold water on her head.

"Asuka stop it!" I yelled. Soon Rei's head looked like a mass of wet blue mop.

"Wake up you doll!!!" Asuka yelled even louder as Rei started to suffocate.

"Stop it!!!" I grabbed Asuka's hand and threw them away from Rei as hard as I could. But Asuka's grip was too firm and as a result, Rei was thrown to the ground.

She was completely wet on the head with droplets of water gliding down her face and dripping off from her chin and the locks of her wet hair. Her face looked haunted and her lips slightly apart. Rei looked like a spent ragged doll. It pained me seeing her like this.

As if it was the most natural thing to do, I went over to her and pulled her into a hug. Her body was still limp as we waited and waited…the seconds seemingly lasting forever.

"Did you do it, Rei?" Asuka asked when she finally calmed down. "Did you do it, Rei? Should I call Dr Akagi now?"

Did she do what? What does Dr Akagi have to do with this? Rei gently shook her head. It was the first sign she had given all night. Before I could ask her more questions, she opened her mouth and said in a low voice:

"I wish to go home…"

I was still keeping my grip on Rei when Asuka came and tried to pull her up. There were still questions racing on my mind.

"Shinji, let's take her home." Her tired voice finally broke my trance as I slowly and hesitantly let go of Rei.

Asuka was now looking worried as she took Rei's arm and put it around her own shoulder. She helped Rei get to her feet and started walking back to Rei's apartment. I quickly stood up and followed them. Pulling her other arm over my shoulder, I lifted some of her weight from Asuka as all three of us walked together into the night.

Rei is safe…she must be safe…right?

The three of us walked slowly. The quiet night made the tension and suspense almost unbearable. The only thing we could hear was our own footsteps. My body felt heavy. Walking had suddenly become a very strenuous thing to do. Nevertheless, I must hold on. Nothing could light up my darkened soul other than confirming that Rei was safe. I looked sideway at the two girls. Asuka looked back at me, and then returned to staring forward.

The blue haired girl, on the other hand, had her eyes casting downward. Even so, I doubted she was seeing anything. Her face was now even paler than usual, and her eyes a dull red. Her lips quivered slightly before she let out an explosive dry cough. If we had not been there to hold on to her body, she would have fallen down from the sudden violent outburst of that cough. Her eyes began to get watery but she was obviously trying hard to blink back the tears. I could understand how she was feeling.

Once the first tear falls, there would be no stopping the flow. But I just wish she wouldn't try to be strong. I wanted her to pour out her feelings just like yesterday when we were at the meadow plains. But even that seemed like ages ago.

By the time we reached her apartment, the city was washed over with the gentle light of sunrise. But not even the peaceful morning could hide the intense mood between the three of us. Rei's coughing had steadily become worse as we walked up the stairs. Just as we were about to open the door to her apartment, she suddenly bent down and exploded into a vicious fit of coughs. I crouched down beside her and rubbed her back. She lifted one hand over her mouth and coughed into it.

What is happening to you, Rei?

When she finally stopped, her hand revealed the sinister colour that struck deep into my mind. It was a bright red. Her hand was covered with blood. The feeling had not even sunk down when she spoke for the first time since we found her.

"I couldn't do it." Rei said with her usual quiet voice.

"You couldn't do what?" I asked.

"I've failed." Her answer made no sense.

Surprisingly, Asuka's face changed from the worried look into that of relief, although the disgusted look was still evident on her face. She gave me a reassuring nod before turning her attention back to Rei again.

"Well, that's good to hear. Tell me where you keep the pills. I'll go get them." Asuka said. What pills?

"I threw them away." Rei responded. Threw what away?

With that, she started coughing out blood again. Asuka's face paled significantly.

"Should I call Dr Akagi?" She asked. What's going on?

Rei gave no response as she struggled to get up to her feet. Bending down, I picked up her body and carried her with both my hands. I walked hastily to her apartment with Asuka following closely behind.

Once I put Rei on her bed, she waved me away and signalled for Asuka to come closer to her. Although somewhat feeling offended, I respected her wishes by standing off to the side.

I couldn't make out what they were whispering to each other. The words were exchanged in low volumes, but the conversation ended a lot quicker than I had expected. When they finished, Asuka walked towards me with a solemn look on her face.

"What's wrong, Asuka? What did she say to you?" I asked, hoping that she would tell me that Rei would be all right.

"I'm sorry, Shinji. But I'm acting on Rei's request." Asuka answered back as she walked pass me. Before I had time to figure out what she meant, I felt a blow on the back of my head, and everything blacked out after that…

_

* * *

_

_Asuka's POV:_

I watched as Shinji's limp body fell to the ground. He must be really worried and confused. Treating him like this was cruel, but if I let him see what was about to happen to Rei, it would leave a scar in his mind forever.

It would be best if Rei could tell him herself calmly, and I doubted Shinji would be willing to leave Rei alone tonight anyway.

Besides, this was what Rei asked me to do. And Shinji wouldn't know how lucky he was tonight.

I gave Rei a last glance. With her lying there facing towards the wall, I couldn't make out what her expression was. But her coughs had not stopped. If anything, they were getting worse. Her veins had become quite enlarged and visible. Part of me wanted to stay with her and support her throughout her supposed death; another part of me wanted to run away as far as possible, terrified of what was to come next.

Regretfully, I think my feeling was inclined towards the latter thought.

Her flesh would rot soon; she would wake up in the tank deep inside terminal dogma. The knowledge was disturbing. For a moment I felt anger towards her stupidity, but what would I have done if I were in her place?

I grabbed Shinji by the collar and pulled him out of the door. We took a cab back to Misato's apartment after that, leaving Rei behind.

Once back in my room, I picked up the letter that Rei had left me and lied down on my bed. I read it over and over again. I now understood why she had told me so much information earlier in her apartment.

Rei, do you really think I could do that? Do you really think I am that capable? When I first read this letter, do you know how scared and worried I was?

I hated you, Rei. I wanted to get to know you, but just when I was about to succeed, you told me about your own tragic life, and everything sinister that Nerv was trying to accomplish. For a moment I didn't know how to feel. But when I realised that I might lose you forever, I felt an emotion that I've always known, but have never admitted.

The very same emotion I felt when Shinji was trapped inside the twelfth angel; the very same emotion I felt when Toji was severely beaten by a berserk Unit-01; the very same emotion I felt when you tried to blow yourself up during the fourteenth angel.

Why am I admitting these emotions…? Why now…?

Maybe…maybe because of the four walls that surround me…

Maybe because no one is listening…

No one can hear me…so I'm not ashamed…is that true?

What is it that I want? I am willing to take up the burden of the mission you gave me, but only if you are fighting alongside me, do you understand? Do I understand? Acknowledgement, success and popularity are not what I seek. Can I finally understand? What I want are love and care of those close to me. I do not want to lose another person that I've come to love.

And Rei, I guess you've made me understand that this time.

Shinji, Rei, Misato, Kaji, Hikari, and even Toji and Kensuke, they are all I have. They are friends who I can finally admit that I've come to love. And if I can't protect them, then what good am I? I remember when Shinji came in the last second to grab my hand, saving me from the boiling lava during the incident with the eighth angel. And I remember how you rescued me by destroying the fifteenth angel. The love and care that I seek so desperately have been just around me all along.

And now what I must do is to protect them, and hold them close to me.

Gendo and Seele are hard to tackle. But I believe we have something that they don't. We have trust between us, and the readiness to sacrifice ourselves for each other.

Don't worry Rei, I will help you. Hang in there and fight alongside me.

I said to myself. Surprisingly, I'm not angry at what I had just admitted. It all seems right.

Finally?

Yes…someone to replace mother in my heart…

And I know I don't want to lose them again.


	12. Chapter 12

_Rei's POV:_

I couldn't do it…I just couldn't do it…

Rebirth…pain…death…rebirth…pain…death…

Back to the never ending cycle…

What awaits me ahead of the path I've chosen?

The fluid around me is so cold…bathing my skin…the artificial skin…

Footsteps…I hear heavy footsteps…

"How is everything going, doctor?" A familiar voice…He was the father of the boy I love. My eyes were remained sealed; afraid to meet his eyes.

"Section 2 has confirmed that they couldn't find the medicine in her apartment. Video camera and panel records in terminal dogma show that she did try to destroy the clones." Another familiar voice…She was the doctor…

"Has her security clearance been cut down?" The commander asked impatiently with his cold voice. There was a rage hidden within. A sudden chill could be felt, as I dreaded the moment he would touch me again. I wanted to be kept inside here as long as possible. There would be no peace for me outside this tube.

"Yes, sir. Her card is now operating at a level four clearance. She no longer has access to terminal dogma." The doctor replied.

"And her corpse?" The commander questioned further.

"It has been taken care of." She answered.

"Does anyone else know about this?" He asked curiously. The fury was getting clear, and my heartbeat was getting faster. I was still keeping my eyes shut, but he knew…he knew I was awake.

"The Second and Third Child were at the entrance that night." The doctor replied.

"How is she doing?" Finally, the commander asked about me.

"She is awake. We can remove her from the tube anytime." The doctor said quickly, unsuccessfully trying to mask her joy. She had never liked me before, and even less since she had found out what the commander had been doing to me. But now it seemed that she was taking joy from my pain. The doctor and I both knew what the commander would do once I left the LCL.

"Then get her out. I wish to speak to her." The commander said firmly. The hair on my back stood up as I heard him. I didn't want to face him. There was no one here to help me.

"Yes, sir." The doctor replied as she keyed in some sequence on the control panel.

The LCL that I'm floating in was drained away immediately. I fell down to my knees. It was difficult to breath. The glass tube that used to surround me had been lowered, exposing me to the cold air outside. My eyes struggled to open as I coughed out the LCL trapped in my airways.

A gloved hand lifted my chin up and a cold voice whispered near my ear.

"Why did you do it?" He asked.

The dreaded moment that I had been so frightened of had come. I opened my eyes. His face showed no sympathy, only a cold anger harvested within him. There was no escape. If I was honest with him, and apologize, maybe my punishment would not be as severe.

"I'm sorry, sir. I promise it won't happen again." I choked out the words.

"I will ask you again. Why did you do it?" He asked with a cold, hard voice.

"I can't stand…I can't stand the sufferings, sir." I replied, afraid of what he might do next.

There was a short silence. And then, before I knew it, I was sent flying with a hard slap on my face. The blow was so strong that it nearly knocked me unconscious. Almost as quickly, a bittersweet taste washed over my tongue as blood trickled down my gum. I spat out some of the blood; two of my teeth came off with it. Before I could say anything, my hair was pulled up violently by a rough hand, and another furious slap hit across my other cheek.

When I finally opened my eyes again, the world seemed to be spinning. My cheeks felt as if they were on fire. The commander pressed my head to the cold hard floor and said in a low but firm voice behind my ear.

"I am your creator. You owe your existence to me, understand? You do whatever I tell you to."

For the first time in my life, I felt humiliated. Others had insulted me before, but I had never felt angry, but this time, instead of fear, I felt fire burning inside me. It was as if an unknown energy had raged through my body, and before I could think clearly, I shouted back at the commander.

"I don't owe you anything!!! You never loved me!!! To you I'm just a doll!!!"

I regretted it the instant the words came out of my mouth. Without any warning, the commander started kicking me with his heavy boots. He delivered blow after blow on my abdomen and limbs. It was made even more agonizing by the fact that there was not a single layer of cloth covering my body from his brutal attacks. My body felt as if the organs were being crushed. Every bone in my body feels cracked. In the end, I just curled myself into a ball and cried.

"If you try to defy me again, I will make the other two pilots suffer worse pain than yours. Keep that in mind." He said between breaths, clearly exhausted from his brutal attacks.

A chill was felt across my whole body as he said that. How could he be this cruel? Shinji is his real son! And Asuka…I knew only too well what he would do to her if I disobey his commands again, but what can I do now? I've failed…I've failed so miserably.

When he was finally done with me, he walked over to the doctor.

"Get her some clothes. And give her the pills." He ordered before walking away.

"You're not going to give them to her yourself?" She asked, trying to suppress a laugh, obviously finding humour in her sick joke.

"Not with her bruised body." The commander said plainly.

She nodded her head as the commander exited the room. The doctor then threw a set of loose gown at me and put the bottle of pills on the floor next to me.

"Get dressed. You have a synchronisation test this afternoon." She said emotionlessly before walking away, leaving me helpless on the ground. Her delight at seeing me in pain seemed to have faded.

I struggled to get up and dress myself as I thought about the commander and the doctor.

I don't want to go to the synch test…

Shinji…I want to see Shinji now…

Walking with heavy legs had somewhat become a familiar thing for me to do. Each time I was injured, I had to carry on myself. There was never anyone there to help me. I walked slowly and painfully to the Eva cages.

The walk there was strenuous and painful. The Nerv employees strolled along the corridors, not paying any attention to me. My head was still feeling heavy and my throat itched for me to cough. The strength in my legs was giving away slowly as finally they went weak and I fell down to the floor once again.

"Rei!!!" Someone shouted. I didn't know who the voice belonged to. It was when her hands lifted my slumped body that I recognised her.

"Rei are you all right?!" The major asked me. "You're injured! What happened to you?!"

"I'm fine, major." I said as I pushed away her hands. "I need to go to the changing room."

"What? But you're hurt! How can you go to the synch test like this?!" She continued to prevent me from standing up. When I tried to push her away, she said firmly to me with the tone of a superior. "Rei I order you to go to the doctor at once."

Order me? So I'm just a doll? Not just to the commander, but everyone else?

I slapped away her hands. "I can take care of myself, major." With that, I got up and left. She must have been surprised, as I am, for she didn't try to prevent my progress further.

As I walked slowly to the changing room, I began to regret my action. The major was trying to help me, but I reacted so harshly. It's the commander's fault…it's all the commander's fault…

This is a strange feeling…It's very new to me…

Am I…am I angry?

Leaning against the wall in the changing room, I let myself sit down and tried to think carefully. Why did I choose to return? There is nothing but pain and sufferings here. Why didn't I just die? Anger…fear…sorrow…dreadful feelings. I don't want to feel them again. I want to just die…

"Rei!!!" A familiar voice shouted, although I didn't bother to think who it was. My wounds made it hard to concentrate.

Before I had the time to look who it was, two thin arms embraced me into a tight hug as he burried his face onto my shoulder. Shinji…he felt so warm.

"Rei, I was so worried about you! Where did you go?" He asked, trying to suppress his sobs.

His voice was cracking and his tears trickled down my neck. At the same time, my own tears started flowing uncontrollably. Is this why I couldn't do it? Is this why I couldn't end my own life?

Maybe…it was worth it…to live again for Shinji…

* * *

_Shinji's POV:_

"Shinji…can you get off me please?" Rei asked.

My heart sank when I heard her say that. I had been so worried about her for nearly one whole week! I had checked her apartment but she wasn't there. I had gone to the Nerv hospital but they wouldn't allow me to see her. Not even Misato could get me the permission to visit Rei. I even got into a fight with Asuka because she wouldn't tell me why she had knocked me out that night. And if Misato had not just informed me minutes ago, I still wouldn't have seen Rei!!

And this is what I get? Rei, are you refusing me? What did I do wrong? Aren't you happy to see me?

"No Rei!!! I won't let you go again!" I found myself choking and hugged her ever tighter. I couldn't bear for her to leave me again.

"Shinji…please…" She answered softly.

As I hugged her tighter, I felt her body cringe. Her eyes were shut tight and her face looked miserable as I slowly let go of her.

"Rei? What's wrong?" I asked, feeling concern. She looked injured. Why hadn't I noticed earlier? Tears were rolling down her flushed, swollen cheeks as she hugged herself with her arms. She shook her head and bit her lips. I gently moved her arms away and rolled up her sleeve.

There were bruises all over her arms, and some of them were really bad. I rolled up her other sleeve, only to find the same thing.

"Rei? What happened to you? Who did this?" I asked.

She let out a soft gasp as my hand brushed one of the many bruises on her body. My father…it must be my father. My fists squeezed so tight that I lost all sensation in them. I gritted my teeth as boiling anger threatened to overwhelm me.

"It was my father, wasn't it…THAT FUCKING BASTARD!!!!!!" I yelled. As the deafening voice rang across the room, I got up and tried to leave before Rei stopped me.

"Let go of me Rei!!! I'll go and kill that BEAST!!!" Only Rei's hand prevented me from actually going. She was holding my ankle and begging.

"Please Shinji, don't! It won't…it won't help me at all…" She said with her usual quiet voice.

"I'll get Misato! Then we'll stop him!" I replied. The anger was still boiling in me.

"No! Please Shinji, stay with me… don't…don't leave me alone…" Rei begged.

My heart broke just by hearing her plead like that. I sat down by her side. I wanted to hold her in my arms, but I was so afraid that I would hurt her again. I felt so helpless. With her eyes fresh from crying, she looked so fragile. Why does something this horrible have to happen? This is so unfair. I started choking back my tears. If only…if only I could carry the burden of pain and sufferings for her…

It wasn't long before I felt something soft snuggle close to me. I put my arms around her gently, careful not to cause her anymore pain. She rested her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes.

I made a silent promise to myself. I will never let her leave me again. I will protect her. I know I've been running away all my life, but for her I will change.

Despite her injuries, Rei participated in the synchronisation test today. I told her not to force herself, but I guess she didn't want anyone to be suspicious about her condition. I still couldn't understand why she refused to let anyone else know. When her image appeared on the main screen, the bruises on her cheeks were blurred by the orange colour of LCL fluid.

Throughout the test, I remained at the main control room. Her synch ratio was unusually low, and Dr Akagi was shouting at her throughout the test. At one point, I shouted back at the doctor. She seemed to be surprised and angry at my sudden outburst. She reminded me that she was my superior. I would have retaliated, but I kept my mouth shut once Rei signalled for me to remain quiet.

I rushed to the changing room as soon as she finished, and waited for her just outside the door. Soon, her small frame walked out. She was still struggling to walk normally, and the synch test had most likely drained away all of her remaining strength. She looked like a starved human walking alone in a windy desert.

I will never leave her alone again. I remember my promise this time.

I moved quickly to her side and offered her my support.

"Rei, would you like to stay over at Misato's apartment tonight?" I asked, genuinely hoping that she would say yes.

I was actually planning to let her stay with us permanently, but right now, the most important thing was to convince her to come over. She still looked as if she was hesitating.

"Misato is working nightshift today; Asuka has gone to Horaki's place to stay for a few nights…So there won't be anyone bothering you. Please?" I begged.

She gently nodded her head. Good! Just by thinking that we would spend the night alone made me happy. I wanted to show her how much I cared, and hopefully she would gain the strength to reject my father.

Slowly, but surely, my hand reached for hers and finally grabbed it firmly. It was not the first time we had touched each other, but it felt just as nice. We left the headquarters and headed for Misato's apartment. At first, we walked very slowly. She was still in pain. And then an idea appeared in my head. I bent down and signalled for her to climb onto my back. She blushed heavily at that.

"Come on, Rei! I'll carry you. It will be fun!" I smiled and tried to lighten up the mood.

Right now, it was important to make Rei feel comfortable, both physically and mentally. I must let her know that even if she had been dealt such a cruel fate, someone still cared for her. I have to make her forget about how my father treated her, even if it is just temporarily. I just wanted her to ease her mind and enjoy our time together.

She slowly climbed onto my back and wrapped her arms around my neck. I hooked her legs onto my arms and stood up. Her head rested on top of my shoulder. Unable to resist the urge, I turned my head and gave her a peck on her cheek. Her face turned a light shade of pink as I smiled at her. She looked at me, feeling slightly surprised.

But her lips soon curved into a small smile.

I walked slowly back home. I did so deliberately. I was savouring the time being so close to her. One of the things I love about Rei is the soft feeling she radiates. Whenever I see her, I feel an urge to protect her. And now I've taken upon myself the duty to protect her from all harm. I will give her warmth and she will never have to endure anymore pain again.

We reached home at around eight o'clock. I laid her down on my bed and pulled the blanket over her. I fetched her a glass of water and told her to get some rest. Then I moved to the kitchen and started to prepare dinner for us both. I finished cooking as quickly as I could for I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.

When I returned to the bedroom, she was sitting there gazing at the stars through the window.

"Do you like watching the stars, Rei?" I asked. She looked so beautiful. The room was dark except for the moonlight reflecting off her pale skin. There were bruises, but not even those could disturb her ethereal look. Her knees were drawn up to her chest, as she sat there with a longing expression on her face. It was subtle, but I found myself being able to see through it.

"They are very beautiful." She answered.

"How so?" I asked again.

She turned around and looked at me questioningly.

"I mean why do you think they are beautiful?" I explained to her.

She returned to her stargazing. I set the food down on the nightstand and sat down beside her on the bed. As I listened to her soft breaths, her red eyes sparkled under the starlight. She spent a while thinking before giving me a reply.

"Each of them is unique, sparking with its own inner light, and spreading its warmth to the surrounding." She said finally.

"And no matter what it faces, the light never fades away, and will always keep burning for eternity." I continued for her.

Upon hearing me continuing her sentence, Rei turned around and gave me a curious look.

"It is just like you, Rei. You have a great inner strength." I told her.

She blushed again. I smiled inwardly.

"Would you like to eat something?" I asked as I picked up a bowl.

"Yes, please." Rei replied.

She was about to receive her it from my hands when I stopped her. I pushed her shoulder towards the pillows and let her relax. Giving her a reassuring smile, I scooped a spoonful of porridge from the bowl and fed it to her.

"Let me feed you, Rei…" As I said this, my cheeks felt as if they were burning. I felt light headed and somewhat embarrassed at my own actions. But they felt right…It felt so right to do this for her…for Rei…

At first, Rei's eyes seemed to be questioning me. My heart was hanging on a thread as I feared that she would reject my offer. I waited nervously before she softened her expression and nodded her head gently. I was relieved, but happy nonetheless. The blush never left her cheeks as we ate silently.

Love brings peace to mind. The time I spent with her was golden. We both had worries, but when all we had was each other's attention, everything else went to the back of our minds. Rei and I gave each other exactly what we had been craving for. Just by feeding her like that, she made me feel useful, and I gave her my care.

That night, we slept in each other's arms. I know a storm lays just ahead of us, but for now, I just want to enjoy this moment of peace and love.

Whatever comes in the future, we will face it together. And there is nothing more powerful than the strength of true love. I told myself as we drifted off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

_Rei's POV:_

For the first time in my life, I woke up to the calm morning with someone gently holding me. It felt so warm and comfortable, from both inside and out. Subconsciously, my body snuggled closer to him as his breath blew softly on my hair.

So much had changed since that day when Shinji had found out. The memory was still vivid but at the same time it felt so distant. I just wanted to be like this, close to him, for eternity, but a part of me was forcing me to think about the future and what it held. Things would start to change with the new revelation, for Shinji and his father. I hate changes, because it forces me to think about things I can't understand.

I watched Shinji as his eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the morning sunlight. When he saw me, his hand reached up to brush my face. It felt like water...or light...I can't decide.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" He asked.

"Yes I did. Thank you." I answered. Why did I say thank you? Changes...things are changing inside me. Has it always been changing? Or have I only just started noticing it?

"Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?" He asked again.

"......" I kept silent because I was not hungry.

"Rei?" Shinji put an arm around my shoulder. Changes...things are changing inside him too.

"I just want to stay close to you..." I said finally.

Shinji smiled and hugged me closer to him. We stayed like that in contentment. It felt so right...It felt so pleasant being loved. I wonder when I should tell him the truth. Revealing my origin would bring changes...I don't want things to change now...

"Rei, there is a place where I would like to go with you today." Shinji broke the silence.

"Where?" I asked. Shinji smiled back at me.

"Our...our special place..." He blushed as he said that.

"......" I didn't understand what he meant.

"Come on, you need some fresh air too. It will help you relax and forget about...things." He continued. I was still confused about what Shinji had just told me. But I got up from bed to ready myself as he had asked. Shinji left the room. I went to the washroom to clean myself.

I stopped when I saw the mirror. The girl inside was staring back at me. The red eyes, the blue hair, the pale skin...strange...I felt different. The eyes looked sparkling; the hair looked natural; and the skin looked healthy...Everything seemed so perfect. Is this...is this how it feels being loved?

When I returned to Shinji's room, he was there waiting with a yellow dress in his hands.

"I found this in Asuka's room. I think it will fit you well." Shinji said as he walked towards me, giving me the dress and motioning me to put it on.

I received the dress and nodded my head. As I started to undress, Shinji stumbled out of the room quickly, but clumsily, knocking over the alarm clock and a book. He must have forgotten the fried rice he had been cooking in the kitchen. The dress didn't fit very well. I found it loose on my chest, but that didn't bother me much. Bending downwards, I picked up the clock and the book and put them back on the desk.

It was then I noticed the cover of the book. I opened it and flipped over the pages until I came to where I had drawn Shinji's picture when I had been day dreaming about him during class. Shinji had kept my book all this time. My cheeks started to heat up as I recalled the incidents that morning and how I was told to carry the buckets outside the classroom.

Asuka had been there with me...where is she now?

"Rei, are you ready?" Shinji asked from outside the door.

"Yes I am." I said as I walked over and opened it, revealing Shinji, his face telling me that he was surprised. He took my hand and looked at my arms with a concerned look.

"I think we may have to cover your bruises." He said finally. His words saddened me, although I didn't understand why. He looked at my face and suddenly started to stumble on words. "I...I didn't mean...I mean your arms! I mean they're...they're beautiful! We don't have to cover them! We...I..."

"I should hide them." I said. Shinji was right; I didn't want to attract attention either. He let out a deep breath and smiled as he walked over to the cupboard and took out a white jacket.

"Here, take this. It will keep you warm." He said as he handed me the jacket. I put it on and we left the apartment after that.

We brought some food with us and boarded the monorail train. As it carried us to the city outskirt, I began to realise where Shinji had been talking about. It was the meadow plain that we were heading to. There was a twinkle of warmth spreading inside me. Shinji had said this was our special place, something that we shared.

I had difficulties climbing up the hill, as would be expected. Shinji offered to carry me on his back again, but I refused. The injuries from yesterday had not healed yet, but somehow they did not feel as bad as they looked. Shinji was very patient with me. He carried the food on his back and supported me as we slowly walked towards the field.

When we reached the top, a gentle wind caressed my face. I closed my eyes and took in the pure breeze. This place had not changed at all since we had last come here. The birds were still flying happily in the magnificent blue sky. The grass danced to the wind, accompanied by the natural melody created by the running stream. The apple tree we had sat under during my tutorial with Shinji was still standing there, waving its branches and welcoming us.

This is our special place. It symbolises the spiritual bond I share with Shinji...

I kept thinking as we strolled towards the tree and sat down.

We unloaded our food and ate the sandwiches. Shinji offered to feed me again, but I wanted to do it myself. When I noticed the slightly dejected look on his face, my heart softened. Maybe he was trying too hard, but I didn't want to feel useless. However, this didn't stop Shinji. Apparently, he was in a good mood today. I ate silently, but he never stopped talking.

Shinji obviously wanted me to forget about certain things. He continued to flood me with the jokes he usually shared with Suzuhara and Aida. I couldn't understand most of their meanings, so very often Shinji had to explain to me what they meant. Still, I didn't find them very amusing, but I appreciated Shinji's efforts. So I tried to smile.

"Rei, do you remember what I told you that night?" He asked when he could no longer think of silly anymore jokes.

"Which night?"

"The night when we...when we slept together...before you disappeared..." He stammered, blushing slightly.

"Oh..."

"I told you that you are beautiful and kind, and that you should not look down on yourself." Shinji continued. There was another fairly new feeling washing over me as he said this. It was as if I was scared of other people finding out and knowing what he had said. Am I embarrassed? But it felt so pleasant at the same time...

These past few days had been so strange. So many emotions were felt. Blushing; crying; longing; desperate; loving. I had begun to feel like a human. Most of these feelings were not new, but I had just begun to notice them...

"But that's before I know your true identity." Shinji continued when I said nothing.

The meadow plain suddenly felt cold and my body felt as if it was hanging by a thread. So he had found out about my origin? What was he thinking about me now? No...I shouldn't be worried. I must believe in him...

Because there was no one else I could trust...

"I feel that I must tell you properly again this time." Shinji cleared his throat before continuing. "I love you for who you are, and...and there are no boundaries which my love cannot cross. It doesn't matter where you come from. Your...your past doesn't concern me. I like being with you, and if you feel the same about me, accept my love and tell me...tell me how you feel."

The words felt fresh coming from him. Still, it gave no hints as to whether he knew of my origin or not. Once again, I snuggled close to him and whispered in his ears.

"I love you too, Shinji."

I couldn't see the reaction on his face, but I had a feeling that he had smiled. Shinji trusted me, and I didn't want him to feel betrayed. I had to tell him the truth soon. We stayed like that in contentment, with Shinji caressing my hair and me breathing close to his neck, inhaling his sweet aroma. That was, until a melodious humming came streaming through our ears and brought us out of trance.

At first, it was very tiny, with a tinkling quality, just loud enough for us to hear, but never really catching our attention. And then it gradually grew louder until, finally, we were able to identify the source.

The humming was coming from a small old man standing in the middle of the stream. It amazed me that neither of us had noticed him there before. The old man had his back turned towards us. His grey hair was topped by a fisherman's hat. Dressed in simple farmer's clothes, his body was slightly bent forward, with his hand slowly dancing in the water. I tilted my head and looked at Shinji. He looked back at me curiously.

His music then leisurely became softer and when he finished his tune, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. It had been so smooth. It was pure and sweet at the same time. I secretly long for him to sing some more. Somehow, he must have noticed us, for he started speaking.

"Music is amazing, isn't it? I find it the most wonderful creation...simply fascinating..."

Before I could marvel at his angelic voice, he turned around and looked straight at us, forcing a gasp to escape from our mouths. He was not an old man at all. His hair may be grey, but his face told us that he was just around our age. Even from this distance, I could tell how stunningly beautiful he looked. The air around him burnt with an aura of confidence and strength.

And his eyes...they were...they were as red as mine...

He stood straight up and shook his hand as if to dry them. Slowly, he walked towards us with a warm smile on his face. Subconsciously, my grip on Shinji's hand tightened. He felt it and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. It calmed my heart. Shinji was just beside me. I need not be afraid.

"A song supplies us with joy and emotions. It's spiritual, the highest culture Lilums developed. Don't you think so, Ikari Shinji-kun? Ayanami Rei-san?" The boy said, standing just in front of us. It felt as if he was saying those words right beside my ears.

"You know our names?" Shinji asked.

"Everyone knows your names. Excuse me, but you'd better know your own standpoint."

"Oh..." Shinji's and my eyes met before turning towards the grey haired boy again. "Well, who are you?"

"Does my name really matter?" He asked back. It felt awkward. When we kept silent, he turned towards me and looked up and down my body. "The First Child, you are the same as me."

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Just a music lover, but you'll find out soon, I'm sure." He smiled and walked away, humming the tune again. We watched as he climbed over the hill and disappeared from our sight.

Shinji and I sat back down, the image of the boy still fresh in my mind. After a few quiet minutes, Shinji broke the silence as he chewed on an apple.

"What do you think of him?" He asked. His question sounded casual, but there was a slight tremble to the tone. Shinji's eyes were fixed on the patch of grass in front of us. A droplet of sweat rolled down his sideburn, as his hands played curiously with a button on his shirt.

"I do not know." I answered after giving some thoughts. "But his eyes are red."

"I noticed that." Shinji said. "Why...why are your eyes red, Rei?"

Why were the boy's eyes red? What did he mean by saying that I was the same as him? Was he another half-angel? I felt uneasy in his presence, and yet pleasant. It felt as if I had found something long lost. Instead of fear, there was a sense of being protected, being watched. It was totally different from what I felt towards Shinji or Asuka.

"Rei?" Shinji's voice interrupted my thoughts.

Should I tell him the reason for my eyes colour? Yes...but not now...

I leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Does it matter?"

"No! I mean no...They...they're beautiful! It doesn't matter...I-I-" Shinji continued to stutter. His explanations were amusing...more amusing than his previous jokes. They included how much he admired red roses, how valuable ruby stones were and how he had bought a pair of red underwear. I just stayed quiet and listened...

Because right now...I just wanted to stay close to Shinji...


	14. Chapter 14

_Shinji's POV:_

It was midnight. As I lay on my bed, my mind wandered off to the events that took place earlier this afternoon...

Today had started out very brightly, me waking up beside Rei. We had gone to the meadow plains that she had shown me just two weeks ago. Thankfully, I managed to cheer Rei up. Everything was going as well as it could have been, until that strange boy had suddenly appeared.

Although he had seemed friendly enough, part of me couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. Rei, on the other hand, appeared to be fascinated by him. We didn't talk about him after he left, but his presence lingered in the meadow plains. The thing that I could not forget were his eyes. They were blood red; like Rei's. It filled the peaceful mood with uncertainties, and so we went back home soon after.

It was strange, and Rei seemed to be avoiding my question when I asked her about her eye colour. I felt jealous.

I had managed to convince Rei to stay for a few more days in Misato's apartment. Once we walked into the living room, Asuka's door flew open. She ran out and started shouting at me for her missing sundress. Thankfully, Asuka's ranting stopped suddenly as she took note of Rei standing slightly behind me wearing the mentioned sundress. Her expression changed slowly from outrage to being startled. To my amazement her lips twitched up into a small smile. She then walked to Rei standing several feet before her just looking her up and down. Then with a little hesitance she took Rei into a light hug which made my inside turn. I wanted Rei all to myself.

Her hug made Rei cringe slightly. Asuka then noticed the bruises on Rei's body and her expression immediately turned into one of disgust and anger. I didn't even have to explain to her, but Asuka shook it off as she commented on how lovely Rei looked in her favorite yellow sundress. I didn't miss the angry glare she shot at me though. I hadn't asked her permission to borrow her favorite piece of clothing.

I cooked dinner and this time Misato came back from her work at Nerv to eat with us. Since Rei was still refusing to let anyone else know about her situation, Asuka gave her a long sleeved pyjama to cover up her injuries. We made up an excuse for her swollen cheeks. We told Misato that Rei had been bullied in school earlier that morning, but the boy had been rightfully punished.

It was a poor excuse, and Misato seemed to know something was wrong. She shot Rei a glance before she decided to say something. The words didn't come out, however, for she stopped halfway and went back to her dinner. I didn't miss the concerned look on her face.

Misato seemed surprised at Rei's abrupt friendship with Asuka, but, luckily, she did not decide to question us any further. She had been feeling distressed these past few days. I had heard that Kaji had disappeared, and just two days ago I saw Misato crying in the dining room. I was ashamed that I couldn't help her, but at that time I had problems of my own. I had been really worried about Rei.

I even had a huge quarrel with Asuka because she had refused to tell me why she had knocked me out. In the end, she got so mad that she left our apartment and went to stay at the class rep's place. After dinner, Asuka even reminded me that she had not forgiven me yet, and that she only returned because she had heard that Rei had been discharged from the hospital. The girl knocked me out and now she was blaming me for borrowing her sundress, but I was already used to getting this sort of treatment from Asuka.

Throughout the conversation, Rei's face stayed neutral. I knew she had been hiding something from me, and I hoped that she would trust me enough to tell me soon.

I had intended for Rei to sleep with me, but when Asuka heard, she gave me a few kicks to my shinand forcefully pulled Rei into her own bedroom. She told me that she wanted to have a girls' talk. First it was the strange boy, and now it was Asuka. I felt that Rei had hardly spent any time with me since she had left the hospital. Her attention had been taken away from me quite a few times. I just wanted to spend my time alone with Rei...

It was frustrating lying on the bed. I had tried looking for my walkman but I realised that I had smashed it not too long ago. The spinning of the fan on the ceiling seemed so slow, and the occasional sound of vehicles cruising pass our building seemed so distant. The air was heavy and stuffy in my room. My backside plastered to the damp bed sheet with sweat. I forced my eyes to shut, only to realise they had opened again moments later.

Rei's image lingered in my mind. The feeling I had inside me simply couldn't be put into words. It was strange to know that a girl like her could have such affection towards me. The cold, hard, calculating girl I had known seemed to be so far away. It was even more fascinating how I had fallen for her. Of all the girls in our school, it was amazing how she had caught my attention the most. I raised my arm above me and flexed my fingers. How much power do I have in my hands? How much could I do? How much would I do? How much responsibility would I bear for Rei?

The unexpected ringing of my cell phone broke me from my thoughts. I picked up the phone and answered it. To my surprise, it was Dr Akagi on the other end.

"Shinji, did I wake you up?"

"No, Dr Akagi. Is there a problem?"

"Shinji, I understand that you're in a rather intimate relationship with the First Child." Ritsuko said, her voice sounding cold and monotonic.

"What? N-no we aren't..." I stammered.

"It's all right. I just want to show you something. I think you have the right to know." She added, interrupting my broken sentence.

"W-what do you want to show me?"

"Come to my office at 0700 hours tomorrow. Don't be late." With that she hung up the phone. What does she want to show me? Is it something about Rei? How does she know about my relationship with her?

Section-2 agents followed us pilots wherever we went, but according to Misato, they never get themselves involved in private affairs. And even if they do, they report directly to my father. The doctor shouldn't have found out so soon...

Her phone call just made things appear more complicated. Before I realised, my problems stacked up in a massive pile and now I didn't know how to face them. After what had been going on lately, I just had a feeling that there wouldn't be good news tomorrow. Good news was rare these days, and it seemed that everyone was trying to take Rei away from me.

Did I really want to find out what Ritsuko wants to show me?

Needless to say, with all the concerns in my mind, I didn't sleep well. My body was trembling and my mattress was wet from the sweats. I did not know why I was feeling so scared. After all, Rei loved me, and I loved her, and that was all that mattered, right? However, I felt emptiness. For the first time, I understood the void inside me. It was something that I had felt throughout my entire life, but it was then that I finally recognised it.

I realised that I missed Rei. She was just sleeping in the room next to mine. But I was too afraid that I would lose her again. How I wished I could hold her tonight.

Suddenly, something soft and warm pressed up against my body. It surprised me initially, but when I opened my eyes and saw that it was Rei, I was thankful. She took me into her arms without saying a word. Tears started forming as she embraced me lovingly. Deep down, I felt ashamed that I needed to be comforted by Rei, someone who was abused by my own father. What kind of man was I?

It was amazing how Rei could calm me down just by a single touch. The way she understood my needs, it was as if she could reach into my heart. Maybe she knew me more than I knew myself. I was even tempted to believe that she had come to me at this moment because she had sensed the uncertainties that I had felt a little while ago. The soft little kisses she planted on my neck were so soothing. Within seconds, I no longer felt restless.

Slowly, I started kissing her back. At first, they were just little pecks. Soon, they grew wet and gradually became longer kisses. Her lips looked like rose petals and felt like morning dew. Our breaths had grown heavy and soon my eyes were becoming hazy. My hands moved to caress her back, as we part our lips, leaving a bridge of fluid trailing between us. Rei had her eyes closed. My body felt like it was burning, and judging from the expression on her face, I could tell Rei felt the same way.

Slowly, I moved forward again until my lips were planted on hers once more. We kissed for what seemed like eternity, with her hands resting on my shoulder. My palms were trembling slightly as I withdrew them from her back and slowly moved towards her chest. As I pressed my hands against her breasts, I waited for her response. She didn't seem to object, so I began to massage her soft flesh, eliciting a moan to escape from her precious lips. It aroused me even more.

Rei had her forehead pressing against mine; her breaths blew gently on my face. I inhaled her beautiful smell as she let my hands wander over her body. It felt so nice. Steadying myself, I bent forward and started nibbling her flawless neck, leaving a trail of soft kisses as my hands started to unbutton her clothes.

It was then her hands suddenly reached up and grabbed mine. When I looked up again, her eyes were opened and inside the two crimson orbs I noticed anger and disappointment. Her lips quivered in fear. She pushed my hands to the side and slowly moved away from me. My heart was hit with a dull blow as I realised what I had done. I tried to explain but the words got stuck in my throat. For a moment I thought I had lost everything I had gained with Rei.

"Rei, I...I didn't mean..." I stammered unable to hide my concern. My arms circled around her and pulled her into a hug, but she cringed. Her palms, which had been resting on my chest, began pushing me. I tried to keep a hold on her but she backed away hastily.

"No, please Rei, I'm sorry. I didn't know..." Before I could finish my sentence, she got to her feet and ran out of the room. Without any delay, I stood up as fast as I could and went after her. But before I could catch up, she had disappeared into Asuka's room.

It became silent once again. My head felt light. A numbing sensation crept across my shoulder. Feeling dejected, I returned to my bed and lay down. My eyes stared unto the ceiling. What had once been a pure white now looked like a dull grey. The sounds of passing vehicles caught my attention once more, giving me a dull feeling. I reached up and touched the spot where Rei had lay just minutes ago. It felt abandoned.

What have I done?

What have I done?

What have I done?

The same sentence played itself over and over again on my mind, as the lights blacked out eventually and I fell into a cold lonely sleep.

I woke up the following morning with a dull pain inside my chest. Dried mucous filled the corner of my eyes. When I turned on the shower, the water felt exceptionally cold. I dressed myself and prepared a simple breakfast for the girls. There was a vegetarian sandwich for Rei, bacon with eggs for Asuka and Misato. It was only seven when I finished and none of my other housemates were up yet. I checked the refrigerator to make sure there was enough food for dinner, before I dragged my tired body to the front door and left the apartment.

The walk along the Nerv corridors leading to Ritsuko's office was slow and nervous. Every step I took felt forced and heavy. My heart pounded painfully inside my chest, threatening to jump out any second. There was a strong urge to vomit. I felt something stirring inside my stomach, irritating every single inch on my skin. A visit to Dr. Akagi would not have normally given me this dreadful feeling, if she hadn't mentioned about me being close to Rei.

I knocked on her door when I finally reached her office.

The metal piece slid open to reveal the doctor, dressed in her white lab coat as usual. But it surprised me to see that there was someone else with her. Standing just behind the doctor, Misato was pointing her gun at the blonde's head.

"You didn't tell me it was going to be Shinji", Misato said with a low voice, but I heard it nonetheless.

"Then who did you expect? Kaji? He's dead," Ritsuko spat back.

"Shut up!" Misato yelled.

"Hehehe..." The blonde doctor let out a disturbing laugh, as though she was enjoying every moment of this.

"I won't hesitate to put a bullet through your skull, Ritsuko. I warn you."

Without answering back, the doctor motioned for us to follow her, and we began going through a lot of small pathways I never knew were there. All three of us walked in silence, but there was a thick tension around the air. Misato didn't even look at me, and the warmth and security I always felt in her presence were gone. Her eyebrows were drawn closely together with a determined look on her face.

Neither of us said a single word as we rode the elevator deep down into the earth. I kept shooting glances at Misato. What did she know about the doctor? Weren't they friends? Why was she acting so hostile towards the blonde scientist? It reminded me of how fragile human relationship was. One day she could be your friend, but the next she could be your enemy...

But I had confidence in Rei...she would never betray me...

Thinking about Rei calmed me slightly. It seemed to take hours for us to eventually reach the place the doctor wanted to show us. It was a small room which looked strikingly like Rei's apartment.

"This is where Rei was born...oops sorry...hahaha...I mean this is the place where she was created..." The word created was emphasized as Ritsuko finally broke the silence.

"This place...Rei...?" Misato said, with uncertainty clear in her voice.

"Yes...the light and water here are what created her...or should I say...the light and water here are what created it..." The doctor replied.

"Watch your words, Ritsuko. Don't go too far." Misato glared at her threateningly.

"What? I thought you wanted to know the truth?" Ritsuko answered back with fake innocence. She let out another sarcastic laugh as Misato gritted her teeth. I was still trying to figure out what Ritsuko meant while we were led through a door, which revealed the biggest room I had ever seen. Stored within the vast space were countless...something that looked like human spines.

"A-are these...Evangelions?" Misato stammered. Like me, she was having difficulties believing what we were seeing with our own eyes.

"Surprised Misato? This is just a place where we dump our rubbish, failed experiments of Evangelions. Do you remember, Shinji?" The doctor asked.

All the while I had remained silence and kept the questions and suspicions to myself, but Dr Akagi's question finally triggers a response from me.

"Do I remember what?"

"Your mother, Shinji. This is where she died. Do you remember that fateful day? You were here when she died..."

Upon hearing her words, Misato raised her gun and pointed it at the doctor's head.

"Ritsuko!"

My mother...died here...? I didn't answer back verbally, but something was creeping its way into my conscious. Being reminded of my mother suddenly seemed to have answered the question why I had always felt that Rei was something I had lost a very long time ago, although I couldn't understand why. The feeling felt familiar, as if there was some connection between the two.

Dr Akagi continued to lead us further into the complex. Part of me was already refusing to walk on. Did I really want to know what she wanted to show me? After seeing the doctor's unusual behaviour today, I had the feeling that her intentions of showing me all these things were malicious.

It was then we moved into what seemed like a small room. At the centre of it was an orange pillar. Everything beyond that was a pitch black. I couldn't even see the ground I was standing on. It felt as though we were inside a dark sphere, with the light pillar as the only indication of what was above and below.

"Do you know that Rei once came down here to destroy this place?" Ritsuko asked.

"What are you talking about? Why would she want to do that?" I asked back.

"This place keeps her darkest secrets. She wanted to destroy this evidence so she could deceive you, Shinji, so she could manipulate you..."

With that she flicked a switch on her remote control. The room lit up to reveal...

A tank full of bodies, all looking like Rei, all smiling eerily at us...

"Ayanami...Rei...?" I gasped.

"You're not saying that Eva's Dummy Plug is...?" Misato was as shocked as I was.

"Yes. This production factory produces the core of the Dummy System."

"Then these are...!"

"The ones in here are dummies. They are used as parts for Rei. Humans found God and rejoiced. And when we tried to take him into our hands, then divine retribution came. That was 15 years ago. Then the God we struggled to find was lost. That was Adam. But we struggled to revive this god, and from Adam, we made a human resembling God. That is Eva."

"Evas... so they are human?"

"Yes, they are human. Originally we were going to place a person's soul inside the soulless Eva. All of them ending up having to be salvaged and the only container we could put a soul into was Rei. Only unto that child did a soul grow. The Room of Gauf become empty. These things that look like Rei have no souls...they are merely containers. That's why I shall destroy them, because they are detestable."

With that, she pressed another button and the bodies dissolved immediately, filling the LCL tank with a bloody shade of red. My hand reached up and covered my mouth, trying to stop myself from vomiting as disgust swept through my body.

"Ritsuko! Do you know what you're doing!" Misato exclaimed as she pointed her gun at the doctor.

"Yes...I know. I'm destroying them...these things that aren't human; the things that took the form of a human. Now that you know the truth, Shinji, do you still love her?" Not for the first time today, she let out another fit of sickening laughter.

"This...this is sick..." I struggled to come out with words.

Misato looked at me, slightly surprised at my choice of words. Her face then softened understandingly. The doctor, on the other hand, began laughing maniacally. Misato readied her gun to shoot her at any moment. Ritsuko's laughter rang across the room, deafening our ears. Her voice gradually became hoarse as tears ran down her cheeks. The red light illuminating from the bloody tank sank a traumatic feeling down our throats.

"Why... why is your father so addicted to her! Can't he see she is not human! What is so good about her! I am willing to tolerate humiliation just to be with him..." Ritsuko said with a croaked voice. Her outburst shocked me. With that, she fell to her knees and sobbed violently.

"These days, he only has time for her. He doesn't even want to hold me anymore...He would rather fuck that doll instead of me!"

"W-what are you talking about?" Misato asked.

"Yes...you were right, Misato...I was having a sexual relationship with the commander...He used to fuck me...hehehe...and he would yell Yui's name as he held me tight...but now...", Ritsuko said as her eyes became hollow, "But now he has begun to yell that doll's name whenever we fuck!"

"What?" Misato asked again.

"Yes...I hate her, you see...I had no complaints losing to Yui, I endured the humiliation...but Rei...I hate her...I despise the doll. It took away everything from me. Hehehehahaha the commander had been fucking her, see? He chose her over me! Isn't that funny, Misato? Huh? Isn't that funny!"

"What? The commander... and Rei?" Misato said. I already knew it, but her words still stung my heart.

"Yes...you see, Rei needs the pills...she's not pure Angel. She needs the pills to survive, or else her body would rot. And I make the pills, see? If I had not been the only one who knows the formula of her pills, the commander would have abandoned me long ago...he would have stopped fucking me...And the pills are why Rei was forced to let the commander fuck her again and again...hehehehahaha..."

"Y-you've gone mad...what do you mean Rei is not pure Angel?" Misato asked the question as I kept silent. I never knew my father's abuse of Rei had so many hidden details.

"Rei is half Angel. Half of her genetic make up was provided by Lilith...the Angel locked deep underground in this complex, as Kaji had already shown you before he died," Ritsuko answered Misato before directing her gaze towards me, "and the other half...was salvaged from the burnt remains of Ikari Yui, Shinji's mother. Rei is your half-sister Shinji, and that is what I wanted to tell you."

For a moment the world seemed to have stopped. I couldn't feel my legs as her words replayed themselves over and over again inside my head, sending painful electric shocks throughout my body. My knees cracked as I fell onto them. At first, I refused to believe it, but it all made sense. What Rei had been hiding from me; the disturbing dreams I had; why she had asked Asuka to knock me out before she died; why even Misato could not grant me access to visit Rei in the NERV hospital, because she had not even been there; why Rei's eyes were so red and why her hair was blue in color... It all became clear.

Rei was my sister...and half Angel. The revelation was too much. Before I knew what was happening, tears were flowing down my eyes as I knelt on the floor.

"I hate her so much that even seeing her suffering is no longer enough for me...I want to inflict more pain onto her..." Ritsuko added. "Treasure your time with her, Shinji...Go fuck your own SISTER if you have to...for I won't make any more pills for her. She's dead as soon as she finishes the last of what she has."

With that she burst into another fit of sadistic laughs.

My body had become so numb that I barely felt Misato coming over and embraced me supportively. She rested my head on her shoulder as I stared back up at her face. There were tears in her eyes as well.

"Ritsuko...what happened to you...what happened to my dear old friend," She said as droplets of her tears fell down on my neck. "I told you the commander was not worth it... I told you...Why did you let this happen to you...?"

Amidst Misato's shattered sobs and Ritsuko's crazed laughter, the world had suddenly become so cold...


	15. Chapter 15

_Rei's POV:_

All was still in the room. The only noise disrupting the otherwise complete silence was the ticking of the clock sitting on top of the study desk. Occasionally, flashes of light wiped across the empty ceiling coupled with the sound of a vehicle speeding by the building. It felt so lonely. My arm stretched across to the mattress lying beside mine, feeling for someone. A low sleepy grumble was heard as my fingers brushed the shoulders of the Second Child.

I was not alone.

It all happened so sudden that I still couldn't understand what had just transpired minutes ago. When Asuka had dragged me to her room earlier in the evening, I had distinctly seen the change on Shinji's face. He had not been happy. I thought he had wanted me to stay with him, so I had waited for Asuka to fall asleep, and then I had gotten up in the middle of the night to go to Shinji's room.

At first I had thought that he had fallen asleep, so I had lay down closely beside him. It was then I had noticed the tears streaming down his face. I didn't know why he had been so upset. So I had started to kiss him, and the kisses had apparently calmed him down, for a short while later Shinji had started to kiss back. They felt soft and caring. Shinji had been massaging my back while we were kissing, and when his gentle hands cupped my breasts, it had felt so wonderful. Shinji's breaths had rapidly become heavy and lusty after that. It suddenly reminded me of a painful experience, but Shinji had seemed to be enjoying himself, so I had tried to relax and let him touch me.

But then his hands started to unbutton my shirt. His fingers had been slightly trembling but the actions had been hasty. I had looked into his eyes, and instead of the soft blue ones, I had seen the icy cold grey of the commander's. His hands suddenly began to feel rough; his breaths suddenly became malicious. I had grabbed his hands and tried to push him away, but he wouldn't let me go. The horror in the nights of my own apartment came back to haunt me.

Slapping his hands away, I had stood up as fast as I could and run out of the room. His footsteps were closely behind. I could hear his mumbles, but I had slid open Asuka's door, rushed into her room and slammed the door shut before locking it.

My own recall of the events was interrupted when a low voice whispered to me, "Hey are you alright?" It was Asuka.

"Yes I am."

"Are you sure? You were mumbling just now." She said as her hand reached forward and landed on my forehead. "You're sweating a lot."

"I'm fine. Do not worry." I replied.

"Ok then. Just go to sleep." Asuka said as she turned over to face away from me.

"I am Sorry for waking you up."

"It's alright." She said before falling asleep.

The long night continued as I lay on the mattress. Part of me wanted to go back to Shinji's room; the other part was too scared to do so. Hours passed by, and soon the dark blue of the dawn had replaced the black of the night. It was then my eyelids began to feel heavy and finally darkness overtook my senses as I fell into a dreamless sleep.

When I woke up, the sun was high in the sky and the room was brightly lit. The mattress beside mine was now empty. I slowly got up and walked to the washroom to clean myself. After that, I went to Shinji's room and knocked on his door. I waited for a few moments for an answer but none came. Before my hand could reach up and knocked again, a female voice called from the living room.

"He's not in his room. He went out."

Opening Shinji's door, I looked inside, only to find that Asuka was correct. Shinji was not in his room. Still feeling tired, I carefully made the short walk into the living room and sat down on the sofa. Asuka was watching a drama on the television.

"Do you know when he will return?" I asked.

"No, don't even know where he's gone." She replied before adding, "Your sandwich is on the table in the dining room."

Although Asuka had her back facing me, I found myself nodding my head. I went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. My hand reached for the sandwich and peeled off the cling wrap. It was cold, but the taste was pleasant. It reminded me of Shinji. Maybe I had been too harsh last night. The commander's shadow hung heavily over my past, and I was not prepared to be so intimate with Shinji yet. The uncertainties and fear were still too much for me to handle. I hoped Shinji understand.

He wouldn't be angry, would he? If so, I would just apologise when he came back. Shinji would be able to understand.

I was half way done with the sandwich when Asuka came into the dining room. She poured a glass of juice from the fridge and sat down at the table opposite me.

"When are you going to be honest with him?" She asked staring at me.

Her question brought up an icy chill inside my chest. I had not thought about how I would tell Shinji about who I really was. It would be a big shock for him, and I was afraid that he would leave me once he knew. I did not want to be alone again, not after what had happened recently. Deep down, I wish he would never find out, and that I could keep him to myself forever.

"I do not know." I replied.

"Aren't you being selfish? He deserves to know."

"……" I couldn't bring myself to answer back. Asuka was right. Shinji had the right to know.

"I know you're scared of losing him, but you have to trust him." She added.

"I need more time." I said.

"Let me tell you something, Rei," Asuka leaned forward as she said quietly, "If I were Shinji, I would rather find out the truth from you, rather than have someone else tell me."

"……"

"Just keep that in mind." She added before standing up and walking out of the room.

Her words kept lingering on my mind the whole afternoon. Asuka was right. It was my responsibility to let Shinji know as soon as possible. After what we had been through together, I was sure that he would accept me for who I was. Besides, there were only two Angels left, and Shinji would find out soon even if I did not tell him. I shuddered at the thought of the commander's plans creeping nearer. I had decided not to follow the purpose he had set for me.

After finishing my brunch, I sat down at a chair in the living room and began to think of a suitable way to give the information to Shinji. Should I be straightforward? Or should I slowly release bits of it to him? Should I tell him alone? Or should I tell him with Asuka by my side? Should I tell him in the apartment? Or should I bring him to the meadow plains? Maybe the special place would be able to remind him that no matter how I was created, that deep down I was still Ayanami Rei?

The seconds slowly ticked away, and hours passed by. Neither the major nor Shinji had yet to return. Asuka had fallen asleep on the couch watching the soap opera on the television. Still, I had not been able to come to a conclusion. It was hard making the decision and the planning had been fruitless. Shinji was the most important person in my life. He meant so much to me that I really wanted to make the experience as little a shock as possible. Deep down I knew I couldn't afford to lose him. Shinji was my pillar in this horrible period.

As I continued to think of the best possible way, the sun had set and the living room was illuminated with an orange light. It felt peaceful, but my heart was pounding uncomfortably. Shinji had not come back to the apartment yet.

The plan to reveal the information of my origin to him slowly faded to the back of my mind. Its replacement was a worry of where Shinji had gone for the entire day. Since two days ago, he had always been near me, trying so hard to make me feel loved and cared. It was unlike him to leave so suddenly and for such a long time without telling me.

I picked up my cell phone and tried to call him, only to hear the ringing of his phone coming from his room. Was he angry at me? Did he leave because he was upset by my actions last night? I didn't know it would hurt him this much…

Asuka had woken up. I told him of my concern with Shinji.

"Asuka, Shinji has not returned. It is already eight and…I am worried," I said.

"Huh? That idiot is still out?" Asuka asked, "Have you tried calling him?"

"He did not bring his cell phone with him," I replied.

"That's strange. I didn't know he had any synch test today. What about Misato?"

"She is not back either."

"Oh well, are you hungry? Let's get something to eat." Asuka said as she got up and walked into the kitchen. I followed her closely.

"Asuka, do you think we should go look for him?"

"Oh don't worry, he'll be back soon I'm sure," Asuka replied as she looked into the fridge searching for food. I stood there watching her take out some pieces of steak and a packet of mixed vegetables. She walked over to the cupboard and took out some potatoes. While Asuka went about with her business, my concerns increased until droplets of sweat started to form on my skin.

"Asuka…I am…I am very concerned."

She turned around and stared at me curiously. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

I hesitated for a moment, but then realised that I had to be honest with her if I wanted her to help me. "Shinji was trying to be intimate with me last night. I rejected him. I fear that he might be too upset…"

Her eyes widened at my confession. Nevertheless, Asuka said nothing as she walked over to the house phone. She picked the handle up and dialled a number.

"Hello? Misato? ...... Yes, this is Asuka. Have you seen Shinji? …… He was at Nerv? Has he left yet? …… You saw him leaving in the afternoon? …… Are you sure? …… Ok …… I'll see you tomorrow then. Bye."

She put down the phone before looking at me. "Misato said Shinji left the headquarters in the afternoon, he should have been back by now…"

"Asuka…do you think…do you think he's angry with me?"

"Don't be silly. He's not that type of person." Her words didn't calm my worries. If anything, what Misato had said had made my fear even worse. It must have shown on my face, for Asuka added, "It's all right. Everything will be fine. I'll go look for him in the neighbourhood." She said and walked towards the front door.

"Let me come with you."

"No, you have to stay here. What if Shinji comes back? I'll bring me cell phone. Give me a call when you see him." She said before disappearing from the door.

After she left, I went to sit on the sofa with a heavy stone hanging in my chest. The wait felt very long. The reddish orange of sunset was now replaced by a gloomy black. Only the white light of the electric lamp illuminated the apartment, giving it a dull feeling.

I started to regret what I had done. If only I had known how much pain my rejection would cause Shinji, I would not have done what I did. I would rather let him continue on and carry the agony myself. Shinji was part of me, and I really could not bear losing him. He was my only source of joy. I should have trusted him instead of letting my fear of the commander take over. What was wrong with me? Why was I so foolish?

The silence was broken by the front door opening and then closing. I quickly stood up and rushed to the corridor. There stood a thin boy with brown hair, carefully putting his shoes back onto the shelves. His hair was messy and there was dirt on his face.

"Shinji! You're back!" I said as he walked stiffly towards me. It was then I saw the hollow look in his eyes. Trails of dried tears streaked across his pale face. His lips were cracked. There was mud on his trousers. Shinji didn't look at me as he walked pass by without saying a word.

"Shinji, what happened?" I asked feeling concerned about him.

Instead of answering, he walked into his bedroom quietly, giving no indication of what had happened and how he was feeling. I followed him into the room and saw him lying on the bed with the blanket pulled up over his head.

"Shinji, are you feeling alright?" I asked as I sat down beside his bed. He gave no reply. "What's wrong?" I asked again. When he kept silent, I tried to pull down his blanket, only to find that it was being held firmly by his hand.

"Leave me alone." He finally said.

"Shinji?" Again, he gave no reply. "Shinji, please tell me what's wrong?"

Minutes passed by as neither of us said another word. When I put my palm on his back and rubbed him gently, Shinji suddenly sat up and threw the blanket to one side. His eyes stared into mine with cold fury and hatred. They reminded me of the commander and the doctor. The soft caring feeling inside those two blue eyes was gone.

"Don't touch me," He said.

"Shinji, I…I'm sorry about last night."

"Go away," He added.

"Please Shinji, I'm really sorry." I pleaded.

"I SAID GO AWAY!!!" He yelled. I was taken aback by his sudden outburst.

"Shinji, what's wrong? I-I don't understand," I said.

The next chain of events happened like a lightning. Shinji stood up, grabbed by shirt at the collar furiously, and dragged me across the room into the living room. I was too shocked to put up any resistance. He continued to pull me to the front door, opened it and pushed me through. I lost my balance and hit the floor on my back.

"Go! Go away and never come back! I don't want to see you ever again!" He shouted. Before I could think properly of what he had just said, Shinji slammed the door shut and all became silent again.

I stood up painfully and tried to open the door, but it was locked.

"Shinji please…I'm really sorry…" I pleaded, but there was no answer from the other side. A numbing sensation slowly crept its way up my spine. It suddenly felt chilly. Sweats started forming, and before long, my vision became blurred and tears started to fall.

"I beg you, please open the door…I am sorry…I cannot lose you, Shinji…please…" I choked out the words. Talking had become very difficult as a lump seemed to have formed inside my throat. I tried to open the door again, but it was still locked. My body suddenly felt very weak.

It had started to rain. An icy wind had risen. I was feeling so cold. My body started to shiver from the chill and the sorrow I felt inside. All the direction seemed to have been lost. I didn't know what to do; I didn't know where else I could go; I didn't know who else I could turn to. It all seemed lost.

Slowly, I stood up and started walking back to my apartment with my arms wrapped around my body. The rain drops hitting on my skin were freezing. For a moment, it had seemed to be just a nightmare. The streets were lonely, as was I. My wet shirt glued to me like a second layer of skin. Shinji had abandoned me. It was my fault. I could never do anything right. I didn't know how to please him. It was entirely my fault…

The tears didn't seem to sting anymore. All feelings I felt outside were numbed by the misery on the inside. The place in my heart where Shinji once resided now felt so empty. It seemed to be eating me, slowly consuming all the remaining life inside my lonely heart. It hurt so much…it hurt so much…

The walk back to my apartment seemed to take years. The sight of Shinji glaring at me angrily and shoving me out of his apartment kept nailing themselves inside me. I had an urge to vomit out all the sorrow, but when I bent over by the roadside, nothing came out. My head started to feel dizzy. When I finally reached the building, my legs were heavy as I struggled to climb to the fourth floor.

I arrived at the front of my door and opened it. It seemed so long ago since I had last been here. My eyes were still clouded with tears. I found it difficult supporting myself as my hands and legs kept trembling furiously. Walking over to my bed, I let my body collapsed onto the cold mattress.

What had I done? Why was I so foolish? And now even the person closest to me had chosen to desert me. Was there no peace for me? Was there only pain and suffering? I only wanted to be with him. It was all I asked for. Maybe…maybe if I went to him and apologise again tomorrow, he would forgive me. I hoped so…There was nothing else I could do…

My heavy eyelids closed as I felt two droplets of tears trailed down the side of my face. The cruel void I felt inside was horrible. Before I could fall asleep, I heard the door opening and then closing. This was followed by footsteps. Had Shinji followed me here?

At this thought, my body sprang up. I got off my bed and ran towards the front door. Shinji understood me after all. He had not left me. The darkness in my heart lit up suddenly. My hopes were alive once again, only to be shattered as soon as I saw him.

Instead of the thin boy, it was a tall man wearing a black coat. The dark brown hair and beard framed a cold hard face. His eyes were piercing and his breaths were lusty. It was the commander.

"No…" I gasped.

Without saying a word, his hands reached out rapidly and grabbed my shoulder. I tried to resist and push his arms away. A furious slap on my cheek knocked all of my strength away. He carried my body towards the bed and put me down. I felt my clothes being ripped off my body.

The rough kisses…the cold hard hand…the intense sharp pain…the blood…

Shinji had abandoned me…

The commander had come back to haunt me…

Was there no peace for me?

Was there only pain and suffering…?

I cried helplessly…I cried all night in the darkness…


	16. Chapter 16

_Asuka's POV_

Shinji better not let me find him, because as soon as I did, I would really give the boy a few kicks in the right place. I actually had to postpone dinner simply because he decided to wander off. And even worse, his reason for not coming back was that Rei had rejected his advance. I swear, all boys are the same. Perverts…that's what they are…nothing but perverts.

Searching for him in this neighbourhood had been fruitless. Shinji was the type of quiet person who preferred staying at home to outdoor activities. I didn't have the slightest idea of where he would be at this hour. The boy didn't have a favourite spot where he could hang out and relax. And so all I could do was check around with no good targets in mind.

If it wasn't for Rei, I wouldn't have troubled myself with this rubbish.

About two hours later, it started to rain. Initially, it was just tiny droplets so I continued my search. However, the rain drops soon got bigger and fell more frequently. Before long, a mist had formed just above the ground from the heavy rain. Visibility was decreased, and my difficult objective suddenly turned impossible. Things were getting wonderful. Someone up there must love me.

Misato's apartment was a whole five kilometres away. With this weather, I would be soaking wet once I got back. Besides, I still had to find the bloody idiot. So I decided to find a shelter and continue my searching once the rain stopped.

This part of the city was quite old. The walls of the buildings were mouldy. There were very few cars and passengers. Some of the lamp posts were even bent, and their lights twinkled on and off as if there wasn't enough electrical supply. I looked around and picked the most solid looking building. It looked dusty and isolated, though. I walked over to it and sat down under the roof.

It was getting cold. The chill wind acted as if it was trying to freeze me. I immediately regretted coming out wearing just a thin sleeveless shirt and shorts. I also felt stupid for having cut the bottom half of my shirt. At first, it seemed to be cool idea to expose the skin of my stomach, but now it was giving me even more shivers. And as if that wasn't enough, my shoes were all soggy from stepping in the pools of water while I ran here.

I took off the uncomfortable shoes and lay them in front of me to dry. It was then someone came from behind me.

"What business does a fine lady like you have in this part of the city?" He asked.

"What business does a crooked old man like you have in talking to a fine lady like me? Now get lost!" I spat back. I didn't need anyone bothering me right now.

"Hahaha…" he laughed softly, "Do I really look that old?"

I looked up at his face closely. It was framed by a mass of silvery hair, and it was then I noticed that his hair, instead of a dull grey, was quite shiny. His height and built suggested that he was around the same age as I was. Other features appeared relatively vague with the dim light.

"As a matter of fact, you do." I replied, turning away.

"Fascinating," The boy said as he sat down beside me.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I thought you would feel warmer with me sitting close to you."

"I hate your smell, you know that?"

"You are a very interesting lady." He replied with a soft chuckle.

"Your charm won't work on me," I said, "And before you think you're cool, I think you should know that silver hair is lame and outdated."

"Yes it is, but I'm proud of it because it's natural."

I tried to ignore him but I had to admit, having him sitting next to me brought a little extra warmth in this cold rain. We sat there quietly for a while. His breaths were smooth and despite what I had said, he actually smelt quite pleasant. So far he had not done or said anything impolite, but if he decided I would be an easy target, he would be quite wrong. I was an expert at every form of marital arts with a name.

"When are you going to leave?" I broke the silence after a while.

"As soon as you do," he replied.

"I already have a boyfriend, and he's twice as handsome as you." I said and turned to look at him. There was a flash of lightning and for a moment, his face was as clear as daylight. Two thin lines of eyebrows were drawn above the two crimson orbs of eyes. His roman nose sat between two pale cheeks. A gentle curve of jaw line made the lower border of a handsome face. Kaji was no where near as beautiful.

"I wonder if you're talking about Shinji."

"H-him?! No way!! ……H-hey…what the…how do you-??"

"The famous trio. Rei, Asuka and Shinji. Children who pilot Evangelion to protect our world. Who wouldn't know of them?" He said with a warm smile.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Nagisa. Nagisa Kaworu. You may call me Kaworu. I'm the Fifth Child."

"The Fifth Child? Impossible! Where is your Eva?"

"I'm only a back up pilot, my lady. I'm not as fortunate, nor as gifted as you. I do not have my own Evangelion." He smiled.

"Oh…well, just leave mine alone and we'll…we'll get along fine." I replied. The warm smile never left his face no matter how rude I was to him. And something about him intrigued me. Was it the way he kept calling me a lady? Was it the way he always seemed to acknowledge my presence? Or was it the calming smile he put on whenever he talked?

"The Second Child sure is a very interesting lady." He said again.

"Yeah, whatever. So you've been following me?"

"It seems that you're the one who has been following me." He laughed.

"What are you talking about? I came here first! I was just sitting here and then you came and joined me!"

Kaworu stood up and walked a few metres away from me. He then opened a door before adding, "The rain would go on for a while. Would you like to come inside?"

"Wh-what? You? Here?" I stammered.

"I live in this building. Now come on, I'll make some tea for you." He said and disappeared into the door.

He was right. The rain seemed to be getting worse. I picked up my cell phone and tried to call Rei, but noticed that my battery had gone flat. Reluctantly, I followed the boy into his residence. It was a very dusty room, with rubble lying at the corners. The place was dimly lit by a white light. There was a limp mattress on the floor and a few bottles of water sitting next to it. A few pieces of wet clothes hung in the air by a thin line across the room. The only highlight was an expensive looking piano standing majestically in the middle of the room.

Kaworu was at the stove boiling water. I sat down at the piano. Neither of us said a thing and I began to get bored. My fingers played around with the keys, drawing a few tinkling sounds from it.

"Do you play?" The boy asked as he came and handed me a cup of hot tea.

"No."

"I do."

"I didn't ask."

"Would you like to listen to me play?"

"No."

He sat down beside me and stretched his arms. Then, he started caressing the keys slowly and gently with his delicate fingers. The sleek motion soon turned focused and before long, his fingers were dancing on the keyboard as a melodious tune filled the air. It was the Ninth by Beethoven.

At first, I was annoyed. I had never met anyone so full of himself, but then as he continued playing, the anxiety in my heart was calmed. Smooth waves of music washed over me again and again. Kaworu had his eyes closed, but his fingers hit each key skilfully as if the piano itself was part of him. For the first time, I felt overwhelmed, and fascinated that a simple boy like him made me feel this way. There seemed to be an exceptional air around him.

I realised he wasn't arrogant. He was confident.

"You do not like people knowing you, do you?" Kaworu asked as he continued playing.

"Why do you ask?"

"Pardon me, but the way you've been acting towards me is quite impolite."

"Finally speaking the truth eh?"

"The truth does not need to be spoken. It's in your heart."

Something about the way he said it irritated me. The boy had wit, but I did not like being treated like a little child. I barely knew him, and he was already giving me all this deep trash. Nevertheless, his music calmed me. I didn't understand why. There seemed to be a glow around him that made me feel secured.

"I'm rude and I know it. I don't need you telling me. In any case, I didn't want to come here. It was you who invited me."

"You're worried about your friends. You do not wish to be here."

"What do you know about me?!"

The pace of his fingers increased as the tune slowly reached towards its climax. Kaworu still had his eyes closed. The music was becoming invading, yet so soothing. I felt like I was being opened up by this strange, and yet beautiful boy.

"If you weren't worried about them, you wouldn't be here looking for Shinji. You do not need to be too concerned, however, for he returned to his residence."

"You followed him?"

"I made sure he didn't do anything foolish."

"Heh, who cares anyway?" I said casually, although deep inside I felt relieved.

"You do."

"What?"

The boy kept silent as the tune slowly trailed off. His skilful hands made it sound like a smooth landing. Finally, he rubbed his hands together, stood up and stretched his body.

"You do not need to be afraid to show who you really are."

"You don't know anything. No one knows what it's like." The words came out before I realised what I had just said. For a moment my mind searched for a way to take them back, but I stopped when Kaworu ran a hand through his hair and asked.

"Do you remember what I told you about my hair?"

"You agreed that silver hair is lame and outdated."

"And?"

"That…that you're proud because it's natural…"

"True. Be proud of your true self, and don't be afraid to show your nature." Before I could answer, he decided to add, "You've been through a lot. My lady, I think you're a very strong person. I want you to know this."

"Wait…what are you talking about?" I asked, feeling uneasy. He sounded as if he knew about my past, about my mother. I didn't want anyone to know…

Kaworu looked at me quietly before smiling warmly, "Not everyone has what it takes to pilot an Eva, much less enjoy it. And for that, I think you're a strong person."

I admit I like flattery, but what he said had a total different meaning. His words seemed to touch something sensitive inside me. Kaworu might be a stranger, but he understood me like no one else did. I didn't understand why I suddenly felt so comfortable with him. When he sat down and started playing once again, I turned my head the other way. There were tears in my eyes.

He thought I was a strong person…I wanted to laugh…but instead, I silently wiped away the tears, turned around and put on a sincere smile…It was something I had lost a very long time ago, but today I regained it.

"I like you, Kaworu."

"I thought you said I was a crooked old man," He said with a laugh before turning his attention back to the piano. This time, a slow version of Fly Me to the Moon was being played. It felt like he was playing the piano for me.

I went to lie on his mattress. The rain had not stopped. Shinji had gone back. I hoped he could work out his problems with Rei soon, but for now I just wanted to rest. I hadn't felt this serene for a long time. Amidst the soothing music and dancing raindrops, I let my heavy eyelids close and drifted off to sleep.

My peaceful slumber was disturbed by a loud familiar siren. It sounded inflamed and urgent. An Angel was attacking.

I quickly sat up and looked around. The boy from yesterday had been sleeping on the floor. He, too, woke up and stared at me expectantly. I was too shocked to move. I couldn't believe I actually spent the night here with him.

"Well?" He said breaking our silence.

"What?"

"Is there something you should be doing?"

"Oh…that…" I said, recomposing myself. I stood up and headed quickly towards the exit before he stopped me.

"You still haven't told me your name."

"Sohryu. Asuka Langley Sohryu. You may call me Asuka." I replied, smiling.

"Asuka…now go," He said, "Your friends need you."

With that, I turned around and left his home. Then, I ran towards the Nerv complex as fast as I could. Deep inside my heart, I mouthed a silent thank you to my new friend.


	17. Chapter 17

_Shinji's POV:_

'I beg you…'

She betrayed my trust.

'Please open the door…'

I won't be fooled again.

'I'm sorry…'

She scared me.

'I can't lose you…'

I won't be manipulated again.

'Please…'

Her words replayed themselves again and again as I lay on my bed. I felt spent, but I couldn't sleep. There was a satisfaction in hurting her. I didn't understand why. Maybe I wanted to punish her. There was nothing wrong with me. It was her fault. She should have told me a long time ago, instead of misleading me as she had. It was her fault. There was nothing wrong with me. I didn't do anything wrong.

It had started to rain outside…I wondered if she would be alright…

I didn't care. Why should I care? It was over. I didn't love her anymore, not because it was wrong, but because she, like everybody else, was just using me. Rei was using me as her emotional support. What about me? She didn't care how I felt. The lights from the street outside weakly illuminated my room. I pulled the blanket over my head. Darkness felt more comfortable.

Rei would be sleeping alone tonight…I wondered if she would be alright…

Why was I still thinking about her? Just get out of my head!

I had thought about it long and hard, and I had come to the conclusion that I would be better off without her. No one really cared about me. The best thing to do was to stay away from people. This way, they wouldn't be able to hurt me. I was stupid to even try and get close to Rei. What was I thinking?

Her smile…it lightened me…Her touch…it warmed me…Her kisses…they calmed me…

What was I thinking? What was I thinking? What was I thinking?

Stop thinking…stop thinking…I did the right thing…

No, I didn't do the right thing. The tears in my eyes proved it. Why am I crying? Why?

I don't know…I…darkness…why is it suddenly so dark…

My breathing becomes smooth. It felt so warm.

I looked around. It seemed that I was now standing in a tunnel. There was a light at the end of it. There, that must be the source of warmth. As I walked towards it, the light gradually became bigger and brighter, I could barely take in its brilliance. I could almost feel the sensation course and sooth me while I walked through it. Abruptly the warmth vanished and was replaced by an all consuming void.

Instead, I saw a limp girl hanging in the air by a rope around her neck; her back was facing towards me. There was a flash, and my heart started to pound painfully as she started turning around, and then there was another flash, and another, and another…until she finally stopped when her face was directly in front of me. I screamed, but no sound came out. Rei was dead. There were trails of tears on her face. I felt guilty. Why? I felt so guilty.

The nightmare woke me up. I felt uncomfortable, swear dripping all down my body as I tried to lose the horrid images that came to mind. I got off the bed onto the floor. The tears in my eyes felt painful. The dreadful sensation was still there, but now there was another feeling. There seemed to be something missing. No, not something, someone was missing. This room felt so empty. Someone was missing, and it felt lonely. My heart ached. I felt so lonely without her.

I rubbed my eyes and looked around. Rei's uniform still lay in the corner. I missed her. I foolishly drove her away, but now I missed her so much. Without her, I felt so empty, and life seemed so pointless. There was nothing to look forward to. I longed for her smile, her touch, her kiss…

How could I be so stupid? So what if Rei was half-angel? So what if she was my half-sister? Those were things that I could ignore. Why did I let myself be so troubled by the boundaries? I knew I could cross them. She needed me. I was too cruel. Rei had no one else to turn to and I had turned my back on her once again. And just like last time, I regretted it so much. She was always so forgiving.

I walked over to the corner and picked up her uniform. The scent was still there, but it brought more tears to my eyes. I don't think I care about her identity anymore. Without her, there was no reason to live. The world was always so cold, and only she could give me warmth. I should go back to her and apologise. I just hope she would forgive me, like last time.

Our relationship was always in an agonizing situation. She was…she was abused by my father, and we didn't know what to do, but the time I spent with her had been the happiest days of my life. I didn't want it to end this way.

It was then something fell out from a pocket of her uniform. I bent down and picked it up. As soon as I realised what it was, a chill snaked up my back and sweat started to form. My hands started trembling and my mouth suddenly felt very dry.

It was a plastic bottle. Inside the bottle were little white pills. They were Rei's pills.

'Without the pills, she wouldn't survive a single day.'

Ritsuko's words played in my mind over and over again. I somehow wished that there was a flaw in the sentence, or that she was just lying.

Rei didn't have the cloned bodies anymore…if she died now…it would be over…

Without further hesitance, I ran towards the front door, tripping over a stray cloth on the way and falling down. My legs suddenly became very wobbly, but, despite that, I stood up immediately and rushed out of the apartment with the bottle firmly in my hand. My nose was aching from the fall. It was broken, but I didn't have time to attend to such an insignificant injury. Her life was on the line.

Oh no…when was the last time she took her pill? I hoped she could hold on…If something happened to her now, I would never be able to forgive myself. Why didn't she ask for the pills when I drove her out? Why? Why was she so stupid? Why did I chase her away? Why was I so foolish?

I ran across the streets, nearly knocked down by passing cars several times. Rei's apartment wasn't too far away, I kept telling myself. I should be able to make it in time. It wasn't long before I started feeling the searing pain in my feet. Looking down, I realised that I had forgotten to put on my shoes in my hurry, but I continued on. Time was against me.

Her apartment came into sight shortly after that, but I stopped when I heard the siren rang out suddenly in the city. The invading and piercing nature of the sound sent another traumatizing feeling down my throat. It could only mean one thing. An Angel was attacking at this moment, and when I looked up into the sky, I could see an enormous circular object floating in the air.

What should I do? Return to Nerv headquarters to save the city? Or go to Rei's apartment to save her?

Screw that! In the end, it was an easy decision. I sprinted towards the old building where my one true love resided. There was no point living without her. It was as simple as that.

As soon as I reached her building, I rushed up the stairs up to her apartment, and, once there, I slammed the door open and ran inside. By this time, I was feeling quite breathless. My feet felt wet and painful. The wounds were bleeding, but at least now I could see Rei.

"Rei! Rei!" I shouted, looking around her apartment and checking in her washroom, "Rei! Where are you?! You forgot your medicine!"

But she was no where to be found. It couldn't be…where else would she go? I peeked into her cupboard, half-expecting she would be hiding inside cowering in fear, but Rei wasn't in there either. I even looked under the bed. My heart started to sink again. There was indeed one other place where she would be. It was the meadow plains, but it would take me hours to get there, and I didn't think Rei could hold on much longer.

It was then I suddenly remembered the siren. Rei must have heard it and gone to the Nerv complex. She must have! The alarm had just been activated not too long ago, so she couldn't be too far away from her apartment. If I hurried up, I could still catch up with her. So, without wasting another second, I started running towards Nerv.

As soon as I climbed down the stairs and left the building, I caught a sight which I didn't expect. A black car passed me by, and Rei was sitting in the back staring lifelessly into the space ahead of her. I started shouting her name.

"Rei! Rei! You forgot your medicine!" I yelled and waved my hands in the air, trying to catch her attention, but the car drove away and disappeared into a turn. Rei wouldn't be able to hear me, but judging from the direction they took, I knew where they were headed. Steadying myself and taking in a deep breath, I ran towards the Nerv headquarters.

My feet were burning, and my knees felt cracked. I had a sinking feeling that by the time I reached my destination, my legs would be so damaged that I might not be able to use them ever again. My heart was pounding painfully against my chest, and my lungs felt as if they were flooded with fluid. The sun seemed to be getting brighter…I began to feel dizzy, but I ran on…it suddenly felt very cold…

By the time I arrived at Nerv, the earth began to shake, followed by a booming thunder. I looked up to the sky again. Unit-00 and Unit-02 were already deployed. Please don't let me be too late…

I continued my way to the control centre. It was the only place I could ask for help now. The corridors seemed so long, and it seemed to be taking me ages to go where I wanted. Walking had become so painful. Once I came to the command centre, I saw Misato standing there watching the screen anxiously.

"Mi…Misa…to…" I called out, unable to control my breaths. She turned around and looked at me in shock.

"Shinji! What happened to you? Why are you so late?" Misato said as she came over to support me. Some of the other Nerv members temporarily forgot about their duties and turned their attention towards me.

"Rei…she…she forgot her…her pills…"

Misato's eyes seemed to widen even more. I handed the bottle to her and she stared at it with concern evident on her face. "Oh my god…when was the last time she took it?"

"I…I don't know."

She turned to look at the giant screen showing Unit-00 arming itself with a rifle, and then back at me again.

"Please Misato, let her…let her come back, she needs this…" I added. The sentences were getting easier to come out. My breaths were becoming steady, but my chest still hurt a lot.

With this, Misato turned towards the commander and said, "Commander, there has been a situation. The First Child-"

"The First Child will continue the battle. She will not return until the Angel is destroyed." My father spoke quietly with a commanding voice. The anger inside me boiled over.

"She forgot to take her pills!!!" I shouted. It was loud enough to draw everyone's attention in the command centre. "Rei forgot to take the pills you're forcing her to take!!! Her clones were all destroyed! There is none of them left! Father please…let her come back…"

The room suddenly became filled with murmurs. My father's eyes widened slightly when he heard me, but he returned to his icy self almost instantly.

"Third Child, behave yourself," He said and returned his attention to the screen.

"NO!!! You monster!!! You raped her and now you're sending her to death!!!"

The murmurs died immediately. Everyone was now looking at me and my father. The tension was growing thick. When he still kept silent, I ran over to the control panel and yelled into the speaker, hoping that Rei would hear me and come back.

"Rei! Rei do you hear me? You have to come back! You forgot your pills Rei!"

"She won't be able to hear you, Shinji. The sound system has been damaged earlier…right after the Evas surfaced. We're still not sure how the Angel did it, but the technicians are trying their best to fix the problem." Misato said with fear evident in her voice.

I stared at the screen in horror. My body began to tremble violently. The situation was grim. The Angel had started to attack and it was locked in a struggle with Rei's Eva. Unit-02 was just standing there doing nothing.

"What is Asuka doing?! Misato!!! Why isn't Asuka helping Rei?!?!"

"Hyuuga, check what's going on with the Second Child!" Misato ordered. She sounded as surprised as I was.

A few nail-biting seconds later, the technician turned around from his seat with panic evident on his face. "Major…the…the Second Child is not synchronising with Unit-02!!!"

"What? I-Impossible, she has been doing well in her synch tests!" Misato said. I agreed with her. Asuka had been feeling sick after being defeated by the fifteenth Angel, but she didn't let it affect her synch score…What was going on?

"Misato, let me go. Let me board my Eva. I'll help Rei myself." I said determinedly. There was no other option. Not even the commander himself could bring Rei back if the sound system was broken. Misato and I stared intensely at each other. We both knew the danger of me getting into Unit-01 again. According to the reports, the Eva was still extremely unstable.

"Major!!! The Angel is corrupting Unit-00!!!" Shigeru yelled.

"Misato come on! I beg you!" I pleaded.

"Very well, board your Eva immediately," She said and handed me a black object before adding, "This is a radio transmitter. Keep it with you. We will use this to contact each other while you're inside Unit-01."

"Thank you."

"Shinji…good luck…"

I grabbed the metallic object and sprinted towards the Eva cages, but not before catching a faint smile on my father's face. The man was mad. I knew that much; and I hated him with a burning passion.

There was no time for me to change into a plugsuit. I climbed into the entry plug immediately after I reached the Eva cages. Slowly, I felt it being inserted into Unit-01, and the LCL fluid started flowing in. I quickly attached the Neuro-transmitter and set the water-proof radio beside my seat. Soon, I found myself breathing in the orange fluid, and the screen around me became clear.

"Shinji, are you ready?" I heard Misato calling from the radio.

"Yes, now hurry!"

"Launch Eva Unit-01!!!"

With that, I felt a huge force pulling me as the Eva was shot towards the surface. The battle between Unit-00 and the Angel soon came into sight. It had changed from white circular into a shape that looked like a long tube. Part of it was inserted into the core of Rei's Eva. Unit-02 was still standing there staring blankly into space.

I motioned for Unit-01 to take out the progressive knife. The horror came at that instant.

Nothing happened. I couldn't move my Eva.

I pulled on the handle as hard as I could, but the only thing I could do was stare at Unit-00 being slowly destroyed. My trembling hand reached out to grab the radio Misato had given me.

"Misato!! I can't move my Eva! Why?! What's happening?!"

"What? What do you mean, Shinji?"

"My Eva! Unit-01! I can't move it!!!"

"Hyuuga! Check what's happening to Shinji!"

"Major! The…the Third Child is not synchronising with Unit-01!!!" Makoto shouted.

"Oh my god…Shinji…"

Their words struck me like thunder. I had never had problems synchronising with Unit-01 before, but worst of all, if I couldn't move my Eva, all hope would be lost. Rei was rapidly losing the fight, and she looked like she was in extreme agony.

Move! Move! Move!

I shouted in my mind and started pulling on the handle violently.

Move! If you don't move now, everything will be over!!!

The LCL around the handles began to get reddish. My hands were bleeding.

Move! Move! Move!

Suddenly, a cold icy sharp pain shot through my left arm. I looked at my Eva through the screen. Its left arm had been severed by the Angel. The angry tears in my eyes started to form.

"Major! The AT Fields are merging!! The Angel is becoming one with Unit-00!!!" Maya's shouts could be heard from the radio.

"Wh-what? I-Impossible! Major! Unit-00 self destruct activation is detected!" Shigeru shouted. My heart sank. Unit-01 still wouldn't move.

"Rei…do you wish to die…?" Misato choked.

This is not what I wanted. Things are not supposed to end this way. Rei isn't supposed to die. I have a lot of things I still want to share with her. Why is this happening? Why is this happening? Please move! Move! Move! Move damn it!!!

And then I felt it.

A presence…

Mother…?

I felt it. At first, it was a very warm feeling cruising along the curves of my body. I became relaxed and everything suddenly seemed so peaceful. And then a fire burnt its way up my spine followed by a flow of overwhelming energy. The anger inside me boiled furiously, and I felt a brutal urge to destroy everything. It had begun. I knew it. Unit-01 was alive again.

"E-Eva Unit-01 reactivated…" I could faintly make out Maya's voice from the radio.

"Major!!! Countdown started!!! Ten seconds before Unit-00 self-destructs!!!"

My remaining hand reached out and grabbed the tail of the Angel. It was a firm grip. I began to close my fingers as tightly as I could, trying to pull it away from Unit-00. It gave a fruitless resist before having its tail severed.

Eight…

I ran towards the hill where Unit-00 was struggling with the Angel's head. Reaching for its body, I tried to separate the Angel from Rei, but it had already been stubbornly merged with the Eva. Splitting them had already become impossible.

Five…

Just as I had done after the fight with the fifth Angel, I quickly reached behind the back of Unit-00 and grabbed the hatch before pulling it off. Its AT Field made it slightly harder than before, but I managed to penetrate it. The entry-plug shot out immediately.

Three…

As soon as I surrounded the tube with my hand, the body of the Angel swept forward and knocked me off balance. I dropped the entry-plug and it rolled down the hill. Quickly getting back to my feet, I chased after it.

Two…

I was tripped when the Angel's body curled itself around my ankle. Nevertheless, the strength of my Eva was enough to shake it off and I crawled towards Rei's entry-plug. There was not enough time left for us to escape the explosionI could only put my hand over the white tube, barely covering it with my fingers, and hoping that this could shield her from what was to come next.

One…


	18. Chapter 18

_Shinji's POV:_

The morning sunlight shone brightly through the window, giving my room a peaceful illumination. Birds could be heard chirping in the distance, and I could just picture them flying around, unbound and free. The fan spinning on the ceiling somehow reminded me of my life. It had always been empty. I was always hopeful, wishing that things would change for the better, and for a moment it had seemed that I had finally found the light of my life.

Footsteps could be heard approaching as I lay on my bed. Soon, my bedroom door slid open to reveal Misato standing outside, dressed in her red jacket as always. She looked at me, seemingly worried. I knew why she was here and what she wanted to say, but I didn't want to hear them. So I turned around and faced away from her.

A few seconds later, I felt my bed sink slightly as Misato came and sat on it. She put her hand gently on my shoulder.

"Shinji…"

"What is it Misato?"

"I know how you feel…"

"Please, Misato. I don't want to talk about it."

"Shinji, you can't lock your feelings forever…just let it out, you may feel better after that."

Part of me still couldn't believe what had happened. If only I had been a bit quicker, things might have been different. That final moment of her life would never be forgotten…ever. Unit-01's hand wasn't enough to seal her entry-plug away from the explosion; the fire went through the spaces between my fingers. While I was kept safe inside my Eva, Rei evaporated with the blast. No remains were found…there was nothing left of her…nothing…all gone…

I tried to fight hard. I tried to suppress the dreadful void inside my chest, silently wishing that this was just a dream, silently wishing that when I woke up, she would still be there holding me. Misato and I sat there in silence for minutes, before I decided to break it.

"…I want to cry Misato…but I can find no tears…"

"Shinji, there is no shame in crying for someone you love. If you feel like crying, just do it. Your tears can't change anything, but it will help you feel better."

"No…Misato…I feel that she is still somewhere around…"

"Shinji, you have to let go of her…It's hard, I understand, but-"

"No!!! You don't understand…no one does…Rei…The relationship I shared with her is something that couldn't be put into simple words…it hurt…it hurt so much…Misato…"

"When Kaji…when he…left…I felt the same way as you do, but things move on Shinji."

"How could you understand, Misato? How could you?"

"Do not doubt my faith for Kaji, Shinji!! It's just as strong as yours for Rei!!"

"Faith…Did Kaji die because of you, Misato? Did Kaji die in your hand? Did you see him die with your own eyes?"

"Shinji…" Misato seemed taken aback by my words, but I continued on.

"Rei died trying to protect me. Rei died when her entry-plug melted in my hand, and I saw her vanish with my own two eyes. How could you understand, Misato? How could you?

"Shinji…I'm sorry about what happened…"

This was followed by another long silence. Misato had her hand rubbing my back, trying to sooth the pain I felt inside. Still, no tears came. There were so much regrets, so much that whenever I thought of her, thousands of needles seemed to be poke my heart. I had never felt so terrible in my whole life. There was no reason to live anymore. I somehow wished that the explosion had taken my life along with Rei's.

"Misato…I don't feel like living anymore…"

"Shinji!! What are you talking about?!"

"It hurts too much, Misato, and I don't understand why I'm still not crying…Misato, why am I such a terrible person?"

"Shinji, listen to me. Rei sacrificed herself so that you could live. Your life does not only belong to you, it also carries her memory. Treasure what she did for you, Shinji. Don't be so foolish."

"Do you know what the last thing I said to her was?" When Misato kept silent, I decided to add, "I told her to go away…I told her, I shouted at her…I told her that I…I didn't want to see her ever again."

Finally, the sentence finished with a choke, and tears started to fall down. Rei must have been so hurt and so lonely, and I didn't even have the chance to say sorry. I didn't even have the chance to tell her that I loved her, and that no matter what happened, my love would never fade again. Rei must have left thinking that I hated her. And still, she was willing to sacrifice herself for me. It was all too much.

Misato embraced me lovingly as I cried onto her shoulder. I had never felt so cold before. Everything seemed lost. I cried for hours until I fell into a dreamless sleep from exhaustion.

When I woke up, Misato was fast asleep beside me on the bed. There were also trails of tears on her face. She had been working so hard for me and Asuka. Somehow, I wish I could say thank you to her, but I never had the courage to do so. I unbuckled her holster and put it aside on the study desk. Then, I pulled a blanket over her body, before leaving the apartment for the meadow plain.

While sitting on the train, I let my head rest on my palm and stared out of the window, watching the scenery fly by. It reminded me of her. She was always staring out the window in class. I had never asked her why she liked doing it so much. Maybe it was the birds? Maybe it was the fields and the mountains? Maybe it was the blue sky?

The blue sky shared the same colour as her hair. It looked so peaceful. Her smile was always so precious and sincere, but the beautiful memory pained me, for she was no longer around.

But her presence lingered. I could just imagine her smiling…there…right there in the distant sky…smiling warmly at me…asking me to carry on and be happy…

It brought more tears to my eyes. How could I live on without her?

The meadow plain did not appear changed since last I was there. The same old apple tree was still standing there waving at me. The sky was as clear as ever, and the stream running across the field was still dancing merrily. Not even the grasses seemed to have grown much, but something was missing.

I missed her blue hair, her red eyes and her pale skin. Our last visit here felt so distant, even though it was just a few days ago. The beautiful picture was still here, but the girl was gone. I tried not to cry, but I failed miserably. Slowly, I walked down the hill to the stream.

The water felt cool to my hand. It felt soothing too, just like her hand.

"You really do love her, don't you?" A voice said beside me. I turned around and saw a boy. Once again, he had surprised me by his sudden presence. It was the same boy with silver hair whom Rei and I met the last time we came here. I gave him no reply.

"Certain things cannot be changed, Shinji. Tragedies are common in the world of humans. Rei would have wanted you to be happy."

"You won't understand how I feel." The boy seemed to know a lot, but right now I was not keen about asking him anything.

"No, Shinji, I will never feel the pain you're feeling now, because I've never had a chance to know her. Nevertheless, her death was still a loss to me."

"What does it have anything to do with you?"

"She's the last of my kind."

"What do you mean?"

"According to the Dead Sea Scrolls, there were five Angels left before Rei and Armisael died. Only two of them had intellectual ability. One was Rei, the other is me."

"You…?! An Angel?" Somehow, what he said didn't manage to surprise me much. The loss of Rei was still haunting me. Besides, I already knew Rei was half Angel, and this boy shared the same unique appearance as Rei. Still, I had not expected that there was another Angel who could communicate with humans as Rei once had.

"Yes, Shinji, and depending on how well I can control my free will, you may have to terminate me soon, but know this, Rei was my sister, and I, too, share the grief for her death."

There was a long silence after that. We sat there close to each other as the wind gently blew. It was strange talking to this boy, but the loss of Rei had numbed everything. I could no longer felt anything except pain and sorrow. It was then I decided that I had spent enough time at the meadow plain. So I stood up and prepared to leave.

"I'm sorry. I still don't know your name." I said to the boy.

"I'm Nagisa Kaworu. You can just call me Kaworu. I'm actually the Fifth Child, but I guess it won't matter anymore."

"Oh…it's nice meeting you, Kaworu…and thank you."

"It's nice meeting you too, Shinji."

After that, I began walking up the hill and left the place. It will forever stay in my memory. When I went back to the city, the sun had nearly set. The orange sea of light sank another empty feeling down into my stomach. I didn't want to go back to Misato's apartment. Rei might have left, but a part of her still lived in me. I wanted to stay close to her, so I decided that I would visit her apartment.

It didn't take me long to arrive at her old residence. The room gave off a hollow feeling. Even the furniture seemed to miss her. It felt very cold and lonely. I went over to her bed and sat down. Memories of Rei started to come back.

The first time I touched her…I felt nothing. She was injured, so I decided to board Unit-01 for her. I didn't understand why I did it at the time, but now I understood. I wanted to protect her.

The second time I touched her…I felt queasy. It had happened right here. She just came out of the shower with only a towel hanging over her shoulder. I fell on top of her. For the first time, I thought she was attractive.

The third time I touched her…I felt warm. We had just defeated the fifth Angel together. She tried to shield me from its attack and was injured. I opened the entrance to her entry-plug. That night, for the first time, I saw how beautiful her smile was. And even with our plugsuits separating us, I could feel her warmth when I held her hand.

The fourth time…I just felt happy. I came to visit her at her apartment. She had burnt her hand while trying to make me some tea. I simply felt happy that she let me touch her hand, and that she was willing to listen to my troubles.

I guess Rei's presence still lingered here, even though she had left. Quietly, I brought a hand to my eyes to wipe away the tears.

It was then I noticed something unusual. There were shreds of cloths littering on the floor. Rei had always been careless in her ways of living. If they had been shirts or skirts laying around, I wouldn't have been as surprised, but these were torn pieces of cloths. I picked one of them up and looked closely. It was from the shirt Rei was wearing when I drove her out of Misato's apartment.

I quickly went and switched on the light. To my horror, there was blood on her bed. It suddenly became clear. She had been driven to Nerv in a black car just before we fought the sixteenth Angel. I had seen that car before. It belonged to my father.

As the truth sank in, I held the piece of cloth to my face and sobbed furiously into it. I had chased her away from Misato's apartment. She had no where else to go, so she returned here, and unknown to her, my father had been waiting here for her. It was then I realised how much sufferings I had caused her with my childish act. What had I done…?

The realisation had only managed to bring more tears and regrets to my already broken heart, but the sorrow soon turned into something else.

Yes…it was true that I was responsible for her death…but there was another one…a monster…

If it wasn't for him, none of this would have happened…

My father…that fiend…That despicable fiend!!! I would take him down…I would take his life together with my own…

And then I would see him in hell!!!

I stood up and started walking back home. The anger was boiling furiously in me. Angry tears formed in my eyes and I wiped them away brutally. If only I had done this sooner, Rei might still be alive. I regretted not putting an end to that horrible beast when I had the chance. It was too late to do anything, but at least justice would be served and my vengeance would be laid to rest.

When I finally returned to Misato's apartment, I walked straight into my room. Misato had left, so I went into her room instead, only to find that she wasn't in there either, but I found what I was looking for nonetheless. Hanging on one side of the walls was her holster. I took it down and unleashed the sliver desert eagle.

Carefully putting it inside my jacket, I left the room and passed by the washroom. I heard the water running. Misato was probably in the showers. She had been so kind to me that I felt slightly guilty of what I was about to do. Nevertheless, I wanted to see blood tonight, and nothing would stop me. So instead of leaving a note, I mouthed a silent thank you to my guardian.

Asuka's room was next. I tried to open her door but it was locked. Maybe she was still blaming herself for not being able to save Rei. Just as I did with Misato, I mouthed a silent thank you to Asuka. She was more than a friend to me, and definitely more than a housemate. I guess, in a way, I saw her as my sister, someone who kept looking out for me and helping me.

After that, I left the apartment and head towards Nerv. I didn't expect to come back alive, but I would make sure that I sent that beast to hell before I drew my last breath.


	19. Chapter 19

_Shinji's POV:_

Some people believe that just before you die, you see your life flashing before your eyes.

And somehow, I knew, that this walk to my father's office would be my last. Without Rei, there just seemed to be no reason to live anymore. And I didn't deserve to live after what I had done. I would take his life, and then my own. This was the decision I made. The many pathways in the Nerv complex reminded me of the choices we had to make in real life. It reminded me of the one mistake that brought me here today. Tears would never be enough to show how I felt.

It was night time, but the complex seemed full of noises. Everywhere I went, there were murmurs. The employees would cast strange looks at me, and whispered to their colleagues quietly. Others would look at my sympathetically and shake their heads. There was an air of uncertainties looming. It was so thick that even I could tell. People were becoming restless with their gossips.

I was stopped halfway through a corridor when someone called out my name from the back.

"Shinji! Shinji!" It was Maya, and behind her were the technicians Makoto and Shigeru.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Shinji, we…um…we were just wondering about what you said…"

"I do not tell lies. Every single word I said was true."

"Oh…it's just that everyone's been talking about it…"

"Ritsuko made the pills, and my father used them to blackmail Rei. It is as simple as that."

"But I know Ritsuko! She would never do anything like that!" Maya shot back. My hand reached into my pocket and took out Rei's bottle of pills. I then gave it to Maya.

"Here, take this. These belonged to Rei. Do a test on them, and see what they are. You can also visit Rei's apartment. The stains are still there. See the truth for yourself."

"Shinji…I…"

"When you see the truth, when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember Rei. Remember what happened to her."

I walked away as soon as I finished the sentence, leaving the three technicians behind. Mentioning Rei's name was so painful. It brought tears to my eyes, but instead of wiping them away, I let them fall down my cheek as I stared forward. The whispers grew louder as I walked through several crowds of NERV staffs. There was no shame in letting them see my tears, if it would make them start to believe.

Soon, I arrived at my father's office. My hand reached up and turned the doorknob, opening it to reveal the gigantic room. Everything looked so dark even though one side of the walls was entirely made of glasses. As I stepped inside, I noticed the strange drawings on the ceiling and on the floor.

"What business do you have here?" My father said, ignoring the fact that I hadn't knocked on the door before coming in. Sub-commander Fuyutsuki was standing behind him.

"Revenge," As soon as I said the word, I took out my gun, aimed at him and fired a shot. A scream rang out as it hit him on the shoulder, knocking him off the chair. The alarm was sounded immediately. Fuyutsuki unleashed his gun and pointed it at me.

"Shinji!! What are you doing?!"

"This is for Rei you fucking monster!!!" I shouted and ran towards my father's desk. The man was hiding behind it and I had to get nearer if I wanted to finish him off. It was then a shot fired in the air and made me stopped running.

"Calm down Shinji! Think for yourself! This isn't worth it!" Fuyutsuki shouted. When I took another step forward, he pointed his gun at me menacingly and said firmly, "I warn you Shinji."

"He deserves it! He's nothing but a beast! He's a coward!"

Fuyutsuki just shook his head, "Don't take another step forward, Shinji."

"Let me kill him please! Let me kill him and then you can do whatever you want with me!"

We stood there silently staring at each other. Tension began to grow uncomfortably. I was so close to finishing him off. The only noise breaking the silence was my father's wailing of pain from behind the desk. I still couldn't get near him, and soon rushed footsteps could be heard from behind. The security guards had arrived and they were all pointing their guns at me.

"Put your weapon down slowly and lay your hands above your head!" The captain called out.

I was so close…I was so close to killing him. There was only a steel desk separating him from me. This was probably my only chance. He would have me executed for trying to murder him anyway. If I had to die, I would bring him down with me. So without any hesitance, I aimed my Desert Eagle at the desk and emptied my rounds into it, hoping that the bullets would penetrate the metal and finish off my father.

"AAHH !!! AAHH!!! AAHH!!!"

The coward let out a scream every time I fired a shot, but in the end, none of them managed to hit him. I half expected myself to be blown by a rain of bullets by now, and as I thought of my own failure, trails of tears streaked down my face. Closing my eyes, I dropped the gun and mouthed a silent sorry to Rei, but instead of bullets, I only felt something sharp hit my shoulder.

My legs suddenly felt wobbly and when I opened my eyes again, the world seemed to be spinning. Everything faded slowly after that and before I realised what had happened, I fell to the ground and lost consciousness.

Everything seemed so dark. It felt as if I was swimming in space. Why was I such a failure? Why couldn't I even protect Rei from harm? Why did I keep breaking my promises over and over again? Why was I so afraid of reality? Why was I always running away? Why couldn't I avenge Rei's death? Why was I so useless? Why couldn't I just die? I'm so sorry, Rei. I've let you down…

After what felt like eternity, I found myself waking up on a pile of straws. My mouth was very dry and my eyes hurt. My hand reached for my shoulder to feel for the spot where the tranquilizer had hit earlier. It had become numb. Taking a look around, I realised that I was in some sort of cell. Three walls were made from solid wall; the other one was consist of steel bars standing close to each other.

The atmosphere was slightly damp and there was a very awful smell. It reminded me of a dead rat I once found inside Misato's kitchen. To me, this looked like a prison, and I was not the only one being locked up in here. Just opposite mine was another cell, and inside it was a blonde woman still dressed in her lab coat.

"Finally woke up, eh?" She said.

"Ritsuko?"

"Ritsuko…I would have expected you to call me a whore…"

This was followed by a long silence. This place was dimly lit, but still bright enough for me to recognise every structure. I tried to look hopelessly for a way out, but needless to say, I could find none. The doctor was just sitting there looking at me with an amused look on her face. What she did was disgusting, but for some reasons I couldn't hate her. To me, everything was my father's fault. I sat back down after a while.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Me? I killed the clones, remember?"

"Oh…I see…so my father found out it was you…"

"No…he didn't, I told him. I told him in his face!" Ritsuko spat with a hoarse voice. It was clear that she hated my father as much as I did, but for a different reason.

"I see…how long have you been here?"

"Shortly before the sixteenth Angel attacked."

"What? That…that means my father knew the clones were destroyed when I arrived at the command centre!!! Then…then why did he let Rei die?"

"You don't think very often, do you?"

"It…it doesn't make sense…"

"There are two reasons. Reason number one, your father wanted Rei to die."

"W-what?"

"Don't you see? Don't you get it? Why was the sound system damaged? It wasn't the maintenance's fault, this much I can tell you."

"You…you mean…?"

"Yes Shinji…yes…Your father sabotaged it. Of course, that wouldn't be enough to kill Rei, so he did another trick."

"The Eva…It's the Eva! Asuka wasn't able to synch with her Eva! Neither was I!"

"Getting smarter, aren't we? Yes, you're correct. Gendo rewrote the formula of Unit-01 and Unit-02, so that you couldn't move your Eva, but was still aware of what was happening outside. He isn't stupid, however. You father had the old formulas ready in the Magi, so that he could key in the reactivation sequence to your Eva instantaneously, in case Rei decided her life was too precious to be wasted."

Her last sentence angered me, but what she said made sense. I kept silent and looked away from her. There were a lot of questions I wanted to ask, but couldn't bring myself to do so. We stayed like this for a while before she decided to add.

"I heard you managed to activate your Eva nonetheless…in that case, Shinji, you almost thwarted his plan."

"What do you mean? Why would my father want to do that?"

"Don't you see now? Shinji? Don't you understand your father's plan? He wanted you and Asuka to witness Rei's death. Your father knew Rei would sacrifice herself when she saw you there, immobile and defenceless, vulnerable to the Angel's attack."

"But…but why? Why? I-I don't understand…"

"It all started with the Dead Sea Scrolls, Shinji. Before your mother died, Gendo was a very religious man. He believed deeply in God, and for a short time, he lived a peaceful life with his one true love, but things changed. An accident happened and took away your mother's life. Gendo began to transform. In an act of desperation, he abandoned his religion, and chose to follow the Devil himself. Gendo began to see himself as the Devil's seed."

"The Devil's seed?"

"Yes, he read the Dead Sea Scrolls and with the prophecy's help, he started to work towards his ultimate goal. This is what we call human instrumentality. Once it is achieved, the sea would run red with blood, darkness would overtake the world and Mother Earth would live forever in chaos. That is human instrumentality, a beautiful name which hides its real meaning of living hell. Your father thinks of himself as hell's messenger, see? He thinks that if God couldn't provide him with the happiness he wants, then he will turn towards the Devil, and by burning our living world into ashes with the means of Third Impact, he would gain favour from the Devil and thus allowing him to bring back his wife."

"What…what does that have to do with Rei dying?"

"A lot more than you think. The first three Children are what we call the Trinity. The prophecy predicted that this Trinity would be the ultimate downfall of the Devil's seed. At first, Gendo wasn't worried about the Trinity, because the First Child and the Second Child repelled each other with a furious force, and you ware drowned in self-loathing, torn between the First and the Second Child."

"You mean…Rei, Asuka and I are the Trinity?"

"Yes, and for a moment it seemed that the Trinity was just a broken force. Gendo wasn't worried, see? But then he did something wrong…Gendo gave in to lust…he raped Rei. Gendo didn't expect that this simple act would create such a powerful bond between the three of you. The night when Rei tried to kill herself, we saw from the video surveillance how close you three had become. Gendo became paranoid."

"That means…he forced me and Asuka to witness Rei's death…because he wanted to break us…to break our will…"

"Exactly. Asuka would be broken because she couldn't synch with her Eva and failed to save Rei, and you would be broken because you saw your true love die in front of you. The bond of the Trinity would once again be broken."

"That's why…that's why I saw him smiling…I was falling into his trap…"

"Gendo now has the upper hand. Everything seems to be in his control. One thing I do not understand, however, is why is he letting you live? Why didn't he eliminate you straight away?"

"Ritsuko, how do you know all this?"

"Oh…I was once Gendo's most trusted servant. Besides, there is another person jailed here. We have…agreed…to put aside our past feuds, and when we get bored down here, we just exchange information and discuss Gendo's plan."

"Another person? Here? Who is this person you're talking about?"

"Someone who holds a lot of information about Gendo's secrets…someone you thought was dead…"

At the mention of this, my heart started to pound furiously. There was something stirring up inside me. It was a tinkle of light. I was careful not to let it grow, for I knew what it was. My situation was grim and things were not getting better, so there was no reason to raise my hope. I had learnt it the hard way, but subconsciously I was wishing for the miracle to be true, so I asked Ritsuko.

"Who? Is it…is it Rei?"

Please say it is…please say it is…please say it is…

"Still thinking about her, aren't you? You'll see for yourself soon enough."

"Where is this person you're talking about? She's Rei isn't she? Rei is still alive…tell me she's still alive!!"

"In the torture chamber. They've been at it for a while now…"

"T-Torture chamber? Haven't they done enough?! Hasn't she suffered enough?!"

Just then, I heard the metal door at the end of the corridor open. This was followed by footsteps approaching. When they finally passed my cell, I could see there were two guards carrying the limp body of a human. I tried to look closer, and from the dim light I managed to make the outline of the face. My heart died instantly.

A mass of filthy brown hair hung from his head. The top half of his body was naked, and there were criss-crosses on his back. Some of them were bleeding. Nevertheless, I could tell he was well-built with a tall frame. The beard had grown untidily along his jaw line, but I could recognise his eyes. It was Kaji.

The guards threw him inside the cell next to Ritsuko's. They then locked the door and left the prison. Kaji leaned against the metal bars and looked at me with a smile on his face.

"Ah…a new roommate. How are you, Shinji?"

"Kaji! Are you alright?"

"Just a few scratches, nothing that will kill me haha," he replied with a soft chuckle.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were dead!"

"Oh nothing that serious! They just invited me for a cup of tea, that's all." He laughed before exploding into a fit of coughs. Ritsuko decided to interrupt.

"I was just telling the boy about his father's plan. He now knows reason number one. I thought I would leave reason number two to you." She said.

"Oh I see! Excellent! I've always enjoyed telling stories! Now Shinji, would you like to know what reason number two is?" Kaji asked. It amazed me how calm he could be even with his injuries. I imagined they must hurt a lot, but the man's endurance was stunning.

"Yes I do, please tell me."

"Very well then, I suppose Ritsuko has told you what Third Impact is all about?"

"Yes she did."

"You see, Shinji. Third Impact requires four components. The first one is Lilith, the Angel hidden away deep inside this Nerv complex. The second one is Adam, the Angel embryo which Gendo had hid in a secret place. I was stopped half way through my investigation, so unfortunately I won't be able to tell you much about it. Are you still following me?"

"Yes…I think so…What about the other two components?"

"Ah…this is where things get interesting. Allow me to explain. The other two components are an artificial soul and a human body. At first, Gendo believed that Rei would provide the artificial soul, and that he himself would provide the human body, and thus he would be the one to control the Third Impact. He forgot one important thing, however. All this time, he thought of Rei as half-Angel, see? Gendo forgot to take into account that Rei's body was partly made from human genetics, and this alone had the potential to give Rei complete domination over the Third Impact. Needless to say, if that happened, Gendo's fourteen years of efforts would be wasted."

"You mean Rei could reject Gendo once she acquired Adam and Lilith?"

"Exactly. Gendo realised his mistake after Seele sent Tabris, the seventeenth Angel, to Tokyo-3. Tabris' mission is to find Adam, and once Adam, Lilith and Tabris himself were ready, Seele would storm in and start the Third Impact."

"Tabris…I think I've met him…he told me his name was Kaworu."

"Yes, that would be him. From what I know, instead of obeying Seele's orders, he is deliberately wasting time, although I do not have enough time to investigate his intentions."

"I see…"

"The arrival of Tabris prompted Gendo to create his own masterpiece to counter Seele. Unknown to everyone else, even Ritsuko and me, Gendo defied the law of nature and constructed the first artificially made pure Angel."

"An artificially made pure Angel?"

"Yes, Gendo studied how Tabris was born from Adam, and then with this information he extracted genetic materials from Lilith and crafted the eighteenth Angel. With this Angel, he needs not worry about the control over Third Impact being snatched away in the middle of its process. I believe Seele should have found out by now…They would be getting desperate…A war is coming, Shinji."

"W-wait!! What about the eighteenth Angel?! Tell me more about the eighteenth Angel!!"

Just then, a stirring sound of straws was heard from somewhere nearby. Ritsuko, who had been keeping quiet while I was talking to Kaji, directed her gaze to the cell beside mine before speaking. "I believe, Shinji, that the eighteenth Angel just woke up from her sleep."

Before I had time to realise what she had said, a soft sleepy voice was heard from the cell next to mine.

"Shinji? Shinji is that you?"

"R-Rei?"


	20. Chapter 20

Author's note: Okay…I've got a few people to respond to this time…  
First of all, I didn't know the idea of "Trinity" was used before, but I've now contacted PitViper. This is as far as it goes; you won't see me bringing up this theory again in future chapters. Thanks to those who kindly told me.  
Second, there are indeed a few plot holes in this story, and some of you pointed them out. I can explain them, however, just not in the text here. You'd have to sign up in forum 402 (where there's an existing "red tears" thread), or in NotC (which isn't strictly R/S). Both addresses can be found in my profile page.

* * *

_Rei's__ POV:_

"Shinji? Shinji is that you?"

"R-Rei?"

"Shinji! Where are you?"

"I'm here! I'm right next to you! In the cell to your left!"

My heart lit up; even the room seemed to have become brighter. The joy I felt was mixed with a pleasant surprise. How did he get here? Immediately, I crawled towards the wall on my left and pressed my ear against the cold concrete, hoping that somehow this would help me hear his voice clearer. Finding it difficult to believe my own ears, I waited for him to speak again.

"Rei? Can you still hear me?" It really was Shinji's voice! But…but how? Is this…is this real?

"Yes I can."

"Rei, I missed you so much! I thought you were dead, I thought I'd never see you again!" He almost yelled. The firm voice confirmed that it was the real Shinji.

"You were right. I was dead."

"Oh…" His reply was very quiet, and I almost missed it. There was fear and regret hidden in his voice.

Shinji was correct. These hands of mine…they were not the same as the ones I had before the Sixteenth Angel attacked. When I activated the self-destruct sequence, I didn't expect myself to be dead…to be completely dead. There had been many other clones in Terminal Dogma, until the doctor destroyed all of them. I was reborn, in a very different way than in the past. However, the will to die was still there. I could find no reason to live again.

No matter who I was, no matter what the spy had told me, I felt something missing. In the time I was down here in the prison, all I could feel was a dark hollow. It was always there in my heart, slowly absorbing my will…it felt so lonely.

But suddenly there was hope when I heard his voice.

Just as quickly, the hope faded…just a little bit. There was something different I felt. He felt so…distant…and I didn't feel as natural as I once did. There seemed to be something more than a wall between us.

"Rei…are you feeling alright?" Shinji spoke.

"I feel fine."

"Did my father…did he hurt you again?"

He did…In my apartment…after I left you that night…but whatever he did, it didn't feel as painful as being rejected by you…

"No, he did not." I lied.

"I-I'm so glad you're safe, Rei! When I thought you were…you were dead, I felt so guilty, so horrible, like there was no point in living anymore."

"I see."

"I was so foolish. I even went to see my father. I thought I would kill him and then…and then follow your footsteps…"

The doctor decided to interrupt at this point. "What did you say? You tried to kill your father?"

"Yes I did. I think he deserved it." Shinji said through gritted teeth, "and I'd have got him if it wasn't for-"

"You went to confront him alone?"

"Yes, and-"

"That was stupid of you. You should have discussed with Misato first."

"But I-"

"So you got locked up in here for nothing."

"That's not true! I shot him on the shoulder!"

"But you didn't kill him?"

"No…I didn't…the guards stopped me."

The doctor stayed silent after that. Residing in the cell just opposite mine, the spy decided to console Shinji. "Can't blame him, Ritsuko. He's still young. At least he has the courage."

Upon hearing this, the doctor laughed sarcastically, but she didn't say anything. Shinji was heard sobbing quietly after a long silence. So, he had attempted to kill the commander. For a moment I didn't know how to feel. Maybe Shinji only did that because he felt…guilty? Hearing him cry didn't hurt me as much as it used to. It felt plain and meaningless.

Why…why am I feeling this way?

Perhaps because he rejected me? Perhaps his eyes reminded me of the commander, but then why did I sacrificed myself for him? Why…

"Shinji did it because he loves me." I found myself saying loud enough for the other three occupants to hear clearly. Shinji's crying stopped almost instantly.

"I'm glad you understand Rei," he said with relief evident in his voice, "thank you."

"You are welcome."

The doctor kept quiet and looked away, but I noticed a faint smile appearing on the spy's face. Next to my cell, Shinji was heard moving noisily towards the front.

"Rei, go to the front, see if you can touch my hand." He said.

I did as Shinji asked. As soon as I reached the front left corner of the cell, I extended my right arm through the bars and started feeling around. At first, I could only feel the cold concrete, but then I felt a thin hand grab mine firmly and gave it a squeeze.

"Rei! Can you feel me?" Shinji asked.

"Yes I can."

His hand felt bony and cold. It didn't feel as fleshy as before. Although we still couldn't see each other, this form of touch gave a warm feeling inside my heart. It felt pleasant to know that he was so close to me. More importantly, it reassured me that Shinji was not the same as the commander. Once again, I found myself convinced that this man would never hurt me.

The environment was harsh, with the bad smell and poor lighting, but we stayed like this in contentment. I could almost feel his breaths. His grip on my hand was firm, and so was mine on his. None of us said a word, but I was afraid to let go, and somehow I knew he felt the same way.

"Shinji, I want to apologise for my behaviour."

"What? What behaviour?"

"I refused your advance."

There was a very long silence. My skin became moist with sweat as the tension inside me started to grow. Was that…was that not enough? Would he react the same way he did that night? I tried to tighten my grip on his hand, but received no reaction from him. Part of me was scared, scared of being hurt again. My heart…my heart was getting weak. My faith was fading. It could no longer take another blow.

"No, Rei. You didn't do anything wrong."

"What?"

"You did the right thing. I wasn't worth it. I was just being selfish." Shinji's voice started to crack; he was confusing me.

"What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing…Rei…nothing…I…I'm just glad we're together again." He sobbed.

Although I was still feeling a little baffled, one heavy stone inside me was dropped. Being forgiven was a relief, and his words gave me a pleasant sensation. There was, however, one other thing that I needed to explain. I didn't want to cause any misunderstanding again.

"Shinji, I have something to tell you."

"What?" His voice still not completely recovered.

"I am…" Gathering up the courage, I finished the sentence, "I am not human." I waited nervously for the reply, but it came much sooner than I expected.

"Oh…that…" Shinji's voice seemed to be getting smaller, "I know, Rei, I know."

"What did you say?"

"Ritsuko…Doctor Akagi told me everything."

At first, all went blank. Of all the possible responses, this was not one of them. He could have been angry, or sad, or surprised, but…this? I felt something creeping up my back. My fingers seemed to lose their sensations. My heart felt heavy. Asuka's advice appeared on my mind. She said Shinji would rather find out the truth from me than from someone else. Then there was a flicker of light inside me, and another, and another. With each flash, clues were pieced together until things became clear. Suddenly, I understood.

"You were away that entire day. You went to Terminal Dogma."

"Yes…she showed me the…the clones."

"You were angry because I did not tell you."

"Yes."

"Not because I rejected you."

"Not because you rejected me," Shinji repeated. "I thought you should've told me instead of hiding the truth."

"I am sorry, Shinji. I wanted to tell you, but you kept pushing me away. I-"

"No! It was my fault! I should've tried to listen! I didn't know…didn't know what I did would cause you such pain…I didn't know…" Shinji started sobbing again.

"You…you do not mind, do you? Who I am…what I really am…" The words were hard to force out. I wanted reassurance, but was afraid of another rejection. I did not think I could endure another heartbreak. Shinji had disappointed me many times, but somehow the affection was still there somewhere within me. I did not understand, and perhaps I never would. I just wish this time he would accept me willingly.

"No, I don't mind." Shinji replied to my relief, "I've been thinking during the time you were… away…and it made me realise something important. I just can't go on without you. I felt your absence everywhere I go…it was all so lonely…"

I found myself blinking rapidly. It was getting difficult to keep my eyes open with the tears forming behind them. These were…tears of joy…something new…

With tears still making their silent way down my face, Shinji continued, "I know this may sound mushy to you, but I want to be with you, always…I promise I'll never leave you again," he gave another gentle squeeze on my hand as he said this, before adding hastily, "and I promise this time I'll keep my promise."

His words were kind and thoughtful. A part of me wanted to be cautious and not to believe him completely; but deep down I knew Shinji once again had my full trust.

"I like it when you act…mushy." I replied.

There was another complete silence. Seconds later, Shinji's hand had started to heat up immensely. It felt as if it was burning. What was happening?

"Are you all right, Shinji?"

"Y-Yes! I-I'm fine!"

It was then I heard several footsteps approaching our cells. The guards only came for two purposes: the first, to escort the spy to the torture chamber. The other was to give us our food. Time was almost non-existent in the dark, and the only way to keep track of it was by the meals we had.

I was mildly surprised when three guards walked past my cell towards Shinji's. Instead of trays of food, they were carrying riffles. My hand grabbed on to Shinji's more tightly. His hand now felt cold. I heard a creak as they opened his cell.

"Ikari Shinji. You are to move to cell D5 immediately." One of the guards announced.

"No! Let me stay here! I want to be with Rei!"

"Take him." The same guard ordered.

There were noises of struggling. Being in the cell next to his, my view was obstructed by the wall. Suddenly, a rough hand grabbed my right wrist and gave it a painful squeeze. My grip on Shinji's hand loosened and Shinji started yelling, yet with the intense pain in my wrist, I could not make out the words. My fingers were getting numb. Moments later, I could no longer feel his hand.

Another metal door creaked open and the guard announced the same thing to the doctor. However, unlike Shinji, she obeyed the orders and gave no struggle. The five of them were seen walking to the front of the spy's cell. Their leader stopped and opened its door. They then shoved Shinji inside; the doctor walked in quietly before the guards locked the door and marched away.

Apparently, cell D5 was just opposite mine where the spy used to reside alone. The distance between our cells made it impossible for Shinji and me to touch each other again, but at least now we could see each other.

His hair was ruffled and filthy. Some of the locks were intertwined. His once gentle face looked pale and bony. His cheeks were sunken, but there was a faint blush. Like the doctor and the spy, Shinji came in here with his clothes unchanged. It was a white shirt with black trousers as he usually wore. The boy looked spent, but in his blue eyes I saw glimmers of hope and joy.

Shinji's next action was confusing. He took off his shirt and threw it across the corridor to me. Then, he turned and looked away immediately.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Rei, just put the shirt on." He replied, "I…I don't want you to catch a cold."

"Did you forget what I told you?" The doctor added, "She's now an Angel. Her immunity is far superior to yours or mine. Worry about yourself first you silly boy."

The spy decided to defend Shinji again, "don't mind, Ritsuko, let the boy be a hero." He gave me a wink after finishing the sentence. What did that mean? Shinji was still turned away from me.

Slowly, I picked up the white shirt and draped it over my body. I didn't mind staying naked, but the shirt felt warm. There was Shinji's scent on it too. It felt pleasant.

"Thank you, Shinji."

He finally turned around and smiled. "You're welcome."

We stayed silent for a while. The only sound I heard was our breathings. Shinji's words came back to my mind. I remembered he told me he cared about me…and I cared about him too. After some thoughts, I peeled off the shirt again. Before I could throw it back to Shinji, he stopped me, "No! I don't need it, Rei. Keep it for yourself."

I threw it back nonetheless. "You need it more than I do."

"No, Rei, listen to me. I want you to keep it." He said as he picked up the shirt. Before he could throw it to me again, the spy grabbed his arm.

"Rei is right, Shinji. Keep a healthy body if you want to escape from here."

"But-"

"Keep yourself warm for Rei. She wants you to have it. There is no room for decency here. We have to seize the chance to escape at any moment. So stay strong."

Shinji didn't argue anymore. Blushing heavily, he put his shirt back on. I had never completely agreed with the spy's job, but during the time we were down here, I found myself slowly becoming to like him. Shinji was still trying to keep his eyes away from mine. He looked very timid. It bothered me.

"Please look at me, Shinji." He turned and we made eye contact. "Am I disturbing you?"

"N-no…"

"I want you to feel comfortable in my presence, Shinji, no matter the circumstances."

This was followed by another long silence. I didn't know what he was thinking. Should I feel ashamed? Logic told me Shinji needed the shirt more than I did, but why was he acting this way? Did he not see me naked before? Why was it bothering him? No…there was another explanation…another desire…I wanted him to see me naked…perhaps I was only searching for an excuse…why…

"I love you, Rei." Shinji broke my thoughts.

"I love you too, Shinji." My reply came almost automatically, but words couldn't describe the feelings contained within those words. Reassurance…affection…perhaps…perhaps lust as well…It felt hot when I said them, but pleasant nonetheless.

The growing silence after that made the air feel colder. We sat there as hours passed by. It felt tiring as we waited for something to happen. Exactly what it was, we could only guess. Waiting…waiting for something unknown…it was so exhausting…it felt so long…

Despite all this, none of us fell asleep. I felt that I had a lot to speak about with Shinji, but couldn't find where to begin. Or perhaps it was only another desire of mine, to hear him speak, to have his attention. I wonder if we would ever leave this place again. The commander would come for me soon, and Third Impact would happen. Could I stop it? How? It was the reason for my existence, but not what I wanted. I wanted to be free, to be as far away from here as possible, to be with Shinji…

There were footsteps approaching…

How could I stop Third Impact? How could I get what I wanted?

Heavy footsteps…not rushed…but heavy and familiar…

They finally made me stop thinking about the future. Whose footsteps were they? Fear…I could feel a familiar sense of fear…like the nights in my old apartment…associated with the cold grey eyes…with the rough hands…with the penetrating pain…the commander…

A tall man dressed in black came into sight. He was alone. Commander Ikari looked around him. His eyes fell on Shinji.

"How does it feel like to be in here?"

Shinji ignored him.

"How does it feel like to be helpless?"

Shinji ignored him again. The commander turned around suddenly, aimed a gun at me and fired a shot. A piercing pain was felt on my left hip as I stumbled backwards. I tried to get up but my legs gave way. Seconds later, my limbs became too heavy to move; my vision was blurred and all strength felt lost. I could barely hear what they were saying.

"What are you doing?!?!"

"How does it feel to be humiliated in front of others?"

A door creaked open. The straws under me stirred as someone walked slowly towards me.

"Stop it! Stop it!!! Father no! Don't do this!!!"

There was some rustling sound. Through the fog of my eyes, I saw pieces of clothes being dropped beside me. They were black. Shinji's shoutings were mixed with the doctor's insane laughter in the background. What…what was happening? Shinji…Shinji was crying…

Something rough began to run itself along my body, through my legs, my stomach, between my legs…and stop on my chest. No…no…

"Please…father…no…no…" Shinji sobbed.

"I want you to taste the pain yourself. I want you to watch it." The commander said coldly, anger evident in his voice. He grabbed a handful of flesh and squeezed it painfully.

"Ah…" A moan escaped. It was agonizing. No…not here…not while Shinji was watching…no…

His rough hands continued to roam about. Shinji was crying; the spy was silent; the doctor was laughing. What should I do? What could I do? My blurred vision was now made worse by the tears forming. I felt the liquid steaming down my face, but what could I do…

The commander always did what he wanted with me. The pain…the sorrow…the loneliness…I soaked up all of them. Why did this have to happen? Why? Not fair…not fair…I wanted to get what I wanted. Did it have to end like this? What would Shinji think? How could I face him again after this? Not fair…not fair…I was a being…just like everyone else…An angel…why did this have to happen? Why?! Fight back…I felt the anger…felt the fire rising…time to fight back…

"LET GO OF ME!!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!!"

The next series of event happened in a flash. First, my arm recovered. I swiped it downwards. There was a swish and an orange light. I felt something wet on my hand. My vision returned. There was blood everywhere…on my face…my chest…my stomach…my legs…everywhere…And then everything went blank with an ear splitting scream.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Seconds went by…and then minutes…the scream continued until it eventually died down as the commander's voice became hoarse. I opened my eyes again.

The naked man was lying very still on the floor. His face was pale; in his eyes I saw fear. Sweat was forming and his hair was a mess. Not even a single muscle twitched on his body, as if he was afraid a single move would end his life, or gave him tremendous pain. Both his hands were plastered to his groin, but in the dark I saw blood seeping out from the spaces between his fingers. A lump formed in my throat as I fought down the urge to vomit. I looked around, and as expected, a bloody pulp laid a few metres away from him.

It used to be his organ.

Although seeing him in this state brought a certain satisfaction, his presence instilled fear in me. I backed myself away to a corner. There, I drew my knees to my chest and watched him weep in misery. Everything else was quiet. For the first time, I managed to keep that special something…my virginity…something I protected from him, something he failed to take away from me…

"R-Rei! Rei! Are you alright?" Shinji was the first to speak. I nodded my head, not taking my sight away from the commander.

"Rei, listen to me," the spy spoke calmly, "there is a key inside his trousers. Find it and use it to free yourself."

I nodded, but did nothing. I couldn't find the strength to move.

"Hurry up before the guards come!" The doctor urged.

"Rei, just find the key and give it to me. This may be our only chance. I'll get you and Shinji out of here," the spy added, "I promise."

I nodded, but did nothing again. Then Shinji spoke.

"Are you hurt? Can you stand up? Rei! Are you sure you're fine?" Concern was evident in his voice. It gave me hope.

Slowly, I struggled to stand up. My legs still felt weak and I was getting a headache. I walked over and picked up his trousers. The commander was still too afraid to move. My hand reached inside the pocket until I felt something cold and metallic. It was the master key. I threw the trousers to the side and opened the lock on the door. It clicked. I stumbled towards cell D5 and unlocked the door. It creaked outwards and instantaneously Shinji came as I fell into his arms.

"Rei! Are you all right? Answer me!"

"Yes…I am fine, Shinji."

"You just generated an AT-field!"

Did I? I couldn't remember…I felt myself being wrapped in a piece of cloth. And then both my feet left the ground as I lay horizontally in Shinji's arms. He was carrying me.

"Come on, Rei, let's leave this place."

The spy walked hastily to the trousers and picked it up. He then pulled out a pistol from a pocket. "All right, let's go," he said as he jogged towards the exit.

"You three go ahead. I'm staying behind." The doctor said.

"Why are you not coming with us?" Shinji asked. The spy stopped. Curiously, I turned my head to look at the doctor too.

"I have to stay and play with my Gendo-chan." Her eyes looked hollow, but her face was serious.

The spy came over and handed her the gun, "here, finish him off quickly and we'll leave together."

The blonde scientist turned to look at me and for the first time, there was no malice or hatred in her eyes. They looked almost…apologetic. "No, I'll strangle him."

"We don't have time, Ritsuko," the spy replied, "You don't have to do this. There are other ways."

"It's something I have to do. You won't understand, Kaji, because you're not me. Killing Gendo personally doesn't mean the same to you as it does to me. You may call it spiritual."

"Are you sure, Ritsuko?"

"Tell Misato I'm sorry." She said firmly before turning to me again, "You're now an Angel. You have no need for the pills anymore. I…hated the wrong person."

With that, she started to walk slowly, step by step, towards the frightened commander. I wanted to say something but could find neither the words nor the strength. The spy gave a signal and we headed for the exit hurriedly. I wrapped my arms over Shinji's neck to steady myself. This was all starting to cause a headache. Closing my eyes, I tried to ignore this tense moment.

Why…why did the doctor do that? Was it for guilt? Was it for vengeance? I could almost sympathize with her. Would she be caught? She most likely would. What would happen to her? Did she deserve it? Someone being chained to the Evangelions…chained to NERV…just like me. Why did all this happen? What would happen next?

Shinji and the spy ran across corridors, went through doors and sneaked past guards. Sometimes, they would stop before continuing; sometimes, the spy would take out the guards quietly. Everything seemed to happen so fast, but I couldn't see them properly. The headache was still there. Minutes passed by, perhaps even hours. I didn't know; I couldn't feel. I tried to close my eyes, but the tense situation kept me very conscious, and when I opened my eyes, the white lights on the ceiling flashed by as Shinji ran with me being carried in his arms. He was sweating profusely.

"Shinji, I feel better now. Let me walk." My head still felt heavy, but I didn't want to be a burden to him.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

"Ok," Shinji said as he let me down, "Be careful."

"I will."

"Shh…" The spy motioned for us to keep quiet. He then sneaked a look in a corridor before waving for us to follow him. We did as we were told. It was then the alarm rang out suddenly and an inflamed red light started to flash repetitively.

"Come on!" The spy ordered firmly and we started to run. We managed to make several more turns before spotting a team of marching guards heading our way. They were agents from section two. Luckily, the spy was quick enough to hide ourselves in a storeroom as the agents ran by outside.

We continued to head for the nearest exit after that.

"Halt!!! Who's there?!" Someone called from behind. Before I could think, a shot was fired. I turned around and saw the guard lying lifelessly on the ground.

"Don't blame me," The spy said to the dead body, "It was either you or me."

Despite the situation, his face never changed. It was calm when he was looking out for guards; and gentle when he was looking at me or Shinji. The injuries he had didn't seem to affect him at all. We made some more turns and ran through a few more corridors before I noticed the slightly regretful look in his eyes.

"You want to go to the commander's office."

He turned to look at me with a surprised look. "Yes, you're right. This is the perfect chance to retrieve the information I need."

"Then why are you leading us towards the exit?" I said as we continued to run.

"Because you're more important. We can't let NERV keep you to themselves. Without you, Third Impact is impossible."

"Is that why you are trying to save me?"

"I'm also saving billions of others."

Suddenly, a shot was heard, followed by a gasp. The spy dropped his gun, but I picked it up immediately. We hurried through a door to the side before more shots were fired. I glanced at him. The spy's shoulder was wounded. Shinji slammed the door shut and locked it.

"Are you all right?" He asked.

"Don't worry about me," The spy replied as he took the gun from my hand, "We have to hurry, come on!"

Shinji and I followed him through several other doorways before coming to a junction. The way straight ahead would lead us out of the complex; there was another opening to the right. We stopped before it. The spy peeked into the right corridor. He immediately withdrew as several shots were fired.

He checked his ammos. "On the count of three, we'll run to the other side. I'll cover for you two. Understood?"

"Understood," I answered.

"Ok," Shinji replied and gave my hand a firm squeeze.

"All right then. One, two, three!!!"

We made a run for it, with the spy on our right firing shots at the guards. He managed to take two down before all three of us made it safely past the junction. We didn't stop. My legs were starting to feel fatigued, but we sprinted for the nearest exit. Several guards tried to chase us, but were stopped when the spy emptied his ammos at them.

His shoulder was starting to bleed badly. Unfazed, he tore a piece of cloth from his shirt and tied it over the wound. We were now defenceless without the gun, but the exit was near. A few corridors later, we came to another T-junction, but this time we were stopped by someone familiar.

"Where do you think you're going?" sub-Commander Fuyutsuki asked as he pointed a gun at us.

Shinji stood in front of me and stretched his arms protectively to my sides. The spy stood beside him. I didn't know what to do. It seemed that the spy had run out of tricks himself. I was lost. Was it going to end like this? Being put back into the prison again? No…I didn't want to go back again…I didn't want to go back to the commander. I found myself wrapping my arms around Shinji's waist as I thought of this.

"The way behind me leads to more guards. Take the other way. You'll find your friend waiting for you at the end," Commander Fuyutsuki said, to my surprise, "And take this," he handed his gun to the spy. "You might need it in the future. Good luck."

"Thank you." Shinji said. The spy nodded his head. We turned around and headed the other way. Deep down, I felt grateful. First, it was the spy, and then the sub-commander helped me too. It seemed that I had been wrong. People did care about me. Perhaps things weren't as bad as I had thought.

We didn't run into any other guards after that. Soon afterwards, we saw the exit and went through the door. A blue car was waiting on the outside.

"K-Kaji??" The major looked shocked.

The spy pressed a kiss on her lips before replying, "I'll explain everything later, now let's get the kids out of here first."

The major still looked surprised. When she saw me, her eyes widened even more. "R-Rei?? I thought both of you were-"

"No time for chit-chat, Misato, we need to leave now!" The spy urged as he pulled the major towards the car. He sat her in the shogun and took the driver's seat himself. Shinji and I climbed onto the back seats. The spy started the engine and sped out of the complex.

The fatigue from the running was finally starting to affect me. My eyelids felt so heavy, and Shinji felt so soft and warm. Closing my eyes, I lay down on his shoulders and drifted off to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

_Shinji's POV:_

I always wondered how Misato managed to avoid accidents with her reckless driving. Kaji was completely different, however. He kept the speed, but was at the same time slick in overtaking other vehicles. Neither of them said a word. Misato was apparently still finding it difficult to believe that Kaji was alive, for she kept staring at him the whole time. I felt happy for her.

Rei had fallen asleep on my shoulder. Her long eyelashes rested peacefully with her eyes closed; her shoulder moved up and down gently as she breathed quietly. She felt surreal, but the dried blood on her face reminded me of what had just happened. It was terrifying, but I couldn't bring myself to sympathize with my father. In my mind, he deserved worse.

I wrapped the cloth tighter around her and hugged her to my chest. She felt soft and warm. I could understand how Misato must be feeling, for I felt the same way. This girl in my arms…I thought I would never see her again, and suddenly I was touching her now. It felt like a dream, but I was glad. I just hoped this time we would not be forced apart again.

We arrived at Misato's apartment shortly after. Kaji's eyes darted from side to side. I thought he was being cautious not to let anyone see us. Misato still had a disbelieving look on her face. I didn't think this place was safe for us, but then again we had no where else to go to. I carried Rei in my arms and followed them into the elevator.

Rei stirred a little in my arms. I looked down and saw her open her eyes slowly. The colour of her eyes made it seem that she could see through my mind, but somehow I felt comfortable at her stare. The smile on her face was soothing.

Not long afterwards, we arrived at the door and Misato let us in. I brought Rei to my room immediately and put her on my bed. I tried to be as gentle as possible.

"Shinji, I am dirty." She said suddenly. It surprised me.

"What?"

"I said my body is dirty. Your bed will be stained."

"Oh that! Don't worry. Just rest for now." I said as I left the room, "I'll be back with a towel."

Rei lay back down on the bed as I closed the door. Misato was outside in the living room with Kaji. She had her arms around his neck, and he had his around her waist. Their lips were connected. I didn't want to disturb them, and I didn't want to leave Rei alone, so I walked hastily to the washroom. I prepared a pail of warm water and took a piece of clean towel back to my bedroom.

She was still lying there with her blue hair covering half of her face. Putting down the pail beside the bed, I wet the towel. Rei heard me and turned over. She still had the gentle smile on her face. It warmed my heart. Slowly and as careful as I could, I applied the towel to her face and wiped away the dried blood and sweat.

As I was cleaning the towel, Rei sat up and peeled off the white shirt I had wrapped around her. It was then I realised what I was doing. She must now think I did all this purposely to see her naked!

"Rei! I'm sorry! I don't mean to-" My words stopped when I noticed the confused look on her face.

"What is wrong?"

"N-nothing…"

Despite what I said, my hands started to tremble. My forehead felt wet with sweat forming everywhere on my body. Rei was sitting on my bed, without clothes on. My fingers were losing their strength as I struggled to hold the towel. Still feeling nervous, I pressed the wet cloth on her back and circled it around. She had her eyes closed, but the smile was still there. It gave me reassurance, though I couldn't explain why. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible to avoid further embarrassment, but on the other hand, I wished this moment would never end.

Once her back was done, I moved on to her hands. They were thin, but nice to touch. The pale skin made Rei look very fragile, and maybe she was. It raised an urge within me, an urge to hold her and protect her. It gave me confidence, though once again, I couldn't explain why. I then moved on to her legs. They were long and silky, and her appearance was stirring up a desire from deep inside me. I felt hunger and lust. My head was getting light as I tried to calm myself by taking deep breaths.

Rei opened her eyes and looked at me questioningly as I stopped at her front. I dared not touch her there without her permission, though I had no doubt that she would let me if I asked her. Rei was willing to do anything I asked of her, which I felt a little guilty for, but at the same time I felt blessed.

"You have not cleaned my front," she said.

"You don't mind?" I asked.

"No." Her answer was simple. Being as gentle as I could, I pressed the towel onto her chest. Everything was silent as I drew the piece of cloth back and forth on her chest, over her breasts and down her stomach. My heart was beating uncomfortably. Nonetheless, it was a very pleasant experience, and I felt guilty.

Rei, however, didn't seem to care as much as I did. Once I finished, she mouthed a quiet thank you and lay back down to sleep. I pulled the blanket over her body. Rei looked so beautiful like this. My heart ached as I was reminded of how she had suffered. I wanted to promise her something. I felt like reassuring her that I would not let other people harm her again, but too many times I had let her down. Too many times I had broken my promises. I didn't think I had the right to make more promises, nor did I think I had the ability to keep them. Not knowing what else to do, I left Rei in my bedroom and walked into the living room.

"Shinji, sit down. We need to talk." Misato said solemnly with Kaji sitting beside her. His right shoulder was already covered in bandages. The spy's face was pale and sweaty, but cheerful and lively.

I did as I was told, "What is it?"

"I want you to explain what you did."

"What did I do?"

"Stealing my weapon and attacking the commander."

For a moment, I didn't know what to say. When I took her weapon and made the decision, it had seemed to be the right thing to do. And perhaps it was, for I wouldn't have seen Rei again if I didn't do what I did. But now, I understood what Misato was trying to say. It was very irresponsible of me.

"I'm sorry, Misato. I was reckless…" She seemed surprised by my reply. Her eyes were wide. Did I do something wrong again?

"Do you know how worried I was? You just…you just disappeared! And how would I know what you were up to? No note, not sign, no nothing!" Her voice cracked slightly.

"I'm sorry Misato," My voice was starting to crack too. I didn't realise she cared about me this much. "I promise it won't happen again…"

With that, she came over and embraced me in a hug. "Don't you ever pull a stunt like that again, you hear me?"

Returning the hug, I sobbed onto her shoulder, "I won't…Misato I promise I won't…" Suddenly, everything seemed right again. It felt good to cry, to cry out the gloom if the past few days, and knowing that Rei was alright and I had been forgiven. Everything seemed right again…

"My, you've grown up, Shinji."

"What do you mean?"

"I wasn't expecting you to take responsibility for your action…so willingly…" Misato said with a smile.

"Oh that." Her words made me feel hot inside. Perhaps she was right, and I hoped she was. I should really let Asuka know that Rei and I were safe too. "Where's Asuka?"

Misato's face darkened. "She hasn't been feeling well for the past few days. As you know, she thought she failed to save Rei…"

How I wish I could tell Asuka right now that Rei was safe and all was fine again. I didn't understand why I felt so optimistic about everything. Perhaps it was Rei…yes…Ritsuko said she didn't need the pills anymore…

"I was investigating NERV's plan, something called human instrumentality. I wanted to avenge Kaji's…death…" Misato shot Kaji an accusing look as she added, "And I didn't have time to look after Asuka, but I understand she hasn't been at home much recently…I think she's gone to Hikari's place."

"That can't be," I replied, "The class rep has already moved out of the city."

"What? Oh…then I guess she's at some other friend's house. Don't worry, she always comes back at night."

Misato's answer made me worry. Where could Asuka be? It was already ten and the sky was very dark outside. I wanted to go find her, but I knew that would be stupid. NERV agents were probably already out searching for me. Even this apartment wouldn't be safe for long. But the most important reason was, I didn't want to leave Rei alone again. I would just have to wait until tonight and hope that Asuka would be back by then.

"I see…anyway, what have you found out about NERV?"

"Ok, it gets a little complicated. I was able to realise their intention with the bit of information Kaji left. Basically, this is what human instrumentality mean. It requires four components-" Misato started to explain enthusiastically before Kaji cut her off.

"He knows. I explained it to him when we were chit-chatting down in the prison." He laughed.

Misato seemed surprised at first. "You knew?"

"Yeah, Kaji and Ritsuko told me."

"All of them? Wait…what? Ritsuko was with you too?"

"Well, I think I understand most of them. And yes, Ritsuko was down there with us, but she…she chose to stay behind." I replied.

"W-why?!"

Kaji decided to add in, "She wanted to…have a personal talk with the commander. He was down there with us too, for a short period of time…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Gendo wanted to do something…sinister to Rei, but she was able to save herself…The commander was severely injured, so Ritsuko decided to stay with him."

"For what? Why didn't she escape with you?"

"She said she had something personal that she wanted to settle with Gendo."

This was followed by a dead silence. Misato looked bitter and gloomy. I wanted to sympathize with her friend too, but couldn't bring myself to. She was involved in my father's abuse of Rei. If anyone deserved sympathy, it would be Rei, not Ritsuko. As for my father…I didn't think I could call him my father anymore…but what else should I call him? The commander? Mr. Ikari?

The silence was broken when Rei came in to sit by my side. There was a confused look on her face as she looked from Kaji to Misato and then finally to me. Her hair was still messy and a little filthy, but her skin was clean. I liked it this way. The changes on her face were still subtle, especially in other people's presence, but they were getting more obvious. Soon, she would be able to behave normally, just like everybody else.

"Anyway, what should we do with Rei and Shinji?" Misato asked finally.

"At the moment, I can't think of anywhere else, but this place is not safe anymore. We'd have to move them away soon." Kaji replied. Rei and I just listened. I didn't want her to worry, so I picked up her hand and gave it a squeeze, to which she squeezed back.

"What about you?"

"I'd have to contact our Interpol friends…"

"How?"

"I'll be leaving before dawn tomorrow."

"How are you going to do that?"

"I still have contacts in the city," Kaji replied quietly, "Let's just hope they're not as unfortunate as I was."

"But what about the children? Can't you get them out with you?" My grip on Rei's hand tightened as Misato asked the question. I wanted to leave the city as soon as I could, but before I could say anything, Kaji replied.

"I could, but the risk is too high. SEELE have agents everywhere in Japan, it would be too dangerous."

"Oh really?" Misato folded her arms, "I don't see much difference here in Tokyo-3."

"Listen to me, NERV still pretty much owns the city, and for the moment SEELE is too careful to act aggressively here." Kaji explained, "However, as you told me just now, NERV is breaking down. People are getting restless, more and more are resigning. They're running out of resources."

My hope died a little after listening to Kaji. Rei didn't seem to care much, but her hand was sweating, and her heartbeat was getting faster. I didn't want anything to do with NERV anymore, but without the adults' guidance, I didn't know what to do or where to go. Misato had her eyebrows drawn closely together.

"So you're saying…"

"Your apartment's not safe, but Tokyo-3 is still the safest place to be. We just need to relocate the children." Kaji added, "Besides, I don't want Rei to fall into anyone, or any organisation's hands, and that includes the UN and Interpol. My experience has taught me not to trust any authorities, at least not completely."

"In that case, are you sure they'll help you?" I found myself cutting in before I realised it. Rei tightened her grip on my hand. Misato nodded her head, seemingly agreeing with me.

"They will. I've got the evidence needed to bust NERV." He said proudly, although I wasn't sure if he was pleased.

"But you do not have the evidence against SEELE." Rei said quietly, to my surprise.

"Yes, smarty," Kaji smiled, "you're very right."

"That is why you wanted to go to the commander's office while we were escaping, correct?" Rei asked, to my surprise again. Why didn't I think of that?

"Yes again!" Kaji laughed, "But it's all right, we'll just have to deal with SEELE later. Don't worry, once NERV is down, SEELE won't survive for long."

I half-expected Rei to say something again, but she kept quiet this time. In a way, I guess I liked seeing her interact with other people. It made me feel happy for her. Not knowing what to say myself, I looked to Misato. It was then I noticed the look on her face. My heart ached at the sight, for she looked so sad. I didn't know what to do. Kaji was just sitting there with his eyes closed. I took another glance at Misato. Her eyes were starting to look watery.

"Shinji, can you leave us for a moment?"

They wanted to be alone, as did Rei and I. We stood up and left silently. I understood how Misato was feeling perfectly, even though it was hard to put it into words. To have someone you thought was dead, someone you love intensely suddenly returning to your side…that feeling was just so unbelievable. At least, Rei would still be with me in the near future, though there was no guarantee. But Misato and Kaji would be apart again before tomorrow morning. She must be feeling so painful…

Once we were in my bedroom, I let Rei lay down on my bed. After that, I proceeded to pull out my mattress, but was reminded of the one time when Rei insisted that I slept with her. I still wasn't sure whether or not to climb in the bed with Rei. The bigger part of me wanted to hold her tightly as I slept, but there was also the smaller part which kept telling me to act more decent.

"Shinji, are you not coming to sleep?"

"I…I was just…er…pulling out the mattress…" I stuttered after a while.

She turned around to face me, her eyes seemingly piercing right through me. Rei seemed to be waiting for something, but I didn't know what. The mattress in my hands was starting to get heavy. My breaths were getting faster and my legs were becoming numb. Sweat was beginning to form. What should I do? Get in the bed with her?

Maybe Rei was telling me to join her?

Hands still shaking, I got onto the bed and lay down beside her. As expected, she didn't push me down. Instead, I felt a thin arm gliding across my chest and wrapped itself around me; her other hand was resting on my shoulder, and her head was so close to mine that I felt it every time she let out a breath. Letting out a sigh of relief, I pulled the blanket over both our bodies. I wrapped my left arm over her shoulder and hugged her.

"I want you to stay close to me." She said firmly.

"Me too," I replied, feeling very happy.

We stayed like that for a while. The gentle wind she blew on my neck each time she breathed was so arousing, but relaxing at the same time. It made me feel hot on the inside, and there was the special desire building up quickly. I tried hard to fight it down but was unsuccessful. Rei smelt intoxicating. My hand was starting to itch more with each second. I felt an immense urge to touch her more intimate parts, but was reminded of what happened when I had tried to do it a few nights ago.

"Shinji, am I a burden?" Rei said suddenly. It caught me off guard and I couldn't find the words to answer. I didn't even know why she was asking that.

"Shinji? Do you think I am a burden?" She asked again.

"Of course not! What makes you think that?!" I almost yelled. Much as I hated it, I felt quite angry at her for asking such question.

"I am endangering everyone." She replied quietly. For some reason, my anger died instantly. Was she…was she suggesting that she was endangering me? Rei was thinking about me…I wanted to feel happy…to feel glad, but I couldn't. Rei needed to know how much she meant to me.

"No, Rei, you're not. Misato and Kaji are happy to help you. They have other reasons too…of course…but we all care about you, greatly, and you know I can't live on without you by my side…You understand, don't you?"

"Yes, I do."

Even though she said so, I had the feeling that she still thought she was putting all of us in danger. I couldn't help but get worried. What if she suddenly decided to leave us and wandered off herself? I wanted to ask her to promise me, that she would never do something like that, but I was afraid that it would give her the idea.

"Would you promise me something, Rei?"

"What is it?"

"Promise me you'll never leave me, again." I paused for a while before continuing, "no matter the circumstances."

"I promise."

"Promise what?"

Rei shifted in my arms so that she was facing upwards. Our eyes met and her lips curved into a small smile.

"I promise I will never leave you again, no matter the circumstances."

I smiled back. It was a peaceful moment, as I let her snuggle closer to my chest. Neither of us spoke another word after that. Slowly, my eyelids began to feel heavy, and finally I fell asleep with her in my arms.

It was a dreamless sleep. Perhaps I was feeling too tired to even dream. When I woke up, Rei was no longer in my arms. Where could she be? Oh no…Panic started to kick in again, for the last time she left me alone in my bed, Rei had gone to commit suicide. My heart started to beat uncomfortably even before I started to search for her.

"Rei?! Rei where are you?!" I flipped off the blanket and looked under the bed. Rei was nowhere in my bedroom. Getting to my feet as quickly as I could, I ran out of the door to the living room.

"Rei?! Rei?!" I kept calling for her. Her words from last night came back to haunt me. Why was I so foolish?! I should've told Misato and made sure that Rei couldn't leave the apartment without us knowing! Oh no…I must inform Misato now!

I ran towards Misato's room, but was stopped when I saw a thin girl kneeling just outside her door. Her ear was plastered to the door. She had blue hair. It made me feel very, very stupid…Rei was there all along…Slowly, I walked over and crouched down beside her.

"What are you doing Rei?" I asked.

She motioned for me to keep quiet. "Listen."

Like Rei, I pushed my ear closer to the door. It seemed that Misato and Kaji were talking on the other side. At first, I felt guilty for eavesdropping, but since it was Rei asking me, I complied. I was just glad she was still here. Perhaps I had been over-reacting just now…

"Kaji-chan…how do you feel…"

"Great, just great Misato-chan…sorry that I have to go so soon…"

"Shh…it's all right…just promise you'll come back…"

"I will…I promise…"

There was a long pause. Rei took this chance to move closer to me, and whispered in my ear, "They just finished having sex."

What?! I had to fight hard to push down the overwhelming urge to cough, for I didn't want us to be discovered. Tears formed in my eyes. What surprised me more was that Rei had been spying on them all this while? What was she thinking? I tried to say something but was stopped when she put her hand over my mouth.

Rei pointed a finger to the door. "Shh…listen."

Once again, I pressed my ear on the door. With the tone she was using, it was hard to believe that was Misato…

"Kaji-chan…would you like to do it again?"

"What? Again? Don't you get tired?"

"Come on Kaji-chan…we hardly get the chance anymore…"

There was another long pause.

"You're right, Misato-chan…I promise the future will be better…I promise…Misato-chan…"

And then the words stopped. They were replaced by loud moans. I started to feel hot inside. It wasn't arousal, however, I was simply embarrassed. If only they knew we were just outside their door. Rei, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind. She stood up and walked away quietly. I quickly followed her.

"Do you understand?" She asked.

"Understand what?"

"Why they were talking that way."

"Oh…yeah…They love each other." I replied, and immediately regretted it.

"I see." Rei answered simply, with a warm smile on her face. There was also a faint blush. Was she aroused? Or was she just embarrassed? Tonight would be a long night…a very long night…


	22. Chapter 22

_Asuka's POV:_

Since when had sleeping become so tedious? I tried to keep my eyes closed, and all I could see was a pitch black. I was afraid, scared of what hid in the darkness. Dreams…nightmares…despair…haunts from the past. Mistakes came back. Why…I had fallen…I saw her face, and then his, and then my own. I felt ashamed of it. I wanted them to stop, but when I forced my eyes open, I couldn't even see the difference, because the room looked so dark…as if it was consuming everything.

My friends were all gone. One by one, they were driven away by the Angels. I wondered if there was any point staying in this ruined city any longer. I wouldn't know; I didn't want to think about it. Every broken piece, every piece of rubble, every burnt concrete, and the large lake born from her ashes reminded me of my failure…my failure to protect and save…

Hikari had left. She was my best friend. Would I ever see her again? I wouldn't know. She left because I couldn't do what I did best. I thought I could pilot Eva…and I thought I was the best…but then I couldn't move it. What was the difference between those normal human beings and me if I couldn't even make it walk? No…I couldn't…and in the end, I just stood there and watched her die. One of the reasons I stopped wearing the neural clips…I just couldn't see the point wearing it anymore.

She saved me before, but I couldn't return the favour. Proof that I was useless…

And what would Shinji think of me now? I wouldn't know. I never asked. He hid in his room, and I hid in mine. Was he blaming me? At least he managed to move his Eva. Misato was away all the time, and when she was home, it was Shinji whom she went to, not me, never me. Then again, perhaps she did nothing wrong. Rei meant to Shinji more than she meant to me. I guess Rei's death would hit him harder than it did to me, so I couldn't blame Misato.

I shed no tears, for I couldn't find a good reason to cry. Should I cry for myself? For Rei? Or even for Shinji? There was pain, sorrow, regrets…but I didn't cry.

I tried to feel around, and my hand caught his. I could still hear him breathing. It was the only sound apart from the water droplets hitting the ground from the ceiling.

I didn't know who to turn to anymore, and out of despair, I came back here. As always, he was understanding and I felt that I had nothing to hide from him. He seemed to be glowing with light, but then again it could be just my imagination. He said he was the Fifth Child, but strange that he never went to NERV. Perhaps it was better this way. Kaworu said he didn't care whether he pilot or not, because in his opinion, Eva was a weapon. And weapon brought nothing but destruction. In a way, it made me feel less useless than I probably was.

Rei was dead. Shinji was broken. Misato didn't care. Hikari had left. There was no purpose in staying here any longer. I should just leave the city and find a life somewhere else. Perhaps…perhaps he would come with me? I wouldn't know, wouldn't dare make a guess either. Every part of my body felt spent and exhausted, but I stood up and walked out of the small room into the night. I glanced at my watch. It read three o'clock in the morning.

The wind felt cold, but I hastened my pace. I needed to get back to Misato's apartment, pack my belongings, and then hopefully I could leave before getting caught. There was no car at this hour, making the streets seem even quieter, making me feel even lonelier. It didn't matter. Why should I care? I wouldn't come back here ever again once I left.

Soon after, I arrived at her apartment. The walk didn't feel very long, but I was surprised to see that I wasn't alone in the corridor. Three familiar technicians stood there just in front of the door, with one of them pressing the doorbell repetitively. I didn't want to meet them, didn't want them to see me. They reminded me of NERV, something I was hoping that I would forget. So I decided that I would let them finish their business first and come back later.

I turned to leave, but before I could do so, Maya spotted me.

"Asuka? Asuka is that you?"

I ignored her, hoping that she would do the same for me too. I started walking down the stairs before I heard someone chasing after me.

"Asuka! Where're you going? Come back here!" It was Makoto.

"Just leave me alone!" I yelled back, trying to escape but he caught my wrist before I could run any further. It must be the sleep deprivation and fatigue, or else I wouldn't have been caught so easily.

"Come on, let's go back to the apartment." He said, trying to sound concerned. I tried to wriggle my way out but his grips on my wrists were too tight.

I hated it. I hated it when people pretended to care. I hated it even more when people acted as if they understood. Their words were faked, and so were their actions. They only did them to trick others into believing that they were kind people; people who were only trying to help. I hated it, and I wasn't fooled.

"Let me go you asshole!!" I shouted again, still struggling.

"Misato's been really worried you know?!"

"What?" I asked, stunned and finding it hard to believe what he said.

"Come on, let's go back to the apartment." He said again. I stood still; my legs wouldn't let me move, for when I looked up, I saw Misato standing there towering over me. Kaji stood beside her. The other two technicians had caught up with me as well.

"Asuka, where've you been?" Misato asked. As if she cared…I didn't blame her. I didn't hate her either. I only hated myself. I hated the fact that everyone was now staring at me. Maya, Shigeru, Makoto, Kaji, Misato, Shinji, Rei…all staring at me. Why were they all staring at me?!

Wait…Rei? I looked more carefully. It was night time, but the corridors were brightly lit. It couldn't be a mistake. That girl standing there was indeed the Rei I thought was dead!

"R-Rei?" I found myself speaking out loud before realising it. How was it possible that she still lived? Her clones were all destroyed. Did she survive the explosion? Impossible…

"Ah…what a happy reunion!" Kaji tried to sound humorous, but I wasn't paying much attention to him. My eyes were still glued to Rei, who now had her hand held together with Shinji's.

"She's alive Asuka," Shinji smiled, "you don't have to worry anymore."

It was then I noticed that Makoto was no longer holding me. Slowly, I walked forward to Rei. The white light made her skin seem even paler and her eyes even redder, and when I stopped just in front of her, I could hear her breathing. My own heart started to beat faster. The feeling was almost identical to the one I felt during the night when Shinji and I went to NERV to stop her from committing suicide. Just as slowly, I let my trembling hand reach forward and touched her face.

It was solid. Rei was alive…A surge of emotion flooded deep inside me. Relief…joy…surprise…the heavy stone inside my chest was finally dropped. These two days had felt like eternity, but in the end, her being alive seemed to make it all worthwhile. I felt the urge to just embrace her in a tight hug, but stopped when Shinji spoke.

"You can stop blaming yourself too."

"Hmph! Whoever said I was blaming myself?" I tried to sound ignorant, but it didn't seem to have worked.

"Weren't you feeling bad?" The idiot asked. The smiles on Misato and Kaji's face made it even more embarrassing. To be honest, I wanted to smile too, to be happy, just like the people around me, but I couldn't. My mind kept reminding me of that moment when I failed to move my Eva. It just kept reminding me…

"No I wasn't! Why would I??"

"You were not sad?" Rei asked. She sounded a bit downhearted. I didn't want to openly admit it; I didn't want to show my weakness. I didn't want them to know that I actually missed her, but knowing Rei, she probably wouldn't understand what I was trying to do. The girl couldn't think properly. She would just take my words literally. So I tried my best to give a warm reply.

"Well, just a little bit." She smiled. So did Shinji…and everyone else…"Well, care to explain how you managed to stay alive?"

"Let's go back to the apartment first, shall we?" Kaji added in, "everyone looks tired and it's a little chilly out here." I didn't miss the glance he shot at the three NERV technicians.

"Ok, let's go back," Misato said and led us to the apartment. I tried to stay close to Shinji and Rei. Somehow, the adults made me feel out of place.

Once we arrived in the living room, Misato collapsed onto a sofa. Apparently, she hadn't changed her laid back attitude at all, although she was all gloomy just days ago. I guess Rei being alive kind of lifted the mood. Kaji sat down beside her. I didn't complain. They didn't bother me as much anymore. Maya, Shigeru and Makoto took their seats opposite the two lovebirds, and by that I meant the two older lovebirds. The younger ones were sitting on my flanks. It was then I realised that I didn't feel like leaving the city anymore. My original intention of coming back here had evaporated…Rei and Shinji were fine, so I guess it wasn't so bad after all.

For some reasons, everyone was acting strange tonight. Makoto was giving Misato eye signals; Maya was playing with her own shirt; and Shigeru kept staring at Rei. Tension seemed to be growing.

"Well, is there anything you want to talk about?" Misato asked, finally breaking the silence.

Makoto's reply was more eye signals. Maybe he didn't want us kids to hear what he was going to say? Damn adults…maybe I should just leave them to their business.

"It's all right. Kaji's on our side." Misato said finally, to which Makoto let out a sigh of relief. Shinji and Rei just kept quiet, because it was their nature. I kept quiet because I had no idea what was going on.

"Are you sure we can trust him?" Makoto asked.

"He's the one who gave me the clues, which prompted our investigation." Misato replied, "I assure you that we can trust him."

"All right then, I've got some documents here you might be interested," Makoto said as he handled a pile of papers to Misato, "It's something to do with SEELE."

At the mention of SEELE, Kaji's face lit up. Misato flipped through the pages, carefully inspecting them. Her eyes were getting bigger and she seemed very pleased.

"Where did you get this?"

"The commander's office…last night, when some prisoners broke out," he directed his gaze to Kaji, and then to Rei and Shinji before continuing, "The headquarters was in chaos, we heard some gunfights too, and thought there wouldn't be a better opportunity."

"Well done Makoto!!" Misato nearly shouted. She looked very excited. I had no idea what was happening, but I remained patient.

"Well, it was not easy getting into his lair. Luckily, Maya was able to crack the security code."

Maya was now blushing quite heavily, "Ah…I-It was nothing…hehe…"

"It wasn't just us three. Many others want to help after we showed them…the evidence we collected from her apartment," Shigeru said as he glanced at Rei, "Some of them were giving false directions to the guards last night after they heard of the outbreak."

"Those monitoring the security camera did their part," Makoto added quickly, "too bad we still couldn't keep all the guards away from you."

"I see…so that's why it was so easy…" Kaji smiled, "Thanks guys."

"Once their suspicions were confirmed, everyone wants to help in any way possible. A lot of them have already resigned, I heard that even section-two is now lacking in personnel." Maya added gleefully. I turned to look at Rei. She had a faint blush on her now sweaty face. So now everyone knew about her and Gendo? How did they find out? Did she tell them herself?

"That's it then. Now we have the evidence to thwart both NERV and SEELE, all we need is to contact Interpol, and hopefully put an end to this madness." Misato declared confidently.

"No…those are just papers and documents…we still need one more thing." Kaji said solemnly.

"What?"

"We need a witness, not just any…we need a high rank NERV officer to testify what we have here…or else all we did would be for naught…"

"What about me? I'm the major, surely they'll listen to me?"

"I'm not too sure about that…"

I was quite surprised when Shinji decided to cut in, "I know someone who can help."

"Who?"

"Vice-commander Fuyutsuki."

"Now why didn't I think of that?" Kaji laughed, "He did help us escape after all! Well done Shinji!"

The boy blushed. There seemed to be a small smile on Rei's face too. I still didn't get the whole picture, and admittedly I was getting frustrated. Did so much happen while I was away? I must find out…I didn't want to feel useless again…but before I could speak up, Kaji continued.

"So it's set then. I will take these to the Interpol, and Misato will contact Fuyutsuki," he said and turned towards the technicians, "In the mean time, I'll be counting on you three to unsettle more NERV employees. Convince them to quit, the more the better. Without the resources, they wouldn't be able to recapture Rei."

"Understood, and we'll be counting on you to safely deliver the evidence to your friends."

"All right then, it's time for me to leave," Kaji said as he picked up a bag from the floor next to him. I didn't notice it was there before. He then handed a gun to Shinji. "Here, protect her. Keep your girl to yourself, don't let anyone snatch her away."

Shinji blushed heavily; even Rei had a slight blush. I turned to look at Misato. She was looking energetic and hopeful, but in her eyes I saw pain and worry. It was then I realised how much Kaji meant to her. I wondered if I would ever felt this way. It seemed that everyone had finally found their soul mate, and I was the only one left alone.

"I'll drop you off at the port," Misato said as she stood up, "and then I'll go to NERV and see if I can persuade Fuyutsuki."

"Sounds like a good plan." Kaji replied as we all walked to the main door.

"Would you three like a lift?" Misato asked the three technicians.

"Well…actually…if possible…" Playing with her own shirt again, Maya wasn't able to continue, so Makoto said it for her.

"If possible, we'd like to stay with the children and protect them until you come back."

I wanted to say something, for I had been keeping quiet all this time, but in the end I didn't know what to say. It was more like they wanted to protect Rei. Honestly, I didn't think they would be of much use if the NERV agents came searching for us, but I appreciated their sincerity nonetheless. And the smiling face of Misato told me she felt the same way.

"All right then, if you insist. Help yourself in the kitchen. I'll be back as soon as I can."

And with that, she left together with Kaji. It was time someone gave me a complete story of what happened. Maya and Makoto went to sit on the sofa; Shigeru went into the kitchen. Rei and Shinji were still holding hands. Unable to take it anymore, I pulled them apart and pushed Shinji away. I knew it was mean, but I had to do this.

"Ok, Rei and I need to have a talk," I said to Shinji, "you go serve the guests."

"But-"

"No buts. I'll return her to you once I'm done." Without waiting for him to reply, I grabbed Rei's hand and stormed my way back to my old room.

Once we were inside, I sat her down on my bed and took a chair myself. Her face told me she didn't have a clue of what I wanted. I would've asked Shinji to enlighten me, but I figured he was the sort of person who would leave out a lot of details. The white light from the desk lamp made Rei look almost ghostly. There seemed to be something different about her too, although I couldn't point out exactly what it was. Like Kaworu, she seemed to be glowing.

Listening to Rei's version of the story was just like listening to a dead commentator. Under such circumstances, I wouldn't have complained, but Shinji once told me Rei had a beautiful and lively voice. I guess she only reserved that talent of her for the little idiot. I wasn't very surprised when she finally told me how she had been revived and was now a pure angel. It wasn't much different from a half-angel, so the shock was not there. However, I was pleased and relieved that she didn't need those accursed pills anymore.

The part where they escaped from the prison ought to have been very exciting, but needless to say, Rei's version was pretty boring. I guess it didn't help when she kept darting her red eyes towards the direction of the living room all this while. I knew she wanted to stay close to Shinji, but a few minutes of separation wouldn't do her much harm. She also mentioned something about the Trinity, but try as I may, I couldn't understand what she was talkingabout. I didn't want to miss anything, so I kept pressing for details. The best part came when she finally told me that the reason why I hadn't been able to move my Eva was because Gendo sabotaged it. I knew it all along…I was still the best.

"HA! I knew it! I knew it! No wonder I couldn't move the damn thing!" The world felt bright once again. I was very happy with the revelation. It seemed that there was no reason for me to feel so depressed after all. Yes…things weren't as bad as I had thought. Hours ago I had been bathing in despair and planning to leave this city, and now I was back to my glorious self.

Rei didn't seem fazed by my out burst. "May I leave now? I wish to be with Shinji." She said, standing up.

I didn't want her to go so soon. I guess I wanted someone to share my joy, but I figured she was probably aching to return to Shinji. And I couldn't blame her…not after what they had gone through.

"Yeah yeah off you go, I need some sleep too," I replied and gave her back a slight push towards the door. Rei nodded her head and walked away, but before she left, she stopped, turned around, and put on a warm smile.

"Thank you for being concerned about me, Asuka."

"Whatever, don't get mushy with me now, you hear?"

Rei nodded her head again. "I will see you again later."

I waved my hand in response. She left and closed the door behind her. The room was silent once again, but I was glad about how things had turned out. Curiously enough, the one person that came to mind at this moment was that silver haired boy. He was the one who lent me his hand when I was feeling down. He listened to me, and his replies were always encouraging. He gave me a sense of self-worth when I thought I was useless. I wanted to tell him that everything had miraculously turned out fine…and I wanted to thank him.

But right now, I just wanted to rest. My eyelids were feeling so heavy. I let myself lay down on the bed. Strange…I never knew it was so cosy before…maybe it was just my imagination…or maybe I was simply too tired…Yes…tired…but happy…

Slowly, my body started to feel light. For the first time in days, I was able to close my eyes peacefully. It was all right…I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore. Smiling to myself, I drifted off to sleep.

Hours later, I experienced a rude awakening. Maya shook me violently back to consciousness. It was already noon and the sun was shining brightly from the window. My eyes were still feeling groggy; normally I wouldn't have taken it lightly if someone woke me up in such manners, but there must be a reason why Maya was acting this way.

"Asuka wake up! They're coming," She whispered quietly, "We must go, now…"

"What are you talking about? Who's coming?"

"The section-two agents, Shigeru and Makoto saw them coming when they were looking out for us downstairs…now come on!" She replied and pulled me out of the bed.

I felt revitalised immediately at the mention of section-two agents. They were well-trained special forces, and would do anything to achieve their goals. We left the bedroom and went into the living room. Shinji and Rei were already there, their faces looking worried. The boy had the gun firmly held in his right hand. Makoto and Shigeru were here as well, but they didn't look as if they possessed any weapons.

"Ok, is everyone here?" Makoto took the role of the leader.

Maya started counting; there were six of us altogether. "Yes, all here."

"All right then, let's go," Makoto said, "Is there a backdoor here? They're coming from the front, wouldn't be wise to exit from there."

"There's a stair leading downwards at the back," Shinji replied, his voice shaking, but determined, "It's in the kitchen."

"Ok, everyone to the kitchen now."

We tiptoed to the kitchen, with Makoto leading the way and Shigeru bringing up the back. Once we were there, Makoto opened the door to the backstairs and looked down. His face changed.

"They're coming up this way too. Is there another way out?"

"N-no…there isn't…" Shinji replied, his free hand holding Rei's.

And then the doorbell rang. Makoto walked back to the living room. Maya and I followed closely behind while the rest stayed in the kitchen. He turned on the monitor connected to the video camera outside. We saw five men dressed in black suits, all of them from section-two. The one standing in the middle kept pressing the doorbell. His long grey hair was tied in a pony tail; there was a long scar on one side of his face. This appearance made him stand out from the rest.

Makoto's eyebrows were drawn tightly together, "This isn't looking good."

Time was running out. The doorbells were beginning to sound rushed. I hurried back to the kitchen and peeked downstairs. Like Makoto said, there were three men heading towards us; another was down on the street guarding a black Mercedes. I remembered taking shooting lessons in Germany before. Now if only I could put it to use and take down those bastards here…

"Shinji, give me the gun."

I waited, but there was no response. The agents were already approaching the stairs, and once they started climbing the stairs, it would be near impossible to aim at them. I turned my head around and saw Shinji still standing there.

"What are you waiting for? Give me the gun now!"

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"What else? Shoot them of course! There's no other way out, we must take them down now!"

Shinji took a deep breath. He seemed to be hesitating. I was about to scold him again when he finally said, "Let me be the one to shoot then." He started walking towards me. I was surprised at first, but I recovered and snatched the gun away from his hand when he was standing beside me.

"Look Shinji, it's nice you've somehow become a man, but I can do it better than you. I was trained before, and you weren't."

"But I was trained when piloting Eva! I know how to shoot!"

"Don't give me that crap! Just shut up and trust me this time!"

There was no time to lose. Without waiting for his reply, I aimed the gun at one of the agents. To be honest, I wasn't very confident myself, but under such circumstances, there was no other solution. It was either we stopped them, or they killed us and took Rei away. I just needed to stay focused. The first shot would be the easiest one, because after that, they would be alert, and they would start firing back. I guess I was putting my own life on the line here.

I was about to pull the trigger when one of them spotted me.

"There they are! Get them!" He shouted.

It would've become an impossible task, but to my surprise, the second agent standing behind him raised his arms and gave his head a quick twist. The first agent then fell silently to the floor. The third agent took out his gun, turned around, and fired four shots at the one guarding their car. In a flash, it was two dead men lying on the ground, and two other living men who didn't seem hostile towards us. One of them took out a white handkerchief and waved at us; the other put away his weapon. They then started rushing up the stairs.

I turned around. Shinji and Rei were both looking at me.

"Well…hehe…that was easy…" It reminded me of a similar situation during the one time when NERV had an electrical shutdown. It was then Makoto and Maya ran in here to the kitchen. Their faces were pale.

"They're coming in!" Maya looked scared.

I didn't have time to think. There was another gunshot and then the front door was kicked open. I heard footsteps approaching and peeked into the living room. Seconds later, five men appeared. Out of instinct, I fired a shot at them and then hid quickly behind the wall. There was a scream, followed quickly by some rustling sounds of the furniture. I guess they were now hiding behind the sofas. I just hoped that shot at least managed to take out one of them.

They were probably waiting for their comrades from the backdoor, for there was a long silence before an agent spoke.

"Drop your weapon! Give us Ayanami Rei, and we promise we won't hurt you!"

There was another long silence. Neither of us made a move. I tried to peek into the living room, but withdrew immediately when they tried to shower me with a rain of bullets. That was close. Panting heavily, I glanced at the three technicians. All were looking worried. It seemed that I had been given the responsibility to fight the agents. Damn adults could never do anything right.

Rei and Shinji crouched close behind me. With the gun in my hand trying to protect them, it almost made me feel like a big sister to them both. I guess people did rely on me. It would have been a nice feeling if I wasn't so scared myself.

"Asuka, give me the gun," Makoto whispered, but I was reluctant in giving it to him. The weapon not only gave me a sense of duty, but also security.

"Asuka, give it to me now!" He repeated.

Hesitantly, I handed the gun to the technician. We all kept silent as Makoto peeked into the living room. He was forced back straight away when the enemies started firing ruthlessly at our direction. The bullets hit the cupboard, breaking most of the plates and glasses. It was now a mess in the small kitchen.

A few tense moments later, we started hearing footsteps approaching from the back. They grew louder and louder until finally, the two agents we saw just now arrived in the kitchen. Not knowing they were on our side, Makoto and Maya quickly stood between them and Rei.

"Do not worry," One of the agents said as he brandished his gun, "We're here to protect you."

"What are you talking about?" Maya asked.

"We're not working for Gendo anymore." He replied as they both took positions behind one side of the walls. "Stay back and let us take care of this."

I slowly moved away and let them took over. It was a relief that they were here. Sweat formed on my forehead as I thought about how lucky we were to have them both aiding us. Otherwise we would have been finished easily.

Without any further delay, they started shooting at those still loyal to Gendo in the living room. A fierce gunfight ensued. We just watched from a side, hoping silently that these two friendly strangers would emerge victorious. They would fire a few shots and then hid behind the wall immediately after. Once they emptied their ammo, they changed rounds, reloaded, and started attacking again.

In the midst of people shouting "traitors" and other bad words, we heard several screams. And then there were more gunshots and chaos. It was when one of our friends stopped firing that we realised one of the screams had come out from him. His right hand was injured and bleeding badly.

All of us were looking at him worriedly. His face was pale and sweaty; it looked like the bullet had shot a hole through his wrist. These people…why were they doing this for us? They were not even familiar with us… And why were we, the ones threatened by those enemies out there, cowering here in fear and letting strangers do all the dirty work? It just…it just didn't seem right. We needed to do something.

I caught Makoto off guard when I snatched the gun back from his hand. And then I proceeded to take over for the agent, but before I could, he stopped me.

"Which one of you here is Mr. Ikari?"

Shinji stepped forward. "I am."

The wounded agent took a glance at Rei before staring straight at Shinji. "We managed to kill one of them and injured another two, but I don't shoot well with my left hand."

Upon hearing this, Shinji's eyes rolled over to the other agent. The injured one noticed it, and he continued, "My friend here is a new recruit, unfortunately, he won't be able to do much against Yamazaki and his men. Besides, there're more down there in the car park, acting as backup."

"What are you trying to say?" Shinji asked.

"You must leave now. Take the back stairs. The way is clear, and there's a car down there. Use it, go to a safer place."

"B-but what about you two?"

"We'll stay here and cover for you. Now go!"

"Why…" This time, it was Rei who spoke, "Why are you doing this?"

I didn't know if others saw it, but the man's eyes looked almost sympathetic. It seemed that he wanted to say something, but couldn't bring out the words.

"Are you doing this to protect me?" Rei asked again.

He stared at her, looking as if he was trying to see through her before answering, "No, I'm just protecting our mother Earth. The rumours are out. They need you for Third Impact."

Before anyone could say anything further, a black oval object flew through the air into the kitchen. It was too late when I realised what it was. There was a blinding flash and a few more screams. I tried to open my eyes, but all I could see was a pure white. I rubbed my eyes with both my hands, and looked harder. Still nothing…Several gunshots followed. And then there was a tense moment of silence.

My heart started beating faster. Through the thick fog, I saw two bodies falling down, although I couldn't tell who they were. A few tall shadows walked around, pulling and shoving the others to the floor. I was lucky that none of them came to me, however.

Slowly, the haze faded until all were clear once again. My eyes recovered. Four other men stood in front of us, all dressed in black suits; two of them had bullet wounds on their shoulders, another only had a burn on his left arm. I looked around. Both Shinji and Rei looked unhurt; the three technicians were still trying to get their eyesight back; the two agents who had helped us were now dead on the kitchen floor.

"Useless fools," The man with the scar said as he rubbed his right hand on his burnt arm. "Now let's see which one of you did this."

His eyes darted back and forth, finally stopping at Rei.

"Miss Ayanami, I presume?" He smiled wickedly, his scar pulling his face into an ugly grin. Shinji quickly put his arms protectively around Rei. The man laughed again. "I'll take care of you two later…"

It was then I realised that I had dropped my gun accidentally when attacked by the flash bomb. Instantaneously, I tried to feel around for the weapon without taking my eyes off that man, but I couldn't find it. My hands stopped when he redirected his gaze to me.

"Looking for your toy little beauty? Ah yes…I remember it was a red-head." He said menacingly, "You shot me didn't you?"

"Too bad the bullet didn't go right through your skull!" I shot back, and regretted it.

He came over to me and grabbed me by the collar. The tall man then started raising his hand and I felt the ground left my feet. He stopped when my face was level to his. It was getting hard to breathe properly.

"Remember my name, you little bitch. It's Yamazaki. Remember it well."

Suddenly, I felt a force pulling me, and when I realised it, I was flying through the air, before being smashed into a kitchen chair. My head was spinning and my bones felt like they were broken in pieces. I tried to stand up, but a painful kick on my stomach kept me down. I started to taste something sweet in my mouth, and when I coughed, blood came out.

There was no time to recover. I felt my hair being grabbed and pulled by a rough hand. My body reflexively arched backward. I screamed.

"You like this, don't you? Huh? That'll teach you a lesson, bitch!"

I spat at him. "Fuck you."

And then there was a slap. My face was burning. Ant then there was another slap, and another, and another, and then I lost count. Yamazaki only stopped when Shinji ran forward and tackled him. I was dropped to the ground, but I couldn't think properly.

"Stop…Stop it…" I heard someone saying, but couldn't tell who it was.

Through my blurred vision, I saw Yamazaki grabbed Shinji and slammed him onto the dining table, breaking it into half. The boy cried out in pain. Makoto and the others weren't able to help. The other agents had their guns pointed at the technicians. Rei was sitting there with her knees drawn to her chest, and her head hidden in her arms.

"Stop…Stop hurting them…" She said again, trembling.

Yamazaki pulled Shinji up by the hair. He then scooped him up with his strong arms and held him horizontally in the air. The boy was silent, but still breathing with his chest heaving up and down. I tried to stand up and save Shinji, but couldn't gather my strength. In despair, I watched Yamazaki get ready to break Shinji's backbone.

"STOP!!!"

Suddenly, there was a burst of orange light, and then Yamazaki was sent flying and crushing through one of the concrete walls. Dusts scattered around. When the air finally cleared, Shinji was lying on the floor, moaning in pain, but at least alive. Yamazaki, on the other hand, was lying silently beneath the rubbles, not moving anymore.

The other three agents immediately aimed their guns at Rei, who was still cowering at the corner.

"No!!!" I shouted. A few gunshots were heard afterwards.

One agent fell down, being hit on the head; another clutched his chest tightly before stumbling to the floor, where he lay lifeless; the third one was shot on the hand, thus making him drop his gun. Then, out of nowhere, Misato sprinted forward and kicked him on the groin, forcing him to kneel down and gasp in misery.

She pointed her desert eagle at his head, "Never step into my home uninvited, remember that," and then she fired.

"Major!!" Maya ran forward and cried into her shoulder.

"It's ok…It's ok…everyone all right?" Misato asked. The other two technicians got up as well.

I gathered what strength I had left and stood up. My legs felt a bit wobbly; my cheeks were still burning, probably badly swollen too, but overall I was feeling fine. Shinji somehow managed to compose himself and crawled over to Rei's side. He was hugging the still trembling girl.

"Get the children," Misato ordered, "We're leaving. It's not safe in here anymore."

Makoto and Shigeru went over and helped Shinji and Rei get up. Misato had to half-carry the wrecked Maya. I wiped the blood off my mouth and spat out a broken tooth. It was strange, but I somehow felt tough and confident. I took more hits than anyone else, and yet I was the one who didn't need help moving around.

We took the back stairs down to the black Mercedes below, but we barely made it. Halfway down the stairs, more agents arrived at the apartment and started shooting us from above. Misato fired back, taking out two of them. We rushed down the remaining steps as fast as we could, and the enemies gave chase. Once we were down there, Makoto got into the shogun together with Maya; the rest of us climbed into the backseat. Shigeru was taking care of Shinji, who wouldn't let go of Rei's hand; I sat down beside the shaken girl.

More gunshots were heard. I kept both Rei's head and mine low as bullets hit mercilessly at the window. Misato hurried into the driving seat, started the engine and we sped off away from the building.

I never thought it was possible for Misato's reckless driving to be so useful, but today, I smiled to myself as she zigzagged her way through the heavy traffic. I looked back through the window. No NERV agents were in sight. It had been a close call, but we managed to escape from them.

"Any suggestions on where we should go?" Misato stated the obvious concern. No one was able to come out with any recommendation. All Maya, Shigeru and Makoto were seen by the section-two agents, and their apartments would most likely be searched very soon. It was lucky that they all lived alone.

"I know of a place." I replied. "We should be safe there."

"Where?"

"My friend's home…his name is Kaworu."


	23. Chapter 23

_Rei's POV:_

It had been four days since we left Misato's apartment and came to stay at Kaworu's. The room was a bit small, but we managed to create some space after cleaning out the rubble. Makoto and Shigeru slept in the kitchen, whereas the rest of us shared the living room. This place was even dirtier than my old apartment, and there were no beds available, but Misato had bought some bedrolls for us.

Despite having many friends here with me, I did not feel safe. In fact, it was the reason why I was worried. We were fortunate that Kaworu kept this location a secret from NERV. His accommodation as recorded in the NERV documents was of another apartment where he used to visit sometimes to keep the section two agents away.

However, I was afraid that they would eventually discover this place and come searching for me here.That scene in Misato's apartment kept playing itself over and over again in my head, and every time I looked at these people here, I was reminded of the deaths of those two agents who tried to protect me. I did not want to be a burden to everyone.

Shinji…the one I loved deeply…

Asuka…my first and best friend…

Misato…a mother I never had…

Maya, Makoto, Shigeru…people who were genuinely concerned about me…

And Kaworu…a brother I only recently found out that I had. Perhaps there was a link between him and me, for I felt comfortable and agreeable in his presence. It seemed to me that he and Asuka were very good friends. Not unlike Shinji and me, Misato had learnt that he was the seventeenth Angel from Mr. Kaji, but I could not be sure if Asuka knew of his true origin.

There was nothing much we could do in this long period of predicament.Everyday, we waited for news to arrive from the UN, but none ever came. There was no contact between us and Mr. Kaji either. Days passed by slowly; each day becoming more and more wearisome as we waited for something to happen, waited for help to arrive. None of us could go back to NERV anymore. I did not know how the others felt, but inside my heart hope was gradually fading away and being replaced by fear. Nevertheless, I did not tell Shinji, neither did I tell Asuka. They had done much for me, and there was no point in having them worrying about me at a time like this.

It was this night that Misato took a big risk and infiltrated NERV. She said she needed to find out what was happening. We objected, but she was persistent. The technicians wanted to go with her. However, Misato insisted that she went in alone. In the end, we could not convince her to abandon the plan. In the five hours that she was away, I waited with my heart hanging on a thin thread, and silently prayed that she would return safe.

Fortunately, she came back unscathed, but she brought bad news. NERV was disbanding, and there were barely anyone left. Even most of those who were still on the employed list had been absent for days. Vice Commander Fuyutsuki had previously agreed to help us, but he too had gone missing. It did not lighten the mood much when Misato revealed that Commander…Commander Ikari was still alive, and that Dr. Akagi had joined the others on the missing list of people.

There was a very long silence upon the deliverance of this news, something I was becoming familiar with. No one felt like saying anything. Even the expression on Kaworu's face was grim, and Asuka, who had been trying hard to cheer us, was looking evidently depressed. Misato was simply exhausted. It was Shinji who finally spoke first.

"Is anyone hungry? I'll cook supper. I know it's late…but…"

"That'd be awesome!" Asuka replied; her smile looking forced.

"What about you, Rei? Would you like anything to eat?"

"No."

"Are you alright? You look tired," Shinji asked, sounding concerned.

"I will be fine with just an orange," I replied, standing up and walking into the kitchen. Shinji followed closely behind. I crouched down and opened the fridge; there was nothing much left inside. A loaf of half eaten bread, a few jars of jam, some canned food, a tray of eggs, a bottle of mineral water and some apples and oranges in a plastic bag were all there was. I picked up one of the fruit and stood back up.

Shinji was already preparing to cook, but I had not been expecting to see Asuka here helping him instead of Maya. Shinji and the female technician had been in charge of cooking, and occasionally Misato would participate, but we only agreed to let her cook her own food. Asuka and I only helped clean the dishes. The surprise must be showing on my face, for she started to look at me sheepishly.

"Well, I thought I'd learn some skills from the little idiot…I-I mean Shinji! Yeah…learn something from him, might be useful in the future since he doesn't know how to cook…hehehe…"

I did not like how she often referred to Shinji as the little idiot, but on my request she had began to change the bad habit. "Who were you speaking about?"

"Huh?"

"You said he did not know how to cook. Who were you referring to?"

"N-nothing! I didn't say anything like that! J-just go and get some rest. I'll tell you when the food's ready, ok?"

"Asuka is right, Rei, you should go get some rest." Shinji added with a smile. I like it when he did that. It reminded me of how important I was to him, and it felt pleasant knowing it. I nodded my head and went back to the living room, although I still did not understand why Asuka was acting so strangely. It was often that I saw Shinji stuttering, but definitely not her.

Misato was lying at a corner of the room; Maya was sleeping on her mattress too. I guess everyone was tired after the long night. Despite this, Makoto and Shigeru were still outside the building watching out for us. It made me feel cold on the inside. I picked a spot beside the piano and sat down, with my back leaning against one of its legs.

I took a bite on the orange. For some reasons, my vision was getting blurred as seconds passed by. It was one of the many times when I tried to understand why they were all doing this for me. Not only were they putting themselves in danger, but they had to live under such strenuous conditions as well. They were willing to risk everything for me, but why? Did they think that I was worth it? I tried hard not to cry, but I did not succeed.

"Feeling a little depressed?" Kaworu sat down beside me.

"No."

"I know how you feel, but you shouldn't blame it on yourself."

I kept quiet and took another bite. The tears were still flowing, so I looked away, but he turned my shoulder around to face him. Again, I tried to avoid his eyes by keeping my gaze downwards. Kaworu then lifted my face gently with his delicate fingers. As I started into those two red orbs, he continued, "We did not choose to be who we are, or what we are. We were just born that way. It's not our fault that we were born different; it's what we do afterwards that matters."

I hesitated for a while, but asked him eventually, "Is there anything I can do?"

"You can decide your own destiny. At one stage, I was feeling the same way as you do, but in the end, I chose not to merge with Adam. I chose to be free. And I'm happy I made that decision."

"I do not understand…Why must this happen? All this would not have happened if they were not trying to achieve Third Impact."

"Because mankind is not perfect, the greed for money, the greed for power, wishing that they could achieve evolution through Third Impact, stemmed from the greed for knowledge…and of course, the greed for love."

"The greed for love?"

"Yes, it's why Gendo did what he did."

I cringed at the mention of his name. To know that he was still alive, and to think about what he would do to me if he found me…it was traumatising. He had dictated all my life and I wish…I wish that we had finished him off when we had the chance. Now we had to live with the consequences.

"Sorry." Kaworu apologised.

"Why?"

"I shouldn't have mentioned him."

Our conversation was interrupted when Asuka was heard yelling from the kitchen. It seemed that Shinji had given her the wrong instruction and she had somehow managed to mix soy sauce with salad. Despite the shoutings, they sounded like they were having fun, something rare these days…Maya was still sleeping peacefully beside Misato, however. It seemed that the loud noises had not managed to wake her up.

"Kaworu."

"What is it?"

"I do not want to be a burden."

His reaction was quite different to Shinji's when I had told him the same thing. Kaworu acted as if he had expected me to bring this up. The smile on his face never faded when he asked. "Why do you think like that?"

"I am endangering everyone. I do not want them to end up like the two agents who were trying to protect me."

"Is that why you think of yourself as a burden?"

"Yes."

"Hmm…let's see…" Kaworu had his eyebrows drawn together, putting up a curious, but somewhat delighted look on his face. "Say if one day, Shinji was being hunted down by a group of bandits, and they'd kill him if they caught him, what would you do?"

"I would do all I can to protect him from them." It was an easy question, but I could not understand why Kaworu would ask something like this.

"Why? These bandits are brutal and dangerous people. Wouldn't Shinji be a burden to you?"

"No, of course he would not."

"Why?" Kaworu asked, looking happy and satisfied.

"Because I love him deeply."

"And because you're concerned about him?" Kaworu pressed on.

"Yes, because I'm concerned." I replied.

"That's how we all think about you. We're concerned. To us, you're a friend, not a burden. Never was, never will be."

Kaworu's words were sympathetic and considerate, but it caused more tears to flow. It was one of the many times when I understood tears were not just for pain and sorrow, and that something beautiful could also trigger the same reaction. I was not ashamed of him seeing me in this state, but I wished I was the one protecting everyone, instead of having them doing it for me. I had powers that they had not, and yet I could not use it to help everyone.

"I do not want to be weak. I want to help, to keep my friends away from harm. Can you teach me how to do that?" I asked.

The smile on his face disappeared as he stared immensely into me. I stared back, not willing to back down from this intimidation. There was a tense moment, but I did not know how long we kept this silence. Finally, he looked back down on the floor. "There's nothing I can teach you."

"Yes there is. You can teach me how to generate my own AT-Field."

"I'm sorry. I can't teach you that."

"Yes you can! I may not have been given a holy name like you, Tabris, but I am still the same as you!" I did not understand why I became so emotional. I was just tired of being the reason why we were all here worrying for our own lives.

Kaworu's eyes widened with my sudden outburst. I guess the mention of his holy name somehow had an effect on him, for he replied, "As I said, I can't teach you, but if you insist, I can explain it to you."

"I insist. I want to know." I replied immediately.

There was another long silence, but Kaworu finally gave in and sighed, the warm smile returning to his face, "Fine…I'll tell you then. AT-Field…" He paused for a moment before continuing, "AT-Field is a holy domain, the light of our minds, the walls we erect around us. It's what defines individuality."

I tried hard to digest what he said, but failed miserably. All this time, I had thought that AT-Field was just a form of self-defence, and that only Angels possessed it. The explanation Kaworu gave to me was completely different from what the NERV scientists had told me. I felt disappointed with my own knowledge and intellect, but somehow, Kaworu knew what I was thinking, for he grabbed my hand and continued.

"Within the boundaries of an AT-Field is the zone of security and safety. It protects you from the outside world, and returns you to yourself. You can't will it from the brain. It doesn't work that way. You can only will it from here…" He said and put his palm over his own heart.

"I do not understand. In that case, why can I not generate an AT-Field on my own free will?"

"From what I heard, you've already managed to do it twice. The first time was in the NERV prison, you were trying to protect something special, something you wish to give to Shinji."

My cheeks heat up uncontrollably at this, but I kept quiet and continued listening nonetheless.

"The second time was in Misato's apartment, you were trying to protect the two people most important to you, the first ones to truly care for you. You used to think you owe your existence to someone else; now you think you owe it to them. There's one thing common in these two cases, do you know what it is?"

I tried to think carefully. It was difficult at first, but I finally managed to come out with an answer. "I was becoming desperate in both situations."

"Correct. Unlike humans, Angels were born with the natural ability to freely project their own AT-Fields. Your consciousness, however, was first created when you were only a half-Angel, thus making it hard for you."

"I see…" I said, sounding disappointed. I could not help it. "I understand now."

"That's not to say you can never use your AT-Field like a real Angel, which you already are. You just need some getting used to. Like Adam, you were born directly from Lilith. Your AT-Field should be stronger than any of the Angels you fought."

No matter how hard Kaworu tried to sound optimistic, I was still feeling upset, and a little frustrated by my own inabilities. There used to be a time when I was having great difficulties in understanding emotions; there used to be a time when I failed to act as a human being. And now I was unable to generate my own AT-Field even though I was a complete Angel. I failed again, and failing twice did not feel pleasant at all.

"Still feeling a little depressed?" Kaworu asked again.

"No, I feel better now."

"Say…I remember you saying something about how you and I are the same…" He said, smiling.

"Are we not the same?"

"Yes of course we're the same," Kaworu laughed softly, "so I'm just wondering…"

There was a long pause. I waited for him to continue, but he just sat there quietly. The big, warm smile on his face forced his eyes into two thin lines. We stayed like this for nearly a minute.

"Well? Aren't you going to ask me what I'm wondering about?"

"What are you wondering about?"

"Oh, I'm just wondering if I could call you my sister," He replied, still smiling.

A sister…? His good intentions made me feel warmed up on the inside. Before the commander started abusing me, I used to think that he was my only family. Since then I had been all alone; not even Shinji could be counted, not until we were…married…

I wanted to say yes to Kaworu, but something prevented me from doing so. Were we siblings just because we were similar? Then what would that make the other Angels I fought? Did that mean I was a murderer, someone who killed my own brothers and sisters?

"I've always wanted to have a family." Kaworu interrupted my thoughts.

"But we are only of the same species. You were born from Adam, and I from Lilith. We do not share the same parents."

"You're right, but we can still become siblings from a more spiritual point of view, don't you agree?" He asked, sounding hopeful.

"Asuka would get suspicious if you start calling me your sister."

"Oh…that…" His face changed, now looking doubtful.

"You have not yet told her of your true origin, have you?"

"No, I haven't."

"You must tell her as soon as you can. She is your good friend, and it is your responsibility to be honest with her. I have my own experience."

"I just don't think this is a good time. She might not be able to take it."

"That is what I used to think. I had many chances to tell Shinji, but in the end, I did not dare take the risk." I tried to share my past, hoping that he would understand how important this was, "When I finally gathered the courage to let him know, someone else already did it for me. It hurt Shinji badly."

Kaworu kept silent, his eyes staring onto the floor, so I continued, "Asuka once told me something valuable. She said if she were Shinji, she would prefer to find out the truth from me, rather than have someone else tell her. I think the same thing works for you."

It was another long silence before he spoke, "Thank you for the advice, Rei. I'll keep that in mind."

"Once you've revealed the truth to her, we can start referring to each other as brother and sister." I said, putting on a smile and trying to look optimistic.

"All right then," He smiled back at last, "Don't worry, I know what to do."

It was then Shinji walked into the living room towards Misato and Maya, as I first noticed the aroma of cooked food floating in the air. He then bent down and gently shook the female technician awake. It did not take very long. When Maya finally sat up, Shinji asked softly.

"Supper's ready, Maya. Would you like to have some?"

"Sure…" She rubbed her eyes, "Where are Makoto and Shigeru?"

"They're outside keeping watch." Shinji replied.

"Ok…I'll go fetch some food for them too." Maya said as she stood up. Shinji then proceeded to Misato's mattress. He was about to wake her when Maya stopped him. "Don't wake her. She's probably too tired…and she needs her rest. Let her sleep…"

Shinji nodded his head and stood up as well. He then headed back towards the kitchen, with Maya following closely behind. Before he disappeared into the door, Shinji glanced at me and then at Kaworu. "Just sit there, Rei. I'll get something for you."

I did not understand why, but there was an awkward silence after he was out of sight. The only sound we heard were the clinking sound of cutlery coming from the kitchen. Kaworu also got up after a while.

"Well, I'm getting hungry too. Let's see what they've got for us."

"Tell Shinji that I am not hungry and not to worry about me," I said to him.

"All right, go and have a rest then," He replied, disappearing into the kitchen.

Feeling weary after the long talk with Kaworu, I stood up and let my heavy legs walk me back to my own mattress. It was the one I shared with Shinji. There, I finally lay down and pulled the blanket over myself. It felt warm and comfortable. I could smell Shinji's scent from it too. Taking a last glance at the surroundings, I saw Misato still lying there, snoring loudly. Maya walked back into the living room with a tray of food. She then proceeded through the main entrance door to the other two technicians outside.

After a while, I noticed Shinji coming back with a plate of fruit on his hand too, but by then I had become too tired to say anything. So I let my eyes close and drifted off to sleep.

I did not know for how long I slept, but it must have been hours, for when I woke up, it was already early morning. There was no window in Kaworu's apartment, but the gentle sunlight shining through the cracks on the walls allowed me to guess what time it was. Still feeling groggy, I felt around for Shinji. My hand landed on his upper thigh; he was sitting just beside me.

"Good morning, Rei. How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I feel fine, but a little thirsty."

Shinji stood up immediately and went to the kitchen. I sat up and rubbed my eyes clear. Asuka was there sleeping with her head leaning onto Kaworu's shoulder. The boy, however, was awake and he waved at me, smiling. There was no sight of Misato and the others.

A few minutes later, Shinji returned with a glass of water. He sat back down beside me and handed me the glass. "Here, have a drink."

"Thank you," I received the glass from him and took a few sips. "Where is everyone?"

"Asuka's over there sleeping beside Kaworu. Misato's in the kitchen making her own breakfast. We're running out of food, so Maya, Shigeru and Makoto have gone to the market to get them." He replied. His eyes kept darting between me, Asuka and Kaworu.

"They seem to be very good friends, do they not?" I asked.

"Yes, they surely do. I wonder how they met each other."

"According to Asuka, she caught Kaworu stalking her."

Shinji laughed softly, "You don't seriously believe what she said, do you?"

"Why not?" I asked back, feeling a little confused.

"I think she was just kidding, but nevermind…" He replied. There was a slight pause before he continued, "Say…what were you and Kaworu doing last night?"

"We had a long conversation."

"Oh I see…what did you two talk about?"

"He was telling me how I am not a burden to everyone here."

"A burden? You asked him?" Shinji sounded a little edgy when he asked.

"Yes, I asked him."

"But didn't I tell you before! You're not a burden! Wasn't that enough for you!"

"I-I just needed a little more assurance." I replied, slightly surprised at Shinji's sudden outburst. Even Kaworu was now looking at us curiously; Asuka was still sleeping.

There was a long pause before he spoke again, "Sorry, I just don't want you to think like that. You're not a burden. The real burden here is my father and NERV."

"I see…I understand now." I said, putting on a smile. I knew Shinji always liked that, but he was still looking angry, although I did not understand why he would feel that way. So, I tried to move on to another topic. "Kaworu also explained the meaning of AT-Field to me. Would you like to listen?"

"Yeah…sure…" He sounded uninterested, but I continued nonetheless.

"AT-Field is a holy domain, the light of our minds, the walls we erect around us. It is what defines individuality. It protects you from harm and brings you back to yourself."

"I see…" Shinji replied, still sounding detached. I was beginning to get worried.

"Shinji, is something wrong? You look angry."

"Nothing…everything's fine…"

I followed Shinji's eyes and saw Kaworu waving at us from the other end of the room. Shinji looked away immediately. It confirmed my suspicion that something was not right. I took his hand and asked, "You are not jealous, are you?"

"J-Jealous? Of course not! Why would I be jealous? There's nothing to be jealous of!" He blurted hastily, but I was not convinced with what he said.

"Shinji, there is something I must tell you. It is about Kaworu and me."

"W-What is it?" Shinji asked, swallowing an audible gulp. His forehead was covered with sweat.

"It is a secret, so you must not tell Asuka." I said solemnly.

"No…it can't be… Don't tell me you two are-"

"Kaworu and I are siblings. We have accepted that."

Shinji's face twisted into a look of shock. I thought he felt happy and relieved too, but I could not be sure. There was a very long pause before he spoke again. "Eh? Siblings? As in brother and sister?"

"Yes. Kaworu said he had always wanted a family, so I have agreed to let him call me his sister, and I will call him my brother."

"Oh…hehe…haha…" He began to laugh sheepishly, "I see…I understand now…haha…"

"You and Asuka were playing happily in the kitchen last night, and yet I did not feel jealous. You should have believed in me, as I did in you." I frowned.

"But Asuka and I were just…" Shinji replied before stopping halfway, "I see…I understand what you're saying now, Rei. I'm sorry for doubting you. It was my fault." He finished with a sigh, looking evidently displeased with himself.

"It is all right. I do not blame you. I was just…" I paused, trying to search for the word Asuka had told me. She said I needed to do it to Shinji sometimes, or else he might get bored with me. "I was just teasing you." I said finally, putting on a smile.

"Teasing me?" Shinji's eyes were wide with shock. There was a long pause; I kept on smiling. And then he started to grin. "Why you naughty girl!"

Suddenly, I felt myself being pushed down on the shoulder. Once I lay flat on the mattress, Shinji climbed on top of me; his hands reached to my waist and started tickling me. I was slightly surprised, so I tried to push him away, but was stopped when he pinned both my hands over my head with his right hand. His other free hand continued to tickle me as I tried to break free.

"How do you like that! Huh?" He laughed cheerfully.

I tried to compose myself, but was only partly successful as I heard myself giggling. "Stop it…hehe…Shinji! Hehe…Stop!"

He ignored me and continued with the tickling, but I managed to stifle the giggles after a while. For a moment, I noticed how happy and carefree he looked. Sometimes, I wished that we did not have to endure all this hardship, but it was times like this that I appreciated the togetherness and unity it brought us. It was what made me understand that there was a beautiful side to everything, and that what we needed to do was to search for that light. And then maybe…just maybe sometime in the future, if we all survived the coming war, we would be able to live in everlasting peace, and every moment from then onwards would just be like this…just me and him…just joy and laughter…

"Rei, did I hurt you? Are you alright?" Shinji asked, aware that I had suddenly become quiet. He let go of my hands immediately and stopped what he was doing.

"Yes I am."

"Are you sure? You're…you're blushing heavily…"

I touched my cheek; it was hot. "Yes I am."

"Oh…ok…" He lay down beside me and pulled me into a hug, "Sorry, I got a bit carried away."

"It is alright. I enjoyed it. We can try it again in the future." I replied honestly.

His body became immensely warmed up as I buried my face into his chest. I inhaled the pleasant scent coming from his body; it gave me a sense of belonging. Shinji responded by planting a kiss on the top of my head.

There was something I had been waiting to ask Shinji for quite a while now, and I remembered Asuka telling me that I needed to ask him in a romantic situation. She said it was necessary to gain a favourable response. I guess now should be considered as a romantic situation. Perhaps the time had come for me to ask him.

"Shinji, can I ask you something?"

"Yes of course. What is it?"

I wanted to state my request directly, but in the end I decided that I should do it slowly. So I asked, "Do you remember what Misato and Mr. Kaji were doing that night?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"We were secretly listening outside their room, remember?"

"Oh! Oh that! Ahem…um…Rei…you see…I think there's something you need to know…" Shinji stuttered as he gently pulled me upwards until my face was level to his.

"What is it?"

"You see, Rei…it's true that lovers do what they did…but…but we just can't do it now."

"But we are lovers, are we not? Why can we not do the same?" I asked, feeling a little confused; I did not think my request would be so difficult to accomplish.

"Yes of course we are…but what I'm trying to say is…is that we're still young and we should at least wait until we're older."

"I do not believe age plays a role in this practice." I replied firmly.

Shinji then opened his mouth to say something, but stopped halfway. He then scratched his head and stayed quiet for a short while before speaking again. "Ok…Rei…" Shinji sighed, "I know it's difficult to convince you, but you're still not very familiar with normal social custom. Believe it or not, age does matter. Besides…" He blushed and looked around the room.

"Besides what?"

"We should only do it somewhere private. There are other people watching here, so it's not right to do it here, do you understand now?"

"But Asuka said it is common practice among lovers. She said people do it even in public places." I tried to reason with Shinji.

"Rei, you shouldn't listen to everything she told you. Yes, Asuka is your friend, but you are Ayanami Rei, not someone else. You should be your innocent self. It's what I love about you, understand?"

Shinji made a good point. I should not have believed everything Asuka told me, but I still could not understand why Shinji would not agree to my simple request. However, since he mentioned he liked me being myself, I thought I should try one more time and ask the question directly.

"Shin-chan," I said.

"Huh?"

"I just called you Shin-chan. See? It was not so difficult. Kaworu and Asuka did not even care." I stated the obvious.

"What? Huh? I…I don't understand…"

"I want you to call me Rei-chan, and I will call you Shin-chan. It is a simple request, is it not?"

"Oh…Oh I see! So…so you were not talking about having sex…" He laughed awkwardly.

"Do you wish to have sex with me?"

"No! Of course not! I-I mean yes! No I mean no! Ok…yes…but not here, not now, maybe sometime in the future in somewhere more private." He said, smiling sheepishly and blushing profusely.

I could not help but feel myself heating up as well. Putting on a smile, I reached forward and stroke his face, "Shin-chan…"

Letting out a sigh of joy and relief, he smiled back, his hand caressing my cheek, "Rei-chan…"

As I stared into his deep blue eyes, I was reminded of the sea, the source of all life. They looked so peaceful. It was one of the many times when I would just snuggle close to him and stayed like that in contentment. I could feel his breaths, his chest rising and falling to a steady rhythm. It felt so warm.

The quiet serenity was violently disturbed by a sudden gunshot.

Shinji and I sat up instantaneously, but before we could think, the main entrance door was kicked open. A dart shot through the air and pierced into Kaworu's shoulder. I was about to rush to him when he suddenly raised his hand and created an AT-Field next to me. There was a small, high pitched sound as something hit the barrier. A second dart dropped to the floor beside my feet as the orange light vanished. Kaworu then fell limply to the ground.

It surprised me even more when Makoto, Maya and Shigeru, all gagged and tied up, were shoved brutally into the room. Makoto had bruises and cuts all over his face, and his left eye was so grossly swollen that he could barely open it; Maya's nose was bleeding, and her face was badly scratched; Shigeru just lay on the floor motionlessly, both his eye sockets were empty. Then, two tall men dressed in black suits came inside. One was a savage looking African; the other was a blonde Caucasian. Both had a gun pointing at the technicians.

"Makoto! Maya! Shigeru!" Misato cried, dropping her glass of water onto the floor. Asuka woke up and stared at the technicians, looking very frightened; she pulled the dart out of Kaworu and wrapped her arm around the exhausted boy. Shinji was shaking, but he put his arm in front of me protectively. My mind went blank; all I could think of was the vicious scene displayed in front of my eyes.

A short moment later, another tall man with long white hair came into the room. I recognised him as Yamazaki. It was the same agent we met at Misato's apartment. His squinty eyes scanned the entire room carefully, but stopped when he saw me. The man shook his head and grinned wickedly, before stepping to a side.

It was then the fourth and final man came into sight. Although as tall as the other three, he looked significantly weaker, and he had to use a walking stick to aid his gait. His face and neck were covered with incompletely healed wounds, and his left eye was missing with the loose eyelids hanging over the empty hollow. His short brown hair was plastered to his sweaty forehead. The once handsome face was now rigid and wrinkled.

I did not know why I was crying. There were too many reasons.

"Good morning, Rei…" The commander's face twisted into an ugly smirk. "I miss you…"

"You son of a bitch!" Misato shouted and unleashed her desert eagle. The agent called Yamazaki pointed his rifle at her immediately.

"You'd be wise enough not to challenge me, major," The commander said firmly, "Or the three kind technicians here would suffer the same fate as your good friend did."

"M-My good friend? W-What did you do to Ritsuko?"

He grinned, "I killed her and burnt the body. It was a close call though. I was lucky that Mr. Yamazaki here came in time to pull the mad woman away from me."

"My pleasure, Mr. Ikari," The white haired man replied.

My heart dropped like a stone. No matter how cruel Dr Akagi was to me in the past, that last look she gave me before our escape from the NERV prison reminded me that in the end, she was also a victim of the commander's sinister schemes.

"Ritsuko…" Misato wept as she dropped her weapon and fell to her knees, "Ritsuko…"

"Cry as hard as you want, woman. I'm not here to play your silly game. Hand over Rei quietly, and I might just let you live the day." The commander said coldly.

"No!" Shinji shouted, "We'll never give her to you!"

His father, however, chose to ignore him and turned to me. "Come on, Rei. Let's go."

"No…I will not go with you."

"Have you forgotten that it was I who created you? What happened to you? What happened to my obedient Rei? You used to follow everything I said even in bed, remember?" He grinned.

"I could have been yours, but you never truly cared, and Shinji showed me the way."

His face changed; the grin disappeared as I mentioned Shinji. "As I said, I'm not here to play games. You either come with me, or watch your friends suffer the consequences." He said brandishing his gun and pointing it to the technicians.

"Don't listen to him Rei! He wants to use you for Third Impact! It's going to kill all of us!" Asuka shouted.

The commander glared at Asuka before laughing sarcastically, "Well, well, well…what do we have here? The mighty Second Child, the warrior who's merciless on the battlefield."

"If I had known who you truly are, I would've finished you off with my Eva long time ago when I had the chance!" Asuka spat back.

"Haha…my dear Asuka, you disappoint me. What happened to your glorious days? What happened to the days when you'd effortlessly kill every Angel that stood in your way? I honestly thought you were the best, but look at you now…shamelessly embracing an Angel in your arms!"

"W-What?" Asuka said, completely stunned.

"He was lying! Do not let him fool you!" I tried to shout, but it did not come out loud, and I was not sure if she heard me. It was even more agonising to see Kaworu desperately trying to hold her, but Asuka broke free of his loose grasp. She shot a look at me, and then stared back at Kaworu.

"Is that…is that true, Kaworu? That you're an Angel? Is that why you look so much like Rei?"

"Asuka, I…" His voice sounded asthmatic.

"Tell me honestly, please." She gritted her teeth.

Kaworu sighed; he forced himself to take a deep breath before answering, "Yes…yes it's true. I…I wanted to…to tell you, but-"

Asuka slapped him before he could finish. She then stood up and took a few steps backwards, away from Kaworu.

"Ouch…that got to hurt…" The commander laughed, "You see now, Asuka? Nobody cares about you. Kaworu…or should I say, Tabris kept the truth from you; Rei lied to you; Shinji knew it but he didn't tell you either. To everyone, you're just an expandable doll."

"GENDO!" Kaworu's eyes flared up as a weak flicker of orange light was seen in front of him.

A gunshot was heard.

"Mmmppphhh!" Makoto moaned painfully. His knee was bleeding.

With smoke still coming from his gun, the commander said calmly, "Before you pull off any of your tricks, Tabris, be aware that it would be your fault if any of these human beings died here."

The boy's AT-Field disappeared immediately. He was now sweating and shaking with frustration. Asuka just stood there sobbing angrily with her fists clenched.

My tears became dried as all I felt was a dreadful hollow. These people…they did not deserve this. It was my fault. I should go with the commander and prevent further meaningless sufferings. I stood up and took a few steps towards him before Shinji pulled me back.

"No! Don't go with him!"

"Release me, Shinji. I must go."

The commander smiled, "I see you've finally returned to your senses, my dear Rei. Come! Come with me and fulfil your purpose!"

"Don't go with him!" Misato shouted, standing up, "Asuka's right. Third Impact will kill all of us. Therefore, you must stay, do you understand?"

I stopped. What she said was partly true. Third Impact would allow the commander to become God, and it was most likely that he would terminate all of us and reshape the world which would bring him back to his deceased wife. It used to be my sole purpose, but through these months I had learnt how to live as a normal human being…Shinji showed it to me…and it was now my duty to prevent Third Impact…but if I rejected the commander, what would happen to the technicians? They were people who tried to help me, so was it right for me to abandon them when they needed me the most? What would that make me? Would I be branded as a disloyal friend? Would I become the same as the commander, someone who made use of the people around me, and then disposed them when they finally lost their value? I did not want to become like him, but Third Impact would wipe out everything I had gained…What should I do…? What must I do…?

The commander saw me hesitating. He pointed his gun at Shigeru's chest.

Many gunshots were heard afterwards, each of them seemed to pierce through my ears as I saw the technician's body twitched violently before becoming completely limp. I gasped in horror as his two empty eye sockets stared at me lifelessly.

"MMMPPPHHH!" Maya and Makoto shouted through the gags.

"SHIGERU!" Misato and Shinji cried.

I just stood there, not knowing what to do. Once again, the familiar tears were making their way down my face. I wept hard…for my own failure…for my own indecision that took away an innocent life. It was my fault that he died. I wanted to apologise to him, but all I could do was regret my mistake, for he could no longer hear my words.

"I am sorry…Shigeru…" I sobbed, falling to my knees as my legs lost their strength, "I am so sorry…"

"That's correct, Rei. You're to blame for his death," I heard the commander saying. "These technicians are your good friends indeed. We caught them on their way back from the market, and then we tortured them, but they never told us where you were hiding."

"You lied," Misato gritted her teeth, "If they didn't tell you, then how did you find us here?"

"Ah…I almost forgot…" The commander replied, "I have to thank you, major. For you see, it was you who led us here…"

"M-Me?"

"Yes…you came to visit NERV last night. Mr Yamazaki spotted you and followed you here. This morning, on our way here, we were lucky to come across your good technician friends, so I just thought we could use them as hostages. And once again, I must thank you, major. Without your help, I wouldn't have found out about your location."

"No…no…" Misato said as she leaned weakly against the wall. "It…it can't be true…"

"I commend your skills, major. You managed to fool the security cameras, but I'm afraid you're still no match for an experienced section-two agent like Mr Yamazaki." The commander laughed.

"No…oh no I'm so sorry…so sorry…" She sobbed, "I should've listened to you all…I should've listened and stayed here…I'm so sorry…it's my fault…I shouldn't have risked going into NERV…I'm so sorry…"

The commander then turned back to me, "You see, Rei, these friends of yours were willing to sacrifice themselves for you, surely you'd so the same for them? Surely you wouldn't let them die meaninglessly here? Only you can prevent their deaths, and you know it." He said and pushed his gun ruthlessly onto Makoto's head. "Do not make me kill another."

I tried to stay calm, but my voice cracked when I spoke. "I will come with you. Please do not hurt them again."

"Good," He replied and gave Yamazaki a signal, "I'm afraid I must tie you up with these. You've got some special abilities, and I must prevent you from using it against me."

The white haired man walked towards me with a long metal chain on his hand. Shinji rushed forward to stop him, "No! I won't let you touch her!"

Yamazaki grinned, and then as fast as lightning, he elbowed Shinji on the face. The boy then fell to the ground clutching his nose. I hurried towards Shinji and crouched down beside him, "Shinji! Are you alright?"

He moaned in response, but before he could give further reply, Yamazaki pulled me away from him. "Don't resist, young woman, it's for you own good."

I stood there quietly as the section-two agent wrapped the heavy chain around my body. Shinji was still squirming on the floor; his nose was bent and bleeding. When Yamazaki was done with the chains, he took out a rope and secured my hands behind my back. The tall man then grabbed a free end of the chain and pulled me towards the commander. I struggled to keep my balance.

"These chains were made from the same materials used to construct Eva. You'd find it highly resistant to your weak AT-Field, should you decide to rebel against me." The commander informed as he walked towards Shinji.

"Rei…Rei…don't go…stay with me…Rei-chan…stay…" He stood up shakily.

His father laughed sarcastically, and then he raised his walking stick and swiped it across Shinji's face. The boy fell to the floor; his mouth now bleeding as well.

"No! I will come with you! Please leave him alone!" I yelled.

"Pathetic…I'm ashamed to have a son like you, Shinji, for you disappoint me. You gave Rei up so easily; I would never have given up on Yui, not even in death. It just proves that your love for Rei is insignificant compared to mine for Yui."

"Commander," Yamazaki interrupted and signalled towards Asuka, "Can I have her now?"

The commander glanced at the section two agent, and then at Asuka, and finally at Kaworu whose eyes were starting to flare up again. The boy was slowly overcoming the tranquilizer's effect.

"No, I'm sorry Mr Yamazaki, but you may not. We must leave now. We have more important business to attend to." The commander replied.

"But you said that I could-"

"Yes, I did say that you could have her, but I've now changed my mind. To compensate for your loss, I will allow you to have Rei later."

"Very well then," Yamazaki grinned lecherously as he looked me up and down, "Look's like we're going to have some fun, little missy."

I stared back at him, feeling horrified. The African and Caucasian agents then pulled Makoto and Maya to their feet, but the male technician's injured knee gave way and he fell back down.

"Mmph…" He moaned painfully.

"Leave him here. Just take the woman with us, we don't have time to take care of cripples," The commander said as he gave Shinji one last kick and spat on him, "Come on, let's go."

Maya was then shoved outside by the two agents. The commander followed closely behind. Yamazaki dragged me along as he too walked out of the apartment. I took one final look inside the room. Shinji was still lying on the floor; Kaworu was struggling hard to stand up, but he was succeeding; Asuka just stood there with an empty look on her face; Misato rushed forward to attend to the agonised Makoto.

He ruined everything…The commander destroyed all that I had…

As we reached the black Mercedes parked outside, a propelling sound was heard. And then it gradually grew louder. We stopped and I looked to the sky. A row of ten helicopters were seen flying in the horizon, heading towards the NERV headquarters.

"They're here," Yamazaki said, "SEELE have finally arrived."

"And so it begins…Come on," The commander said as he got into the shogun, "We don't have much time."

The black agent then shoved me into the back seat and climbed in after me. Maya and the Caucasian agent were already inside. The female technician was looking very scared with tears streaming down her face. I wanted to comfort her, but knew I was in no position to do so. Yamazaki took the driver's seat and we sped off to NERV.


	24. Chapter 24

Author's note: This chapter is written in four parts: first Shinji's POV, then Rei's POV, then Asuka's POV, then back to Shinji's POV.

* * *

**_Shinji's POV:_**

My head was throbbing badly; my guts felt as if they were mangled up and I feared my organs might have been displaced from the kick. When I opened my eyes, they were immediately forced shut by the stinging pain coming from my nose. The gush of fluid inside my nostrils was suffocating me. I squeezed them shut, trying to stop the blood from flowing and worrying that my nose would drop loose. I tried to breathe with my mouth, but the few loose teeth made it difficult for me.

Slowly, with the help of Kaworu, I stood back up and scanned the room through my teary eyes. The pain on my broken nose was unbearable.

"Where is Rei?" I asked.

"They took her away, probably heading straight for Terminal Dogma." Kaworu replied, sounding concerned and desperate. His face was still covered with sweat, but his eyes looked lively once more. The tranquilizer's effect seemed to have faded.

"We must get her back. Where's Misato?"

Turning around, I saw her crouching beside the unconscious Makoto, sobbing furiously and blaming herself for the sudden turn of events. The other male technician just lay there on the floor lifelessly. Asuka was still standing at a corner, face covered in her hands. I felt miserable for Shigeru's tragic death, but there was no time for grief. Rei was in danger; the whole world was in danger, and if we didn't act fast now, everything would be lost.

I walked shakily to Misato's side and put my hand on her shoulder, "Come on, Misato. We must go to NERV now."

"It's my fault…It's all because of me…Makoto…Shigeru…I'm so sorry…so sorry…" She wept, face buried in Makoto's chest.

Misato sounded so sad and remorseful that I almost felt guilty for not mourning over the technicians, but right now, Rei was our priority, so I shook Misato gently and urged her to move. "We must hurry, Misato, please…We don't have much time left…"

There was no reply from her except more tears. It suddenly reminded me of something familiar, something I had been doing so often. I saw myself in her eyes, and heard myself in her voice. They all seemed so much like…me…I could just picture myself crying when my father left me, and blaming myself for how he treated me while it was actually his fault for abandoning me. It all came back to me, and suddenly I wondered if that was how people thought about me, someone so easily shaken, someone with no self-respect, someone so easily defeated…like what Misato was showing me now.

It didn't matter anymore, because I had changed and I knew it. As long as Rei was with me, I didn't care what other people said, but I would not allow Misato to descend to such pathetic level.

"Misato, I know how you feel," I said as I crouched down beside her and pulled her into a hug, "but it's not your fault that this happened. You didn't ask for this, and you've done so much for us…"

Her sobs continued, so I added, "It's entirely my father's fault…not yours. He's the one who caused all this to happen. Please…Misato, don't let him fool you."

I wrapped my arms around her tightly as I finished the sentence, hoping that she would believe that my words were sincere. Misato's sobs gradually faded as we stayed like this quietly. When she finally stopped crying, I continued, "However, there's one thing you will regret if you do nothing now. My father has taken Rei with him, and he's going to start Third Impact with her. Billions of lives are at stake, and it's now up to us to stop him."

Misato gave one last hiccup as I pulled away from the hug, but I kept my hands on her shoulders and looked at her in the eyes. "I can't defeat my father alone, Misato…I'm not capable enough…I need your help. I can't do this alone, so please…help me get Rei back."

She looked away and rubbed her eyes dry. I glanced at Kaworu, who was standing beside Asuka. Both of them were talking quietly to each other, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Kaworu had an apologetic, but determined look on his face; whereas Asuka still looked accusing, although she seemed to have understood what Kaworu was trying to tell her, and she didn't have the empty look on her face anymore.

It was then Misato stood up, "You're right, Shinji. You're absolutely right. Sorry that I'm such a weak person. I shouldn't have let Gendo play with my mind."

She took off her jacket and wrapped it tightly around Makoto's injured knee. Misato then gently lifted him up with her muscular arms and put him over her shoulder. Her eyebrows were drawn together, and the resolve was evident in her eyes once again. "Let's go back to NERV. I have a personal score to settle with Gendo."

I hurried and got back to my feet, feeling revitalised. Misato then waved her hand at Kaworu and Asuka. "Come on, kids, we have a job to do."

With that, she headed out of the apartment, with the red haired German following closely behind. Kaworu and I rushed forward to catch up with them. Once we were outside, there was a huge, deafening explosion. Reflexively, I looked up at the sky and saw approximately ten helicopters flying past us, all heading towards the NERV headquarters. There was also a cloud of black smoke coming from that direction. And then another explosion was heard as the ground below our feet shook violently.

My ears were now ringing, but before they could recover, a line of tanks and heavy armour jeeps emerged on the other end of the streets, cruising towards the NERV headquarters as well. The soldiers on the vehicles looked foreign to me. Most of them were westerners; others were Africans and a few Asians. They all appeared well-trained and ready to kill. Luckily, none of them paid us any attention.

"SEELE troops…" Asuka said, "They're probably here for Third Impact too."

"They've started attacking! There's no time to waste, get into the car now!" Misato ordered.

We rushed forward to Misato's blue Renault. Once there, she handed Makoto to Kaworu and hurried into the driver's seat. I followed the grey-haired boy into the back seat as Asuka took the shogun. Misato then started the engine and sped off towards NERV.

It was fortunate that the marines were not able to match the speed of Misato's sport car here in the city streets. We needed to get to NERV before they did, and if we could sound the alert, we might still be able to shut the intruders away from the NERV complex, even for a short period of time. It wasn't the ideal way to stop them, but right now we didn't have other options left. The tension inside the car showed how gloomy the situation was.

"Ok, everybody listen carefully," Misato said, "Time is not on our side and we need to plan everything carefully, are you all with me?"

"Yes," Kaworu and I answered; Asuka kept silent.

"Kaworu, are you familiar with the layout at the headquarters?"

"I memorised the map a while back, so I should be able to find my way around," the boy replied.

"All right then, when we arrive at NERV, you will send Makoto to the hospital wing."

"NERV hospital!" Asuka exclaimed, "Are you nuts! The enemies are invading the headquarters! You think they'll leave the patients alone! It's suicide!"

"The public hospital was shut down after Rei blew herself up with the last Angel," Misato replied, "We've got no other options. NERV hospital is the only medical facility left in the city."

"Don't worry," Kaworu interrupted, "I'll take care of Makoto."

"Good, Shinji and Asuka, you two will proceed to the Eva hangar immediately after we arrive. Don't bother changing into your plug suits, we don't have enough time. I will then sound the alarm from the command centre which will seal the NERV entrances."

"You want us to fight the SEELE troops? With our EVAs?" I asked.

"Yes, you should have no problems with them. While you deal with them, I will go down to Terminal Dogma and stop Gendo. Is everything clear?"

"What? But I want to come with you, Misato!" I said, disbelieving what I had just heard.

"No, Shinji. Listen to me," She sighed, "I know what you're thinking, but everyone needs to co-operate if we want to win this battle. You're not experienced in hand-to-hand combat, so you wouldn't be much help even if you come with me."

"But-"

"You are, however, skilled at piloting Eva, which is something I cannot do. That's why you have to help Asuka. We must use our resources wisely. Do you understand now, Shinji?"

"No! Let me come with you please, Misato!" I pleaded, unable to accept what she had just said, but before Misato could continue with her persuasion, Kaworu added in.

"She's right, Shinji. We have to use our abilities to our advantage. I know you're concerned about Rei, but I think you should believe in Misato. She'll stop Gendo and return Rei to you, I'm sure."

"But Asuka can defeat the enemy troops with her Eva alone! You'll need my help fighting my father, Misato! Please let me come with you!" I begged, but Misato still wouldn't listen.

"SEELE are not as simple as they appear," Kaworu said solemnly as he put his hand on my shoulder, "Their secret weapons are hiding somewhere, waiting to be deployed, and they're much stronger than the Angels you fought."

I couldn't understand what Kaworu was referring to as SEELE's secret weapons, but I wasn't about to walk away from Rei. To me, she was my responsibility. "But Rei needs me! She needs my help!"

"Listen to me, Shinji, let us help each other. You have a talent that I don't, and that is to pilot an EVA. You're better suited than me to combat tanks and helicopters," Kaworu explained, "but I have powers that you don't as well, and that is to generate an AT-Field. I'm better suited than you to fight Gendo and his agents."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked feeling confused.

"Once I delivered Makoto to the hospital wing, I'll go and help Misato. I'll save Rei for you, and I'll be counting on you to keep Asuka safe for me. Do we have each other's trust?"

Asuka just kept quiet and ignored our conversation. I wanted to reject Kaworu's suggestion. It wasn't because I didn't trust him. I just wanted to be there when Rei needed help the most. I wanted to be the first person to hold her hand when she was finally freed from my father. I knew it didn't make much sense, and that Misato's plan was much more practical than my selfish one, but I wanted to be able to look back to this day, and proudly declared that I saved my girl myself. Maybe it was just pride, the pride that clouded so many people's visions, but I wouldn't care anymore.

I was about to argue again, but as we approached the NERV complex, Misato finally put an end to our disagreement. "Shinji, as you said, billions of lives are at stake. What if your plan somehow failed? Third Impact would occur. Rei and you would be forced apart forever. Would you want that?"

Much to my disappointment, what she said was true and wise, and I couldn't find any words to repel her. As I pondered on what I should do, she continued, "Your plan would only be feasible in an ideal world, but this is reality, Shinji. Come to your senses and ask yourself this question: What would Rei want you to do?"

By then, we had reached the NERV main entrance. Misato halted her speeding car right in front of the checkpoint and we hurried out of the small vehicle. It was then I realised that there was no security agent guarding the doorway. NERV was indeed seriously lacking in personnel, and if the SEELE troops broke into the complex, there would be no one to stop them. Misato rushed forward and swiped her card through the entrance slot; the metal door moved upwards immediately and we ran through.

Suddenly, there was another huge explosion nearby. The ground shook viciously as we all fell to the floor. The whole building was still trembling when Misato brandished her gun and shot the internal security checkpoint. The device exploded into flames. The alarm was sounded instantaneously as a thick titanium door moved downwards from the ceiling and sealed off the main entrance.

"That'll keep them away for a while," Misato said as she picked up Makoto from the floor. I stood back up as well, feeling slightly nauseous from the hostility. Kaworu went to help Asuka get up, but before he could even touch her, she slapped his hand away.

"I don't need your help," The irritated girl said.

I was surprised by her aggression, but Kaworu seemed to have expected it. Misato ignored the little incident, however, as she handed the motionless Makoto to the grey haired boy. "Here, take him to the medical ward quickly, and then come to the command centre as fast as you can! Go!"

Kaworu received Makoto from her and nodded his head. He then ran off towards the direction of the NERV medical facility. Misato turned to the opposite way and started running. "Shinji! Asuka! Come with me!"

As I ran beside Misato, I contemplated on whether I should trust her logic and board the Eva, or act on my instinct and get down there to rescue Rei. What would have Rei advised me to do? I didn't like thinking about it, because the answer was clear. Through the days spent with her, I had come to realise that her deepest wish to be accepted as a normal being, to live in this society without being feared or resented. What she wanted was a life, and if Third Impact occurred, there would be no tomorrow. Rei would have wanted me to fight in the Eva.

I made my decision, but I was still very worried about her, "Misato, shouldn't you be going after Rei by now?"

"If Maya was here, I would have left you two to her and gone after Gendo straight away, but right now we must get you into your Eva. We're fighting against both Gendo and SEELE here, and if SEELE broke inside the complex and get their hands on Rei, everything would be over. We don't have the manpower to fight them, but I'm confident enough to say that I can handle Gendo and his minions on my own."

"But Rei is in extreme danger! My father is taking her to Lilith right now!" I protested.

"Don't worry Shinji, I came here last night and made some small modifications…" Misato smiled, "I'd have paid to see him walk those stairs…"

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"It'll slow him down indefinitely. Like I said, don't worry. Everything's under control and I'll return Rei to you as I promised." She replied, still smiling with confidence.

I was still feeling confused, but before I could question her any further, we arrived at the junction where we must go our own separate ways. By then, I was already shaking in distress for choosing to abandon Rei. Sure, Misato would try her best to save her, and she probably could do a lot better than me. It was even possible that I would slow her down if I tagged along, but it just didn't feel right.

Misato must have sensed my uncertainties, for she crouched down beside us and put a hand each on our shoulders, "Shinji, Asuka, I'm counting on you two. Get out there and eliminate all SEELE troops. Remember, show no mercy, because you'll get none." She said and planted a kiss each on our cheeks, "I love you."

With that, she turned and ran through the left corridor, whereas Asuka and I headed for the right one. We made the second left turn, and then hurried across a long pathway to the changing rooms. There was no time for us to change into the plug suits, but I needed to get my neural clips from the lockers. As we ran, I took a glance at Asuka. The red neural clips were already attached back on to her silky red hair.

"I'm glad you're all right, Asuka." I said, breaking the tension.

She shot me a glare in return, "I'm only doing this for Wonder Girl. I'll never forgive you and Kaworu."

I was shocked still at the spot, but she kept on running, made another right turn and disappeared into the Eva hangar. It seemed that she was not as forgiving as I had hoped, and it looked like Kaworu hadn't been able to convince her that all of us truthfully wanted the best for her. There was no time for explanation. I hurried into the lockers and retrieved my white neural connectors.

I was on my way to the hangar when Misato's voice called out from the intercom, "Attention all NERV personnel, attention all NERV personnel. There are intruders heading this way. All entrances will be sealed off and all NERV employees are advised to remain inside. I repeat, the enemies are approaching; all entrances and exits will be sealed and everyone is advised to stay inside the complex."

There were actually very few workers left in the building. It explained why we didn't run into any section-two agents or security guards on our way here. Those who still remained had chosen not to pay us any attention or get involved in our affairs. It made it easier for me since I wasn't skilled in moving around stealthily.

I made a left turn into a narrow corridor and ran my remaining way to the hangar. As I finally reached my destination, there was a loud bang. The ground trembled slightly as I watched the red Unit-02 being shot up to the surface. There was no time to waste. Without any further delay, I dashed onto the elevator, which then ascended and took me to the entry plug. A few unfamiliar NERV technicians were already there to help me get into the elongated tube.

Once inside, they closed the hatch and a gush of LCL immediately flooded the plug. As I waited patiently for the fluid to fill up, I tried to think of a plan to defeat the enemies as fast as possible. I wanted to finish the job quickly and return to Rei. It was pointless, however, because all I had to do was to smash everything I saw. Like Misato said, I must not show any mercy. There was no need for proper planning. Those normal military units out there were nothing compared to an Eva.

_Shinji…_

Suddenly, I heard a soft voice. Someone just called my name. I looked around in the entry plug, but nobody was inside here except me. I cleared my mind and listened more carefully, but there was nothing except silence. Sighing, I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. I must be getting restless and imagining things. However, as I tried to focus on my task ahead, I couldn't help but feel that something wasn't right.

A short while later, the monitors around the plug started going through a series of transformations until a visual of the environment outside of Unit-01 came up. Misato then appeared in a small monitor and her voice called in from the intercom immediately afterwards. "Prepare for launch, Shinji. Your Eva lifts off in 45 seconds. Remember, show no mercy and eliminate all enemies at all cost. We can't afford any slip-ups."

And then the voice appeared again…_Shinji…_

"Misato, did you hear that?" I asked.

"Hear what?" She asked back, not really paying any attention, "Eva Unit-01 lifts off in 40 seconds."

_Shinji…_

"There! It's here again! Did you hear that, Misato!" I was beginning to feel agitated; the voice was crystal and I heard it as clear as thunder.

"No, I didn't hear anything," She replied, sounding confused.

_Shinji…you're running away again…_

"What? Who said that?" I asked to no one in particular, "Who are you?"

"Shinji, what's going on? Is something wrong?" Misato asked, but I ignored her.

_You said you've changed, Shinji, that you're no longer your old self, that you'd not hide from reality anymore, but unfortunately, that never happened. _

"What are you talking about?"

_It's something we see very often in life. People say they'll change their bad ways and improve as a person. In a short period of time, it may seem that they've succeeded, but nature was imprinted in your soul, and only with lasting determination and resolve can you make a difference. _

"I…I don't understand…"

_You've made significant efforts in correcting the faults inside you, but one wrong step can crumble all that you've built and return you to a frightened child. People make promises, very beautiful promises, but all fragile, and once broken they will never be the same again. Listen to what your heart tells you. Don't have any regrets…_

The voice faded as it finished saying the last sentence. "Who are you! Why are you telling me this?" I tried to evoke a response, but none ever came again. It was all silent in the entry plug. I felt very cold and lonely all of a sudden.

I think I understood now…what the voice was trying to tell me…I didn't hear it; it just appeared in my heart.

"Get a grip Shinji! Eva Unit-01 lifts off in 10 seconds!" Misato shouted through the radio.

Taking a deep breath, I reached forward and pushed a small red button beside the pilot's seat. The monitors went blank immediately and a robotic voice was heard from the intercom. "Eva Unit-01 launch cancelled."

"What the hell are you doing!" Misato yelled.

"I'm aborting mission," I replied.

"Don't be silly! Shinji-" Before she could continue any further, I shut off the radio and activate the emergency eject sequence. Then, I felt myself being pulled backwards by a huge force, and the LCL fluid inside the plug was drained away almost instantly. I stood up and opened the hatch.

The voice was right; time and time again, I thought I had changed, and I made promises that I never truly fulfilled. I had run away not just once, but twice, and both times hurt her so badly, and I almost lost everything due to this lack of courage. I won't allow myself to make the same mistake again.

Amidst the screams and screeches of the NERV technicians, I jumped off the entry plug onto the pathway thirty feet below. It was a hard landing, but I couldn't have cared less. Then, I picked the shortest route and ran heading towards Central Dogma

As I ran, I couldn't help but find it ironic for how many times I had foolishly let go of Rei, and then went chasing after her in this similar fashion. It was even amusing how stupid people would think I was when they found out that I had abandoned my duty simply because I wanted to save Rei myself. It didn't matter to me, however, because these people would never understand how I felt. To them, Rei was simply an individual; to Misato and the others, Rei was just a good friend; but to me, Rei was everything.

When I finally reached the command centre, Misato was standing there frowning angrily. Kaworu was beside her, with a concerned look on his face. We were the only people in this huge area. The intruders' alarm was still sounding in the distance.

"What do you think you're doing! Get back to your Eva at once!" She shouted furiously.

"No, please let me come with you, Misato! Please!" I pleaded, determined not to be rejected this time.

"Haven't we had this discussion already! Stop acting so childish!"

"No! You shut up!" I screamed as I lost control of myself. Waves of emotional tides hit me on the inside, making it more and more difficult for me to speak properly. "Shut up because you don't know what it's like to be up there in the Eva, knowing that MY GIRL is in danger! Shut up because you don't understand how it feels like to have lost her twice because of my own sheer stupidity!"

"Shinji! Calm down and listen to-"

"Shut up because you don't know how much it means to get down there and save her myself!" I ignored the woman and continued to scream loudly, "Shut up because you don't understand how much it means to me to confront my father once and for all!"

Misato and Kaworu stood there quietly as I tried to calm myself down from the emotional outburst. I wanted to forgive myself for sounding so rude, but I couldn't. She cared so much about me. Perhaps subconsciously, I had come to acknowledge her as the mother I lost so long ago. That kiss on my cheek just before I headed off to the Eva hangar, and those three words she spoke just before she left…they came back to me.

"Can you stop bullets? Because Gendo will have his men setup along our way and they will have guns and perhaps worse. Or do you not care about your welfare or mine for that matter?" Misato said, breaking the silence.

I tried hard to push back the tears, tried hard to be strong, but I didn't succeed. In the end, I could only hear my own sobs filling up the otherwise silent room.

"Misato, let him go with you." Kaworu said suddenly.

"What?" She asked in shock.

The boy responded by removing his right hand from his pocket. He then lifted it up for us. It was then I noticed the angry scratch on his palm.

"A guard mistook me for an intruder and attacked me just now while I was depositing the tech onto the bed. I should've been able to block the bullet. It was a close miss before he realized what I was trying to do."

"Why? What happened?"

"It's the tranquilizer. I don't know how long the effect will last. Sorry for not telling you earlier, but I wanted Shinji to help Asuka."

Before Misato could ask any further, Kaworu walked towards me, "I now understand that your will is strong, and nothing can change your mind. In that case, I'll have to borrow something from you."

"What is it?" My voice was still cracked.

"That thing there on your head," He replied.

"This?" I took down my neural clips and gave it to him, "What are you going to do with it?"

The boy received the white object from me and stared at it immensely. He then looked back up at me and smiled wearily, "I hope she will trust this…it's not the best option, but I'm afraid there's no other way."

"Don't tell me…" Misato looked surprised, "Are you sure you can pull it off?"

"Have faith in me. That's what it's all about, isn't it?" Kaworu said as he ran off heading towards the Eva hangar, "Good luck to you two!"

As he disappeared from sight, I found myself asking shakily, "Is he…is he going to pilot?"

"Like he said, we'll just have to trust him," Misato said solemnly before turning to me, "Your selfish behaviour will not go unpunished if we somehow managed to survive this whole thing, young man!"

And with that, she dashed off towards Terminal Dogma. I rubbed my eyes dry, regathered my strength, and hurried after her. We made a left turn, ran down the long corridor, and then made another right turn. The alarm was still ringing and the flashes of red light made it feel even more inflaming. As we continued our way down, we passed by several NERV employees, but none paid us any attention. They were too busy arming themselves with rifles in case those SEELE troops managed to break inside the complex.

My heart began to pound painfully as we ran across these winded pathways and made a few more turns. I was starting to feel nervous. It all seemed so familiar to me, as I remembered when Dr Akagi took me to the Dummy Plug system. I felt sorry for how the doctor finally ended up, but before I could give it any further thought, Misato and I were climbing down the stairs, making our way down to the core of NERV headquarters.

The rusty stairs eventually brought us to a very secluded area. The place was dimly lit and there was no one around. By then, I was already feeling very tired from the running, but we never slowed down. Misato motioned for me to keep quiet and be careful. We ran down the dark corridor and finally stopped at an old wooden door. Misato then unleashed her gun and turned the doorknob. It was locked.

As I tried to recover my breath, she took out a silencer and screwed it onto her gun. Misato then pointed it beside the doorknob and fired a shot. She quietly pushed the door open and checked if there were any agents guarding the area. Finding none, we proceeded down the corridor as fast as we could.

A short moment later, we finally arrived at the strange elevator that led down to Terminal Dogma. I rushed forward to press the button, but Misato stopped me. She motioned me to stay close to her as she tip toed slowly past the elevator, heading towards the stairs. I was beginning to get confused, but I kept quiet nonetheless. Misato then stopped at the junction just before the stairs. She pressed herself tightly to the wall and peeked into the dark alleyway.

A sudden shower of bullets forced her back immediately. I was shocked still.

"Just as I thought," Misato said breathlessly, "Gendo had his agents guarding the stairs."

"How many of them altogether?" I asked.

"Two, the black and the Caucasian, but don't worry, I'll take care of them easy." She replied confidently.

Still hiding behind the wall, she crouched down, stretched her arm outwards just enough to point her gun at the enemies, and started firing mercilessly. The agents fired back. The violent exchange continued for a long while before Misato screamed and pulled her arm back.

"AAAAHHHH!"

My heart dropped like a stone as I glanced at her hand, expecting it to be bleeding badly, but I was surprised to find it perfectly fine. As I stared in awe, she skilfully pulled out the clip and reloaded her gun. Once again, Misato motioned for me to stay quiet as she stood up, unleashing an army knife from her jacket. We waited patiently.

The agents stopped firing a few seconds later. Misato and I stayed silent as we heard footsteps approaching. I began to sweat anxiously, but I tried my best not to make a sound. The tension had grown to the point where it felt almost suffocating. I was becoming restless, but Misato looked as calm as always, standing there like a predator ready to pound on its victim.

And then before I realised, everything happened in a flash. When the agent had come close enough, Misato turned around and stabbed her army knife through his neck. The other agent, who had chosen to stay back and act as support, started firing immediately, but all his shots were embedded onto the stabbed agent, as Misato conveniently used his body as her cover. She then aimed her gun at the remaining agent and fired four times. The gunshots disappeared instantly as I heard a body fell to the ground with a thump.

I stood up, my legs still shaking, as Misato pulled the knife out from his neck, sending the lifeless agent to the floor. She then smiled to me and took a few steps forward, before stumbling to the ground herself. I rushed to her side and sat her up leaning against a wall. It was then I noticed there were two wounds on her right leg: One on the knee; the other just inches above it.

"Misato! Are you all right! Misato!" I shouted.

"Don't worry about me…" She moaned in pain. "Shinji…I'm sorry…"

"What? What are you talking about?" I sobbed, unable to hold back the emotions anymore.

"I failed to realise how important Rei is to you…I didn't understand how much it means for you to face your father today…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have forced you onto your Eva…"

"No! It's my fault! I shouldn't have yelled at you! I…I'm so sorry…I don't want to lose you too, Misato…" My tears were flowing, but I wasn't ashamed to admit just how worried I was.

Misato stared at me in the eyes, and then she put on an exhausted smile, "Silly boy, don't cry, it's not like they shot me in the chest. My breasts are still here, see?" She said bending down teasingly before wincing at the added strain to her leg.

I managed to let out a half-hearted chuckle. As I rubbed my eyes dry, she extended her arm and grabbed the gun from the hand of the dead agent. Misato then examined the weapon carefully as I watched.

"Here, take this," She handed it to me, "It has a laser pointer, so you shouldn't have any problems aiming. I'm afraid you're on your own from this point, Shinji. I would have loved to come with you, but they got my leg…unfortunately…"

"Misato…"

"That Yamazaki guy is also down there…Although not as cunning as Gendo, he'll pose a much greater threat physically. When you see them, take him out first, and deal with Gendo later, understood?"

"Yes…I understand."

"You've never shot a real person before, so I must tell you this, Shinji. Don't hesitate before you pull the trigger. When the time comes, it's either you or him. Like I said, show no mercy, because you'll get none."

"Mercy? Against my father?" I gritted my teeth, "not in a million years!"

Misato smiled, "Good, you don't have much time left. Now go! We'll save the chit-chat for later. Avenge Ritsuko and Shigeru for me. Make me proud! Don't get beaten by a cripple!"

"I'll see you later, Misato!" I said and stood up. I then ran towards the elevator.

"Where do you think you're going!" She shouted.

I stopped, feeling perplexed, "To the elevator of course!"

"What's wrong with you! Why do you think the agents were guarding the stairs and not the elevator!"

I stood there, stunned and speechless. I turned around and looked at the elevator, and then back at Misato, and then at the door leading to the stairs, and finally understood what she was trying to tell me. Without any further question, I mouthed a thank you to Misato and ran through the door. I then took one last deep breath and sprinted down the long, windy stairs towards Terminal Dogma.

* * *

**_Rei's_****_ POV:_**

It did not take us long to arrive at NERV, and once there, the commander led us through the now familiar labyrinth towards Terminal Dogma. The security alarms, explosions and the chaos and uncertainties inside the complex did not seem to be affecting him. His eyes just stared straight forward with confidence and determination. It looked like he had everything under control, or he thought he did.

Needless to say, he was not very pleased when we reached the elevator, the one which would have taken us down to his final destination. Apparently, it was broken. Someone had previously cut off a few wires here and there, and now it was completely unusable. I recalled that Misato had been here last night, but I could not be sure if it was she who did it. In any case, the section two agents did not have the equipments necessary to fix the machine. The commander did not want to waste anymore time, so he decided that we should use the stairs.

Before we descended down the long winding steps, the African and Caucasian agents were ordered to guard the entrance to the staircase. They were told to eliminate anyone that came into their sight. I was worried, and scared, but with the heavy chains restraining my mobility, there was nothing I could do except pray that Shinji would be able to safely get past the agents. I was sure he would come for me.

The walk down the stairs was a traumatising experience, for me and most likely for the commander too. His injuries, especially the one in the groin, were seriously affecting his movement, and it seemed that every single step he took required an enormous effort. The resolve on his face was now replaced by pain and agony. Even his shirt was wet with sweat, but he kept mumbling about his deceased wife and how he would soon be reunited with her.

Maya was still weeping as I walked beside her. The girl just lost her mentor, Dr Akagi and a close friend, Shigeru. I could sympathize with her, but there was nothing I could do to console her. Words of comfort would not help much in this situation, and my conversational skills were too poor to make any difference. The heavy chains made it difficult to walk properly. My legs were beginning to feel weak, and I struggled to maintain my balance as we continued our way down. The agent called Yamazaki walked closely behind us; his presence was something to be concerned about.

With this slow progression, it took us hours to reach the bottom of the stairs. We made our way across another dark, meandering corridor after that. By the time we arrived at the main entrance to Terminal Dogma, the commander was already coughing and panting heavily. His eye was teary, but the corners of his mouth were twisted upwards into an ugly smirk. I tried to keep calm and compose myself, but I did not succeed. Lilith was just beyond this door.

"The time has come…" The commander wheezed, "We'll soon be together again…Yui…"

"What should we do with the woman?" Yamazaki asked as he violently grabbed Maya's hair and forced her to her knees. I looked at the shaken girl, my heart racing uncomfortably. And then I looked at the commander. There was only cold murder in his eye.

"Please don't kill me…please…don't kill me…" The female technician begged, but the commander was not moved.

"Get rid of her."

"No! You said you would not harm her if I came with you!" My voice echoed through the hallway. This was followed by a short moment of tension, as the commander stared at me, and then at Maya, and finally at the white haired section two agent.

"Knock her out then."

"As you wish," Yamazaki replied and brandished his gun. Maya began crying and yelling uncontrollably, but stopped when the agent swiped the handle down on the back of her head. She then fell limply to the floor, not moving anymore.

"You despicable monster," I gritted my teeth at the commander. He gave no response.

Yamazaki leered as he started walking menacingly towards me.

"Well, well, well…" The agent said, putting away his gun. "I haven't forgotten how you sent me crushing though that concrete wall…I think it's time you ask for forgiveness and serve me properly, don't you think?"

I backed away slowly, but was stopped when my back was pressed against the wall. I looked around but could find no escape. Those nightly sessions with the commander came back; the memories too livid. I was very scared, but Shinji was not here. I tried to concentrate, but no matter what I did, I still could not generate an AT-Field to wall him off. Sweat formed as I began to panic. And then something unexpected happened.

The commander unleashed his gun and aimed it at Yamazaki. He then fired a few shots, with one of them going through the agent's skull, splattering blood across my face. I screamed. Yamazaki then fell lifelessly to the ground, with blood still flowing from the few holes in his body. Silence ensued. It was long before I spoke again.

"You…you killed him…" I was still feeling shocked when the commander came and stood beside me. He then lifted my chin and forced a rough kiss on my lips. I struggled to pull free, but his grip on me was firm. Seconds passed by, I began to choke and my tears flowed from the suffocation. He let go of me after that and I coughed out his saliva in agony.

"You seriously don't think I'll let anyone touch my beautiful angel now, do you?" The commander laughed and pulled me towards the entrance door. I was still gasping for breaths when he swiped his card through the slot and keyed in the password. We waited for a short moment before two red words appeared on the monitor:

'Access Denied'

The commander frowned. He checked his card before swiping it through the slot once more. He then typed in the password. We waited, but the same two words appeared again.

'Access Denied'

By now, his eyebrows were drawn closely together, and the thick veins had become prominent on his sweaty forehead. His eye expressed mild confusion mixed with anger and frustration. I was slightly surprised myself, but I silently thanked the person who made this small modification to the entry device. It could be the difference between life and death.

"Fuyutsuki…" The commander growled with a low ominous voice.

Suddenly, a gunshot was heard, followed by a gasp from the commander. The skin on his shoulder burst open and blood splattered out of the wound. He then fell to the floor, pulling me down together with him. And then as fast as lightning, he sat me down in front of him and wrapped a strong arm around my neck. His other hand held a gun that pointed to the side of my head.

"Come out! I know you're out there somewhere! Why don't you show yourself?" He shouted.

A tall figure emerged from the shadow. The gun in his right hand was still aimed at the commander when he said triumphantly, "Good day, old friend."

"Fuyutsuki…I knew it was you…"

"Thought I was dead, didn't you?" The old man asked.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Don't play dumb with me, Gendo. You sent the dogs after me. It was fortunate that I somehow escaped the death you planned for me, but do tell me this, how does it feel like to be betrayed by your own pets?"

"So they faked your death report…I see now…" The commander laughed ironically, "I should've known. Those section two agents were not trust worthy."

"Not after they found out what you did to Rei. Like Ritsuko predicted, you have signed your own death warrant." The vice-commander said as he directed his gaze to Yamazaki's body, "And I see you've finally disposed of your most loyal follower as well."

"Him? Haha…he was just a pawn I used to my advantage…"

Commander Fuyutsuki frowned and gritted his teeth, "Your murderous hands are covered with blood, Gendo. Your sins are simply unforgivable."

"Don't speak that way, Fuyutsuki…I just told him that I'd let him screw Rei, and that I'd share Third Impact with him. He chose to believe me. Well, it was his decision, wasn't it?"

"So you just let him die for no reason."

"You still don't fully understand me, do you? He had become useless, so I got rid of him. If I had started bullshitting with him, it would have given him enough time to recompose and retaliate." The commander said, "Hesitance and arrogance are why so many great men failed in the past. I wasn't about to make the same mistake. My swift decision was what distinguishes me from them and helps me achieve what they couldn't."

"What you did is not something to be proud of, Gendo. In any case, your ambition stops here. I will not allow you to get past that door and let you have your way."

"Simply changing the password will not stop me, Fuyutsuki," The commander laughed. I felt his hair brushing the back of my neck as he hid closely behind me. He then pushed his fingers deep into my carotids and compressed my trachea. Immediately, my head started to throb painfully as the pressure built up. The commander ignored my agony and forcefully pointed the gun onto my back. I arched backwards reflexively. I began to choke and struggle for breaths. "In case you've forgotten, I still have my trump card here. One bullet here in the spine and she'll never stand up again."

"You can't intimidate me, Gendo. Face it, you're finished."

"Or am I?"

There was a long silence. The tension was overwhelming as both men refused to subside. And then suddenly, a small click was heard, followed by something wet slippering down my spine. Before I realised what happened, an agonising pain shot through my back. My eyes went blank. I screamed.

"You son of a bitch!" The vice-commander shouted. "What has the poor child ever done to you!"

The commander laughed cruelly in response, as he directed the gun to my right elbow. "Put down your gun, Fuyutsuki, or I'll shoot her elbow next. She has already lost her legs. Don't make me cripple her any further."

"Stop the madness, Gendo! What would Yui think of this!"

"Don't bring her into this!" The commander stormed.

"She'd be completely broken!" Vice-commander Fuyutsuki shouted back, "I've never liked you, Gendo, ever since the first time I met you, but for Yui's sake, please let go of Rei and surrender yourself!"

I struggled to recompose, but all I could see were blurred figures as tears formed a barrier in front of my eyes. The wound sent waves of excruciating pain up my spine, but I could no longer feel my legs. My breaths had become quick and shallow, as mucous pooled in my nostrils began to choke me. I could no longer think clearly, as I found myself being dragged on by their conversation. I could not even tell who were speaking anymore.

"You love her, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You love her, as I do. That's why you joined us."

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. Then you should know how I felt when she left. It was worse."

"It still doesn't give you the right to do this."

"She'll forgive me. I know she will."

"You're insane! Turn back now! It's still better late than never!"

"I don't want to continue this game, professor. Please put down your gun."

Another long silence ensued. I braced myself for the inevitable attack, but when it eventually came, I was still traumatised by the agony. My bones cracked. I felt myself slowly disintegrating. The blood…the sweat…the tears…I could no longer tell which was which. I tried to move my fingers, hoping beyond hope that I could still feel my own touch, but they no longer listened to my command. Perhaps he came too late.

"Co…commander…Fuyut…Fuyutsuki…" I breathed painfully, "Kill…kill him…kill…for me…"

"Rei! I'll never let you get away with this, Gendo!" He yelled angrily.

The commander laughed again, "Like I said, put down your gun, or I'll wreck another elbow!"

I felt a cold chill spreading along my veins. Perhaps this was the end; perhaps after all the struggles I still could not earn the life I wanted; perhaps it was just fate. I readied myself for the final moment. All I could think of was him. It made me sad, but deep inside there was a tint of joy and gratitude. At least he gave me the experience of being loved. We did our best. Perhaps it just was not meant to be.

"Tell…Tell Shinji…I…love…him…" I did not understand why, but I could not stop the tears streaming down my cheeks.

I closed my eyes and waited for the slow, painful death. Every second was agony. Moments of tension passed, but there was only silence. Slowly, I opened my eyes again, only to see the vice commander lowering his weapon, until he finally rested it on the floor. He stood back up after that.

"Kick it away," The commander ordered. The vice-commander complied. "Good, now do you understand your weakness, Fuyutsuki?"

"Humanity is my strength." He said firmly.

The commander aimed his gun at the vice-commander and fired two shots, both bullets piercing into his knees. The old man managed to stifle his scream, but he fell awkwardly to the ground, panting heavily. His once neatly kept hair was now a mess; his face showing exhaustion and despair.

"Look at yourself, old fool. This is where humanity gets you." The commander fired two more shots into the old man's shoulders, totally obliterating any possible movements from the fallen man. He cried in pain. My heart wept for the kind man, but I felt totally ragged as the commander threw me to the side and stood up himself. He then walked towards the vice-commander before crouching down beside him.

I began to feel light-headed, as the blood seeped through the wounds and started to slowly drain away my spirit and hope. My legs were completely lost; I felt they were no longer mine. My arms, good or broken, were still tied on the back. It became very tempting to close my eyes and sleep, but I knew once I lost consciousness, I might never recover it again. I wanted to see him at least one more time.

The commander felt around the vice-commander's body, searching for something. It did not take him long to find it. He retrieved the metallic object from the injured man's pocket and grinned. "Like I said, simply changing the password will not stop me."

The vice-commander mumbled something, but his words had become muffled, or perhaps I had begun to lose my sense of hearing. I could not be sure. The commander stood up and walked to the entrance slot. He then opened a hatch and connected several wires to the metallic device he took from the vice-commander. I watched in despair as he keyed in a few words before the device's monitor began flashing a green light.

The commander laughed, "Now do you understand? Changing the password was just a waste of time, Fuyutsuki, because in the end, MAGI…or should I say Naoko, is still blindly on my side." He then unplugged the small metallic device and threw it to a side. "So the password is Fuyutsuki Yui, eh? You're one sick man, Fuyutsuki. Yui is mine and mine alone."

The commander ignored the weak protests from the vice-commander. He swiped his card through the slot and keyed in the new password. We waited. And then a robotic voice was heard. 'Access Granted'. The heavy metal door slid open.

His face twisted into a triumphant smirk, as he grabbed a loose end of the chain and pulled me violently with him through the entrance. I winced in pain as my broken elbow crushed along the floor. The torture stirred up an overwhelming urge to vomit, but I managed to force it down. I felt the light slowly fading.

And then it happened. My heart lit up. Hope returned.

At the corner of my eyes, I saw Shinji in the distance, running forward and holding something in his hands, pointing towards us. Suddenly, a gunshot was heard. The commander screamed miserably. More blood fall onto my face. The commander's blood…

"You're too late, Shinji!" He roared furiously and pressed a button on the wall. The metal doors slid shut immediately. I watched in anguish as Shinji gradually disappeared from my sight once again.

"Rei!" I heard him shout, soon followed by his fists banging on the door, "Rei are you alright? Answer me!"

"I…I…" I tried to speak, but could find no strength.

"It's already too late. Fuyutsuki could give him the password, but it'd still take ten minutes before he can open the door. It's a safety procedure." The commander said coldly before turning to me. "Now ignore him, and face your destiny!"

He took out a small leather bag from the pocket inside his coat. Grinning, he then opened it and revealed three tiny injection tubes. The commander crouched down beside me and pierced one of them into my arm. At first, it hurt as I felt the clumsy prick, but then I started to feel numb; my body did not feel like mine anymore.

"These are tranquilizer. I just need to make sure you can't rebel against me once I loosen the chains around you." The commander explained and gave me the second shot, "One wasn't enough to keep you from injuring me last time, so let's see what three will do, shall we?"

I started to loose feeling; my head started to float. The outline of the commander's face became indistinct. All I could see were blurred images moving around. Once I received the third and final shot, my mind became rushed with quick episodes of flashbacks. I knew I was fading away from reality, but there was nothing I could do. Shinji…so many images of Shinji…

Then, there was a click. I felt myself loosened as the chains were pulled off. And then the ropes were cut loose, but I still could not move. A rough hand grabbed my shirt. It pulled. Pieces of cloths were hastily ripped off. I felt cold…so cold…

"That's my obedient girl," The commander said, putting my limp body over his bare shoulder. It seemed that he had taken off his clothes as well. "Come, this is the moment that I have given you life for."

The other side of the entrance door was silent. The commander began to walk. I could not see properly where he was heading, but I could guess. Seconds passed, and then minutes. I tried to stay focus, but was not succeeding. The injections were producing full effect now. Even the pain on my broken arm had disappeared. I felt completely bathed in haze. The end was approaching. I sensed it.

The commander stopped at the thin line where the LCL Sea touched the shore. He then held me in the air by grabbing onto my neck. My head throbbed excruciatingly, but nothing could prepare me for what happened next. His hand stabbed through my stomach. My inner organs twisted violently. I wanted to scream away the agonising pain, but there was no more strength left. Blood gushed up my throat and I coughed it onto the commander. He laughed maniacally as we began to ascend.

Memories began to resurface…

When did he start to care? The first time we met, why did he choose to fight? I understood now. It was the same reason why he asked for a simple smile. Then, he protected me from the class bully. It was the first time I became aware of myself. I asked for a conversation. He gave me one that woke me up from an emotionless shell. The nights turned into horror, but I was grateful. In return, I offered to help him in an exam.

It started with simple things, which chained together to make the difference. How he offered me rides to school, how he shared an umbrella, how he gave me his lunch…But I rejected my own affections when finally given the chance to notice. I suffered in that long, dark night. He came, but left. I thought he came again, but it was someone else. It broke me, and I began searching for an end.

When we finally met in the meadows, my decision was already made. I was weak in the end, and I changed thoughts at the final moment. It was the beginning of another story. Long, hard and rough, but inside it was warm. Another misunderstanding happened, and my identity revealed. He turned away, but my heart never changed. I did what I could and protected him, hoping that my last action would earn forgiveness.

It became more than that. We met again in the place our fates intercepted. The bond grew stronger than ever, and we embarked on a run from the wrong destiny. I learned, and so did he, but we were forced apart once more. I feared that luck had faded. I wanted to see the future, but at least I lived, for the memories he gave…

I smiled.

* * *

**_Asuka's_****_ POV:_**

"I'm only doing this for Wonder Girl. I'll never forgive you and Kaworu."

A line spoken with anger, a tone I had never used since a long time ago. I had always been a short tempered person; that much I would admit. That was most likely the reason why my true friends were so few, considering my popularity. It hurt to lose the people I cared for, but being betrayed by them hurt even more. I didn't understand why I was so often kept in the dark. I honestly thought he was worth it.

I felt ashamed.

A sudden isolation from those whom I trusted most; I asked myself why this had to happen. I couldn't find any answer. So I asked myself again what would be the best thing to do next. Disappointed, regretful, depressed…so many things I felt, but then I couldn't seem to let go. There seemed to be a huge chunk of flesh taken away from me. I felt something missing.

Perhaps deep inside, I still considered myself one of them. Shinji, Rei, Kaworu and I…the time we had at the hideout were hard, but I suddenly felt the significance of those days. I found myself desiring to live out the rest of my life that way, and maybe it was for that reason that I was feeling so lonely now…

It was so hard to turn back, so difficult to let go of my inner pride and forgive them…

My eyes started to sting. Was it anger? Or was it frustration? I couldn't tell, I couldn't even tell the tears from the LCL fluid. The monitor around the plug showed the environment outside the Eva, but I felt detached. Piloting wasn't as interesting as it used to be. A short while later, I felt a large force pulling me from behind as Unit-02 was shot towards the surface. Misato didn't even bother with any briefing. I tried to mentally prepare myself for battle. I didn't succeed. There was too much on my mind.

I tried not to think anymore. I just wanted to win this battle.

The Eva arrived on the grounds of Tokyo-3 shortly after. I scanned the surrounding area, my instinct telling me that there was something missing, although I couldn't point out what it was that I felt. The tanks and the helicopters just looked too easy. They seemed amazingly small from where I towered over them. As soon as they noticed my Eva, they started regrouping and redirecting their fire power against me. It didn't concern me however. AT-Field would still be too much for their weak assault.

Feeling confident, I drew the progressive knife.

Nothing happened.

I tried to take a step forward.

Nothing happened again.

It was then a cold chill crept its way up along my skin. The LCL fluid suddenly felt so freezing. The same emotions flowed through my mind as I was reminded of the time I failed to save Rei, only this time I was the one in danger. I fought down an urge to vomit, and with my remaining strength I yelled into the radio transmitter, "Misato! Misato can you hear me!"

The commander…the commander changed the sequence before we fought the 16th Angel, but very few people knew the truth, and those who knew had not changed it back.

I waited, but the response never came. I would be lying if I said I wasn't panicking. Unit-02, standing in the middle of the city, was now defenceless against their attacks, and suddenly I felt so vulnerable. Not even a trace of self assurance was there anymore. I gave up my pride, but it was too late when I realised it, "Misato I can't synch with the Eva! Misato help!"

Again, there was no word from her. The radio was dead silent, and the only thing I heard was the increasing pace of my own heart beat. The SEELE troops were now ready to launch their first attack. I tried desperately to inject some life into Unit-02, pulling the triggers so violently until my hands began to feel worn. The blood seeped out painfully from the broken skin, but it was nothing compared to what I felt inside. I knew there was no chance of me reactivating my Eva. Nothing could be done until its sequence was changed back to match mine. I felt so helpless…

It was a traumatic sight when I stared at the countless of missiles rocketing towards my direction. The first blow came hard, but not enough to knock me out. I felt every single one of the explosion that tried to blast my skin open. My head began to crack, and I felt broken in pieces. Another one burst just beside the face, as a blazing pain soared across my cheeks. I screamed.

"AAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHH…!"

The assault continued mercilessly as Unit-02 stumbled backwards and landed on the floor. Even then, the missiles showered from the sky, each thrust seemingly more and more brutal as I rocked side to side from the excruciating pain. I felt myself being slowly eaten away. I didn't even dare look at myself anymore. It was so cold. I couldn't remember how long it lasted, as I found myself closing my eyes and curling into a ball. The hate filled pride that filled me moments ago was replaced by one phrase.

"I don't want to die…"

"I don't want to die…"

"I don't want to die…"

"I don't want to die…"

Perhaps my final moment had arrived, for I started to see flashes of my past memories. The life back in Germany was hollow. Sad things happened, but I could remember very few. It had always been so empty. I never knew who my real father was, but I considered myself lucky that at least there were days when my mother would caress me lovingly. They didn't last long, but at least I knew what it felt like. A part of me died when I saw her limp form hanging from the ceiling, and from that day onwards, everything changed. I grew defiant, and bathed myself in an overwhelming desire to be the best. This sense of elitism made me miss out on a lot of things, some meaningful, others not, but since when had a person been built solely on happy experience?

"I don't want to die…"

"I don't want to die…"

"I don't want to die…"

"I don't want to die…"

I never lived again until I came to Tokyo-3. At first, I didn't like it here. I thought these people were filthy and unworthy of my grace, but Misato and Shinji's attitudes changed that. I began to feel, began to regain a sensation I had lost since my mother passed away. Things changed and got better, and although I kept my aggressive nature, for once I was happy again. By the time I found out what happened to Rei, I was no longer surprised by my own willingness to help, even though she hadn't exactly treated me as a friend before that. Shinji and Rei quickly became the two people I cared about most, although the romance developed between them sometimes made me feel lonely.

"I don't want to die…"

"I don't want to die…"

"I don't want to die…"

"I don't want to die…"

It wasn't long before my own destiny came. I met Kaworu and he showed me something I had always craved for. There was always an aura about him that made me feel my own presence and importance to those around me. I enjoyed his compliments, and yet I was impressed by the way he mentioned my short comings. Instead of feeling insulted, his comments made me realise that like everyone else, I was just a normal human being that made mistakes and couldn't be blamed for my imperfection. It loosened a lot of pressure for me, and I found myself rapidly becoming attached to him.

The revelation that he was an Angel didn't work well with me, probably because I learnt it from the commander, not Kaworu himself. And to make things worse, it happened when everyone was present, and now all of them knew how I had been deceived. I felt anger, a fire rising but I regretted the moment I slapped him. I thought that move would change everything, and that our budding relationship would never be the same again. He didn't hold it against me, however, the boy tried to talk me into helping Rei.

"I don't want to die…"

"I don't want to die…"

"I don't want to die…"

Perhaps it wasn't right to blame Kaworu. I didn't blame Rei for not telling Shinji the truth, and I honestly felt disgusted at the way Shinji turned away from her. She only wanted the best for him, and she didn't want to hurt him. Perhaps I was just acting like Shinji did; perhaps no one was at fault; perhaps Kaworu thought I wasn't ready; perhaps he just didn't feel that I could accept him in this stressful period if he revealed himself.

I understood now. I wanted to forgive, to let them know that I still wanted to be one of them, but it seemed that fate had decided that I didn't deserve the chance. The missiles bombardment carried on as I began to weep.

"Mother…what should I do?"

"Live on…I won't let you die…Live strong…Live honest…Don't die…"

"I don't want to die…"

"Live on…I won't let you die…Live strong…Live honest…Don't die…"

"Mother what should I do?"

"Live on…I won't let you die…Live strong…Live honest…Don't die…"

"I don't want to die…"

"Live on! I won't let you die! Live strong! Live honest! Don't die!"

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

My eyes shot open. A surge of overwhelming warmth washed over the entry plug along with a brilliant light. A figure emerged from the white and for once, I could taste the love of a mother again. The agony was gone, being replaced by a soothing presence. I thought it was my imagination, one that will take me away from existence to the journey after life, but everything felt so real.

She extended her hand, seemingly inviting me. It was so tempting, and yet somehow I felt young again, being cared again, by someone I lost so long ago.

"Mother…is that you?" I asked, slightly trembling. And then her face appeared; the gentle features telling me that all this time, she had been here watching over me. Slowly, my hand reached forward to meet hers, and once our hands finally touched, the light cleared and the monitors started to function again.

"I see…I understand now…" I said staring at my still bleeding hands. There were a few scratches along my arms and legs, but none of them were too serious. "You live in me, mother, and I've never been alone. I think I understand now."

'SYSTEM OVERWRITING. SECOND CHILD: SOHRYU ASUKA LANGLEY. PILOT STATUS CONFIRMED.'

I grabbed the triggers and pulled.

"I won't disappoint you, mother."

The Eva stood up once again, as a rain of bullets headed towards me. With fire flowing through my veins, I leapt up and soared into the sky. The missiles trailed from behind, exploding before they could even touch me. No words could describe how I felt on the inside, and I knew this would be my last battle, be it a victory or a defeat. I glided through the air and landed on a group of tanks, flattening them into pieces of metallic chunks.

"Let us battle side by side."

Before I had time to grin at their destruction, a huge elongated missile hit me on the face as I felt a small seep of blood coming out from my nose. Another soon approached but I managed to stop it by grabbing it with my hand. Both missiles exploded and I felt my skin slightly burnt by the fire. Nevertheless, I emerged from the flames and stared defiantly at the two assault planes that attacked me. These were nothing compared to real Angels.

They started firing bullets at me again. Without further delay, I grabbed one of them and turned it around so that its bullets were directed at the other assault plane, which was soon filled with holes from the penetration. It then crashed to the ground with a blast, destroying a few tanks along the way. I bent my knee slightly and slammed the remaining plane onto it, breaking it into two halves of wasted metals.

"I understand the meaning of AT-Field now, mother, it has been with me all along."

More helicopters appeared; the tanks and ground missile launchers had gathered together to concentrate their firepower on me. I walked slowly towards them; there was no need to rush. I intended to finish them off one by one, without mercy. My battle plan changed quickly, however, when one of the missiles hit the Eva cable and severed my electrical supply. I released the cable plug on my Eva and glanced at the monitor. It said I had five minutes.

"Without the umbilical cable, I still have twelve billion shocking cells in the AT-Field!" I found myself shouting confidently.

I continued to walk towards the invaders, as their persistent missiles kept firing on my Eva. Stopping halfway, I swiped my arm horizontally across, generating an imperious orange light that cut four helicopters into pieces of unrecognisable mass. Another two assault planes appeared from the back and started firing bullets, wasting their efforts against my colossus Eva. Time was my only concern. The seconds were ticking away non-stop as I fought the enemies.

"I'll never surrender!"

I swiped the plane from the side, turning it around and grabbed its tail, swinging it to the left, crashing it into another one of its kind, eliminating both of them in one swift blow. Turning around, I stared at another helicopter as I lifted my leg and hammered it from the top, breaking it into pieces. Two more appeared on the right; they never stopped showering me with their bullets. I punched a hole through one of them, bursting it into flames. The other seemed to have realised that simple bullets would never work against my Eva, for it backed away slightly, trying to escape. I pounced on the assault plane, grabbed its wings and twisted them unusable. Then, I seized its body and slammed it onto the nearest group of tanks and infantries.

I stood there, scanning them from the top as those who survived desperately flowed out of the city. Their air force had been completely annihilated; their ground force retreating and in a total mess. My inside swelled with pride as I savoured the taste of another victory.

It was then I noticed nine gigantic shadows looming over the land. I looked up at the sky; a fleet of super air carriers was seen soaring across the magnificent blue. My curiosity peaked as I found myself staring intensely at the new company. Seconds later, a white mass emerged from each of the planes. They were dropped off from the carriers soon afterwards.

The nine black air carriers then flew out of sight, leaving nine masses of white humanoids gliding in the sky, circling around the city like vultures. As they slowly descended upon Tokyo-3, their shapes became recognisable, and their faces clear. I tried hard to fight down the sudden fear, and was only partially successful. These elongated machines were different from any of the enemies I had encountered, for they were originally built to be our allies.

"Eva series…has it been completed?"

The ground trembled as nine of them landed all at once. Their feathery white wings were neatly folded before disappearing into a device attached to their backs; each of them carried a broad blade in one hand. As I looked closer, I was surprised at how sinister and organic they looked. Unlike mine, they had no eyes. Their worm-like heads were decorated only by a mouth that seemed to be grinning. The hair at the back of my neck stood up as I stared at them in horror and disgust. I found myself being surrounded.

"So these are my real opponents? They sure don't look as easy…" I said to myself and glanced at the countdown, "Nine in 3.5 minutes. That means I have to destroy one every 20 seconds."

I took another scan at the enemies. None of them had moved much since the landing. My instinct and battle experience told me that they were still trying to get accustomed to the terrains. If I took the defensive role, chances were that they would pounce on me together, and my Eva would most likely be torn into shreds in less than a few seconds. So I decided to go on the offence, and hopefully that would earn me enough time to deal with all of them.

"GO!"

I ran towards the one standing directly opposite me. It caught him by surprise when I jumped forward and with my hands, I pressed the entire weight of my Eva onto his face. The head deformed and exploded from the pressure as I landed behind him. Then, I grabbed his limp body and held it horizontally above my head. My hands turned and twisted his body until it burst brutally into a shower of blood.

"That wasn't too hard."

The rest of them were still not moving. Without any delay, I ran towards another one. Once I got close enough, I leapt forward and kicked him in the torso. He stumbled backwards and fell into the lake behind him. I unleashed the progressive knife and proceeded to stab him through the head. With a firm grip, I twisted the knife and sliced it across, silencing him in another swift blow.

I got out from the lake immediately and rushed towards the third one. As he noticed me, the white Eva raised his right hand, holding the broad blade and preparing to swipe the heavy weapon down on me. Being equipped with a light weapon had its advantages, and it showed here when I evaded his attack with a slick move, and then severed his right arm with the progressive knife. Injured and without its weapon, the Eva struggled as I stabbed the knife into his shoulder, but it didn't work out as the knife broke when I tried to pull it out. Before I managed to recover, he seized my head with his remaining arm as I screamed in pain. Gathering all my strength, I dealt him another blow to the stomach and kicked him away. I then stood up and wrapped my arm around his neck as we began to wrestle each other. It didn't take long to settle this battle fortunately, as he collapsed lifeless once I broke its neck.

There wasn't time to recompose myself. As soon as I finished the third one, the fourth came down attacking from above. I barely managed to dodge his blade as I rolled over to the right and picked up the broad blade I found lying on the way. The white Eva rushed forward and swiped his weapon towards me. I hit back with mine and we fought a duel of brute strength. My wrists hurt every time we exchanged a blow, but in the end Unit-02 proved to be superior with its agility as I hammered the blade into his neck and decapitated him.

By then, three more had come and surrounded me. They must have thought that I would take a defensive stance, for one of them stood still as I swinged my broad blade across his torso, slicing him into halves. I never gave them the time to recover. Turning around as fast as I could, I swiped the blade towards the sixth Eva, but it only managed to severe his left leg. He fell backwards and landed heavily on a hill, immobilised and helpless. I aimed my broad blade at him and slammed the sharp end onto his neck, sending his head flying across the land.

Just as I turned to face the seventh one, he slammed his body onto mine, tackling me to the ground. I pushed back with all my might, but he tried to pin me down with equal force. With our weapons already abandoned at a side, we struggled against each other with bare hands. Seeing that time was running out and the battle was going nowhere, I directed my shoulder plate at his jaw. I then fired the sharp projectiles into his head, sending him crashing backwards onto a hill where he lay motionless.

"Seven down; two more to go," I said confidently and took another glance at the countdown, "Less than a minute left…still more than enough!"

The eighth Eva rushed forward and our arms were soon interlocked in a fierce struggle. I tried to strangle him but wasn't successful, so I raised my knee and smashed it into his stomach. His elongated body curled slightly in pain; his arms lost their firm grip on mine from the temporal shock. I seized the chance, grabbed him by the shoulder and slammed him into the nearest building. It was then I spotted from the corner of my eyes that the ninth one was approaching.

"I'll definitely win! Mother is watching me!"

I pulled the limp Eva from the rubbles and tossed it towards the ninth. It collided with him, leaving him momentarily stunned.

"This is the final blow!"

I ran forward and with all my might, I punched a fist into the eighth, sending a shockwave to the ninth who were still stacked behind his comrade. This was followed by another punch to the stomach which went right through the eighth's torso into the ninth. I could feel his insides, and I showed no mercy as I grabbed a random mass and twisted it violently. Both the last remaining Evas twitched in agony. There were barely more than ten seconds left on the clock.

It was then I suddenly felt a malicious presence looming. Something dark, something powerful, something that would bring death…

I gave in to instinct and turned around, barely catching a glimpse of a broad blade rocketing towards me in a stunning speed. Out of reflex, I withdrew my arm from the two lifeless Evas and raised it against the invading weapon, generating an AT-Field. The broad blade was stopped half-way in the air by the massive flash of orange light. I stared into the large chunk of metal, wondering where it came from, and expecting it to drop to the ground. It didn't happen, and I was shocked by what followed next.

The broad blade deformed and reshaped into a weapon that once saved my life.

"Lance…Lance of Longinuss?"

I wasn't given the time to recover. The AT-Field was shattered immediately, and a split second later, a wave of breaking pain shot through the left side of my face. I never saw it coming.

"AAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHH…!"

My hand reached up and covered my face instantaneously, half expecting it to be blown apart. Instead, I felt something wet trickling down my cheeks. I didn't have to guess what it was. The clock kept beeping, signalling that the internal energy supply had depleted. Unit-02 stumbled backwards as I felt myself being nailed to the floor in the eye.

"AAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHH…!"

The screams never stopped as I once again found myself pulling the triggers viciously, desperately hoping that this would somehow activate the Eva back to functioning. The pain grew worse with each passing moment. I couldn't even find the courage to open my eyes anymore. I was afraid of what I would see.

My voice soon grew hoarse and my throat began to feel inflamed. I could barely hear the disturbing growls from the Eva series. Seconds passed, and then minutes. The growls gradually turned into savage roars. My heart began to beat uncomfortably from fear and despair. Slowly, I opened my eyes. It was painful at first, but then it grew numb. Another drop of liquid trailed down my cheeks. I wiped it away; it was red. As soon as I adjusted to the light, I knew I had lost the eye.

The nine Mass Production Evas were all up in the air, gliding in circle and each carrying a spear except one. Some of them were still bleeding; others were missing heads or limbs. They all wanted revenge, and with Unit-02 silent I was open to any attacks they were planning. I felt helpless, and perhaps it wasn't so surprising when I found myself crying. There was so much more I wanted to do, so much more I wanted to see and so much more I wanted to tell those who ever cared about me.

It wasn't long before they began to descend upon me. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the final moment.

Wonder Girl…how long had it been since I last called her that? There was sarcasm hidden in the two words, but somehow I was saddened when I found myself uttering them to Shinji just now. Perhaps Kaworu was right. Rei wasn't the one to blame either. She tried to convince him to tell me, but he just didn't listen. It rang a bell at the back of my mind, a place where my past memories was kept. It happened weeks ago.

I remembered telling a shaken Rei that day, that it would be wise for her to reveal her identity to Shinji. She was so fragile back then, desperately holding to something she had just gained, so scared of losing them again. At the time, I was just doing something any friend would have done, giving advice and such. I didn't want either of them to get hurt. It didn't work out in the end, but now I found myself realising that Rei had just followed my lead, and she did so by asking Kaworu to be honest.

I couldn't bring myself to blame her after that.

Perhaps it wasn't hard to understand why Kaworu never told me the truth either; perhaps he just never realised betrayal hurt more than truth; perhaps he kept it from me because he cared, just like how much Rei cared about Shinji. There were so many things to think about, so many things that seemed simple yet confusing.

And perhaps Rei and Shinji never told me because they knew I would have wanted to learn the truth from Kaworu himself…

"Sorry…Kaworu…sorry…my friends…thank you and farewell…"

I waited for the inevitable, but it never came. All I could hear was a piercing swish followed by an ear splitting explosion that occurred a fair distance away from me.

My mind began to fade as the injuries started to take its toll. Nevertheless, I gathered the remaining strength and opened my eyes once more. There, looming over my fallen Eva towered a familiar figure. Its purple armour blazed brilliantly in the sun; the imperious form stood defiantly between the enemies and me; his right hand held a blood red spear, slightly larger and much more elegant than the ones the enemies were carrying. I remembered the weapon. It was the original Spear of Longinuss.

When I took another weak glance up at the sky, there were only eight of them left. The white Evas were still circling the city like deadly predators. Seconds later, two of them came swiping downwards. I never saw how it happened, but the next thing I knew, one of them had its body cut into four quarters with the lines crossing exactly at where the entry plug should be; the other was reduced into a bloody pulp, with its plug squashed into pieces in the hand of Unit-01.

I never knew Shinji could move that fast.

The sunlight seemed to have grown faint; the borders of the figures flying up there in the sky gradually became blurred as I found my own vision slowly darkening with each passing moment. It suddenly became very tempting to just fall asleep. My limbs were getting heavy and the pain on my left eye had disappeared. I felt tired…so exhausted. I could barely imagine Unit-01 slicing another two opponents, before darkness overtook me and I lost consciousness.

I soon found myself bathed in a tranquil presence. There was no light, and the only thing I felt was the soothing waves repetitively washing over me. A gentle voice woke me up from the trance.

"Asuka…Asuka…my child…"

"M-Mother? I-Is that you?"

"Asuka…you did well…I'm so proud of you…"

"But I failed, mother, I lost. I…I've let you down…"

"Do you remember what I told you, Asuka?"

"…You…you told me to live strong and honest…"

"Yes…live strong knowing your strength comes with your friends…live honest knowing your own feelings and never betray them…"

"W-Wait Mother! Are you leaving me?"

"No, my child, always remember that I live in you…"

"But I…I…I understand…mother…"

"There are people who truly love you, Asuka…and you must return to them…"

"But I miss you…I miss you so much…"

"Don't be locked in the past and forget to live, my child…"

"…Will I ever see you again, mother?"

"In your heart you will see me, and in peace I will watch over you…"

The moment stretched as tears began to stream down my face. Slowly, my hand trembling, I wiped the tears away.

"Can I…can I touch you…once more…mum?"

A warm light gradually replaced the darkness; and in the light I felt her presence, her touch, her caress…It felt like eternity, felt so peaceful, something I would cherish forever. And as she mouthed the immortal three words, her haunting memory was forgotten, and the mother I knew and loved, lived once again in my heart.

"Thank you…and I love you too, mum…"

When I reopened my eyes, the only thing I could see was a white ceiling. The room was dimly lit only by the white light outside in the corridor. My hands started to feel around, and shortly afterwards I realised that I was lying on a bed. The ECG monitor beeped in a short distance away, disturbing the otherwise silent room. I turned my head to the right and saw the boy sitting by my side, with his silvery hair decorating a concerned face.

"You…you're awake, Asuka!" Kaworu exclaimed happily.

"Where…" I tried to speak, but my voice came out hoarse as I let out a few coughs. He handed me a glass of water immediately. The liquid tasted pleasant to my lips. After taking a few sips, I continued, "Where am I? How did I get here?"

"This is the NERV hospital wing. We found you unconscious in the entry plug. There was blood and I…I thought you were…" He tried to speak clearly, but I could tell he was trying hard to suppress the sobs. "I thought I came too late…I was very worried…"

"Why? What happened?"

"Shinji went with Misato, so I boarded Unit-01. It took a while, but I managed to get it moving. By the time I reached the surface, you were already injured, and…" Kaworu sighed and stopped halfway, seemingly not knowing if he should continue.

"And what?"

"I don't know what happened. Perhaps I was just furious, but I saw the Lance of Longinuss coming down from the sky. It stopped beside me, so I decided to use it."

"The original Lance…"

"Yes, the original one. The Eva series belonged to SEELE, and I had a close relationship with them. So I knew the only way to kill them was to destroy their entry plugs. They were all Dummy-Plug operated."

"So you defeated all of them in the end?"

"Yes, I demolished every single one of them! I thought those filthy bastards deserved hell after how they…" Kaworu shook with anger as his eyes flared up, but quickly returned to his gentle self once I took his hand. "I-I'm sorry…I went a bit too far. It's just that whenever I think about how they hurt you, I…"

"Where are the others?" I cut him off, my hand still resting on his.

"Oh…They found Misato, Maya and Fuyutsuki near Terminal Dogma. All of them were injured, and they're now in the hospital wing too, together with Makoto," He replied solemnly, "As for Rei and Shinji…"

"What about them?"

"They still haven't been found. The entrance to Terminal Dogma had been sealed and we couldn't get through, but I believe Rei and Shinji are still somewhere inside…"

"Sealed? How did that happen?"

"I don't know, Asuka, but something happened inside Terminal Dogma," Karowu took a deep breath before continuing, "Third Impact had failed; I could no longer feel the presence of Adam and Lilith."

After hearing the news, I turned my head to face the other direction. Admittedly, I was very worried about those two. Things hadn't gone as smoothly as we had hoped. A tear of despair slowly found its way down my cheeks. My hand reached upwards to wipe it away. As my fingers brushed along my eyes, I felt a piece of soft cotton patched to my left eye. I caressed it gently, feeling somewhat saddened by the loss.

Kaworu seemed to have noticed it, "Don't worry Asuka, the doctor said it was only temporary. He told me your eye would recover in no more than a few months."

I was grateful, but this new piece of information did little to lighten my mood, for I somehow still felt the dreading hollow in my heart. Victory was none-existent if one of us was taken away; and I knew a loss like this would forever haunt the memories of those who survived. I kept silent. There wasn't much I wanted to talk about at a time like this.

"You don't have to worry about Rei and Shinji either," Kaworu spoke after a while, "Kaji is leading the UN rescue team, and they're going to drill a hole into Terminal Dogma. Everything will turn out fine."

There was something in his voice that reminded me of my own promises when I was out there in Unit-02. I wanted to forgive, but something seemed to be holding me back. Perhaps I wanted to be sure that Rei and Shinji were both alright before doing anything. My affection for Kaworu was still there, if not stronger than ever. However, it just didn't seem to be the right moment for romance. Then again, perhaps this wasn't fair for him either…

"Do you…do you still blame me?" Kaworu asked after another long silence, "I'm sorry, Asuka. I should've told you earlier. I apologise for my ignorance."

I couldn't understand why; perhaps it was my pride, but with him taking the initiative, it suddenly felt a lot easier. It was then I realised that my hand was still touching his. Giving it a gentle squeeze, I smiled and turned to face him once more. "There's nothing to forgive."

His face lit up immediately, although I could see the shock in his eyes, "Asuka, I…"

"Kaworu," I stopped him half-way.

"Yes?"

"You said you could no longer feel the presence of Adam and Lilith."

"No, I couldn't."

"Can you still feel the presence of Rei?" I asked, eager to hear the answer, and yet was afraid of knowing it. Kaworu returned a firm squeeze on my hand, concern clearly showing on his face. He then directed his gaze outside the window. We stayed quiet in this silent tension, before he looked back at me and replied.

"Barely."

* * *

**_Shinji's POV:_**

I was too late. By the time I arrived, my father had forced the entrance shut.

Frustrated, I slammed my fists onto the metal barrier, but there was no response from the other side of the door. No voices from Rei, not even from my father, it was completely silent.

"It's no use…the door is sound proof…" The vice commander was still lying on the ground, wheezing heavily. It was the first time I paid any attention to him since coming down here. His face was old, and the grey hair was plastered onto his sweaty forehead. In his eyes I saw pain, anger and perhaps shame.

"How do I open the door?" I asked, crouching down beside him.

"You have to key in the password…"

"What is the password?"

He looked away from me and mouthed quietly, "Fuyutsuki Yui…I'm sorry, Shinji."

I was slightly shocked at hearing the password, but I managed to recompose myself immediately. I stood up and rushed to the entry device beside the entrance door. Trying hard not to panic, I typed in the words carefully and waited. A line of capital red words then appeared on the screen.

"SEQUENCE CURRENTLY NOT OPERATIONAL. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER."

"It's a security procedure…" The vice commander said just loud enough for me to hear, "You need to wait for ten minutes before you can get it activated again…"

"Damn!" I shouted and kicked the door angrily, "Is there other way I can get in?"

"There is another way, the one Rei used to retrieve the Lance of Longinuss, but it's going to take you more than ten minutes I'm afraid…"

There was a tingling sensation building up on the lower half of my body. Mentally, I tried hard to digest this piece of information, but I couldn't. I guess in a certain way, I was refusing to accept that there was nothing I could do at the moment, while Rei's safety hung on a thin thread on the other side of the door with my father. My mind went numb with flashes of horrible scenes, each of them being a possibility of what was happening to Rei while I waited here.

"I'm sorry, Shinji. I couldn't stop him." The vice commander said as I sat down dejectedly. "I couldn't bear seeing your father torturing Rei endlessly…"

"What did he do?" I asked, anger starting to boil.

"He shot her lower spine and her right elbow. She was in tremendous pain…sorry Shinji…"

There was a long silence as I began to tremble. I could just imagine her sitting there helplessly as my father pulled the trigger. Even the blood stains were still there on the floor. My hand reached forward and touched it, drawing a few drops of the red liquid. This was her blood…her innocent blood…blood without sins…

"How was she coping?" I broke the silence after a while.

The vice commander sighed heavily before answering, "Not well at all…she wanted me to tell you that…that she loves you…"

My eyes stung as the anger faded slightly. This was followed by an unstoppable flow of tears through my eyes, and my heart ached whenever I was reminded of the blood she shed. These ten minutes were perhaps the longest ten minutes I had ever experienced. The way she smiled, the words she spoke, her forgiving nature, the time we had together, it all came back again while I waited.

And then something started to burn. There was a wave of fire, and then another, and then another, and my mood changed. The anguish slowly transformed into a violent storm. A silent rage steadily diffused across on the inside, and the tears stopped. An eerie calm took over as I stood up, the gun loosely held in my right hand.

Ten minutes had gone.

"He'll pay for his sins." There was an unexplainable determination when I spoke again. "I'll make it my personal business that he never sees daylight again."

"Shinji…" I heard the vice commander say, but chose to ignore him.

I walked to the entry device, and with a much stable rhythm this time, I keyed in the password and pressed enter. A monotonous voice was heard soon after.

"ACCESS GRANTED."

The door slid open, revealing a white gigantic humanoid form being nailed to an odd looking red cross. The purple mask on its face was split open at seven different places, each of them showing a haunting gaze of its eye. It was most likely the being called Lilith. Below the creature was a sea of orange fluid known as LCL. The room was silent; the sight was disturbing, and when I took another careful glance, I saw Rei and my father floating high up in the air, slowly approaching the Angel.

He had an arm buried inside her abdomen.

A sudden lump formed inside my throat, and I struggled to fight down the urge to vomit. A part of me was torn when I realised that the chances of Rei surviving this encounter had just been reduced by half. Without further delay, I held my gun tight and ran towards the sea.

I could only do my best and hope.

By the time I arrived at the shore, half of my father's body was already inside Lilith. Rei, however, was still outside, but not for long if I didn't act quickly. I flicked on the laser pointer and aimed the weapon at my father. I adjusted the gun until the red dot lay firmly on his arm that was still inside Rei. And then I fired.

The bullet pierced into his flesh as a few drops of blood rained down from above.

So I fired again, this time with more confidence, and my grip firmer. The bullet hit at around the same spot, and more blood was shed. Taking a deep breath, I steadied myself and emptied my ammo into his arm, turning it into a bloody mess until it finally broke off, and Rei was detached from my father once more.

Suddenly, there was a flash and the room was washed over by a blinding light. My eyes were forced shut, and a low powerful explosion was heard booming through the trembling air. The earth underneath me shuddered as I fell backwards onto the floor. Soon, my ears were filled with voices, so many voices that I couldn't even recognise, and all whispering in a language I never knew. I felt so small in the waves, and soon even time began to weave slowly. New feelings surfaced, feelings that I never knew existed all flowed through my veins. I became awed and soon, overwhelmed by the tides. A peak was reached, and then it slowly faded. The wistful whispers stopped, so did the emotional surges; the power turned into a soothing presence that gradually floated away until it finally disappeared, leaving a euphoric sensation.

When I opened my eyes again, Lilith was slowly dissolving into the LCL Sea. The purple mask had fallen off, revealing a faceless head. There was also a strange, slightly sour smell rapidly building up, although I could find no explanation. Nevertheless, it didn't take me long to spot a thin, pale body lying on the shore not far away from me. My heart lit up a little as I ran towards her.

The sight that greeted me killed my rising hopes instantly. Rei was bleeding seriously from the hole punctured in her abdomen; her right arm was painfully bent in an odd angle; her legs looked wasted; her chest heaved weakly from the tiny breaths she drew with her white lips. I bent and crouched down beside her.

"Rei…Rei can you hear me?" I couldn't stop crying when I held her cold hand in mine.

Her eyelids gradually lifted; the long eyelashes dancing as her eyes flickered open, "…Shinji? Shinji…you came…"

"Yes of course I came, I'd never abandon you," I sobbed and pulled her into a hug, "Come on. Let's get out of here." She cringed as I lay her broken arm gently between us, and then I held her tightly to my chest and stood up. "Don't worry, Rei. You'll be fine."

I walked hastily back towards the exit. I tried my best to keep Rei as still as possible, so that she wouldn't be hurt more than she already was. However, just before I reached the outlet, something brushed by my left arm and hit the control machinery beside the door, bursting it into a flame of fire. The skin around my arm started to burn painfully from the scratch. Slightly surprised, I turned around and saw my father standing there, a gun held in his hand.

"You…You ruined the Third Impact…" He exhaled in a deep, ominous voice, "You ruined MY Third Impact…you think I'm going to let you live after what you've done!"

His words were threatening, but nothing could be more traumatising than when I looked at his body. His hair had completely fallen off, and so did his eyebrows; his bare eyelid blinked sickeningly without its eyelashes; the skin covering his body was overstretched and shiny; his right arm was missing and the blood still seeping from the wound; his superficial veins were now swollen and visible all over the body; the injury in his groin had reopened and become a bloody mess.

"I'm taking you two down with me!" He shouted and aimed the gun at us. Acting on instinct, I turned my back towards him and shielded Rei with my body. The gun clicked, but nothing happened. And then it clicked again, and again, and again until it eventually grew desperate. I glanced backwards and realised that my father had run out of ammo. He threw the weapon away and started limping towards us in an odd gait.

I managed to recover quickly and continued towards the only exit in Terminal Dogma. By the time I arrived near the door, its control machinery had been completely destroyed by the fire. There was no way I could open the steel plates manually, so I kicked the door and shouted for help, "Commander Fuyutsuki! Help! Open the door!"

There was no response from him. It was then I remembered that the door was sound proof. I turned around and faced my father, who was steadily progressing towards us. Even more horrifying was the sight I saw next.

Far away in the open sea of LCL, the NERV ship was slowly sinking into the orange fluid. A greyish fog surrounded the damaged vehicle as its metal slowly rotted and evaporated into the air. The bitterish sour smell grew stronger than ever. I soon realised that Lilith's blood had turned the LCL fluid into a sea of acid, and the dissolving liquid was rapidly filling up the shore.

"Oh no…" I heard my voice trembling. Turning around, I resumed kicking the door, this time more forcefully, "Open up damn it! If you don't open now it's all over!"

It had no effect, but I was getting desperate, and there was nothing else I could do. The door still wouldn't open, and I finally stopped when I heard Rei moaning in pain. Her eyes were forced shut, and her left arm clutched on tightly to her broken one.

I tried to look around for other solutions, and was slightly relieved when I saw that not far away, there was a small platform standing at around fifty metres above the ground. It was attached to the right side of the wall, and there was a ladder leading up to the platform. It might just be a temporary shelter, seeing as how there was nothing that led further upwards, but I decided that at least it could protect us from the overflowing LCL acid.

"Don't worry Rei. I'll get you to safety," I tried to sound reassuring, but I couldn't even tell if Rei heard me clearly. I then gave up on the door and proceeded towards the ladder, with my father following not far behind.

Once I reached the ladder, I took off my shirt and tied Rei closely to my body using the piece of cloth, with her chest pressing tightly against mine. I then wrapped her left arm around my neck and both her legs around my waist. I made sure that the knot was secured enough before I started to climb, "Hold on Rei. Everything's going to be fine…"

The climb wasn't easy, and the rusty ladder shook each and every time I took a further step. I was halfway up when I noticed that the shaking had started to get worse. Taking a deep breath, I glanced downwards and saw my father tailing us from behind and forcing his way up. By now, the ground surface of Terminal Dogma had been completely covered by the LCL liquid, and the lower end of the ladder was being gradually melted by the acid.

As soon as I arrived on top of the platform, I scanned the area carefully. It was a rectangular shape, with the longer sides at around ten metres, and the shorter ones at around five. One of the longer sides was attached to the wall, and the rest were bare. The vast sea of LCL acid spread across the horizon, and it seemed that this platform was the only shelter left in the entire Terminal Dogma. I then searched for a way to unscrew the ladder, hoping that this would prevent my father from reaching us, but I could find none.

I then untied the knot and lay Rei down gently near the wall. Her bleeding had stopped, but her skin felt extremely cold. I wrapped the shirt around her body and hugged her tightly to keep her warm.

"How are you feeling, Rei?" There was no answer from her, so I asked again, "Rei? Can you hear me? How are you feeling?"

She then opened her eyes and looked at me, "I feel cold…Shinji…"

"Don't worry. I'm here right beside you. It's ok…everything will be fine…" I said firmly, but was unsure if I even believed myself, "Stay with me, Rei-chan…"

She didn't give any further response. It was soon afterwards that I heard the metallic clanking on the ladder grew louder. He was approaching. I waited, and waited, and waited for him to arrive. My breaths grew rapid, and with each inhalation the flicker of fire in my lungs started to grow. Suddenly, the footsteps stopped, and a hostile silence took over. Slowly, I released Rei from my embrace, and even with my back facing him, I could feel him standing there, watching me, with the arrogant grin plastered on his ugly mask.

"Ah…I see all three of us are stuck here," He spoke at last with a wicked laugh, "It seems that we're heading towards the same fate."

My eyes began to burn; my teeth gritted behind the trembling lips; and my fists were clenched tightly as I felt my own fingernails digging into my palm; I could no longer felt the pain, or anything aside from the incredible strength soaring through my veins, "You know what? I'm glad you survived the explosion, and I'm glad you followed us up here, because you know why?"

"Why? I thought you hated me and wanted me dead?" He asked back.

I slowly stood up; there was an urge rising, an overwhelming desire to tear everything apart, to inflict pain on he who scarred the innocence, a lust for destruction. It was a feeling I used to only associate with Unit-01, but not anymore. I felt it as I turned to face him and breathed, "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this moment…"

He laughed crudely, "So you're going to fight me with your bare hands?"

"Yes, with my bare hands, slow and painful so that you will feel every single drop of blood you shed today…and mother will be watching me from above…"

His face changed and twisted into an anger that matched mine, "YUI IS ON MY SIDE!"

"NOT ANYMORE!" I stormed and charged forward; fist held up in the air and prepared to strike, "YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER, ROKUBUNGI!"

The first blow was slammed directly onto his face as he stumbled backwards and fell onto the ground. My hand stung from the punch, but there was a savage satisfaction when I saw him choking from the blood coming from his broken nose. As he stood up shakily, my thirst grew even stronger. My inner feelings gave me the reasons to mimic the sadistic grin of the father I once knew, but I didn't.

I waited for him to look into my eyes, and once he was ready, I went forward again and directed my fist towards his jaw. He raised his hand and with a roar, swiped the claw across my face. I was stopped halfway by the blow, as I felt trickles of blood streaming down from my broken cheeks, but pain was a feeling I had long forgotten before this fight. I spat the blood onto his face.

This triggered his next attack as his fist came straight for my face, but before it could reach me, I grabbed his one arm and locked it with mine.

"I want you to feel my fury…" I growled and with all my might, I slammed my other hand onto his defenceless abdomen. It was only the first of countless of blows as I directed punch after punch, each one harder and fiercer than the previous, until finally his already fragile skin broke and I buried my fist into his stomach. His face twisted in agony, but I wasn't fazed.

"Can you feel my pain now!" I grabbed a random mass and pulled my fist back out. And then I sent him flying backwards with another blow to the face. I dropped the bloody pulp to the floor. It was red and fleshy, but I couldn't tell what it was. My hand was stained with red liquid, some were his; others came from the torn skin on my hand. It was numb, but I felt sickeningly happy watching him reduced to a filthy mess.

Nevertheless, he laughed sarcastically and stood back up, "I've become weak, Shinji. My skin is rigid and I'm crippled. The failed Third Impact had drained away the little strength that I had and turned me into this pathetic state. You may win this fight, but I'm not complete, and it pleases me to know that you, Rei and I will die here together. There is no escape…the steam coming from the acid below there will burn us all alive…"

"You think that's going to stop me from killing you first?" I spat back in anger and rushed forward for another attack. I never saw it coming, but in a swift motion, he grabbed me by my neck and stopped my momentum. I digged my fingernails into his hand, and tried to force him to release me as I started to suffocate.

"You know what the irony is, Shinji?" He asked, tightening his grip on me, "I've bedded Rei and I bet you haven't even touched her most intimate parts yet. I'm the winner here."

His words triggered another violent fit of anger in me, as I roared back, "YOU FUCKING MONSTER!" I then raised my feet and buried it brutally into his groin. His old wound exploded as a gush of blood splashed across my leg. He screamed and released me instantly from the shock, but just as he bent down and clutched his groin, I grabbed onto his head and kneed him directly in the face, sending him staggering backwards. He then fell to the ground and twitched agonisingly, before lying there motionless.

His eye stared into the blank space ahead, and a seep of pinkish white material leaked from his wrecked forehead. I held on tightly to my sore knee; it must have been cracked from that final blow, but I was relieved that he was finally gone.

I didn't find it surprising that I felt no grief for the loss of my only blood relative. I then crawled tiredly towards Rei and lay her down on my lap. Her face was pale, and her lips white, but she was breathing normally. Her eyes opened when I embraced her once more. I felt her body tense as she turned and saw the fallen commander.

"It's alright, Rei, it's alright," I said reassuringly, "It's over now. He will never hurt you again."

Her muscles relaxed and she looked back at me. "Your face…what happened to your face?" She said as her hand reached up to caress my scratched cheeks.

"It's nothing serious. Don't worry, I'll be fine…" I replied, taking her hand into mine, "I'm sorry I came late, Rei…"

"No, Shinji…I am grateful. It means a lot to me…I thank you…"

"You don't have to thank me. I know you would've done the same for me," I said smiling.

"I wish you did not have to fight for me…I wish you did not have to get injured…I am sorry for being such a weak person…"

"Don't say that, you're not weak," I replied. I then bent forward and planted a kiss on her forehead, "Remember how you defeated that section two agent?"

My heart lit up when I saw her blushing slightly. She looked much healthier as she nodded softly and smiled. I brushed her hair to a side and gently stroke her skin. She was slowly becoming warmer as we stayed closely together. I then scanned the area carefully again. The LCL fluid had flooded Terminal Dogma, sealing off the entrance from where I came in. Fortunately, the acid had stopped forming since Lilith had been completely dissolved. There was no other escape route, however. The only thing we could do was hope for a rescue team to find us.

I returned my attention to Rei afterwards, and it was then I noticed the frightened look in her eyes. Before I could realise what was happening, a hand grabbed my hair from the back and pulled. I was violently lifted from the floor and then tossed to the edge of the platform. The upper half of my body hung loosely over the edge as I struggled to keep myself from falling down into the acid below.

Suddenly, the same hand seized my neck and pushed me downwards. I held on to his arm desperately and tried to stabilise myself with my legs. I then saw his face. As I stared into his eye, he began to mumble, "I'll kill you…I'll kill you…I'll kill you…I'll kill you…I'll kill you…"

My head throbbed painfully from the suffocation, and I was rapidly losing my strength. My body slipped through the edge centimetre by centimetre. Just as I was about to fall off, an angelic voice boomed through my ears.

"…Commander Ikari…"

He stopped pushing instantly; his hand released my neck. He then stood up and turned towards the source of the voice. I quickly rolled back onto the platform and sat up, my hand still rubbing my sore neck. And then the next series of events happened in a flash.

Rei was floating midair with her left hand stretched towards him. Her eyes were a blazing white; her hair danced elegantly; her body surrounded by an aura of brilliant light.

"Yui…" He said longingly, "Yui…you've come back to me…"

A plane of orange light soon appeared just in front of Rei. It then turned horizontal, and a heartbeat later, the hexagonal blade was sent slicing through his torso. His body stood still; the loving look on his face was replaced by shock, disappointment and despair. A thin line of blood formed across his abdomen as he choked.

"Why… why Yui… why have you forsaken me… why did you…choose…him…over…me…"

As soon as he finished the sentence, the upper half of his body slipped backwards and fell over the edge. I never heard the splash, for I was too concerned when I saw Rei coughed out a mouthful of blood before collapsing to the floor. I rushed forward and held her in my arms. The light surrounding her had disappeared and her eyes returned to their usual red once again. Before I could speak, however, an ear splitting scream was heard from the dissolving liquid below.

I hugged Rei tightly to my chest and held her hand firmly, as his screams haunted the otherwise silent room. It sent my heart into chaos, and I felt disturbed, as a picture his flesh being slowly eaten away by the invasive acid forced its way into my mind.

The seconds that followed felt like eternity. I guess in a way, I should feel satisfied by his demise, but I couldn't. Rei's thin frame trembled in my arms as I tried hard to block the voices, which rapidly became hoarse and weak. I silently prayed for the nauseating moment to be over, and was granted the wish when his voice finally ceased once and for all.

I waited with my heart hanging on a thread, afraid that he might even still be breathing. A tense moment passed, but there was nothing except the sound of silence. A heavy burden was released when I was finally convinced that he was gone.

Slowly, I released Rei from my tight embrace and lay her down gently on my lap. She looked extremely pale, and her skin began to turn cold once again. Her lips were white; her breaths were shallow and slow. Her eyes were squinted as she whimpered quietly in obvious pain. The wound on her abdomen had opened again and was now bleeding. I applied my shirt onto it, trying desperately to stop the blood. I held her hand in mine and gave it a firm squeeze.

The trauma I felt from his demise had suddenly been replaced by a dreadful fear of losing her.

"Rei, how are you feeling?" I asked; my voice cracked and trembling.

She opened her eyes and directed her gaze towards me. The emotions were very much alive in those two ruby orbs, but the expression on the soft curves of her face told me that she was in extreme agony. I didn't know what I could do.

"Don't worry," I said again, trying to sound confident though not completely successful, "They'll come here looking for us. It's over now, Rei. No one will hurt you ever again…"

Her body started to shake. My heart broke when I saw her weeping, "Shinji…I am scared…"

I stroke her face gently with my hand, "Try not to think about the pain, I'm sure the rescue team will be here soon. Stay strong for me, Rei-chan…"

"No…Shinji…I am afraid that I-"

"Shh…" I cut her off hurriedly by putting my finger over her mouth, "You'll be fine…I'm sure you'll be fine…"

She then nodded her head; her gaze never leaving me as I bent forward and kissed her. I was hoping that I could see her blush once more, but it didn't happen. My logic told me that she had lost too much blood, but I refused to listen. Instead, I planted another kiss, and this time on her lips. It was a simple one. I didn't try to open and invade her. It was a kiss to let her know the love I felt inside, and to let her know that no matter what happened, she must hold on for herself, and for me.

We parted lips soon after, but I was delighted when I saw her smiling. "You look so beautiful when you smile, Rei-chan…"

"T-thank you…" And then the magic happened. Her shivering faded, and she was blushing once more.

"So…what do you plan to do after this?" I tried to get her talking.

She looked a little confused, "What do you mean?"

"I mean your long term planning. Since NERV is over, what do you think we should do?"

"I…I do not know…I just want to stay with you…"

"Don't worry, Rei-chan," I replied firmly, "We'll be together. Nothing will separate us again." She simply smiled and nodded, so I continued, "We're still young, but I'm sure Misato can help us. We'll finish school together, and then we'll find a job. We'll lead a normal life, just like everybody else. There will be no wars, no Eva, no NERV, no secrets and no conspiracy, just us, just me and you…"

"And…" Rei spoke softly. She was evidently struggling to gather her strength, "And our…our friends too…"

"Yes of course, Asuka and Kaworu will be around. Hikari, Touji and Kensuke will come back as well. Those two used to tease that I would never find a girlfriend with my quiet personality, imagine their reaction when they finally see us together! We'll be having so much fun!"

By then, I had noticed that her eyelids were gradually closing. Her breaths began to fade, and her head rolled passively over to the side. I shook her gently and brought her attention back, "Rei-chan, how are you feeling?"

"I…I feel tired…and sleepy…"

"Don't fall asleep. Please stay awake for me…" My voice started to crack once more. There was something lingering at the back of my mind, something which kept telling me what was happening, but I refused to accept it. I found myself blinking rapidly to hold back the fluid in my eyes, "It's a little lonely here without you talking to me…so please stay awake…for me…"

"I will…I will try…"

"Good," I said, desperately praying for rescue to arrive while I tried to keep her conscious, "What about shopping? Do you like shopping?"

"I do not know…I bought groceries…does that…does that count?"

"Yes of course it does, but what about clothes? What about gifts and entertainment, like music, movies and sports? What about plushies? Do you like plushies, Rei-chan?" She looked slightly confused at first, but then nodded her head in reply. I added, "I'm sorry, I realise that I've never bought anything for you before…"

"It is alright…I do not mind…"

"What about this, after we leave this place, I'll take you to the shopping malls, and I'll buy you everything you want. How does that sound?"

Once again, I found her eyes closing and her head swaying lazily to the side. I gently slapped her cheeks, hoping for a reaction. It didn't happen, so I began to call her name. Still, there was no response from her. Acting on impulse, I bent forward and kissed her lips again, but this time with more vigour. I slipped my tongue in between her teeth and massaged the interior muscles of her mouth. At first, there was nothing, as I felt the warm liquid began to stream down my face onto hers.

It was a short while later that I felt a light flicker of her tongue. I withdrew immediately. Her eyes were open, but there was something missing in her gaze. "Rei-chan, are you alright?"

She shook her head slowly, "It is becoming dark, Shinji. You look blurred… I cannot see properly…"

A gloomy hollow of desperation surfaced in my heart as I heard her; it was the fear of being pushed towards the inevitable, the trepidation of watching the edge approaching and not being able to avoid it. I held on fiercely to her body, but even so I could feel her soul slipping with the passing of each second. Not knowing what I could do, I simply stared at her, feeling rueful at my inability to stop the weave of time. In the end, it was Rei who broke the trance.

"I would have loved to go shopping with you…to finish school with you…and to live a normal life together…but those are just dreams and wishes…"

"What are you talking about!"

"I am sorry…Shinji… We both know what is coming…" She answered as her hand directed towards the open wound on her abdomen, "My S2 organ has been damaged by Adam… I am afraid I cannot hold on much longer…"

It was hard to accept what she said. The scratches on my cheeks burned as I felt the tears trickled past them. I kept silent, so she continued, "It pains me to see you cry… Ever since I began to understand my feelings, I tried to distance myself from you, for I have always known that if I pursued my feelings, it would not only bring more tears to me, but to you as well…and yet in the end, I let it happen… I am truly sorry, Shinji…"

"No…I'm glad it happened. I may have changed you, but you changed me too. I just don't understand why you're telling me this…"

"There is something I want you to know… Perhaps this is happening because we are simply not destined to be… Fate only allows one chance for you to meet your right soul mate, and perhaps yours lay somewhere else, not here with me… Time will heal your wounds… I only ask to stay in your memories…not your heart…"

"You…you're telling me to let other girls in! Is that what you're trying to do! Trying to numb my feelings for you so that you can leave me in peace! I don't find this act noble, Rei-chan! I don't find it noble at all…" I shouted back in anguish; my tears dripping onto her face as I finished with a choke, "You're the only one I ever wanted…"

"This is what I am afraid of… There is a thin line between love and obsession… Fifteen years ago, there was a man who loved his wife very much… His love for her was so deep that it turned into obsession when she passed away…"

"My father… Are you referring to my father?"

"His obsession is what caused the sufferings that followed… And we are part of the tragedies, Shinji… I do not want you to make the same mistake your father did…"

The last sentence rang uncomfortably in my ears, as I stayed there stunned. My mind went white with my eyes still watering and staring at her. I couldn't tell how long we maintained this posture, for I was only awakened when a gush of blood hit across my chest. She had her eyebrows drawn closely together from the obvious agony; the red liquid flowed freely from between her stained lips as she drew a series of rapid breaths.

I felt myself trembling as I embraced her in a firm hug, "All this talk about love and obsession is nonsense! It's nonsense because you're not leaving me… You promised me! You promised you'll never leave me remember?"

I then felt the soft touch of her hand on my cheeks, as she replied, "Please do not cry… I am not afraid of dying… Do not cry… You have given me so much… Thank you…" Slowly, her hand slipped downwards. "I love you…"

There was a sudden slump, as her body fell limp and her arm rested on my thigh. She didn't speak again, and neither did I feel any movement. I took a few deep breaths. The tears were already dried; there was nothing left in my eyes. I held her close to me and stared ahead. My lips felt dry, and my limbs felt heavy. The hope to see the rescue team disappeared, and the desire was no longer there. I began to feel content at the thought of being burnt alive by the acidic steam.

"Would you like to listen to a song, Rei-chan?"

There was no reply. Humming a bedtime tune I remembered from my early childhood, I started to rock Rei back and forth gently. It wasn't a sad tune. Instead, it was quite a happy one. I didn't know how long it lasted, for time had stopped along with her. There was no longer pain, or agony, or regrets, or sadness, or anything else. I could no longer feel. The place in my heart where she used to be was now a dreadful hollow.

I couldn't remember clearly what happened next. The rescue team came eventually, but I couldn't be certain how long they took. I remembered seeing a familiar face, but I couldn't recall who he was. He kept telling me that he was here to save us, and he needed me to cooperate. They tried to take Rei away from me. I refused. There were some struggles. I remembered them forcing me to the floor; I remembered seeing them rush Rei away; I remembered shoutings; I remembered feeling a prick on my arm.

And then it was darkness.


	25. Chapter 25

**Red Tears Final Chapter: Shinji's POV**

**_Phase 1/7: Promise_**

**_5 June 2015_****_ – Thirty Days after the failed Third Impact_**

It has been exactly one month since that fateful day in Terminal Dogma. I still have difficulties sleeping, but the nightmares are fading, and the wounds are starting to heal. My hands are still weak and shaky, and as I write this diary, I can tell that my handwritings are clearly not as tidy as before. It is just one of the few things that remind me of what we have been through.

Perhaps spending two weeks in the psychiatry wards wouldn't come as a shock to those closest to me. I, for one, don't find it hard to believe. People will never understand my loss. Now that I look back, the depression that I suffered isn't all that bad. After all, there is once a person who suffered worse. The doctors and nurses think otherwise, and for that reason, I am still being carefully monitored throughout the day. They believe that I am suicidal. Perhaps their decision is justified, because when I looked into the mirror this morning, I could hardly recognise myself anymore. The sunken cheeks and protruding eyes showed that I must not have been eating well.

Misato is right, however. I should stay healthy for myself. There are many times when I saw her crying. Sometimes, she would just break down just by glancing at me. She doesn't know, but I noticed. She gave me this little book yesterday, after I was discharged. She said the diary would help me keep my faith. The cover is very simple, but it reminds me of so much. It is light blue in colour dotted with patches of hearts.

**_7 June 2015_**

It has been two days since I returned to Misato's residence. Everything is tidily kept in place. Misato refused to let me do the housework, but she managed well on her own, although Asuka helped a little. She has not recovered from her eye injury yet. There are now five of us living in the apartment, six if you count PenPen. Kaji is now staying in the guest room, while I share mine with Kaworu. I still have difficulties moving around. My legs have been wasted during my stay at the hospital. I now need the aid of a walking stick.

Misato and Kaji were away for the afternoon. I asked if I could go with them, but Misato refused. Perhaps she was still worried that I might lose control, like I did nearly three weeks ago, which then resulted in me being sent to those psychiatrists. I was slightly grateful that Asuka and Kaworu chose to stay behind with me. I didn't want to be alone. Kaworu tried to get me play some music together. I complied, but stopped when one of my cello strings broke. I guess my loyal companion was finally getting old.

When Misato came back, I asked and told her about my concerns. She chose not to answer, but informed me that she would try to get the authorities' permission to let me visit as soon as possible. It probably means I have to finish my medications first, and pass the psychiatry review session afterwards. I am just depressed, not psychotic. I don't understand why they are doing this to me.

**_30 June 2015_**

The newspaper headlines caught my eyes today. It was the first time I read the papers since weeks ago. The news was out. SEELE and NERV were both found guilty on attempted genocide. It was also revealed to the public that the Second Impact was deliberately planned, and not triggered by a meteorite hitting the Antarctica. Minute details, such as the key components to Third Impact, are being kept confidential.

I turned on the television later and switched to the news channel. A man by the name of Keel, supposedly the head of SEELE, was sentenced to life in prison, along with the rest of the council. I was slightly surprised when Commander Fuyutsuki appeared on the screen. He took responsibility for NERV's wrongdoings, and was sentenced to serve twenty years in prison. The rest of the NERV employees were not charged, as they were considered to be victims of this conspiracy. I wondered how they could call those section two agents innocent, but then again, it was convenient to shift responsibility and avoid further media attention, least they find a link between the UN and NERV.

I find it ironic that these people live to serve their punishment, while my father escaped his by dying early. The world will never find out about his lesser crimes, as they would have put it. After all, Third Impact involved the safety of the entire world population. Who would care about individual sufferings?

**_19 July 2015_**

Maya and Makoto came today. We went to visit Shigeru at the Black Moon Memorial. Supposedly, it houses all the victims who died on Black Moon day, the name used to refer to the tragedy that accompanied the failed Third Impact. For the first time, I was able to walk on my own, without the aid of a walking stick.

The memorial is located at the outskirt of Tokyo-3. Misato was driving. When I looked out of the car window, I couldn't help but noticed how quickly they were rebuilding the city. The rubbles were already cleared, and for a moment people seemed to return to their normal lives. Perhaps I have become bitter, but I feel that the government wants the people to forget that they were never here when Third Impact started. That is probably their motivation behind the reconstruction project. And now everyone thinks the government cares greatly about us.

No one understands anymore, that the Black Moon Memorial would never be there had the UN and our government acted sooner. Kaji told us. He was delayed because Interpol was not willing to take action before SEELE began their move.

Maya and Makoto were teary while we were at Shigeru's grave. Misato looked solemn, but I knew how she felt on the inside. I knew that the scar and guilt inside her would never disappear as long as she lives. I tried hard not to cry, but I guess Maya and Makoto's show of emotions had an impact on me, even though I wept mostly for a different reason.

Ritsuko's body was never found. However, we had erected a statuette for her beside Shigeru's. Kaji, Misato and Maya each has their reasons for mourning her death, but I don't.

**_28 July 2015_**

I passed my psychiatry review session today, and I don't need to take any further medications, although they reminded me that I might still need to attend their cognitive behavioural therapy sessions. Misato was especially happy for me, and she brought us all to an expensive Chinese restaurant to celebrate. I was pretty relieved and pleased myself, but amidst the laughter and chatter, I noticed something missing.

I knew she was still there, and that someday I would hopefully learn that my loss was never permanent, but I still felt depressed. The smile on my face was just my attempt to act normal, and to put my friends' worries away. I knew they deserved better than that.

Misato came to me during the night before I went to sleep. From her eyes, I could tell that she understood me very much. I didn't want to ask her, although I was becoming impatient, but in the end, the news she gave me was very welcomed. She told me that on her request, my doctors had notified the hospital authorities about my improved conditions, and that she was confident that I would receive my approval for the visit within a week.

**_8 August 2015_**

To think that it was three months ago since she last spoke to me. I was granted a small wish today, as they finally let me see her once again. Her room was quite large, but the metallic equipments and feeding tubes made it seem less spacious. NERV Hospital had now been renamed as Tokyo-3 City Hospital and made open to the public.

I am grateful that they are keeping her away from the other patients, and that her room is heavily guarded by special agents sent from the UN. Misato stood by my side as I sat beside her, least I lost control of my emotions and attacked the medical staffs again. She didn't look much different. Her hair colour and her skin texture have not changed. Her lips are red, as the doctors have replenished her lost blood. Misato informed me that they had performed six operations on her: three to fix her spine, one to mend her elbow and another two to stabilise her damaged S2 Organ.

But she is still unconscious. They do not have the skills and knowledge required to fully repair her S2 Organ, and it is left to heal on its own. Nobody knows how long this will take. There were so much that I wanted to tell her. I tried to talk to her today, but was choked back by the tears. I made a silent promise to myself…

I will wait for you, Rei.

**_Phase 2/7: Dreams_**

**_1 January 2016_**

Today marks the beginning of a new year. School has been rebuilt and proper lessons start tomorrow. Kensuke, Touji and Hikari have all returned. The later two have even become an item while they were away. Tokyo-3 has now returned to its glorious self, and people are beginning to flood into the city ever since it was announced as the new capital last year. I am still getting used to the pace, but everyone has been really helpful.

Misato is now a teacher in our school. She will be teaching Geography, Mathematics and Science in junior classes. We were sceptical at first, as we thought that she was more suited to be an armed officer, like a policewoman or something. I was quite impressed when she told us that she didn't want to put her life in danger anymore.

Kaji, on the other hand, now operates a small restaurant just twenty-minute walk down the street from our apartment. I had always thought that he was the adventurous type, but after having a short chat with him, I realised how important Misato is to him. He, like Misato, doesn't want to risk his life again.

I guess people do change, and lessons can be learnt. Humans learn to appreciate each other more through difficult experiences. That's how we are created, and that's what makes our time together the more precious.

**_16 February 2016_**

It seems that I was not entirely correct about people being able to change. Misato has her own ways of getting the students' attention, but I prefer not to go into details. Today, she made her entrance by doing a 360 degree spin with her car. All the guys went berserk and they were chanting her name as she walked into the school. I'm amazed that the headmaster has not done anything yet, but perhaps people are beginning to show tolerance since the Black Moon Day.

Kensuke seems to be exceptionally enthusiastic in class these days. He told me he had stopped wasting his time day dreaming about being a soldier. I was surprised that the war could have a negative impact on his views on the military business. He said he wanted to put his knowledge to proper use in the future, and that he wanted to pursue a career in computer technology.

However, it was Touji that impressed me the most. He seems to have matured so much, no longer the hot headed brute I once knew. He told me that his sister is well on her way to recovery after the government agreed to cover her expensive medication. I still feel guilty for what happened to her, but Touji kept reassuring me that it was never my fault.

Our friendship remains, but perhaps we all have changed. I kind of miss those days when they would invite me to the arcade after school. Nowadays, Touji spends his time with Hikari and his sister. Kensuke has grown out of video games. I, too, no longer have the interest in that kind of entertainment. The old times will always linger in my mind, but I feel very happy for my friends.

**_14 March 2016_**

It's White Day today. I bought a bouquet of roses with the money Misato lent me. She dropped me off the hospital after school, and I spent the rest of the day with Rei.

As I arranged the roses in the vase, I realised that it was the first time I gave her flowers. It wasn't that I never wanted to buy her anything. It's just that we led a very different life from others, and I just never had the chance. I joked that we were a special couple, but she didn't give any reply.

This may look strange to onlookers, but I chatted with her about the recent events, about how the city has changed through these months, and about what Misato, Asuka, Kaworu and everyone else is now doing. There were times when I felt saddened at the realisation that I was the only one laughing, and she was still sleeping, but White Day should be a happy day, so I didn't cry.

As I held her warm hand, I noticed that her hair had grown longer. However, the nurses kept it clean and tidy. They gave Rei a bath every two days. Misato and Asuka came to help sometimes, but I'm not allowed to watch. I stayed with Rei until evening, and when the orange sunlight swept across the room, she looked so beautiful. I bent forward and kissed her on the forehead, and it was then I felt a flicker of movement in her fingers.

I was beyond happy, and I ran to call the doctors. They examined her, and finally told me that it had most likely been my imagination. I left the hospital with mixed feelings.

After dinner, all five of us gathered in the living room for a chat. At first, I simply listened to them talk about what they did during the day. Misato and Kaji went golfing; Asuka and Kaworu went to the amusement park and then to a movie. They must have noticed that I felt isolated, so they asked me to tell them what I did with Rei. I laughed and told them that they would find it boring, but they insisted. So I told them about my chat with Rei. I was grateful that they expressed such interest in my story. At least if they had found it boring, they didn't show it on their faces.

**_11 April 2016_**

Makoto and Maya came today to inform us that they are leaving for England. None of us were really too shocked, as we all knew of their ambitions and planning before this. Makoto will be studying law, whereas Maya will be doing her medical degree there. She has been in the medical team caring for Rei since last year, but she said that her contribution is now limited because although Rei is still unconscious, her conditions are now stabilised.

We agreed to hold a farewell party in the coming weekend. Seeing them being active and healthy brought a smile to my face. Makoto has his broken knee replaced by an artificial bone, and is now able to walk normally. There is still a faint scar running vertically on Maya's left cheek, but she seems to be coping well. I guess one can never ask for too much. Sometimes, I can still see the melancholy expression in their eyes when we were all together. The passing of Shigeru will never be forgotten. After all, the trio of bridge bunnies is never complete again.

**_5 May 2016_**

Today is the first anniversary of Black Moon Day. The Black Moon Memorial was crowded with people, and we had a two-minute silence to mourn the passing of the victims. We sat beside Shigeru and Ritsuko's monuments and shared our past memories about them. Misato looked cheerful when she told us about her college stories with Ritsuko, but I couldn't be certain if she had completely buried the past.

Ironically, it was today that Asuka removed the bandage on her eye. The healing process had taken longer than we had expected. Nevertheless, it had been confirmed last week that she had fully recovered, but she wanted to wait until today to remove it. She buried the white patch in the grass between Shigeru and Ritsuko, and we applauded her when she announced that it symbolised the end of the past and the beginning of the future.

As usual, I visited Rei in the evening. It has become a routine: I spend Tuesday and Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday with her. It doesn't matter how many times I've done it, I always look forward to these occasions. The memories are still fresh. Sometimes, I would try talking to her; sometimes, I would just sit by her side, watching her breath quietly; sometimes, like today, I couldn't hold back the tears.

**_Phase 3/7: Life_**

**_15 November 2016_**

It's the end of our school academic year. As expected, Hikari lost her title as the class number one student. Kaworu has the highest marks, and he even received a special award for besting the entire grade ten. Misato looked especially proud of his achievements, as in her opinion, Kaworu's success was down to her good teaching. I seriously doubt it. After all, nearly half of Misato's lessons were made up of silly jokes. I think Kaworu just have the insight and wits the rest of us don't.

Kensuke was third behind Kaworu and Hikari, with Touji at the eleventh place and me at the nineteenth. Asuka was fifth from the bottom. She didn't mind at first, until Touji, to my surprise, started teasing her. They had another verbal fight, which rapidly turned into a corridor chase. Nevertheless, it brought a small smile to my face. I could tell that their mouth-off was good natured. Sometimes, things like this are needed to lift the tension, and remind us what life is all about.

We had an outing during the night. Kaworu was made to pay for the dinner, which he happily did. I remember he once told me that things like wealth and fame were nothing compared to a simple smile. I found myself agreeing with him completely. Tonight is a happy night, because I feel that we are all living as normal teenagers.

However, I guess I can never truly be happy, for joy and laughter remind me of Rei, and what she's missing in life.

**_25 December 2016_**

It was Christmas Eve, and we went to visit Rei in the evening. To my pleasant surprise, I was given special permission to take her out for the night. We wrapped her up with thick layers of clothes and sat her on the wheelchair, with her feeding bag attached to a pole. Misato then drove us to the city centre.

Tokyo-3 was decorated with brilliant colours of lights, and cheerful festive music sang in the streets. Everyone was in euphoric mood, and as I wheeled Rei along, Misato and Kaji followed closely behind. Kaworu and the rest had gone to another more crowded part of the area where the countdown would take place. I thought Rei might not like loud noises, so I chose to stay at the quieter part. The people here were mostly grown-ups and couples of the older generations, but the light was very beautiful.

At midnight, I could just faintly hear the distant, joyful shouts and screams from the countdown. Misato and Kaji were engaged in a passionate kiss. I decided to follow their example. I crouched down, bent forward and kissed Rei on her lips. It felt cold initially, but grew warm soon after. When we parted lips, I noticed that her cheeks were flushed red. By now, I am getting used to these little reactions that she gave. It's what keeps the hope alive in me, that one day she will wake up from her sleep.

And then the miracle happened. I felt a light cold touch on my neck. Immediately, I looked up to the sky, and for the first time in nearly twenty years, it was snowing once more. The whitish flakes rained from the black curtain of the sky, as the city exploded in cheers. At least, our Mother Earth is finally healing.

Merry Christmas, Rei-chan…

**_20 March 2017_**

Today is another milestone in my life, as a long felt guilt was finally put to rest. Mari studies in a junior high school different from ours, and Touji invited us to his sister's school in the afternoon. She was taking part in the interclass singing contest today, and Touji wanted us to cheer for her. It was lucky that we managed to grab the front row seats.

It was actually the first time I had seen Mari. She looks quite similar to her brother, except that her features are much more feminine. She is quite small for a grade eight student. Her skin is almost as pale as Rei's, and her raven black hair is tied up in two ponytails, much like Hikari's. Although she looked fragile, her singing was very energetic.

She won the second place in the end. Touji was wiping his eyes when he saw her receive her trophy. I was teary myself, and I couldn't look at Mari or Touji in the eyes. Mari's voice was sweet to the ears, and perhaps for that reason, I was reminded of Rei.

Come to think of it, there are so many things that remind me of her…

I find myself touching my right cheek as I write this. The faint scratch marks remind me of that final moment I shared with her inside Terminal Dogma. She gave her all for me, and sometimes I feel that it was my fault that she had to use her Angelic power to save me from my father. She might have suffered a less serious injury had I finished off my father myself…

Life goes on, but scars and memories remain…

**_17 May 2017_**

I've finally caught up with the rest of my friends and passed my driving test. I am very eager to show off my skills, but Misato won't let me go out there alone. She insists that she accompanies me every time she let me drive. She said I might have acquired my license, but she wanted to give me her personal driving lesson before she would allow me to drive alone without the presence of other adults.

Asuka and Kaworu didn't get this treatment when they got their license. Part of me thinks this isn't fair, but I guess Misato is just worried. After all, I failed twice before getting lucky on the third test.

Sometimes, I can't help but feel that even though we're not blood related, we live as a family, with Misato and Kaji taking the roles of parents. It certainly warms my heart every time I feel the harmony in this apartment. Although it's a little crowded, with Kaworu still sharing my room, I find it very lively.

**_26 June 2017_**

After more than a month of vigorous, tense and very often ridiculous and laughable personal driving lessons from Misato, I'm finally given the permission to drive alone. As planned, Kaworu, Asuka and I went to fetch Rei from the hospital. Like last Christmas, we made sure she was warmly dressed before securing her on the wheelchair with her feeding bag attached. Touji came to meet us later with Hikari, Mari and Kensuke. The four of them shared a car while we travelled in Misato's newly modified Renault.

The beach would have been just a one-hour drive away, but we spent two hours to get there because I promised Misato to go slowly.

During the picnic, I simply sat beside Rei under the sun, watching the rest of them bath in the sea water. I tried to explain the scenery and activities to her, and amidst the bright light, I could just imagine her lips curving upwards. We spent the evening watching the sunset.

Asuka and Kaworu were sitting a fair distance away from us. Touji and Hikari had strolled off and were nowhere in sight. I found out later on our way back that he proposed to her, and that she accepted. Kensuke was forced to help Mari collect her seashells, and it was an amusing sight when she tugged playfully at his curly brown hair.

I had Rei's head leaning onto my shoulder, and as I watched the day pass, I wondered to myself how much longer I have to wait before she returns to me. Everyone has moved on, and yet Rei is still tangled in the past.

**_21 August 2017_**

Under Misato's enthusiastic guidance, we had a major clean up in our apartment today. We digged out old rusty objects from all the corners we could find and threw away the unwanted ones. Some old clothes were gathered and donated to the orphanage. We mopped the floor and washed the ceilings, and by the end of the day, everything looks fresh and new.

I was tidying up my room when I found an old card in the drawers. I couldn't remember how it got there, but it was a NERV ID card with a picture of Rei attached to it. It immediately struck a cord inside me, as I stared at the very same child-like face that I see every week in the hospital. Rei really hasn't grown any different. Her facial features remain the same through these two years.

Kaworu walked into the room later and saw me looking at the picture. I tried to hide my emotions but wasn't successful. He then told me a familiar line: crying is not a shameful act when you're doing it for someone you love.

I cut out the picture and keep it in my pocket.

**_Phase 4/7: Memories_**

**_23 April 2018_**

I received a call from Tokyo-2 this morning. They informed me that Commander Fuyutsuki was in delicate condition, and that he wished to see me. I told Misato about the news, and she agreed to come with me. We booked the train ticket, and will be leaving this coming weekend.

I tried to take a nap this afternoon, but found it very difficult to keep my eyes closed. I couldn't fully understand what I felt on the inside. The feelings were mixed. Perhaps it was guilt, for not visiting the ex-commander once since he went to prison, but then again, I doubt the prison guards would let me see him since they consider him to be extremely dangerous.

The irony is depressing.

Perhaps it was anxiety, for the anticipation on why he would want to see me. I still remember our short conversation three years ago in Terminal Dogma. Maybe he did have certain feelings for my mother, and maybe that's why he wants to speak with me. I'm not too keen on the truth, but I have much sympathy for him for more reasons than one.

I still remember the time when he stopped me from killing my father. Although I blamed him at the time, I now understand why he did so. The guards would have killed me if I had shot my father dead, and perhaps Commander Fuyutsuki didn't let that happen because he knew Rei was simply kept in the prison, not dead. Now that I recall, he didn't seem to be surprised when he saw Rei in the middle of our escape from the NERV prison. He helped us after all, and I'm grateful.

I look forward to meeting him again.

**_2 May 2018_**

Reality hurts sometimes. Some people believe that certain things are best kept unknown, even though they're the truth. Perhaps Commander Fuyutsuki is one of those believers.

I went to see him in the morning. Misato came with me but wasn't allowed in. The visiting room was quite small, and there was a guard standing at each corner, with a video camera attached to one end of the ceiling. Commander Fuyutsuki didn't make me wait long, but when he eventually came, all I could feel was a remorseful hollow.

His long grey hair was filthy, and he hadn't shaved for a long time. His eyes lacked the brilliance they once had, and he had to be wheeled in. The bruises on his body told me what he had been through in the prison. Nevertheless, his put on a strong smile when he saw me.

I started by telling him what had happened these years. He seemed very pleased when I told him about Misato and the rest. He said he was happy that everyone was doing well. It was then I mentioned that Rei was still in coma. His attitude changed immediately afterwards, and as he spoke, I began to understand why he had wanted to see me.

He told me that initially, Third Impact was my mother's plan. It was meant to be good natured, until a bad experiment took her life. My father was made in charge afterwards, and he changed the plans to suit his own selfish desire. Commander Fuyutsuki knew his plans all along, but he complied with my father's wishes because he too, wanted to resurrect my mother. He admitted that he knew what my father was doing to Rei, but he didn't want to stop him because he feared that it might result in a premature exclusion of him from my father's plan.

He apologised, but I was bitter. Nevertheless, I asked him if he truly had any love affection towards my mother. He chose not to answer. Instead, he gave me a ring. It was a golden band with a beautiful diamond attached, elegantly centred by a circle of smaller diamond pieces. He told me that it was the family tressure of Ikaris. My mother gave it to him after her marriage with my father. Commander Fuyutsuki wanted me to have it back.

Before he went back to his cell, I asked him if Ikari was truly my surname. It took him a while to reply, but he answered yes. I asked again if he thought my father was despicable. He smiled and replied "only in the eyes of certain people". Just before he disappeared behind the door, I stopped him again. I asked him if he ever had a son, and assuming he did, if he would like to hear his son call him father at least one more time.

I didn't miss the teary eyes, but he replied he had never had a child.

I didn't tell Misato about the minute details of my conversation with Commander Fuyutsuki, as I believe he would have wanted it to be kept secret. I'm not feeling comfortable, to be honest. I guess certain things will always remain a mystery. Regardless, the truth doesn't matter, as I will always be an Ikari. I wrapped the ring in a plastic seal and put it carefully in my bag.

**_13 May 2018_**

Third Impact and the Human Instrumentality Project brought more changes to us than we would like to imagine. People's lives are greatly affected, and although I'm now seeing the positive influence it gave to Japan and the rest of the world, a part of me will always be haunted by the past. It plays too big of a role in my life.

I returned to visit my mother's grave today. The place was very isolated and windy. The dusts flew in the air, and there was not a single sign of life within sight, not even a tree or grass. The place simply looked like a vague memory of the past.

As I paid my respect to her, I tried to sort out my own feelings towards her. I didn't succeed. The bigger part of me wanted to believe that she was a kind mother who cared greatly for the people around her; but there was a smaller part which reminded me that the after all, she was the initiator of the whole project. Perhaps it was fate that allowed these events to happen, let me meet the people in my life and made me what I am today. Perhaps my mother was simply part of that fate.

I remember feeling her presence in Unit-01 before, but I guess I'll never find out if that was truly her. The Evangelions were destroyed shortly after Black Moon Day, together with all the documents and records. They are now part of the history, and the truth now rests in graves.

I seem to recall that they buried my father's remains somewhere in that graveyard as well. He was not allowed in the Black Moon Memorial, for obvious reasons. I never attended his funeral, and I never visited him. I don't even know his exact location. There's simply no reason for me to find out.

**_22 June 2018_**

Today's news, once again, brought mixed feelings. It wasn't even on the television, neither was it on the front page headlines. It was luck that I happened to notice it at a little corner in the morning newspaper.

Commander Fuyutsuki had passed away due to heart failure. Chairman Keel had hung himself on the same day. They were both classified as war criminals. Nothing else was said about them. By now, I have become used to the government and media's handling of affairs concerning the Human Instrumentality Project. In a way, it created harmony and unity among the civilians. On the other hand, the truth will never be learnt about what role the UN played in the tragedy.

Fifty years from now, the government and UN will be credited for their contribution to the rebuilding projects. No one will remember the small stories behind the Third Impact.

**_24 June 2018_**

Two days after I learnt the death of Commander Fuyutsuki, I went to visit Ritsuko and Shigeru at the Black Moon Memorial. The place was kept very tidy, with carefully trimmed bushes and trees and carpet soft grass. It looked more like a garden than a graveyard.

There was no one around when I was there. I sat down beside them and hummed a slow bedtime tune to myself. As I looked up at the sky, I began to see a pattern. It seemed that while I observed the happenings around me, I have forgotten to free myself from the past. As Rei put it, I should keep them in my memory, not my heart.

I don't think I hate Ritsuko anymore. The grudge has disappeared. I still feel guilty for Shigeru, but even Misato has moved on. He gave his life for us to live, to give us a chance to be happy. It's now up to me to treasure the gift he left us. Perhaps it's time for me to move on…

I left the memorial in the evening, with the sunset marking the closing of a chapter in my life.

Farewell, memories of the past…

**_Phase 5/7: Faith_**

**_27 January 2019_**

A lot of tears were shed today, for two of my closest friends had left. Since we have all finished high school, Asuka decided to further her studies in her home country Germany. She will be studying physics there. Kaworu went with her, and he will be studying philosophy. I asked them if they would consider coming back after obtaining their degrees. Asuka replied she would most likely prefer to stay in Germany, although she told me she would never forget the time we shared here in Tokyo-3.

There was nothing I could do, except asked them to call me and keep in contact. The three of us shared a hug together and Misato took a photo for us.

When I saw their plane took off for a foreign land, I couldn't help but let out a sob. Touji and Kensuke had their arms around me, reminding me that I wasn't alone, but I can't deny that a part of me is now missing. After all, we wrote our story together.

Good luck, Asuka…Good luck, Kaworu…May we meet again in the near future…

**_18 February 2019_**

I've now started my tertiary education, along with the rest of my friends. We are enrolled in the new University of Tokyo-3. As expected, Kensuke is doing information technology; Hikari is taking accounting; Touji couldn't earn a place in the medical school, so he ended up doing pharmacy. He told me that his sister had a huge influence on his decision to pursue a career in the health department.

As for me, I'm doing business management. I wasn't keen on continuing my education initially, because I just wanted to be a chef, but Misato insisted that I obtained a degree. She said it was for the sake of my future and that people would respect me more if I owned a university certificate. I guess she was right, but I made her agree to let me start working part time at a restaurant and take cooking lessons.

**_31 July 2019_**

Misato was trying to make tea in the kitchen this afternoon, and she accidentally had her hand burnt by the boiling water. Kaji immediately held her hand under the running cold water. The scene was oddly familiar, and for some reasons it stirred up a hollow feeling inside me. I couldn't figure out why, so in the end, I chose not to think about it. Maybe I'm just getting a little too sensitive.

After dinner this evening, Kaji and Misato declared that they are getting married. PenPen and I were the only audience when they made the announcement, so there wasn't much applause. In my opinion, their coming marriage was long overdue. Kaji is now 36 and Misato 34. I had expected them to get married years ago. Needless to say, I was very happy for them. Misato was exceptionally cheerful, and it warmed my heart knowing that she had found her happiness.

Of course, Misato, being Misato, wanted a party held for the celebration. Kaji was hoping that they could get the proper ceremony done before the end of this year, but Misato insisted that they waited until next summer, so that our friends in Europe could make it back here. She even blamed Kaji for not proposing earlier, but I guess since they are already sharing the same room, it doesn't make much of a difference.

It is times like this that makes me feel the absence of Kaworu and Asuka, but at least we still talk through phones, and I'm glad they are doing well in Germany.

**_6 August 2019_**

I have just received my results for the first semester exams. I actually did better than I had thought. Two distinctions and three credits weren't bad at all, and I was pretty pleased with myself.

I spent the afternoon watching an old movie from the twentieth century. It was a sad romance that happened on an ocean liner. Unfortunately, the male character didn't survive in the end, but there was much faith in the movie itself. I found myself lying back and staring at the picture on the wall soon afterwards. It was the same picture Misato took at the airport before Asuka and Kaworu left. There were three of us in there…One was missing…

I don't usually visit Rei on Thursdays, but today was one of those exceptions. I simply sat beside her and held her hand. The nurses had just given her a bath, so she smelt pleasant. I tried to talk to her, but couldn't find anything to begin with. So in the end, I just watched her breathe quietly and wondered to myself how I would react when she finally woke up, and how she would react when she realised how many years she had missed.

**_26 August 2019_**

We had a small party in the apartment today to celebrate Misato's engagement to Kaji. Touji, Hikari, Kensuke and Mari were all present. Quite a few teachers were invited too, and around fifty other students came. Our little home was really crowded and at times it was very noisy, especially when Misato tuned up the speaker and invited everyone to dance.

I went outside to get some fresh air when the heat became a little unbearable. Touji and Kensuke joined me afterwards. We talked about our complaints in life at first, but our chatters rapidly turned into gossips. It was then I found out that Kensuke has started dating Mari. Touji doesn't seem to have any problems with that, so I'm glad for them, although it reminded me of Rei and made me feel lonely.

Now that everyone has found their partners, I feel left out. The world is never fair, but considering what I went through with Rei, and that she's still lying unconscious on the hospital bed…it really brought a bitter taste to my mouth.

Touji must have noticed it, for he started asking me about Rei. They've never really talked to her before, so there were many questions. I was comfortable in answering them and explaining to them how Rei and I came to understand our feelings for each other. At first, they seemed very eager on the conversation, but after a while, I noticed something else.

They were hesitating, so I asked them if there was something else they wanted to talk about.

Their reply was very unwelcomed, and I found it malicious at the time. Clouded by anger, I broke the glass I was holding and shouted at them. I told them not to be ignorant, and that they would never understand me because they were not down there in Terminal Dogma four years ago. I remember them trying to reason with me, but I ignored them and stormed back into my room.

It was after the party ended that I went out again. I apologised to them, and told them that while I appreciated their concern, I would never abandon or betray Rei as long as I lived. I could see sympathy on their faces, and perhaps respect as well, but they apologised and left soon afterwards.

**_4 September 2019_**

It has been more than a week now. Misato had found out about what Touji and Kensuke said. Although she has been caring, I noticed the subtle changes of her expression these days. I really don't want anyone's sympathy. It's as if they have already given up hope that Rei would one day return to us…

However…to be completely honest…I can't even be sure myself anymore…regretfully…I'm simply holding on to what I have, and knowing that Rei is still there brings comfort to me, even though I admit that my hope is fading. It's hard to accept the truth. My heart has never given up, but a certain voice is telling me that my struggle might have been vain right from the beginning.

My doubts scare me, and suddenly I find myself feeling lonely again. I dare not think about the future, because I'm afraid that I might not be able to find the light. Unable to find the courage to speak to Misato about my fears, I called Kaworu at night. I told him of my uncertainties, and the fear that I might give in to other people's beliefs and lose my own determination and faith.

He replied that conscious thoughts and logic could mask a person's real feelings, so he wanted me to act according to my heart. I asked him what he would do if he were me. He said that it was irrelevant because I shouldn't let his or other people's opinions influence my own decision.

What does my heart tell me? I can't imagine a life without her. Although she is unconscious, I feel her presence wherever I go…but…for the first time, I fear that she might never wake up again.

**_10 September 2019_**

After days of confusion and struggles to search for my own true feelings, I came to a conclusion today.

I visited Rei in the afternoon. As usual, I sat beside her and held her hand in mine. Her pale face reminded me of the last words she spoke to me. The part where she compared love to obsession was still fresh on my mind. Rei wanted me to find another girl and forget about her. As always, she placed me ahead of herself even in her last moment, and I found myself very touched by her last act to make sure that I could find happiness for myself.

I'm teary at this point. What would Rei have done if I was the one lying on the bed, and she was the one sitting on the chair? I'm sure she would have never lost her faith. She would have kept waiting even if the medical report told her that I would never wake up again. Some may think it's foolish, but I don't. In my opinion, it's an act of having strong beliefs. Rei would have listened to her own feelings and acted accordingly.

She gave her life for me not once, but twice.

I shall do the same in return.

Time has passed, but not my feelings.

I shall keep my faith and wait for you, Rei-chan…

**_Phase 6/7: _****_Reunion_**

**_29 June 2020_**

More than a year has passed since I last saw Asuka and Kaworu, and it was a heart warming moment when I met them once again at the airport this morning. They haven't changed much, still the same appearance and choice of clothing. Misato gave us a ride back home, and although we have been keeping in contact through phone calls and letters, talking to them in person just feel so much better. Both of them will be staying until mid August, so I'm looking forward to spend a good time with them.

We spent the afternoon relaxing in the living room. Maya and Makoto had returned from England last week, and they joined us in the chatters soon afterwards. I have never travelled outside Japan before, so listening to them telling stories about their experiences in Europe was very interesting. I found myself hoping that I could have the chance to visit there one day.

Misato and Kaji are still busy preparing for their wedding, which will be a little less than two weeks from now. Misato wanted to have a big open party and invite all the teachers and her students. Kaji just wanted to organise a simple dinner party in his small restaurant and invite his business friends, but he gave in to Misato's persuasion in the end. They decided not to go through all the traditional Japanese procedures, but agreed that the ceremony be held at a Shinto shrine.

**_3 July 2020_**

Asuka and Kaworu came with me to visit Rei in the afternoon. I didn't do much while we were there, but I went through a lot of feelings as they both took turn talking to her. Sometimes, I feel that they are the ones who truly understand what I'm going through. The smiles on their faces…the patience they show…the spirit they infuse in me…they make me feel grateful, but I can't seem to find the courage to thank them.

We spent two hours there. After that, Asuka left to help Misato with the wedding arrangement. Kaworu and I went to the rooftop. We stayed there in silence for a while. The gentle wind reminded me of Rei's soft touch. I asked Kaworu if he thought I was foolish, and if he thought I was clouded by my blind faith. His reply was the same as the one he gave last year, but this time he added something more.

He said while Rei would have wanted me to move on and be happy, there was always a selfish part that resided in every person, especially when it involved love relationship. He said Rei would have been greatly moved if she knew what I was doing for her.

I guess regardless of the outcome, as long as I'm content with my own beliefs, then it doesn't matter what is right and what is wrong. Kaworu left in the evening before sunset, but I chose to stay with Rei for a little while longer.

I watched as the nurse refilled her feeding bag. She must be a new recruit. She casually asked me how long Rei had been unconscious. I replied five years. I didn't miss her slightly shocked expression. After she left, I kissed Rei on the forehead again, but there was no response from her, not even the little reflexes she would sometimes give. I finally left when Misato came to pick me up afterwards.

**_9 July 2020_**

Misato and Kaji are now officially married. It was a grand, but busy day. We were rushing from the minute we woke up. Misato had difficulties sleeping last night, and she ended up waking late this morning. She hastily changed into her wedding kimono and left with Kaji. Kensuke came with his new four wheel drive and gave the rest of us the ride to the shrine.

The Shinto shrine was elegantly built, and there was a sacred feeling to the place. Since people normally prefer to wed in spring and autumn, there weren't many couples there. We were the last group to arrive. We found a spot at one side of the hall and sat down, watching various couples given the blessings from the sanctuary.

Somehow, the scene stirred a longing feeling inside me. I guess the others probably felt the same. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Kaworu and Asuka holding hands. Touji and Hikari, Kensuke and Mari were also doing the same thing. I felt so empty, and somewhat left out. Nevertheless, I fought down the thoughts and tried to enjoy myself. After all, it was Misato's wedding.

Misato had previously insisted that Kaji practise the ceremonial procedures with her. I guess she wanted everything to turn out perfect, but sadly, it didn't happen. The crowd gasped when Misato's hood came loose and fell off. Supposedly, the hood was to hide the bride's horns, so that she would be obedient to her husband after marriage. Perhaps it was just my imagination, but I think I saw a scared look on Kaji's face.

After that, we had a small tea party in the apartment. Neither Misato nor Kaji has any relatives, so only their closest friends were invited.

In the evening, we each changed into our best formal dress and head off for the dinner party. It was held inside a hall in the Imperial Theatre, the city's poshest hotel. The place was very beautiful and the decoration fit the mood perfectly. There were roughly three to four hundred people there, with most of them being Misato's students. The food was served buffet style, but it was very good. I think the wedding must have cost Kaji his entire year of earnings.

Touji, who made a proposal to Hikari more than three years ago, finally announced that they were getting married next spring. I was surprised that it took them this long, but Touji said both of them wanted to make sure their families were financially stabilised first before announcing their marriage. I asked Kaworu jokingly if he would be the next. He simply laughed it off and gave no certain response.

The party went deep into the night. It was an amusing scene when I saw Misato dancing in her kimono. Asuka, Hikari and Mari all joined in the fun, but none of us boys knew how to dance except Kaworu. Misato pulled me onto the stage at one point, and I don't think I'll ever forget the moment when I tripped and fell backwards onto the floor. We took a lot of pictures tonight, and perhaps some day in the future, these pictures will remind us of the happy time we had today.

**_12 July 2020_**

For some reasons, I can't seem to find the strength to do any work. There was a feeling I can't describe in words. It's a sense of longing, a feeling of emptiness, a passive view of the future, and perhaps a desire to relive memories of the past. It isn't exactly depression, but I found myself spending hours looking at the ceiling and thinking, and when I woke up from the trance, I couldn't seem to remember what I was thinking about.

I can't be certain why I'm suddenly feeling like this, but I think Misato's wedding somehow contributes to the cause. I tried to play some music to ease the tension, but it didn't help. I spent today's evening lying on the bed, and before I realised, I had taken out my mother's ring and started playing with it. The gold band and the diamonds were beautiful, but I suddenly found myself developing a deep affection towards the little piece of jewellery.

The affection was a very familiar feeling. At first, I couldn't understand why I felt that way. It was later when I opened my wallet and took out Rei's picture that I fully recognised the waves of emotions inside me.

I've thought deep and long, and I've spent five years waiting and searching for my own true feelings. I think I've finally found my answer.

* * *

**Red Tears Final Phase: Shinji's POV**

**_Phase 7/7: Answer_**

**_Five Years and two months after the Third Impact_**

The musical chirping of the birds resting on the window sill woke me up to the gentle rays of morning sunlight radiating into my otherwise quiet room. Taking a few deep breaths, I cleared my eyes and stepped onto the carpeted floor. My limbs still felt tired, but my heart gave me the spirit and strength I needed. I proceeded into the bathroom and did my routine cleaning. As I looked into the mirror, I realised how much time had eclipsed and how much I had aged. The scar on my right cheek has disappeared, and even I could notice that my blue eyes now housed the angst stemmed from years of leading a hollow life.

I then dressed myself in a thin white shirt and a pair of black jeans. For some reason, I always liked this combination of colour. Some people believed that it lacked the colours and emotions one experienced in life. I found myself partly agreeing with the part about colours, but not the emotions. After all, moments filled with complexity of mixed feelings were what made up my life.

By the time I entered the kitchen, Asuka and Kaworu were already there eating breakfast. With their ruffled hair and pyjamas, I could tell they hadn't done their morning cleaning yet. They had probably acquired the habit through the year living in Germany. I greeted my two companions and opened the fridge, taking out some canned fish and put them on a plate. I then fed them to PenPen, before proceeding to make myself some toasts.

Misato and Kaji had gone out for the day. After a simple breakfast, I left the kitchen and walked to the front door. I put on my shoes and was about to leave when Asuka stopped me.

"Where are you going, Shinji?"

"I'm spending the day with Rei."

"Oh, we'll come with you," She replied, with Kaworu now standing beside her, "Would you mind just wait a little bit? We won't be long till finish."

"I appreciate your effort, but I wish to be alone with her today."

"Shinji-" Asuka was about to say something, but stopped when Kaworu put a hand on her shoulder. He then gave a warm smile.

"Have fun, Shinji."

"Thank you. You two have fun too, and I'll see you later."

The traffic was usually thick on the weekends, so I chose to take my time and walk to the hospital. Couples strolled along the street; a few older people gathered at coffee tables for chess; there were also some younger children running around, free and full of energy, with their parents closely nearby. Moving with my feet didn't seem to be tedious work on a slow day like this, and I quite enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere. The city was no longer the war ravaged battlefield it once was.

The trip to the hospital didn't feel as long as it probably took. When I arrived at the white and sterile looking building, quite a few visitors were already there. Some were in the garden, together with their relatives or friends; others stayed in the wards, simply catching up with each other and chatting about life.

Several nurses were present when I finally made my way to Rei's accommodation. Like usual, I watched quietly as they dressed her up in warm cloths and put her on the wheelchair. As they secured the feeding bag onto the short pole, one of them came to me and said, "We've just given her a bath, but make sure you bring her back before sunset."

"Thank you, and yes I will."

"Good," she smiled, "so where are you taking her?"

"An old place…" I replied, "she likes it there…"

After they were done with the preparation, Rei was handed to me, and I left the hospital with her. It had become a bright day on the outside, and Rei's pale skin might not respond well to the heat, so I placed a straw hat on her head to obscure her face from the sun. She looked to be sleeping peacefully as I wheeled her along. Together, we strolled slowly to the nearest monorail station. I bought two tickets and we boarded the train soon afterwards.

There weren't many people on the train, but Rei and I chose a spot in the cabin designed for the disabled. I was pleased that we were alone there, for I didn't want anyone else to disturb her. I had her wheelchair properly placed so that she was facing towards the window. I then sat down beside her and looked at the scenery outside.

The view changed as we continued our journey. The buildings and vehicles were gradually being replaced by green mountains and vast fields. The sunlight reflected off the window glass and created a serene look to the little room, and not for the first time, I noticed how much Rei looked like an angel. I soon found myself switching my attention from the view outside to the gentle features on her face. Her cheeks were not as fleshy as before, but her long eyelashes still looked silky. Her hair was kept short as always, with the light bluish colour matching her whitish skin.

Time flew as I bathed myself in admiration of her beauty, and before long, the radio communicator announced that we had reached our last stop. I stood up and carefully wheeled Rei out of the cabin. We then stepped off the train onto the solid land outside.

The train station was an isolated building among the agricultural look of the endless farmlands. There was no other public transport here, and people mostly travelled by foot. As we left the station and ventured into this land of natural heritage, I began to recall the times we had been here. The memories were imprinted on a special place in my heart. I carefully observed the familiar landscape, and took the route she had shown me before.

It wasn't long before the small greenish hill came into sight. I took a few deep breaths, the anticipation of what lay beyond revived the hopes and longing inside me. Climbing up the slope wasn't as difficult as I had expected, but I was careful to make sure that Rei was not affected by the ascension. Each step I took gave a new surge of energy to my legs, and when we finally reached the top, I was overwhelmed by the sight with waves of powerful emotions.

The meadow plain had been free from the weaves of time. Everything looked the same as they were five years ago.

"We're here, Rei-chan…"

The wind blew gently as usual, and the grass danced along to welcome two old visitors from the past. The air was light and fresh to the lungs. The cerulean sky radiated a tranquil sensation into the heart of the garden, and the few patches of cloud sailed peacefully along with the flocks of flying birds. The running stream shone as the sunlight reflected off its water.

"Do you still remember this place?" I began walking slowly towards the old apple tree, "Do you remember the first time you brought me here?"

There was no response.

"It hasn't changed, Rei, it hasn't changed a bit. We walked this very same grass before, and drank from that very same river. Do you see that apple tree, Rei? It's still there, standing strong as ever. We used to sit under it, remember?"

Again, she gave no reply. I smiled.

"I still remember, Rei… Perhaps you don't know, because I've never told you how special that moment was to me… Well, I was a little nervous around you back then, but that day, I saw the hidden side of you that made me believe… believe that there is more in you than you would show…"

I took off her hat and put in on her lap. Her feathery hair flickered to the wind as I continue to wheel her along.

"You know, whenever I feel the wind caressing my face, I'm reminded of your touch. They always calm me, and let me know, or make me realise that there's a reason to live no matter the hardship. I wonder if my touch can do the same to you… Perhaps not, Rei, perhaps not… for I do not have the same quality as you… I had so many faults that sometimes I do not understand what you see in me, other than how much I care…"

I found myself chuckling softly at this point.

"But then again, you're never one to complain, are you? I feel very blessed, Rei, knowing how you feel about me. I'm just sorry that deep as it may be, my love pales so much compared to yours. You did so much for me, and I realise that I've never really done anything for you other than make you cry. You're always so forgiving, and yet I… I've forgotten how many times I've let you down, but you've never lost faith in me… And I'm really thankful for that…"

The running noises coming from the stream was soothing and melodious, but I found myself struggling to continue. Nevertheless, I tried to calm myself from the emotions, with the soft caress of the wind seemingly encouraging me to speak.

"Until now, I still don't exactly know when I fell in love with you, but I believe it started here, right here at this place. Your voice, your laughter, your scent… so peaceful and yet seductive… I found myself intrigued. It finally made me understand what it was that I had been feeling, from the very first moment I allowed my instinct to take over and board the Eva for you. And suddenly I was asking myself if it was possible that you felt the same for me…"

Once we reached the apple tree, I disconnected her from the feeding bag, and carefully lifted her off the wheelchair. After that, I sat down beside the tree, with my back leaning against the trunk. I then lay Rei down on my lap, with her head resting lazily on my chest. As I wrapped my arms around her waist, I could feel her stomach rising and falling gently as she breathed.

"Have I ever told you how peaceful you look when you're sleeping? No…I haven't, have I? There's so much more that I want to tell you, and even now, I'm wondering if you can hear me as I speak… I really hope you can, Rei, because I want you to know that there's something worth living for, and that no matter what happened in the past, I will be there…right now and in future…"

As I spoke, a gust of wind had risen. The leaves parted with the apple tree and floated in the air, and suddenly I was reminded of the tears we had shed together.

"What am I talking about…perhaps I don't even have the right to ask you for your faith anymore…perhaps it is because of my recurrent failures to ease your fears and uncertainties that until now you still haven't woke up. I feel sad, Rei, and I'm really disappointed with myself for not being able to bring you any sense of security. I still remember you telling me that you were sorry for being a weak person…no…Rei…no…"

There was a brief moment of silence, as I tried to find my voice again. The fluid that trickled down my cheeks didn't seem to feel foreign anymore.

"I'm the weak person. Even after I made the vow to protect you, in the end, it was you who protected me. It was you who made the sacrifice, and not just once…not just once…you did it twice, and you did it because I was simply not strong enough… I just hope that one day I will be able to thank you properly, but when I thought I could finally show you what it's like to live normal and carefree, you had already fallen into this sleep… and I've been waiting ever since…"

Once again, I found myself choking. Being as gentle as I could, I wiped away the few droplets of clear fluid from her face, and brushed her hair aside so I could see her face clearly.

"I don't even know why I'm crying. After all, what have I ever done? Without you, these years are nothing but shadows. I miss you, Rei, I miss you so much that sometimes I found myself looking over my back and half expecting you to be there, hand extended and smiling… I still dream, about the times we shared in the past, but every time I woke up, all I could feel was an empty hollow, and despair that there was nothing I could do to bring you back…"

I rested her hands on her lap, and then I held those long and delicate fingers in mine as I continued.

"I know you've always felt that you don't deserve anything, that the blossom of our relationship is actually a blessing to you instead of the other way around. Perhaps it was because you never knew how I felt. Your hands…Rei…they are so soft, and to be honest, sometimes I feel that I'm degrading you simply with my presence. I wonder if you still remember that time when we held hands in the NERV prison."

This was followed by another long moment of silence, as I looked at the horizon, trying to find the words and courage to confess. The scenery was so soothing, and for once I managed to calm down from the flood of emotions.

"There was something that I had wanted to tell you, but I had never had the chance. I just wanted you to know, Rei, that even if you hadn't told that you were a pure Angel back then, I would still have loved you. It didn't matter the consequences, or what was right and what was wrong, or what others would think. You knew it all along and you never cared, so why should I? After all, we were living with the Evangelions. I guess what I want to say is, I was willing to cross the boundaries just as you did…"

Drawing a few deep breaths, I reached up and wiped my eyes dry, before bending forward and kissed her on the forehead.

"Perhaps you may call me obsessive, just as you did that time when you thought you were dying. I wonder why you were still so concerned about my happiness when your very own life was slipping. I don't think I could've done the same if I were you, Rei… I'm just not as noble as you. You said you wanted me to find someone else, but I'm afraid, or maybe even glad that it's impossible, because your place in my heart is so big that there simply isn't enough room for anyone else. I thought I gave it all for you, but right now I'm ashamed that at one stage I was even questioning my own faith…"

At this point, I gently sat her up and rested her head on my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around her thin frame, while my other hand slipped into my pocket.

"You may not be able to talk. You may not be able to move. You may not even know what I'm saying right now, but you still live inside my heart. Time has passed but not my feelings, Rei. I've searched far and beyond, and I believe I now have the answer…"

I took out my mother's ring, and with a cracked voice, I asked.

"Will you marry me, Rei-chan?"

I then waited, and waited, and waited… After a long moment of silence, a few droplets of fluid hit her face, but she didn't give any response. My hope faded, and I became devastated by the painful emotions that followed. I lifted my face, unable to look at her anymore, as the tears flowed uncontrollably. I guess in a way, I was expecting a miracle, wishing the show of my faith and the moment of truth would wake her up from her deep slumber. And I guess I was wrong.

It was then I felt something wet trickling on my neck. I glanced down immediately. Two trails of clear fluid were streaming down her face from her eyes.

"You…you're crying…you can hear me…you can hear me, can't you…? You heard me! You must have heard me!" I choked and pulled her into a tight embrace, "You heard all those words that I said! You know how I feel, Rei! Then please wake up…please…come back to me…you're the only reason why I keep on living after all these years, hoping that some day you will return and we will be reunited once more… So please…please…"

My tears eventually soaked her shirt, as I kept on mumbling the same word over and over again, desperately begging for the miracle I was waiting for. The weaves of time seemed to have stopped, as I could no longer feel anything besides the girl I was holding to. My limbs soon became numb, and perhaps my heart as well, as I came to the realisation that after all the tears I shed, Rei was still silent.

"It's alright…it's alright… You don't have to reply today, Rei," I managed to calm down after a while, "My question remains with you, and I will wait for your answer, even if it takes forever…but at the mean time…"

I took out a thin silver chain from my pocket and stringed it through the ring to make it look like a necklace. With my hands still slightly trembling, I ran it around Rei's neck and secured it in place. The elegant piece of jewellery shone beautifully, and it was a fine decoration to Rei's equally elegant and beautiful neck.

"Keep this ring with you, and know that my heart is forever yours…"

We stayed in the same position for the rest of the day, with Rei leaning onto me as I embraced her in my arms. Time passed slowly as I hummed a series of bedtime tunes to myself. Rei simply kept quiet and listened. Soon, the sun went down the horizon, and the field was washed over by the gentle orange light. It gradually grew dark. The flocks of birds flew across the sky, returning to their homes. A chill wind had risen. The once cheerful scenery was replaced by a sad painting, filled with nothing but memories, but a new day would come eventually.

Rei never woke up that day, regardless of how much I had hoped and prayed for a miracle to happen. Reality always came back, and it had never showed compassion for human emotions, but as I promised, I would keep my faith, for I still believed there was something worth searching for down this road, and hopefully when I reached that light one day, I would be able to live once more. There would be no regrets.

* * *

**_One Week Later…_**

A single ray of sunlight crept in through the narrow slit between the two window curtains, as I lay on my bed with my eyes boring onto the ceiling. The room was dark otherwise, but for some reason, that was the way I wanted it to be. There was an unexplainable awareness to my surroundings. Instead of falling into a sleep as I desired, I found myself blinking and curiously observing the endlessly spinning fan that hung from the ceiling.

Misato and the rest had gone out, and I was left alone in the apartment. There was much to think about, but my mind drew a blank whenever I tried to sort out my feelings. It was getting difficult; I felt restless, and yet passive. The air was becoming heavy and humid, and its warmth remained slightly uncomfortable even though I was dressed only in a thin singlet and a short.

My trance was broken by the sudden ringing of the phone. I tried to sit up, but my heavy legs wouldn't allow me to move. I felt tired, and perhaps unmotivated, even though I had hardly done any work during the day. Unwilling to get up and answer the call in the middle of this lazy afternoon, I rolled to a side and covered my ear with the pillow. The ringing seemed to have been dampened, but it continued for a long while before finally stopping.

I removed the pillow after calming down from the disturbance, but as soon as I did that, the phone started ringing again. I grew frustrated, and slightly annoyed, but this time I forced myself to stand up onto the floor and walked to the living room. Once there, I picked up the still ringing object and answered.

"Hello, Katsuragi residence."

"Hello, may I speak to Ikari Shinji please?"

"This is Shinji speaking. How may I help?"

"Good afternoon, Shinji. I'm calling from the City Hospital, and I believe there is something you should know…"

He continued to speak as I listened quietly. The unexpected deliverance of the news woke me up completely from the afternoon haze, and suddenly, I found myself breathing rapidly. My hand began to tremble from the surging emotions, as I fought down the building lump in my throat. When he finished, there was a long silence before I spoke again.

"W-what did you just say?"

I didn't wait for him to finish this time. Seconds later, I was already out of the apartment, running with all my might towards the hospital.

It was a working day, and the traffic was heavy as usual, but even the noises coming from the motor vehicles could do nothing to disrupt what I felt on the inside. The day was bright and the high temperature brought sweat to my skin, but not even the humidity could dampen the anxiety, and perhaps disbelief or even the gratitude that was slowing overwhelming my heart. Time seemed to be weaving slowly as I ran on, powered by the desire to end all these years of agony.

By the time I arrived at the hospital, the emotions were already threatening to overflow and I had to struggle to keep them down. The sight of the building revitalised me, as I made the last surge up the stairs towards my destination.

I soon reached outside her room, and I was slightly surprised to see Misato, Kaji, Asuka and Kaworu already standing there, concern showing on their faces. The door to her room was locked. I didn't understand why, but now that I was so close, all those powerful feelings began to fade gradually, being replaced by a calm serenity. Suddenly, I felt very peaceful, but even then I could feel something else slowly welling up on the inside.

As I stood there, Misato came and embraced me in a loving hug, "The doctor is examining her at the moment, but I think it should be done very soon…"

Unable to find the words, I simply nodded.

"Oh…Shinji…" Misato continued with a cracked voice, "I…I don't know what to say…"

"It's alright…" I replied after a brief moment of silence, "I understand what you're trying to tell me…"

It was then the door clicked open and the doctor came out, followed by the nurse. He then shut the door as we quickly surrounded them.

"How is she doing?" Misato initiated the question.

The doctor smiled, "She is conscious and alert. I did a full examination, and her heart function is normal. Her lungs are clear, and her memories seem fine, although she is experiencing some difficulties speaking. Her limbs have partially lost their strength, and she will need help feeding, dressing and moving around. That was to be expected after being out for so long, but I am confident that in time, she will make a full recovery."

"How long will that take?" Asuka asked.

"Depending on her determination and the help she receives, I would say probably weeks to months."

"So…is she alright now?" I asked with a trembling voice; I found it hard to believe what was happening, "I mean…apart from what you just mentioned… Is she otherwise fine? Sorry if I sound disrespectful, it's just that I…I…"

I stopped when I felt Kaworu's hand on my shoulder, "It's just that you're still worried, and there's nothing wrong in that."

"Don't worry," The doctor smiled again, "She will do just fine."

His simple reply somehow managed to calm my fears, but the uncertainties were still there, and somehow I failed to find my voice again when I decided to ask the obvious question. So Kaji did it for me, "Well, can we see her now?"

"Yes of course you can. If there's no further question, I'll leave her to you then," The doctor replied before he left us and headed off with the nurse.

This was followed by a long silence. I tried to recompose myself, but I wasn't successful. Once again, I felt something welling up inside my chest, and soon I even began to find breathing a tedious work. My heart beat uncomfortably. The simple door that separated her from me suddenly felt like an enormous obstacle. Perhaps I was still shocked by what had just transpired. Misato and the rest simply stood there, seemingly waiting for me to take the initiation.

Asuka broke the trance after a while when she grunted eagerly and attempted to open the door, but Misato grabbed her hand just before she could. At first, Asuka looked confused, but before she could start questioning, Misato stopped her by shaking her head slowly. She then turned towards me, "Well, I think we should let Shinji have his private moment with her first, everyone alright with that?"

I glanced at her, and then at Kaji, Asuka and Kaworu. They simply smiled and nodded in agreement. It managed to give me some reassurance and help me gather my courage. Putting on a brave smile myself, I turned back to the door as Asuka stepped aside, but just as I was about to open it, I stopped suddenly, with my hand still resting on the doorknob.

"What's wrong, Shinji?" Misato asked.

"I…I don't know…It's just that…" I struggled to continue, "It has been so long… and now that my prayers have been answered, I…I feel that I'm not mentally prepared… I don't know why, Misato…maybe a part of me had already given up hope that this day would eventually come true…"

"If all these years of wait is not enough to prepare you for this, then nothing will," Misato replied, putting her hands on my shoulder, "You've waited long enough for this moment, Shinji, now take the final step and go find your happiness. She's just beyond this door."

Her words triggered the fluid that welled up inside my eyes, "But…I'm afraid…I'm afraid that once I step inside there, I won't be able to hold back the emotions…"

"Then don't," Kaworu stepped forward, "Don't hold them back, because she would have wanted to know how you truly feel. Don't be ashamed of yourself, Shinji. Instead, be proud that you've made it this far."

"I see…but what if…what if she doesn't recognise me?"

"I can't see that happening. You look as young as you were five years ago," Kaji joked, "Unlike Misato here. She's getting wrinkles."

The rest chuckled; I managed a small smile as Misato elbowed him in the ribs, "Keep your mouth shut! We're trying to be sensitive here!" She then turned towards me, "You've come through the toughest tests you could possibly be given. Don't let your fear get you in this last one. We're all here with you, and you have our support. I'm sure she's waiting for you inside there. Now don't keep her waiting, you hear?"

"I won't, Misato… I understand now… Thank you…Thank you all for this…" I was about to turn the doorknob when I stopped again, looking down at my singlet and short, "One final question…do I look presentable?"

"Oh come on," Asuka said impatiently, "It's not like you're meeting her for the first time!"

I replied with another smile and a nod. Taking a few deep breaths, and with my heart threaded on an emotional edge, I turned the doorknob and opened it. Once I stepped inside, I was immediately greeted by a heavenly sight.

The room was tranquil, decorated by the soothing sunshine that cruised past the open window, and the soft wind was a gentle touch to the skin. As I had predicted, I couldn't hold back the emotions when I saw her sitting there on the bed, still dressed in the hospital gown, as she carefully observed the ring that was strung onto her necklace. The innocence of the scene gave her a look of pure angelic beauty. I quickly wiped away a tear before she heard me and looked up. Her eyes widened slightly, and although subtle, the surprised look on her face told me how she was feeling.

I bit my lower lips, an attempt to calm myself, as I took the last few steps towards her with my now shaky legs. Our eyes never left each other. Suddenly, I found myself blinking rapidly; trying to hold back what I believed would be inevitable in the end. I then sat down beside her on the bed.

"Rei…you…you're awake…" I said, trying to put on a smile.

"Sh…Shin…ji…" She tried to reach my face with her trembling hand, but stopped halfway as she struggled with her strength. I quickly took her hand and pressed it gently on my cheek.

"Yes…Yes, Rei, it's me Shinji…"

Her touch was delicate as always, and I could clearly see the longing and empathy in her eyes. "Y…you…look…diff…erent…Has…has it…been…tha…that…long…?"

"Not really, only a little more than five years…" I replied, smiling sincerely. At first, she looked slightly shocked; and then a tear made its way down her cheek. I wiped it away. It was then she grabbed my shirt and slowly pulled me towards her. I complied, and as I put my arms firmly around her, we were reunited once more in a loving embrace.

"A…And…you…you wai…waited…all…all these…years…?"

By then, the barrier I erected to hold back my emotions had collapsed. My tears were flowing uncontrollably, but I made no attempt to stop them, because for some reasons crying just felt like the right thing to do, "Of course…of course I waited…you would've done the same for me…"

She buried her eyes on my shoulder, "Why…?"

"I guess…" I found my own lips curving upwards, "I guess because I was just obsessed…"

Soon, the shirt on my shoulder where her head rested became wet. I brushed her hair affectionately, with my other hand still wrapped around her body, not willing to ever let go again. Despite all the tears we shed, I was simply overjoyed. There was a moment of understanding, before she finally spoke once more.

"Tha…thank…you…Shin…Shinji…"

"No, Rei… Thank you…" I replied, "Thank you for coming back…"

As we bathed ourselves in each other's attention, I could barely hear Misato and the rest coming in and applauding us. To me, it was a highly emotional moment, as years of pain and agony were finally ended. The reunion signalled the closing chapter of the wait and the beginning of her journey to recovery. Rei had lost a significant amount of time, and especially so since she had never experienced the life of a late teen, but now that everything was in order, she would be able to make it up in the future, and I would be there to share it with her.

**_July – August 2020_**

Things had never been easy for Rei, but she was a determined character. During the days that followed, I tried my best to help her in her daily activities, and even though it was hard initially, I was content that Rei was with me once again. There was no school in summer break, so I spent all my time by her side, and even at nights, I chose to stay at the hospital with her. I had learnt to cherish and tressure, and every moment with her was golden.

Rei regained her normal speech within a week, but her muscles were atrophied and needed more time. She was discharged from the hospital soon afterwards, and she moved in together with Misato and the rest of us. Considering the five years I had spent without her, this was more than I could ever asked for, and at times I realised that I had become overly protective of her, but it never stopped me from caring. I wasn't strong enough to lose her again, and I wanted to make sure that I did everything I could to make her happy.

As time went on, the story Rei and I wrote together had come to an end. There had been struggles, pain, tears and sufferings, but there had also been moments of bravery and selfless heroics. Sad as it might be, it was through this story that we realised what we wanted, and how much we meant to each other. What mattered most was that we had learnt to appreciate, and now I felt that our bond was stronger than ever.

Regardless, the memories would remain, and at times when there seemed to be no hope, they would serve to remind us that miracles did happen as long as we believed. The light, which we had searched for hard and long, had now been reached, and from it another story would be written, and this time, it would be a happy one…

* * *

**_Two Months Later…_**

It was a warm evening at the beach, with a gentle breeze of salty air accompanying us as Rei and I strolled along by the sea. The rhythmic sound coming from the waves hitting the sand was soothing to the ears. As the sun slowly sank down the horizon, the area was washed over by its fading but still brilliant rays, radiating a longing sense into the heart of this sanctuary. The sky that was once a magnificent blue in the morning had now been replaced by a pleasant orange, and a few stars had appeared in the distant space to decorate the orange curtain with their faint blue lights.

Rei was sitting on the wheelchair as I pushed her along. She wore a white, sleeveless evening dress that reached just above her ankles, with a slit running down on the left side. The thin silky cloth made her look ethereal and somehow fragile, as she shuddered when a chilly gust of wind brushed past our skin.

"Are you cold, Rei?" I asked, "Do you want my shirt?"

"No, Shinji," She replied with her usual soft voice, "I wish to feel the wind on my skin… I find its touch very comforting."

"Oh alright then, but if you do need it, just let me know."

"I will. Thank you."

Smiling, I turned and looked towards the reddish horizon, "It's really beautiful, isn't it?"

"Do you mean the sunset?"

"Yeah…let's find a place and sit down together, shall we?"

Rei simply nodded her head. She had an amusing habit of assuming that people would be looking at her whenever she did that. It had caused several misunderstandings with the people not familiar with her. They thought she was rude, but I honestly found this act quite cute in an innocent way.

We soon found a dry spot beside a wood log. It was reasonably far away from the coastal line, and the whitish sand looked clean and was devoid of any tiny stones and wood pieces. I gestured to the spot and asked, "What about here, Rei?"

"It looks good," She gave a simple reply.

"Ok, just stay where you are. Let me lay down the towel first, and then I'll help you down from the chair," I said and retrieved a piece of cloth from the picnic bag. I then spread it across on the floor before turning back to Rei. It was then I noticed that she had already stood up by herself.

"Be careful, Rei!" I exclaimed and rushed to support her thin frame.

She frowned slightly in response as I held her in my hands, "Shinji, I can manage well on my own."

"It's still dangerous. You had a fall last week, remember?"

"The floor was slippery."

"Yes, but no, Rei, I will not allow you to stand or walk alone without my guidance until I can make sure that you've fully recovered." I said as we made the few steps towards the wood log and sat down together. Rei gave no further response. I then wrapped my arm around her shoulder. She simply stared ahead, seemingly in deep thoughts as we stayed still in this moment of contentment.

By then, only a small portion of the sun was left above the sea surface. Flocks of seagulls flew across the darkening sky, heading back to their respective homes with their families. Night life was about to begin. A few crabs were seen running diagonally on the sandy beach. Far away in the horizon, several playful dolphins shot out from the sea into the air, before diving back into the water again.

"Sorry, Rei, perhaps I was just over-reacting," I broke the silence after a while.

She seemed to have woken up from a trance, as she stared at me, looking slightly confused, before putting on her ever graceful smile, "No, it is alright. I do not mind. It warms my heart, knowing that you care so much about me."

I smiled back, "I'm glad you understand."

It was another brief moment of silence before she spoke again, "Shinji?"

"Yes? What is it?"

"Have I ever told you that I used to hate the colour red?"

"No," I was a little surprised, "Why was that?"

"Red reminded me of blood and certain painful experience…but I believe I've now found another side of it… Look," She pointed towards the reddish sun, "Just like how you described… It is so beautiful… I realise that red is also the beginning of life…"

Unable to come out with a response to match her, I simply held her hand and pulled her closer to me, "You're right, Rei, and I'm happy for you…"

Time weaved slowly as she leaned her head onto my shoulder. I inhaled the womanly scent coming from her, cherishing this moment of deep and spiritual affection. Soon, the sun was no longer visible, but then came the billions of twinkling stars that made the night a lot brighter than it should have been. The crescent moon shone elegantly, with its silver light reflecting off the surface of the sea and illuminating the peaceful beach.

"Are you feeling tired, Rei?" I asked, "Do you want to go home?"

"No, Shinji," She replied after a while, "I wish to stay a little longer…"

I nodded and gently stroked her arm with my hand, feeling the smooth texture of her flawless skin. Rei simply kept still and breathed quietly. Together, we gazed at the magnificent star filled sky that extended beyond the horizon. The sight displayed before us was magically absorbing and truly one to behold, with the blue sparkles seemingly dancing to an imaginative melody. Suddenly, a blazing white meteorite was seen soaring across the black curtain of the night sky.

"Look Rei!" I shook her excitedly, "It's a shooting star! Quick, make a wish!"

I then closed my eyes immediately and pressed my palms against each other. Still feeling blessed with the unexpected and rare opportunity, I made a silent wish.

When I opened my eyes again, Rei was still sitting there with her eyelids shut and her fists clutched together. Her mouth was slightly ajar, and with the moonlight seemingly enhancing her charming facial features, I once again found myself intrigued by her beauty. Her captivating radiance began to slowly draw me closer to her inviting lips, and I soon lost my own conscience.

As I closed in on our distance, I started to feel her warm breaths gently blowing against my skin. It was soothing, and yet arousing. I then stopped midway, taking a brief moment to inhale the sweet aroma coming from her and savouring the heavenly fragrance, before advancing again. I tilted my head slightly to the side just when our noses were about to meet, and then with a deep breath, I made the final push and planted a kiss on her lips.

Her lips were warm and moist, and although our tongues never met, the kiss was highly sensual. I couldn't remember for how long it was maintained, but when we parted lips, I was immediately greeted by another priceless expression of hers. Rei's cheeks were flushed red, and the corner of her mouth was curved slightly upwards into a soft smile. The look in her eyes showed me an affection so deep that sent waves of blissful emotions into my heart.

It was Rei who spoke first, "My wish just came true."

"Your wish…?" I was slightly surprised, "You made a wish for me to kiss you?"

"Yes, Shinji," She nodded, "A kiss was all I asked."

"You knew I would kiss you anytime you want, so why didn't you ask for something else?"

"It is a simple wish, but stories are written from simple actions, and love is developed from simple show of care. I have learnt to appreciate them, for it is simple things that merged together to make me realise what it means to live."

I smiled in response, "You seem to be quite thoughtful tonight."

Her cheeks slowly turned red again with a shy looking smile. She tried to look away, but returned her gaze to me when I reached forward to caress her face. Her eyes met mine; her hair flickered in the gentle wind. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked, but before I could, she asked, "What about you, Shinji? What did you wish for?"

"Sorry, I can't tell you," I chuckled, "Not until it came true."

She looked slightly bemused, "Why not?"

"According to popular beliefs, a wish would not be realised if the person revealed it to other people before the wish itself happened."

"I see," Rei replied, now looking a little dejected.

"Yeah…" I then surprised her by bending forward and reaching behind her back. Slowly and carefully, I unclasped her necklace and retrieved it from her neck. Rei had a questioning look on her face, but I simply smiled to reassure her. I then removed the ring from the silver chain and held it in my hand, "Do you know why you're wearing this ring, Rei?"

"You told me it was a symbol of faith."

"Yes, but that is only part of the reason…" I stopped and took a few deep breaths before adding, "It carries a proposal I made just a few days before you woke up from the coma."

"What proposal?"

By then, my heart had begun to beat uncomfortably. There was also a tinkling sensation in my limbs, and I couldn't seem to stop them from trembling nervously. Trying to be as graceful as I could, I stood up and then knelt down on one knee beside her. With my arms raised and the ring firmly held between my fingers, I asked, "Will you marry me, Ayanami Rei?"

She drew an audibly sharp breath. Her eyes widened slightly as she stared blissfully at the ring, looking pleasantly surprised. She then put on a smile and glanced back at me, "Why should I?"

Subtle as it might be, I didn't miss the mischievous glint hidden behind those two ruby orbs. It was one of the very few times when Rei was in her playful mood. The rare occasion was one to be cherished, but my instinct told me to do this the serious way.

"Destiny," I replied, still holding the ring.

Her eyes softened, now glistening with deep emotions; the childlike smile on her face was replaced by a longing and understanding one. There was an extended moment of silence, as we simply bathed ourselves comfortably in each other's attention. Memories returned and flooded the instant, slowly condensing and finally climaxed with the reply that came from her white lips.

"Yes, Ikari Shinji, I will marry you."

"Then," I tried hard to suppress a seemingly impending eruption of overwhelming joy. Although her answer was expected, I was still very delighted, "May I have you hand, please?"

With the smile still on her face, she slowly extended her hand towards me. I took it gently in mine, admiring her long slender fingers and pale glowing skin. Rei became the sole focus of my attention; everything else went silent. Encouraged by her calming presence, I slid the golden band onto her ring finger. It fit perfectly.

The already stunning piece of jewellery was further enhanced by her fine-looking hand. It shone brilliantly in the moonlight, radiating rays of enchanting light. As Rei took in its elegance, I sat back down beside her, "It looks beautiful on you."

"You mentioned that this is your mother's ring, correct?"

"Yes, it was," I replied, "The ring is our family treasure that has been passed on by many generations, and now…it belongs to you…Ikari Rei…"

"Ikari…Rei…" She smiled, slightly blushing, "I like the way it sounds…"

There was a sweet taste upon my tongue as I heard her say her new name. It came from a sense of belonging, and also from the heart warming knowledge that she was now mine. I simply soaked myself in this moment of euphoria, and it was another brief silence before I spoke again, "Well, do you want me to tell you about my wish now?"

"There is no need," She turned around and wrapped her arms tightly around me; her chin now resting on my shoulder, "Because I already know."

I returned the affection by rubbing her back firmly but gently.

"Shinji," She said after a while.

"Yes? What is it?"

"I feel like walking."

"Alright, but only if you let me help you," I replied firmly.

She pulled back from the embrace and with a smile, nodded her head, "I wish to feel the sand under my feet," She carefully removed her sandals, laying them beside her wheelchair. I did the same before helping her up by supporting my arm around her waist.

With her head leaning onto my shoulder, we strolled alongside the coastline, feeling the wet, but warm sand touching the skin of our soles. There were no words exchanged between us as we walked on, but even though we kept quiet, I could feel her soul and our strong bond that had been built down these years. It was a while later that I glanced back and saw the trails of footprints we had left behind on the beach. Some were smaller than the others. Eventually, all of them would disappear with the tides, but not our hearts… Never our hearts…

"Rei," I said as she turned to look at me, "I just want you to know…that I feel really happy right now…"

Her response was a simple, but captivating smile. She then stood on the tip of her toes, leaned upwards, and gave me a light kiss on the cheek, "I love you, Shin-chan."

"And I love you too, Rei-chan…"

**_The End

* * *

_  
Author's note:**

It was a rainy weekend afternoon. The gloomy cloud hung heavily in the distance, and the chilly temperature outside was becoming intolerable. Fortunately, with the help of my electrical heater, I was able to make myself comfortable in this small room of mine. A cup of hot chocolate and a few depressing pieces of music later, I opened Microsoft Word and typed in the first two words. "Red Tears" thus made its way into existence.

The idea stemmed from the reason why I admire the character Rei. She was such a mysterious and an angst-filled character, and yet she was never fully explored in the anime. I found it amazing how a detached character like her could have such drawing power that I had to go read fan-fictions to learn more about her. I was fascinated. I especially enjoyed tragedies mixed with a good touch of WAFF, but sadly there were not many of this combination out there.

So I started wondering: What if I wrote a story that would crush the feelings of my fellow Rei fans out there, but at the same time manage to keep them coming back for more? It was overly ambitious, but I was quickly reminded of Gendo, the character I hated most in the anime. What if this bastard was sexually abusing Rei? The pills then came to mind easily.

The story didn't start off very well. The first chapters were so mediocre that I hated them. From the start till finish, I poured my feelings into this story. However, I was simply not good enough to put my own emotions into words, and by chapter 10, I had become so disappointed with myself that I wanted to stop writing and save myself from further embarrassment. Some of you would remember the confession I made when I posted chapter 11; others would not even know, but I'm glad I didn't quit.

From then on, I went chapter by chapter, never planning too far ahead. The story then took a serious turn in chapter 15. For once, Rei fans began to express their anger and hatred against me, and yet they kept coming back for more. The objective I had initially set for myself was then reached.

Although my writing was still amateurish, I had never been happier for my story. Being called a genius is fun; being called a sick horrible genius is ten times more gratifying. However, many readers didn't realise this: what you felt, I felt ten times as much. I was teary myself when I wrote some of the chapters.

Writing from first person's POV was very difficult. It took away a lot of freedom and imagination, but now I realise that POV when done properly, is the best way of relaying emotions. Although I'm not overly confident with Red Tears overall, I'm fiercely proud of what I have written since chapter 20, especially chapter 24 because I put tons of effort into it and consider it the peak of the story.

In conclusion, writing this story has been a long journey and an amazing experience. I really enjoyed the emotional side, and now that it's finished, I feel somewhat depressed and sad. It has received a far better response than I could ever hope, and honestly I'm not very willing to part with it. However, everything must come to an end. On the bright side, I'm far from being done. Red Tears is over, but expect to see more crazy fan-fictions from me!

Thank List:

First, I want to thank brindani. Words cannot express my gratitude, so I can only try. He has been such a big help to me, especially on the grammatical side and sentence structure. He comments on where I should add more details and where I shouldn't. I admit I never like it much when he starts nit-picking on my storyline, because it means I have to work through the chapter again. However, he often makes suggestion and covers the plot holes for me, and I really appreciate it in the end. I can really tell that he sincerely wants the best for my story, and for this I'm really grateful. Without this man, Red Tears would not have been half as decent.

Second, I want to thank Akhorahil and ttestagr. Akhorahil pre-read my early chapters, and he was the first one to offer me any help. He taught me a few German swear words, which I unfortunately didn't get to use. I used to discuss my plot with him, and he was the only one who knew about my acidic plans for Gendo before I wrote chapter 24. ttestagr pre-read my middle chapters. He helped a lot on sentence structure. Sadly, these two quit pre-reading half-way through the story.

Third, I want to thank Optimus Magnus, my best buddy in the Evangelion e-world. He wasn't a pre-reader, but he helped on the Asuka/Kaworu chapter. I bug him frequently for technical details and story ideas. He was also the one who stopped me from making Shinji pee his pants when he realised that Rei had forgotten her pills in chapter 17.

And finally, I want to thank all those who gave me constructive, helpful and inspiring reviews. I especially want to thank the people who read this story right from the beginning when I first started posting. I want to thank them for keeping their faith and staying with me throughout. I also want to thank all the readers for their brave and successful journey through the first few sloppy chapters. You deserve my respect for being able to get pass them and finish reading this story. And of course, if you're still reading this, I want to thank you for actually reading the longest author's note ever written. It shows that you care about how I feel and not just how I write.

Below is an extra scene I wrote. It happened roughly twenty years after the ending of Red Tears. Enjoy!

* * *

**Extra Scene:**

It was a fine morning in Tokyo-3. The city had just woken up from the night, and daily routine had already started for most of its citizens. However, not everyone had caught up with time. A certain fourteen-year-old boy was still sleeping peacefully in his bedroom. The window curtains were drawn together, blocking the sunlight and allowing him to slumber in his dark room. That was until a girl of the same age stormed in and pulled them open.

The irritating rays of light immediately filled the place. The boy frowned and tried to pull the blanket over his head, but before he could, the comfortable piece of warm cloth was already snatched away.

"Wake up you little idiot!" The girl shouted.

"Please…" The boy yawned sleepily, trying to feel around for his blanket, "Just give me another five minutes…that's all I ask…"

It was then the girl saw the bulge in his pants.

"You pervert!" She screamed and gave him a slap. She then stormed back out of the room mumbling under her breath, "How disgusting…"

"I couldn't help it!" The boy shouted back, feeling annoyed.

He sat up and rubbed his tender cheek. His sister's method always seemed to work better than the alarm clock. Slowly, he stood up and walked to the bathroom. There, he did his morning cleaning and got dressed in the school uniform. He then took a glance at the mirror. The image he saw reminded him of his unique origin. Silvery hair with a light shade of blue, two orbs of sapphire eyes and perfect skin made him and his twin sister stood out from the rest of their classmates.

Both of them resembled their mother's ethereal appearance, but the boy also inherited their father's tanned skin and boyish look, where as the girl received their mother's whitish skin and elegant stature. They were both beautiful, but it came with a price.

The boy arrived at the kitchen soon afterwards, and he was greeted by the girl, this time in a much more polite way, "Good morning, Kenji."

"Good morning, Reiko." He then proceeded to sit down and eat his breakfast, but his sister grabbed his toast away and handed him a pill and a glass of water.

"Swallow it first," She said, "You'll have to eat your bread on the way to school, or else we'll be late."

Kenji put the pill in his mouth and gulped it down with a mouthful of water. He had never liked it, but he and his sister had already become used to the routine a very long time ago. Reiko then returned his toast and they both stood up. The two siblings put on their shoes hastily and left their luxurious condominium.

"I wish mum and dad were at home more often in the mornings," Kenji said as they briskly walked down the street to school, "I'm getting tired of eating pieces of toasts everyday, and I miss the breakfast mum used to prepare for us."

"Don't be silly," Reiko replied, her pony tail flipping left and right as she jogged, "Dad is a chef. He needs to be at the restaurant by early dawn. Mum has been busy lately, but she promised me that she would spend more time with us once her work is done."

"Her work…you mean the cure to our disease?"

Reiko rolled her eyes, "For the millionth time it is not a disease!"

"Well, we do take the pill everyday, and we receive an injection every month…"

"The pill is to give us the energy we need, and the injection-"

"Is to support our AT-Field because we are half-Angels," Kenji finished the sentence for his sister, "Yes I know."

"Mum also told me that the pills are not vital and we can survive without them," Reiko added, seemingly proud of her knowledge, "Only the injection is compulsory."

"I hate injections…I would rather take pills…"

"That's why mum is working hard to find the permanent solution so we don't have to take either of them ever again," The sister said solemnly before adding, "And being half-Angels is not a disease so there!"

"Wonder how long that will take?" Her brother asked.

"Very soon I think. Mum's work is in the final stages, and she told me that her physician friend from Germany is coming here to help her. Together, they will combine their findings and reach the conclusion."

"Mum's physician friend from Germany…you mean the red-haired auntie?"

"Yeah, she's the one. I heard her family will be coming with her."

"Her family is coming too?" The boy asked, "Will they be staying here permanently?"

"Mum told me they will. The red-haired auntie has been planning to migrate here for quite some time now," Reiko explained, "She only stayed in Germany because she wanted to fully utilise Western technology to find the solution for us."

"Why is she so keen on helping us?"

"She used to live here, you know?" The girl answered, "Mum and her are very close friends."

"How do you know all these stuff?"

"Mum told me."

Kenji's eyes widened in jealousy, "Why did mum tell you and not me? This is so unfair!"

"Because you, like dad, are insensitive and inconsiderate," Reiko chirped happily, "You just sit there and watch television all day, whereas I know how to be a good daughter and give mum my full support."

"That is so not true!" Kenji retaliated angrily, but before he could further add anything, Reiko shouted back.

"Kenji! Look out!"

However, it was too late. Before Kenji knew what was going on, he was bumped heavily on the head by another person darting out from the left corner. Both of them crashed to the ground, each rubbing the growing lump on their sore foreheads.

As Kenji glanced upwards, he was greeted by a girl and an unobstructed view of her white cotton panties. The boy froze immediately, being overwhelmed by a sudden burst of hormones. Reiko tried to get him to stand up, but his legs refused to move.

The other girl simply stared at him with a faint blush on her face, making no attempt to cover herself. Kenji was intrigued by her appearance. The girl's hair was shoulder length and silvery blue, and it was kept in place by two red hair clips; her sapphire eyes shone brilliantly, matching the flawless texture of her fair skin. They were almost identical to his. He had never seen anyone with similar features other than his own twin sister. Interestingly, the girl whom he had just run into seemed to share the same curiosity.

"Are you alright, sis?" Another boy came and helped the fallen girl up.

"Yes I am." His sister replied.

"I am deeply sorry for this," The boy turned to Kenji and Reiko, "We are running late for school and we need to hurry. Once again, I apologise."

With that, both of them ran off. The girl took a glance back at Kenji, before she and her brother turned at a corner and disappeared from sight.

"D-Did you see that?" Kenji asked after a while.

"See what?" Reiko scowled, "Her panties?"

Kenji frowned in return, "No, her looks…and her brother…they look so similar to us…"

"Well, that's interesting and all, but you'd be surprised if I told you how many teenagers out there are trying to copy our hair style," His sister replied with a sarcastic tone, "and failing spectacularly if I may add."

She then headed off without her brother. Kenji sat there contemplating what had just transpired. Not only did the girl and her brother share the same unique features as him, they also looked oddly familiar. It was as if he had seen them some time before, perhaps a few years ago in their early childhood when he and Reiko were much younger. Unable to come up with an agreeable explanation, he shrugged it off and stood up. Kenji then started running and caught up with his sister. Together, they made their way for the school.

Lessons were just about to start by the time they arrived at their class. Reiko sighed in relief and took her usual seat beside her best friend and class rep, Tomoe; Kenji went to sit by the window with his buddy and the class geek, Sousuke.

"Hello, Sousuke, guess what happened this morning?" Kenji asked enthusiastically.

"What?" His friend sounded detached, "You saw your sister naked?"

"No," Kenji shot him a glare, "I bumped into a girl. She has exactly the same hair and eye colour as me!"

"Yeah, and?" Sousuke still look disinterested; his hands playfully toying with his camera.

"I saw her panties too."

His friend bolted upright, "Damn you! Why are you always the lucky one?"

Kenji smiled as he finally got Sousuke's attention, but before he could add anything further, a high pitched screech was heard from the outside. Immediately, the entire male population of the class flooded to the windows and started chanting, "Miyuki! Miyuki! Miyuki!"

It was the name of their extremely attractive female teacher. Kenji sighed in frustration. He wanted to share his news with Sousuke, but now even his best friend was busy filming Miyuki. The twenty-year-old had just made an impressive entry to the school by doing a 180 degree reverse turn into the parking slot with her classic blue Renault.

Kenji didn't understand why everyone was idolising that woman so much. In his opinion, Miyuki, like her mother, was a drunken slob. She was always blunt and untidy at home. Kenji especially hated it when she started teasing him and Reiko by calling them test tube babies. It was true, but that didn't mean he had to like it. To make things worse, their parents knew each other very well.

He was slightly pleased when Tomoe started barking orders at the students, demanding that they keep quiet and stay in order. The class rep then marched over and grabbed Sousuke by his ear, twisting it painfully. The boy let out a yelp.

"Have you fed the fishes this morning?" She asked angrily, pointing to the small aquarium at the back of the classroom, "It's your turn today, you know?"

"Ouch! Ouch! Let go of me! I'll do it straight away!"

"Good," Tomoe released his now reddish ear, "Now get going!"

With that, Sousuke hurried away to perform his duty. He and Tomoe were actually cousins, but Tomoe, although looking much smaller, seemed to be more dominant in terms of personality. Kenji couldn't help but chuckle when he saw his friend rubbing his sore ear.

"That'll teach you not to ignore me," He mumbled under his breath, before stopping and realising what he had just said, "Oh no…I'm beginning to sound like Reiko…"

The bell rang soon afterwards and everyone returned to their own seats. The classroom became evidently quiet as the students waited for their teacher to arrive. After a short while, Miyuki walked in and Tomoe led the class through the routine of stand, bow and sit. The teacher, as always, was in a cheerful mood, but Kenji was surprised to see two familiar faces accompanying her.

"Class, I have good news," Miyuki announced, smiling, "I would like to introduce our two new students from Germany. Boys and girls, give your warm welcome to Erika and Haru!"

Kenji watched on with his mouth slightly ajar as the rest of his classmates applauded. The two newcomers were the very same people he had run into earlier in the morning. Together, Erika and Haru bowed politely, "Please to meet you all."

"Wow, do we have another pair of twins?" Tomoe chimed.

Haru glanced at Erika, seemingly encouraging her to answer the question, but the girl simply stood there passively. So her brother decided to reply, "No, we're not twins. My sister Erika is eleven months younger than me."

"Oh I see," Tomoe said, "So she's only thirteen?"

"Yes. Don't let her shy personality get you. She is quite bright for her age," Haru chuckled, "She started school a year early. She is quite lucky, receiving all the good genes from our parents leaving only the bad one for me," Haru said as he affectionately messed up Erika's hair.

The class snickered as Erika nudged her brother gently from the side, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Haven't we met before?" Reiko asked, her finger gesturing teasingly at Kenji, "Your sister flashed her panties at him just a bit ago, remember?"

Kenji suddenly found himself sweating profusely; a faint blush appeared on Erika's cheeks but she kept her curious eyes on Kenji; Haru laughed softly, "Why yes I do believe we've met each other. However-"

"So this is the girl who flashed you her panties?" Sousuke cut in, "Wow, I admire you, Kenji. I would say she's even hotter than your silly sister."

The class burst into laughter; the highly embarrassed Kenji was starting to wish himself out of existence; Sousuke smirked as Reiko slammed her fists onto the table and shouted, "What did you just say?"

"Guys, guys, calm down," Miyuki laughed and stopped the brief quarrel, "Let's hear what Haru's got to say, alright?" She then turned to the boy, "Haru, would you mind continue?"

"Well, I just wanted to say that Erika did not show her underwear to this boy here intentionally," Haru replied. He then decided to mention Kenji's role in the morning incident, "And it certainly wasn't this boy's fault for running into my sister. The whole thing was purely an accident."

"Alright then, that explains everything. So let's leave the matter for now, shall we?" Miyuki said. Kenji didn't miss the knowing look she shot him, however. He had the feeling that his teacher would be teasing him about this incident for weeks to come. "So do you have any more questions for our new friends?"

"I do," Reiko raised her hand, "Does Erika have a boyfriend?"

The rest of the students whistled as the quiet girl in question turned red once again. It was Sousuke who spoke first, "Why? Are you interested in her? Wow Reiko, I didn't know you were a lesbian."

"Me?" Reiko laughed, "A lesbian? In your fantasy you perverted geek boy."

It was Sousuke's turn to go red as the class exploded into another fit of laughter, "I don't have that sort of fantasy!"

"Ok silence class," Miyuki tried to restore order, "You can ask our new friends the more personal questions later. We're already running behind schedule, so let's start today's lessons, shall we?" She then turned to Haru and Erika, "You two can take any open seat you like."

Haru took the seat in the front row, leaving only one other empty seat in the class. Kenji didn't know if he should feel blessed or cursed, for the remaining seat was none other than the one right beside him. He started sweating again as Erika walked slowly to the seat and sat down.

Kenji tried to stare ahead; his hands were unconsciously fidgeting with his pen. He couldn't maintain the stiff posture for long, however, as his curiosity peaked rapidly. He gave in soon afterwards and turned to glance at the new girl, only to see her staring back at him with her sparkling eyes.

"Hello," She said; her voice was soft and childlike.

"Hello," Kenji replied.

"Are you an Angel?"

The boy was a little surprised by her question, but chose to give a reasonably correct answer, "No, not really."

"Then are you a half-Angel, like me?"

It was then Kenji remembered why Erika and her brother had seemed so familiar. They had met each other before during his family's trip to Germany. The memories were vague since it happened such a long time ago, but Kenji was quite sure that Erika and her brother must be the red-haired auntie's half-Angel children. However, he could somehow guess that Erika didn't remember him anymore.

"Yes…yes I am a half-Angel…like you," There was something about Erika's charming facial features that soothed Kenji's inner feelings.

The girl smiled in return, "My name is Erika."

"And my name is Kenji," The boy replied, offering his hand to his new friend. Erika shook it happily.

Perhaps being a half-Angel wasn't so bad after all.


End file.
